curdledicedcoffee

[curdledicedcoffee]

is it just me or does anybody else feel kinda embarrassed to still have an ed after 17 😭 like 14 year old me thought we were gonna be done AND skinny by now and i ain’t either.

[curdledicedcoffee]

ngl, turning 19 and going back to vaping has both greatly improved my life (completely kills cravings) and greatly impaired it (violently nauseous all the time)

[curdledicedcoffee]

went to brandy melville yesterday, so guess who’s back on tumblr :)

[curdledicedcoffee]

even though i am fully aware i can’t just turn off my ed and eat normally, the only thing that has kept me going this week is telling myself “once i get to tokyo, i can eat whatever i want.”

so either i’m gonna have an amazing time and enjoy food for a week or i’m gonna be miserable and grumpy and pressure everyone around me to eat while i sit and suffer. we’ll see ig :P

[curdledicedcoffee]

last night i,

had a binge that was at least 2000 cals,

was stuffing my face so aggressively i bit my tongue piercing ball (dental acrylic) clean in half,

and threw up on my phone

but this morning i’ve lost 2 pounds???? so, winning ig?

[curdledicedcoffee]

i’ve plateaued and it’s genuinely driving me crazy. like i thought i was varying my cals enough but i guess not >:|

[curdledicedcoffee]

wine should be 0 calories!

[curdledicedcoffee]

i’m so bloated rn, it literally hurts D: but my friend, who i haven’t see in like a month, said i looked like a model, over face time so :DDDD

[curdledicedcoffee]

sizing is so confusing, like why do i own pants from a XL - S, and they all fit. like fuck vanity sizing, i just want a standard to compare myself too 😭

[curdledicedcoffee]

i haven’t had like “real” tea in so long and omg it’s so good. (ed ver of course, unsweetened almond milk and splenda :P)

my grandparents are british, so when i was younger i used to have it before bed every time i was over and it’s just so comforting.

with fall coming up i might switch my low cal popsicles with tea :D

[curdledicedcoffee]

unless i actively exercise and log it, my brain refuses to see the cals burned from daily life as actual cals burned and adjust my intake.

like i could run around for 15 hours at work and have my watch tell me i burned 1000 cals and i still wouldn’t believe it or adjust my intake.

[curdledicedcoffee]

my worst binge food is costco everything bagels, and guess what i come home to 😭 like i’ve been so on track lately, i cannot let an almost 400 calorie stop me. (which is fucking ridiculous btw, that’s literally the same as some of my dinners, for ONE bagel)

[curdledicedcoffee]

i keep seeing low cal ninja creami recipes and they’re kindaaa… seducing me into wasting $250 just so i can make them for 4 days and then never again.

[curdledicedcoffee]

why do i have to live in a town where the only thing to do is go out to eat? like why don’t people ever wanna go just get coffee? why do they always wanna go get dairy queen or mcdonald’s before or after we go to literally any event. 😭 it’s killing me, i swear

[curdledicedcoffee]

how many cals do you think there are in a plastic ball bearing? cause i just accidentally swallowed the ball on my tongue bar while eating and i’m genuinely curious

[curdledicedcoffee]

i rlly wanna try making a lower cal ver of the french omelette sydney makes for nat in the bear. idk, i’m thinking making it smaller and switching out the boursin do smth else. :O

[curdledicedcoffee]

those pancakes were ass, would not recommend 😭

it’s my break and so far so good. i bought the diet coke because i reached my fitness goal in literally an hr so the 1 calorie rlly doesn’t matter either way.

i heard that those annie’s mac and cheese cups are apparently trash so i might just skip dinner, idk we’ll see. :P

i’ve been planning what i’m gonna eat tmrw literally all week. (8hr shift, 11-7, so it covers both my usual dinner and snack. which rlly throws off my routine)

so for breakfast/lunch is protein pancakes with strawberry compote (220) and an iced americano, (15) which i’m gonna eat as close to leaving as possible.

then during my shift, water with a nuun tablet, (15) and, only i desperately need it, a diet coke from mcdonald’s (1)

then after my shift for dinner, a microwave annie’s white cheddar mac and cheese cup (230)

all of this adds up to: 480

i’m hoping i’ll be tired enough after my shift and eating that i’ll just pass out. i’ve been overthinking this for the past couple days, so here’s to hoping it works out :D