curiositybegetsempathy

[curiositybegetsempathy]

I was sexually assaulted a year and a half ago by my best friend of twenty years. Her husband hid in the bathroom with his hand sticking out from behind the door as he secretly filmed it. I screamed and yelled and said I saw him. He simply pulled his hand back into the bathroom without a word. My best friend simply said, “don’t worry, it’s just for personal use.”

After a month of utter heartbreak, gruesome nightmares, terror, and isolation, I finally reported him to our mutual church. Because, might I mention, he was a PASTOR. He didnt get fired—they allowed him to voluntarily step down so that he could continue working as a pastor later without it being officially on his record he was fired. (A wonderful policy, am I right?) I made it clear to the pastor that I didnt want them to unnecessarily suffer out of revenge, but that I wanted to make sure no one else would go through the horror that I did, which is why I reported it to the church.

I stayed silent for a year and a half. I isolated. I tried to kill myself. I lost my entire community of 20 years. I told a select few people—my family and three close friends who didn’t know them. I knew that sexual assault is a very serious thing and that if people knew, they’d forever think of them differently. So I went into hiding. For their sake. Because even though I have had nightmares every single week, sometimes every single night, I wanted the best for them. She was my best friend forever, after all.

After being in therapy for 10 months, I finally listened to my therapist. I realized that by protecting them, I wasn’t protecting myself. Why should I allow them to keep all of our mutual friends? Should I not be allowed to share what happened to me, simply because I’m a human who deserves to be able to say when someone completely violates them.

So I reached out to someone from my community. On my way to pick them up after my 11 hour work day, my hands sweat so terribly they were practically sliding off of the steering wheel. I listened to My Tears Ricochet on repeat, to remember that Taylor wrote about this same pain I felt. “You’re the hero flying around saving face.”

We had small talk, shallow conversation for about an hour. The entire time, telling them was all I could think about. Finally, I got up the nerve. I told them, “I have something I want to tell you, but it’s hard. And I’m not sure if you even want me to, because it will affect you too.” They were his friends too, after all. He told me, “you can say it or you don’t have to, it’s up to you.” I attempted to say it for a few minutes, but every time I opened my mouth to speak, I could only muster a sigh. It’s been a year and a half, and it just never gets easier. Before I could actually get myself to say it, he broke the silence and said, “I know about it.” I was shocked. “What?” “I know about it...” I asked how he knew. He said “[the husband] called me a while ago, and we had a very, very, VERY long talk about it. Now, I recognize I’ve only heard one side. You can tell me your side if you want...” I said, “I don’t think I want to hear what he said,” to which he quickly replied, “oh, I wouldn’t tell you what he said anyway.”

I sobbed. I sobbed uncontrollably. I said I was sorry multiple times because I was embarrassed, because he stayed stone silent the entire time. The only time he spoke was in response to my apology, to which he replied, “you don’t have to apologize. I will never turn away raw emotion.” It was so, so uncomfortable, being so completely vulnerable about this horrible situation and never once hearing an “I’m sorry,” “that’s so horrible,” “you didn’t deserve it.” Nothing. At all.

I cried harder than I have since the day it happened. I didn’t want to go to sleep, since I already have nightmares about the situation often, but I couldn’t keep myself awake. I finally drifted off to sleep, and sure enough, I had a horrible nightmare about it. About not being believed. I woke up at 5am and I went right back to sobbing so, so hard. It just hurt so terribly. How could someone see someone else hurting so terribly, breathing so quickly they can’t catch a breath, and say...nothing? Mind you, this person used to be so empathetic towards me when I was sad in the slightest. It’s not that he’s just awkward with emotions.

And I realize now. The couple must have called our mutual close friends right after it happened, and, most likely, given this reaction and the confusing actions of a few other close friends who have uncharacteristically avoided me, they must have said that I assaulted THEM. Or that I came onto them and they denied some, so I reported them as a lie of retribution. And said that no matter what story I tell, theirs is the real one. That must be it. Everything else that’s been so confusing makes sense in that context.

How could someone hurt me so terribly and not only have no remorse about it, but go a step even further and attempt to sabotage my reputation in order to save their own? I have tried with all my heart to protect them, to allow them to be remorseful and be able to start over without exile. And now, not only are they clearly unremorseful, they purposefully want to hurt me.

I’m falling apart. I feel transported right back to when it happened. I had to call in sick because I couldn’t stop spiraling and crying. I’m trying so hard to be okay, but I’m also finally allowing myself to be angry. I’ve made excuses for them, wanting desperately to give them the benefit of the doubt. But now I know. They don’t deserve it, and honestly, they never have all the way along this.

“You know I left a part of me back in New York. You knew the hero died, so what the movie for? You knew it still hurt underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart, but darling this was just as hard. This was just as dark...as when they pulled me apart.

[curiositybegetsempathy]

“Feeling cute might cause a traffic jam”

(via)

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In Lover era people said INTHAF is a filler when she was literally the door opener folklore and evermore... show some respect to the queen and her little trumpet

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Happy 31, Taylor! I hope your birthday is as good forwards as it is backwards.

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I can’t even express what the release of this 9th album, Evermore, means to me.

My friend completed suicide recently. His funeral is Saturday, and I am going to be utterly alone watching the youtube stream. I have been extremely triggered personally by this horrible experience, and I miss him so much. I haven’t known how I was going to get through this weekend when I’m already feeling so terrible and lonely and desperately sad.

Obviously an album won’t bring him back. It won’t reverse the feeling that my heart is torn to pieces and things will never be the same. But Taylor has always brought me a feeling that I’m not alone, and that’s what I need the most right now to get through this. I know her voice, her lyrics, the overall newness of getting to know another group of songs that will eventually come to represent an era of my life...it IS comforting.

Thank you, @taylorswift. This is a wonderful thing for everyone in 2020, but it also means a lot to me specifically. Thanks for being with me this weekend, if even completely unknowingly.

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I AM GOING TO CRY THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED RIGHT NOW

Also, I positively LOVE the fact that she said “willow” and we weren’t even aware of anything, considering we already got an album this year!!!

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I’m gonna reblog this until everyone in existence knows about this

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People need to fully understand what RGB’s death means. It’s not just a vacancy on the supreme court that could be potentially filled by a conservative Justice - that’s an awful thought, but that’s not the main problem. 

The problem, is that this is EXACTLY the opportunity Republicans have been looking for for decades. If a conservative nominee is pushed through before the election, and I’m hoping it won’t but if it does, that will lead to a Republican majority in the Supreme Court. And you can bet your life, literally, that they will work to roll back every progressive law they can. 

The concept of a separation of church and state is already a joke in this country, but it will get so much worse. 

But more than that? Even if a nominee isn’t pushed through… 

The vacancy RGB left behind will motivate Republicans to come out to vote in droves. 

THAT is what everyone needs to understand. This is a once in a life time opportunity for the Republicans. You think you don’t want to vote for Biden because he’s not exactly who you want? Because he’s not progressive enough or liberal enough? 

What about all the Republicans who may not support Trump, but want a Republican majority on the Supreme Court? The ones who may not like him, but would be willing to deal with him for four more years if it means controlling the Supreme Court for the next 40?

It’s awful and unfortunate that RGB died so close to the election. Throughout her life she worked tirelessly to fight for equality. Don’t let her life be in vain. 

Now more than ever, it’s important to vote. Everyone. Down the entire ballot. 

I’m lucky enough to live in California, a historically Blue state. But those of my followers who live in Red states, you especially need to call your representatives in the Senate and tell them to postpone any nomination. Cite Mitch McConnell’s own actions in 2016. Anything you can do to add pressure. Remind them who they really work for: you, their constituents. 

We cannot give up the fight. We can’t. Your vote matters. If it didn’t, why would the GOP be trying so hard to take it away? Make sure you’re registered. If you want to mail in your ballot then drop it off at designated polling stations instead of the post office to ensure it’s counted in time. 

I don’t have many followers so I don’t know who will see this, but please, reblog this. Spread the information. RBG’s death will galvanize Republicans out to vote en masse. We can’t afford to be apathetic or disenfranchised. We can make a difference, but not if we don’t bother to try. 

@one-time-i-dreamt @thebibliosphere

[curiositybegetsempathy]

I’d pay top dollar to watch this for an hour

[curiositybegetsempathy]

romanticize un-illuminated brown and black eyes. romanticize the way dark eyes look without being blinded by flash. romanticize brown eyes that don’t have streaks of gold and yellow. romanticize black eyes that are so raven it’s hard to distinguish where the iris is. the depth of your dark eyes is enchanting. brown and black eyes draw you in, wrap you up, and leave you wanting more. fall in love with them.

[curiositybegetsempathy]

a man of Lebanese/Turkish descent on twitter posted a AI-made reconstruction of the face of Jesus and said he looks like family and he’s so right…

here’s the original tweet btw

[curiositybegetsempathy]

please put less pressure on lgtbqia+ people to ‘come out’ and more pressure on straight people to stop assuming everyone’s sexuality is fucking straight

[curiositybegetsempathy]

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^A million times this

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Parents Supporting Their LGBT Kids During Pride Month.