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curiousred44-blog · 2 years ago

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Me Time....#freedomfromfear

Dear dear hearts....those who wear their hearts on sleeves, in their smiles, with words, with gestures....with open arms and open minds....isn't it time? Isn't it time you took a little time for you?Isn't it time you remember who you are without the monster?Isn't it time you remember what you are without the abuser?Without the games...without the fear....without that deep-in-the-gut sickness that pervades every waking moment and many times your sleeping ones too...Without the sorrow...without the confusion that permeates your mind, regularly....Without the bitterness of knowing you are not the one they choose, not the only.....no, their need for perversion and online addiction controls their actions, their choices.I could go on ad nauseam but I will spare you dear friends as I am preaching to the largest choir in the history of mankind, to date. I could relate story after story after story...of the many women I have come in contact with who have suffered greatly at the hands of the monsters that walk among us, disguised as sheep...disguised as people who care...disguised as happy, funny men who switch gears in the privacy of their own home. Cowards....every one. I have been lost in self reflection the past few days....lost in fear and loathing....lost in remembering who I AM. Do you know how pervasive the damage? I am lost within a mind I no longer remember...no longer recognize as my own. I walk amidst a dark and foreign land, searching and crying for the woman I was before the abuse, before the mind-f*ckery, before the monster/s stepped into my life. The damage done....I am lost within my own mind, my own heart and I fear some days that I will never find my way...the landscape has changed so drastically and so permanently I am forced to make new paths, new in-roads into a psyche that I am unfamiliar with. This...this dear people, is the damage done by the hand that reached out in love...until with slight of hand brings hate, brings discord...confusion...the fear of someone you believed had your best interests at heart, from the hand meant to protect not harm...do you see how just these few things mentioned can cause irreparable harm to the recipient?The victim/survivor is forced to re-think, re-shape and re-write all they've known prior...it no longer has place to grow or thrive within the hot mess the monster has created. And so we circle back to compassion, we call to mind the many small kindnesses and begin the journey to forgiveness...not just for the abuser/s in our lives, but for ourselves.The shame, the embarrassment, the absolute self-recriminations that circle in a constant bid to be heard...cringe-worthy thoughts that must be brought out to examine and with a gentle love be released....over and over and over again until they no longer have power to debilitate. It is a process... a long one for some, depending on the experience and length of time they were under control of the evil that led them by the nose, by that fickle organ...the heart.My plea today is this....be kind and do not judge anyone who has been through the fire and walked away, burned, scorched and scarred, but alive.There is no timeline, there can be no timeline....the victim/survivor must never be made to feel shame or told they 'just need to be ok.' They haven't been ok for a very long time and finding their way through a space that should be theirs, and only theirs.... but which holds no familiarity any longer is a devastatingly painful undertaking. Be patient dear friends. To others as well as yourself. Take the time to do even the smallest of things that bring life and joy back to your soul.Thank you....to all who speak life and love over the suffering, over the un-lovable (so the thinking goes), and over the unreachable. You are reaching them, they do hear you....a surfeit of love is needed to guide the lost back to a land of hope, faith and love. Thank you.....

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