cumingbackformore-blog

[cumingbackformore-blog]

35 minutes there, 35 minutes back.

My second time with T happened with a little more planning in advance, this time on a Saturday night. T had been snapping me for five days straight now (and me being the smart hoe I am tried to respond in messages if I knew we were about to start a streak lmao).

He had been snapping me from anything as random as him at the skate park, to him cooking dinner, or sending me selfies in his glasses (hot damn …). However, whenever I’d ask if he wanted to do anything he’d say he couldn’t “tonight” which brought up the puzzling question: Why the fuck are you talking to me if it isn’t for sex?? So for five days straight he hit me up first, and for five days straight when I sensed that the conversation was dying I’d leave him on read. Petty. I know.

One Saturday night I was heading into town to go buy some new clothes with my first paycheck. My parents weren’t home that night, and it still only being 6 I was tempted to message T and ask if he wanted to do anything. When I went to go look at my phone I saw that he had beat me to it.

He asked me how long before I could be over. I told him the situation: I was with my friend and in town, except I wasn’t the one driving. So I’d have to head all the way home to get my car before I could come over. I told my friend the situation and she totally was supportive and wanted me to go. But I didn’t want to rush her so we did what we had planned and she dropped me off at home.

I put on some black panties (my first time I didn’t wear any underwear … oops) and the cute high waisted shorts I had just bought and was headed on my way. I lied to my mom and told her I was going to my friend’s boyfriend’s grad party for the end of it. It was 9:30 and I knew it would be ending soon. Without any further questions, and knowing they weren’t coming home I was ready to endure the grueling drive to T’s house just to get some dick.

When I was two minutes away from his house, I thought I would be able to remember his subdivision and where he lived. Except me being the dumb bitch that I am, and not having grown up knowing how to navigate a subdivision passed his house without realizing.

“Where are you?” he texts.

“I think I’m here … but i’m not sure?” I reply as I pull in his driveway after 5 minutes of cursing to myself for being so stupid.

He meets me in the doorway. “Sorry it took so long,” I apologize, “I kinda got lost in your subdivision,” I admit.

“It’s no problem. It happens,” he laughs. To which I can’t help but to think … no it fucking doesn’t?? who gets lost in a damn subdivision??

We head up to his bedroom where I take off my bag, and shoes and sit on his bed. And when I saw him turn off the overhead light (but still leave a tiny lamp on) I was relieved. Because to be quite honest with you, who wants to have sex under white fluorescent lighting.

We begin to make out and after five or so minutes he begins to fumble around with my shorts. But with me being on top it was virtual impossible to take them off. He rolls me onto my back to try again and with a little assistance we finally accomplish the goal.

“Get on your stomach,” he says. To which I obey because i don’t have a clue as to what he’s planning on doing. “Now turn and face me.” And he had me on the edge of the bed trying to get into a comfortable position to give him head (which to be quite honest with you wasn’t horrible. not great, but not unbearable. Slightly more enjoyable than last time).

After another five or so minutes passed. I assumed all the foreplay had concluded for the evening.

“Now turn around,” he said. “Oh my god. I cannot believe he’s going to fuck me doggy style”, I think to myself. Is he going to be disappointed by the size of my ass? ʷʰᵃᵗ if a disgusting noise comes out of me and he can’t come because of it ? As these questions race through my head he pulls me closer. “Scooch back a little bit more,” he says trying to position my body.

Now, I wasn’t completely sure if he had used a condom. I’m sure he did, because of the fact that he can’t risk being a teen dad and the small delay of me waiting on my hands and knees for him. But I still am not 100% certain. What I am certain of, is that he slapped my ass from behind. Some vanilla kinky shit, but kinda hot just because it's him. And when he came, I was slightly disappointed. And fucked off. How come he got to come, and I didn’t. I’m the one who drove all this way and he only fingered me for less than 10 minutes. What a jerk off.

I begin putting my clothes on. Except I can’t seem to find my shirt. “Do you have all your clothes this time?” he jokes. I laugh nervously and tell him my maroon shirt has gone MIA. It only took us a couple minutes before we realized it had blended right in with his bedsheets. I tell him i’m going to get going. Still pissed, and not ready to forgive him anytime soon. We head downstairs and through the garage to open the side door. I begin walking to my car, and notice it’s started raining. “Holy shit is it raining?” he asks. I laugh and say no shit. “Come back here real quick,” he tells me with a grin on his face. He tilts my chin up to his (boy is probably 5'10 and I keep forgetting that I’m actually short af) and kisses me. What started as a sweet goodnight kiss has turned into a full on makeout session with him giving my boob a firm squeeze for the whole neighborhood to see. He thanks me for coming. And I tell him I had fun. Which I did, I just wish I had came for all the trouble I went through just to drive 35 minutes for sex that took less time than the drive. Smh. -E

[cumingbackformore-blog]

“I couldn’t even pull a Rose and Jack from Titanic and leave a handprint on the window”

One afternoon I was driving lawn mower for my dad and decided to snap C because I was extremely bored. I send C a photo of the lawn mower and say “I can take you for a ride on my little red lawn mower.”

(If you don’t understand let me clarify, I was mocking Jason Aldean’s song Big Green Tractor.) 

I was trying to be flirty yet keep is casual and have some humor. Well it worked, C replies with “Wanna hook up tonight?” Obviously, I mean I didn't snap you to carry on a conversation.

Well we struggle to figure out when and where this is gonna happen. C suggests in the back of a car. Unfortunately, my Jeep has super small seats so that wasn’t gonna happen but C says he can take his dad’s truck. We plan on a local park and when we get there our plan falls apart.

We were going to drive down by the river and park but the river was closed off because local flooding. C even tried to call his cousins to ask if we can use their land. He told them who he was with (me) and why we needed it (sex...) Now his cousins probably think I’m a major whore but their opinions are irrelevant to me, so whatever.

We just drive over to the campsite in the park. Literally campsites with people currently camping and a guy riding a horse maybe 75 meters away from us and we decide to just do it there. C gets out to see if the windows are tinted at all and what do you know, they aren’t. So if anyone gets even remotely close they were gonna get a full view of what was going down. Honestly, neither of us cared so we do it anyways.

I’m not sure how he felt but it sucked. It lasted 20 minutes but it felt like 20 seconds. Didn’t even take my shirt off. And that was it.

I was extremely disappointed because the car didn’t even get steamy inside, so I couldn't even pull a Rose and Jack from Titanic and leave a handprint on the window. If the next hookup isn’t a 10/10, I need a new FWB.

-A (submission)

[cumingbackformore-blog]

Mister “is it alright if I finish soon?”

For as long as I can remember I’ve always thought that C was pretty goddamn good looking. Unfortunately, he is your typical high school jock. He plays three varsity sports, dates the most perfect girls who made you envious of them and of course, thought he controlled the school and every girl in it. But to be completely honest, he kind of did. 

C has probably slept with more girls than he can count on his own hands, disgusting right. Well, one night C snapped me and asked to go on a date, I clearly knew what “date” meant, but for some reason I still said yes. We snapped for a couple days, being flirty but also C being weird. He asked questions like “Do you like playing with hair? Because mine is really soft,” and “Do you smell hair? I like smelling hair.” Umm what in the fuck, okay.  

Before we even hung out, C asked me not to tell anyone because he didn’t want his girl cousin to find out. The girl cousin and I definitely hated each other and C said he didn’t want to start any family drama. But maybe there is some incest going on and he doesn’t want her to find out, who even knows? 

Well we decided to watch a movie anyways, of course right, your typical netflix and chill date. I really wanted to watch a scary movie and had told him previously while we snapped that's what I wanted. He said he hated scary movies but would watch it if we could cuddle and I love to cuddle so win win. He had to work that day so we planned on 5:30. I was definitely not showing up on time, didn’t want to seem desperate or too eager so I got there about 5:45. I had rented the movie Rings and that was what we originally started watching. 

We layed next to each other in his bed awkwardly for awhile, he even tried to scare me I think to make things less awkward. At first he was under the blanket solo but his room was freezing so I decided to join. The movie was super boring so we decided to change it. I don’t even remember what the name of the movie was called to be completely honest, I remember the first maybe 15 minutes and the last 15 minutes so it was pretty irrelevant. He first made the move and put his arm around me so we could cuddle, still pretty awkward though. And then eventually he grabbed my chin and went for the kill. At first it was just kissing but then eventually I find myself on top of him. And then my shirt is off. And then my bra. And then I get the question, “Do you wanna do this?” I actually wanted to say “Of course, I didn’t come here for foreplay.” But I was a responsible girl and said “Well do you have a condom? Then yes.” To my surprise he didn’t have one in his room already and he had to go out of his room and get one. He comes back and we starting doing it and whatever and then the next question comes, “Have you ever done doggy style?” Umm no this is only my second time sleeping with someone, I’m a very inexperienced girl. So we try it and whatever, not that great but then he asks the mother of all questions... 

“Is it alright if I finish soon?” 

I couldn’t help but laugh, like who asks that, but I say yea. He finishes and then we get dressed. I go to the bathroom outside his room only to find out that his door doesn’t have a lock. Like are you kidding me, we would have been doing it doggy style and his father could have walked in. After we layed in his bed for like 20 minutes talking about random stuff. I assumed he probably wanted me to just leave because he was done with me. To which I say “Well I should probably leave.” Definitely thinking that’s the last time we will talk and he’ll tell all his friends he slept with me, whatever. But he actually snaps me as I pull into my driveway “I had a really good time tonight, I hope you did too, goodnight.” I should have said that he sucked to make his jock self-esteem go down but I didn’t. I actually asked if I was bad or not, like I literally have no fucking clue what I’m doing so I was just curious. The next day he snaps me and we talk for a bit. He asked if I thought that's what was going to happen last night because apparently he didn’t even think he was going to get a kiss. Wow I was way too easy. Then he snaps me “Do it again?” Well of course but I clarify that this is going to be a FWB type of deal and he agrees. And so yeah.  

That’s how I got a FWB.

-A (submission)

[cumingbackformore-blog]

“Ok open the door ??”

Alright, so this story is really short. You will soon find out why, but I still had to cover it because it is way too funny. 

So, Lax wanted me to come over and it was earlier than our usual time. I don’t remember why I didn’t or couldn’t go at that exact moment. I think I wanted to take a nap...but I’m not sure. All I know is that I told him I would come later (10:30-11) like normal. 

It starts to push 10:50, so I make my way out my squeaky garage door, leave it opened a crack to make coming back easier, and head out. I park at the clearing and walk to Lax’s bedroom door. In my gut I knew something was off because I had snapped him in my car that I was leaving and he hadn’t replied.

On the way to his door I messaged him, “I’m here.” When I get to the door, it wasn’t open with him waiting for me like usual. I send him another snap, “OK open the door ??” Since none of my snaps had yet to be opened, I knew in my gut what had happened. He had fallen asleep. However, I chose to hang on to hope and snapped him a few more times, while waiting on his patio. After 2 minutes of nothing, I did a sexless walk of shame back to my car, and left. The saddest part out of all of this? I had actually brought condoms. 

PSA: the next morning when he opened my snaps he said “You could’ve of just walked in the door was unlocked” instead of apologizing

-M

[cumingbackformore-blog]

“Are those piercings?!”

Ok, so a few weeks prior I had met this boy, Hoo, at a one night work thing. I agreed to hostess for this place just once, and he was one of the bus boys. He went to the country high school, and this caused expected side effects on his personality. However, he was cute and bodies are all I care about for my late night hit up selection.

Just one or two nights after losing my virginity I messaged him on Facebook messenger, but I didn’t send a friend request because that for me it pushing the strictly casual limit. 

It’s a valid question to wonder why I hit up Hoo instead of Lax or Chub. The answer is 1) unless they were to instigate it (which they didn’t) I was not about to message them two days later; and 2) I was still looking for a sexual experience that was worth the trouble of setting up. 

Hoo and I meet up in a parking lot. He actually didn’t believe that I wanted to fuck because my messages were so direct, but that’s just how I am. I’m not embarrassed about my sexuality and I’m not going to attempt to cover up my actual intentions. So, when he said, “What do you want to do tonight?” and I sent back an eggplant emoji and water droplets I wasn’t kidding. Still a bit skeptical I would show up, he meets me in this local sporting goods parking lot (right across from FleetFarm, but I had decided to be inclusive of other stores in my night life.) When I arrive, there were about 6 cars despite the fact that the store had been closed for 2 hours. 

I knew he drove a truck, so I took a risk and pulled up next to this one truck that had his lights on. Nope. Wrong person. After making really uncomfortable eye contact with a strange middle aged man, I just pulled forward to a parking spot and pulled out my phone to figure out where tf Hoo was. He told me he was there, but neither of us were seeing the others car. We agreed to drive to a different stores parking lot right next to the sporting goods one in order to find the other. 

I get into his truck (it’s smaller then Chub’s daddies one but) and he asks me, “Do you know any place we could go?” I actually did. I knew of two contenders. One was the backroad Chub had taken me too, but I didn’t want to go there (partially because I wanted to fuck in a new place and partially because I was scared Chub may be there.) So, I direct him to the second location I knew of. It was the clearing. At the end of Lax’s road.

Yes, we pass Lax’s house, and drive a few feet down to the end of his road. Hoo questioned me about where to park and I was just there like um anywhere? it’s a giant circle of grass omg. We go to the back (I actually got out of the car this time) and start making out. As I took off my bra I said, “I have a surprise.” I then revealed my prized possession of metal enhanced nipples. He took a moment to just stare and looked really confused. Then it clicked and in a pleasantly surprised voice he clarified, “Are those piercings?!” 

After a little bit, I say, “Ok let me grab the condom.” ***Moment of silence in appreciation for the fact that I used protection*** When I give it to him he just holds it and goes back to kissing me. I stop him and say, “Um put it on ??” To which he replies, “I mean I was hoping to get a little harder first.” 

I really didn’t mean to rush things, but I had a bonfire I had to get to. To put it nicely, I was on a time crunch because I didn’t want to be the girl that ditches her friends for a boy. 

I helped him out, and then we had sex. He lasted longer then both Chub and Lax combined. I’d say a solid 10 minutes. However, it really sucked. He didn’t use his hands at all, and I’m pretty sure it’s because his knowledge of the female anatomy ended at “tits.“

Anyways, afterwards he takes me back to my car. We had only been together for like 45 minutes. On the way back I asked if he had any water. After saying he didn’t, he offered to stop and buy me some. (Man, considerate fuck bois are living proof manners are not lost these days.) I declined though because, like I said earlier, I had a fire to get to. 

He drops me off and we didn’t ever see each other again. (Which I am more then okay with because questions later arose about his actual relationship status and I have zero respect for cheaters.) 

-M

[cumingbackformore-blog]

“Please don’t tell anybody”

It is time for my cRinGeY goodbye v-card story.

So, my boy Lax hits me up around 7pm with a snap inviting me over for later that night. Using my better choice of judgement, I asked him, “Do you have condoms now?” He responded with, “No, but please come over anyways. We don’t have to do anything, we can just cuddle. I just want you to come.” 

At this point I’m thinking no fucking way am I going through the trouble of sneaking out, driving over to his place, and quietly making my way inside just to CUDDLE. Not to mention the possibility of accidentally falling asleep in his room and waking up to a morning of terror.

With this in mind I say, “Nah, I’ll bring some.” (Thinking back I realized snapping me at 7pm gave him a LOT of time to run to a store and buy some?? Maybe? He? Did? Just? Want? To? Cuddle?) 

Anyways, I go over to his place at 11pm. He makes me park at the end of his street where there’s a clearing. It’s not even like a block from his house, but it is definitely enough length for a decent walk of shame.

As I’m making my way to the back of his house (his room is kind of an enclosed patio, so lucky for me there’s a door from the outside leading directly into his room) I realized I made a big oops. I usually just leave my purse in my car because I’m not responsible enough to remember to grab it before I leave. Since I took it out of my car earlier to fill it with some rubbers, I didn’t have it with me. Meaning my purse was still sitting at home in my room. Meaning I didn’t actually have condoms.

Now, at this stage in my life, I had finally gotten around to getting on birth control. Because my parents are good ol’ Catholic conservatives, they didn’t believe in contraceptives (especially for their teenage daughter who obviously doesn’t even need them because she’s not going to have sex until she’s married.) So, I had made my way over to the local family planning, treated myself to their free birth control, and stocked up on condoms from the community condom jar.

Even though I now had been on birth control for a few weeks, I had decided that I would still use a condom because two methods is the best method blah blah blah. But, I can tell you in those moments walking up to Lax’s bedroom door alone, horny, and wearing a black lace bralette, I decided condoms were an optional accessory for me.

So, without going into detail, we have sex. Not for very long though. 2 minutes is pushing it honestly. He pulled out and I thought he was just calming down to keep going, but nope. Boy came. So, without trying to embarrass him too much, I say, “Can we do it again?” Lax replies with a sincere, “Oh we are definitely doing this again.” To which I eagerly say, “Now?” Lax just laughs until he realized I wasn’t kidding, then resorting to a slightly embarrassed, “Oh, shittttt.”

Before we could continue our conversation, Lax’s stepmother wakes up. We can hear her walking around the kitchen, so he proposes we just cuddle until she goes back to bed. As we’re waiting, he begins to doze off, I begin to doze off...it was just bad. I start thinking, “OMG I am NOT falling asleep in his bed.” So, I leave.

When I get to my car, I realize that I am in no way ready to call the night over. Horny me is still thriving and just wants more D. So, in my car at the end of Lax’s street, I hit up his baseball teammate, Chub. 

Chub is a total fuck boy whose life consists of beer, power lifting, hoes, weed, and parties. To sum it up, Chub is living his life at such a level of trash that I respect it (and am slightly jealous.) Anyways, he had hmu on facebook messenger two days prior and asked for my snap. I had given it to him, and we sent some PG-13 pics, so I knew he was dtf. 

He answered my snap that said, “Hey want to meet up?” with a classy “Yeah I do, meet me in the FleetFarm parking lot.” FleetFarm is a hick store that sells lots of guns, chew, and fishing gear. But, side hoes can’t ask for much, so I went. As I hop in his daddy truck, he proceeds to take me to a hidden backroad, while trying to convince me that bad situations find him and it’s not his fault. I just listen, push away any concerned questioning from my conscious, and when he pulls over to the side of the road, I crawl to the backseat. (He wouldn’t let me get out of the car to get to the backseat because he said the music would turn off if I opened the door, so when I say I crawled I literally mean like awkwardly climb over a seat and plop into the back.) 

He joins me and before I know it I’m somehow completely naked and he hasn’t even taken off a shoe. I tell him, “Ok, Chub, take off your shirt.” To which he replies, “You really don’t want to see this dad bod.” (But since “dad bod” actually means a chiseled 6 pack and biceps as big as my calves we all know I was dying to become acquainted.) So, as I’m beginning to find out why girls like men that are good with their hands, he asks if I’m on birth control. I told him I was, and we try to have sex.

It’s important to note I say try because apparently Chub had been inhaling some illegal substances earlier, so what was supposed to be solid wood was actually soggy wood. Anyways, sex was not about to happen. 

Chub starts frantically apologizing. He was very embarrassed and said, “I swear this never happens. This isn’t the “““Chub”““ experience I give girls. Please don’t tell anyone.” I tell him, “It’s fine,” even though I’m thinking to myself, what the fuck does a girl gotta do to get decent sex around here? Like seriously help a hoe out omg. 

But, then Chub tells me, “I‘m still going to make sure you have a good time.” So, he did his best to make up for the fact that he couldn’t get it up and whatever he was doing actually felt good. 

As the clock starts clicking close to 2am, we put our clothes back on. He offered me a tissue to clean myself up with. I almost cried because wow that was the most considerate thing like aww. We both sat in the back seat for a little longer, just wiping off sweat (and other fluids) together. Then, we climb back to the front seats (so the music doesn’t turn off), and he starts taking me back to my car. **PSA fogging car windows are real** 

On the drive back he asked, “So how was it?” I replied honestly and said, “Like a 6.” Not satisfied with that answer he begins to apologize more, telling me it never happens, begging me not to tell anyone, and promising he’ll get me to an 11 if I’ll let him try again sometime. I decide that sounded fair, but I must say I later told quite a few of my friends. Then he cranked up the music because Bounce Back was playing and he really felt like he could relate.

After his music jam he starts talking to me again and says, “I didn’t know you were like this.” Laughing I respond with, “Like what? A slut?” He said, “No no no, I mean how many guys have you slept with?” I hesitate, responding with a safe, “Mmmm...” To which he replies, “Oh we’re not telling each other things right now?” Against maybe better judgement, I tell the truth and say, “One.” Chub responds with, “See you’re not a slut.” Meanwhile I’m just sitting there thinking, yeah but that was with your teammate about um two hours ago.

And that my friends is how I lost my virginity. 

-M

[cumingbackformore-blog]

“Should I go put my baseball pants on?” the totally true story of how I lost my virginity to a gorgeous baseball player.

“Should I message him?” I asked as myself and my two friends M and L sat on the rocky shore watching the sunset. It was a Monday night, and we had no where to be. We were simply enjoying ourselves and the cotton candy sky, trying to pretend that the lingering stench of fish wasn’t there. With no idea of what time it was, or any hope that he’d actually respond I hit send.

I put my phone back in M’s purse, as the three of us embarked on the treacherous journey back to the safety of the sandy beach. Barefoot, and slightly terrified, we began to make our way across the jagged boulders searching for the best path that wouldn’t leave us with a sprained ankle.

When we finally reached the safety of the beach, I took out my phone. And I saw the notification.

“Oh my god M, you message him back I can’t look,” I exclaimed. I found myself paralyzed with anxiety whenever I tried to have a conversation with him. We had been talking off and on for a couple months, but nothing more than the brief conversations I cut short due to my fear of him rejecting me.

And before I knew it M and I were climbing into my car as she told me he had invited me over. “E**** you have to go!” M demanded. She knew how into this kid I was, and my secret desires that I would never tell anybody but her.

“E**** you’re going,” M said. There was no question about it. She wasn’t forcing me to do something I didn’t want to do, she was forcing me to try something I had always been too afraid to do. And that’s the kind of person M is to me.

So we parted ways with L, and I drove us back to my house so I could give my mom some bullshit lie that we were going over to one of my friend’s houses after she got off of work. And with no questions I asked, I changed into leggings and a crop top and threw on a cardigan to make it look a teensy bit more modest for my conservative mother. I agreed to be home by 12:30, and that was that.

“Are you still coming?” he had sent 8 minutes ago.

“Yes. Leaving now,” I said having forgot I left him on read after he had sent his address.

“When will you be here?”

“A half hour,” I replied as I pulled out of my driveway, knowing full well it takes more than a half hour to get to where he lives. I plugged in the address and we were on our way. M came along because well she was staying for the week, and I needed her there. She was the reason I was in this mess, and she was going to be there when I walked into it.

“E**** oh my god. Why are you driving so slow?” M exclaimed. She was right, I was only driving 50.

“I don’t want to hit a deer,” I lied. “Do you want to drive?” I asked.

“Yes omg. Here we can get out here,” she said pointing to the flashing yellow light up ahead. I actually would rather her drive, even though she cruised down the back country roads at a solid 65, approaching 70. I trusted M (and her wild driving).

My phone lit up with a notification from him.

“Where are you?” he asked.

“15 minutes I lied.” “Hurry b...” he quickly replied back. I rolled my eyes. Does he honestly think he can rush me, the queen of being 15 minutes late to everything? I think to myself

“I almost just hit a deer,” I fired back, hoping he’d feel a little bad for being so pushy. I didn’t lie this time, there was a deer that ran across the road in front of us, except I wasn’t the one driving.

"Oh shit be safe.” he typed back. I left him on read and sat back in my seat trying to relax a little. Knowing it wasn’t going to be that long before M would be dropping me off at his house. “What are you going to do while I’m in there?” I ask M, trying to make an excuse for why this whole thing won’t work out.

“I don’t know. I’ll probably just drive around and probably just go on my phone. I’ll be fine.”

And before I knew it, we were in his driveway. M pulled out a condom from her purse.

“E**** he’s right there...” and sure enough I look up and he’s standing in the doorway.

“Just take the condom E****,” M says handing it to me and I place it in the front pocket of my bag.

“Okay well here goes nothing,” I say nerves causing me to tremble slightly. I still can’t distinguish if it was from fear or excitement.

“Hey how are you?” he asks, even more attractive in person despite being under the fluorescent outside lights from the garage.

I guess I should explain just exactly who he is.

His name is T and he is (now was, since he graduated lol) a senior at one of the two large high schools in my area. T also plays baseball (one of my primary turn ons to be quite honest with you...). And for three months or so, ever since we followed each other on Instagram, and added each other on Snapchat our interactions never became anything more than minor.

Him liking my posts, or me messaging him once in a while. Him swiping up on a selfie I posted on Snapchat (in hopes that he would message me. My plan worked ha!). But all of these interactions weren’t anything special, nothing to make me think that he actually had any interest in me, or found me attractive at least.

I mean in all honesty, he was a baseball player (and football player but honestly who cares about football when you have bAseBaLL pAnTsSSs). And something about baseball players made a guy instantly more attractive, and the fact that T was practically unattainable drew me to him even more. Plus he’s a skater, and not mediocre either.

He is honestly everything I could ever fantasize about in a guy. And the fact that I thought he was too good for me, and that our relationship was going no where made me crush even harder.

And that’s just the kind of person I am. I’ve never been in a relationship, I’ve never even kissed a boy, and for some reason I am only attracted to boys who I can never have. Or that’s what I thought...

T leads me up the short flight of stairs to his room.

“Sorry about the mess,” he apologizes, “I haven’t really had time to clean it.” And I pretended I didn’t care, because I honestly didn’t. I knew full well that my room was just as bad. I look around and it looks exactly like how I would think his room would look: a mixture between skate paraphernalia and baseball trophies. Pictures scattered here and there.

I have to admit, it was awkward being in a boys room for the first time, but also a boy who is almost a complete stranger besides for the bits and pieces of information I’ve been able to collect through our conversations and our social media interactions.

I’m sure that T could sense that I was a little nervous. I sat at the head of his bed, and he sat at the bottom of the bed on the other side. We talked about everything: baseball, softball, how he can’t stand to lose, where I want to go to college, where he’s going to college. We talked about so many different things, in such a short period of time.

He moved closer, and sat beside me. He went to show me a Patagonia sticker he had on his dresser by reaching over me and holding it up for me to see, after we had talked about the brand for sometime. Next thing I know, his hand his on my thigh and his lips are on mine.

I’m completely numb because oh my god this is my first time ever kissing a boy, I’m seventeen years old and this is my first time ever kissing a boy! Oh my god what do I do with my tongue? Is it okay if I hold his waist? He has such nice hair, I love running my fingers through it, I hope he doesn’t think this is weird.

A million questions ran through my mind, as I find myself on top of him as we’re still making out. Somehow I’ve managed to lose my sweater, tank top, and I vividly remember rolling my eyes as he fumbled trying to take off my bra. Suddenly, I feel T break away from the kiss.

“Do you want me to go put on my baseball pants?” he asks looking me in the eyes with that melt-your-heart smile. For a second it takes me a second to register what exactly he’s asking and then it clicks. I mentioned something earlier when we were messaging that I had a kink for boys in baseball pants, and now here I am.

“Oh my god no. It’s fine. I was really just kidding,” I say laughing. I’m so embarrassed yet flattered.

“Really it’s no problem. I have a couple pairs, it’ll only take me a minute,” he says seriously.

The fact that this boy, a popular, attractive senior baseball player, is willing to go put on a pair of god damn baseball pants just for me is honestly the funniest and cutest thing ever. I lost my virginity that night to this boy with the baseball pants that I refused to let him put on.

Our time together was cut short because he had to go meet his mom at his grandparent’s cottage in less than twenty minutes.

“Yeah I’m really sorry about all of this...” he says referencing that fact that we didn’t get to finish what we started.

“No it’s fine. I would rather leave early than have your mom come home and think I’m a slut,” I admit laughing.

“Yeah that would be bad. My mom like works with teen moms. So I’m always kinda worried that someday a girl’s going to go in there and my mom’s just going to be like ‘hey you look familiar’,” he jokes and I laugh. I can’t help but to wonder how many girls he’s sleeping around with that this is a scenario he can see happening.

“You don’t need to go yet,” he says as I try to find all my clothes. I’m thankful for the fact that I wore a sweater because I didn’t wear underwear and I can’t find my fucking leggings. “Would you like anything to drink? Water or a beer?”

“I’ll have a beer,” I say.

“Let me go get it,” he says as he finishes getting dressed.

“Okay sounds good. I’ll just text my ride real quick,” I hurry and text M and ask her where she is. She says she’s right across the road and I tell her to give me five minutes. T leaves the room, and I continue to look for my pants, and I’m starting to think that there’s no retrieving them and I’m going to have to go out into the subdivision not wearing any pants.  

“Do you have everything?” he asks handing the beer to me.

“Um actually, I can’t seem to find my leggings,” I admit as I search frantically with my sweater wrapped around me.

“Shit,” I hear him whisper, “Well we’ll find them don’t worry.”

“Where the hell could they have gone?” he asks.

“I honestly couldn’t fucking tell you,” I say laughing.

“Here they are!” he says handing them to me. I quickly slide them on.

“Yeah all we had cold was Pabst,” he states as he cracks open his beer. “I fucking can’t stand warm beer and all the Labatt wasn’t refrigerated.”

“No this is fine,” I say.

“So do you smoke?” he asks, and me knowing full well this boy is a stoner try to play it off.

“No. I mean I’m not against it, I have friends who smoke weed, but I mean like being Catholic and all people never really offer because they assume I’m against it,” I state truthfully.

“Ah yeah the Catholics must be really against that huh?” he asks as if us just having sex wasn’t like the most gravest of all grave sins in the Catholic Church’s eyes. “Yeah I was going to say if you were against smoking you probably wouldn’t ever want to see me ever again,” and proceeds to tell me about how his mom doesn’t know that he’s a stoner.

“So do you party or anything?” he asks.

“Nope not really,” I laugh. This night was the most rebellious thing I had ever done in my life, and here he thinks that I party on the usual.

“Yeah I’m going to be having to drive soon, but I mean I’ll still be under the legal limit,” he says taking another sip of his beer as if he’s 21 and not 18.

And I can’t help but suppress a laugh because here I am literally cracking open a cold one with the boy I just lost my virginity to.

“I think your rides here...” he says peering out his bedroom window to the driveway below.

“Oh okay. Well I’m going to get going,” I say and leave my three quarters of the way drunk beer can on top of his dresser and make my way down the stairs by myself not waiting for him to follow me.

“Hey do you want this,” I here him ask from his bedroom as I reach the bottom step.

“No that’s fine,” I say opening the door and I feel him walk up behind me.

“Well thanks for coming,” he says as he throws the used but not filled condom into the trash can in the garage.

“Yeah thanks for having me,” I say trying to make my quick escape from anymore awkward conversation. I get into the car after saying our quick goodbyes and he just stands in the doorway like he did when I arrived.

I feel the warmth of M’s flash from her camera as she takes a video of me getting into the car.

“Oh my god M lets just leave,” I say exhausted.

“Soooooo how was it?” she asks laughing.

“Sex is so much fun,” I say exhausted, slightly sore, and so so happy and dazed and slightly drunk.

To be quite honest with you, I still cannot believe that that night’s events actually happened. That I lost my virginity to this boy, this BASEBALL boy, with the nice hair, and contagious smile, who also happened to be a skater. And it was no fantasy of mine, my first time, but it was natural and it felt right and I’m glad it happened with him just the way it did. Also, the hickey on my boob lasted for quite a few days.

-E

[cumingbackformore-blog]

“I didn’t think I would get this far”

After my Tarzan fling, my next sexual progression occurred with Lax. Lax and I have a complicated relationship. From meeting at a football game in middle school, to classes together throughout high school, to flirting, attempted booty calls, on and off crushes, a record breaking snap streak, and partial dates, Lax and I always held a “more then friends” type relationship. However, despite many close calls, nothing had happened between us, until one night when he asked me to hang out the next day.

I agreed and clarified whether it was a normal hang out or a Netflix and chill type thing. He replied, “The second one, but I don’t have Netflix.” And I told him, “Well I mean obviously that’s fine.” I also warned him, “I haven’t shaved.” To which he said, “Shaved what?” And I replied, “It’s actually more like what’s shaving.” He just said, “Same,” so that was that. 

The next day after lunch (yes a NOON booty call) I head over to his house. Where his parents and brother are home. He let’s me in and we go to his room where we sit on a couch on opposite ends. His stepmom comes in, talks to me, acts all happy because she doesn’t believe we’re not dating, and tells me lots of stories. Then his dad comes in, shakes my hand, and tells me, “I like to meet the people that come into my house.” He then asks Lax, “So what are you guys going to do today?” Lax replies, “I don’t know, I have baseball later.” His dad then says, “Well we’re going to go to your cousins ballet performance, are you going to behave?” And Lax says, “Yes, she’s a child of God so...” His dad then looks to me for validation and I say, “Yup, I’m a cradle catholic.” **I then have to explain what that is** 

Anyways, all his family members leave to go to the dance show, so Lax gets up, grabs a blanket, and then lays down on top of me. I start laughing and say, “I thought I was a “child of God.”“ Lax replied, “I only said that to get them to leave.” He proceeds to start tickling my neck with his lips and tongue, while I just laugh. Then, he pushes himself up, looks at me, and then kisses me. It was really nice. After a little bit he asks, “Do you want to go to the bed?” And I nodded, so we move. He laid down, I climbed on top of him, and we start making out again. Soon the shirts come off, and then the pants. I’m just in my thong now, and at this point, with how much his hands were exploring, I mine as well not have been wearing anything. I stop, take it off, climb back on him, and he says, “Wow I never thought M******** B**** would be naked in my bed.” 

He continues to finger me, and then all of the sudden I’m feeling something try to go in that’s nOT a finger. I pull away and ask, “Do you have a condom?” And he sighs and said, “No, I didn’t think I would get this far.” And I say, “Well I’m not going to have sex without a condom.” So we just go back to making out, but he tries to slip it in AGAIN like I wasn’t going to notice ?? So, I stop him and say, “Lax I am NOT fucking you without a condom.” He replies with some bullshit about “how there’s only like a 5% chance I’ll get pregnant” and that “it would be fineee,“ but I didn’t give in and stuck to my no glove no love standpoint. So, he says, “My brother might have one somewhere.” And I say, “Um I’m am not about to go look around your house for a condom.” He replies with, “Well you don’t have to look, I’ll go.” And I said, “No it’s fine, I should go anyways.” But, he leaves to go look for one anyways, and I’m just like, “Um you’re wasting your time like I’m putting on my pants..” 

Lax returns a few minutes later, empty handed, and says, “Aw you’re already dressed?” I said, “Yeah I told you I was going to go.” He then asked me, “Um could you give me a ride to baseball?” (Lax for unknown reasons had sold his car) So I said, “I mean sure ig.”

I go to take him to his practice or whatever, and in the car on the way there he asks me, “So, what have you done?” And I said, “With a guy? Nothing.” Surprised he asks, “That would have been your first time?” To which I tell him, “YEs..” Still taken aback he says, “Omg I thought since you went so far you had already done stuff.” I proceed to tell him that I tried to with Tarzan, but boy couldn’t get it up so that didn’t happen. He listened and laughed. As I pulled into the parking lot of his practice he says goodbye and gets out of my car. Slightly annoyed I say, “What? I don’t get a kiss?” So he smiles, leans back in, and kisses me goodbye. 

-M

[cumingbackformore-blog]

“Actually I’m not hard right now”

I would soon head over to Tarzan’s house to “hang out,” only to arrive with his entire family out on a walk to a café. Not about to pass up a great opportunity he says, “Do you want to go up to my bedroom?”

After his reassurance that we had time because his family wouldn’t be back for awhile, I agree. However, brushing off my confusion he locks the downstairs doors anyways just “because” even though he was “sure they wouldn’t come back.” 

So, we go up to his room, turn on some music and go at it. As I’m in a thong straddling him on top while he sits on the bed, and after making out for awhile, I whisper in his ear, “Do you want a blowjob?” **Because consent is sexy and important** He replies, “Actually, I’m not hard right now.” Hearing this took me by surprise at first, followed by confusion, further followed by offense. Here my naked titty pierced hoe ass is dominating the shit out of this make out sesh and the boy isn’t even hard?? Not to mention this is the first time I’m stripped down to a thong in front of a guy. So I just respond with an, “Ok..?” And he goes on to tell me, “Well I had it and then my body went numb and it went away.”

At this point I didn’t even know what to think, so I just go back to kissing him and his neck. He tired to finger me, but idk he must have skipped class the day anatomy was taught because sorry hun labia is not the clit and you can’t just shove fingers in an upwards direction expecting them to land in the vagina. As I was about to try and help him out as best as I could, there some noise from outside. He gets up and peeks out of his curtains, where ig he was met with the sight of his mom throwing rocks towards his window, along with his father and brother. Telling me this, we get dressed ASAP and head down to let them in. This is my second time meeting his family and they had been locked out for almost 20 minutes. Also, I had a hickey. 

-M

[cumingbackformore-blog]

“Target fitting rooms aren’t gendered”

My next physical encounter with a boy wouldn’t happen until a year later.

I had met a boy, Tarzan, who wanted to date me. However, at this point in my life I decided dating guys isn’t really my cup of tea because I prefer the fuck boi lifestyle. Anyways, my house and his house never seemed to be available with timing, family, etc. So, desperate for options, and not willing to fuck in my small ass car, I propose, “Well the target fitting rooms aren’t gendered...?”

The following day during our off periods we headed over to target, waltz right into a fitting room, and that was that. We begin making out and I take off my shirt. He starts trying to stick his hands under my bra to grab my boobs, but that shit was underwired and not budging. Before it got to weird I stop and say, “I can just take it off.” And that was the first time any guy saw me topless. He tried to start taking off my pants, but I shut that down; partially because it would have been my first time, and I also could hear children voices in the other rooms like omg I am not fucking when kids are next door. 

We just made out for two hours and then headed back to school.

-M

[cumingbackformore-blog]

“I couldn’t breathe”

To continue on a bad kissing streak, Rubix decided to take me to a movie. The actual date was awful.

I’m not really a holding hands person, for various reasons, so instead I leaned on his shoulder and he put his arm around me. In theory this sounds nice, and it would have been, had it not been for the armrest jamming into my side and the fact that he has a missing bone in his shoulder, which made it feel like my cheek was resting on a fucking white girls boney ass. Because I’m an awkward person, I felt that I had waited too long to switch positions and decided I just had to tough it out until the end. I spent the remainder of the movie hoping every scene was the finale and when it FINALLY ended I started to believe in life again.

He takes me back to my house, where I knew my grandma was waiting and possibly watching from inside, so I was looking forward to a short, yet sweet, goodbye kiss. This would be our second kiss and I was just hoping for something a little less traumatizing. I lean in, we kiss, and I start to pull back because I needed to go inside. But, he doesn't let me and leans in farther while holding me in place with his hands. Since I had tried to pull away, naturally I had opened my eyes, but since he didn’t let me go, I had to RECLOSE them to continue kissing him. I was just sitting there thinking, “Ok I can stay for a few more min--- I NEED TO SLOW THIS DOWN SOSOSOS TONGUUEEE.” Rubix’s tongue was NOT leaving my mouth. He had put it in there and it was staying. Desperate to try and save this ratchet kiss, I proceed to try and pull away AGAIN with the intention of going back in, but kissing softer and slower. To continue his dick move, Rubix does not let his lips leave mine by just leaning in closer and holding my face in place. Because a minute had passed of his tongue raping my mouth, I get this sudden overwhelming need for air because I couldn’t breathe. Since my life was actually on the line, and Rubix was STILL, not letting me pull away from him, I put my hands on his shoulders and forcefully pushed him off of me. Since he had obviously taken “eating face” to a whole new level, when his mouth finally left mine a huge gross suction release pop noise rang out. I just muttered, “I have to go,” and left. As I walked up to my house, and headed towards my room, I gagged at least twice on the awful sensation and taste his tongue had left lingering on mine. We would break up about a week later.

-M

[cumingbackformore-blog]

“It’s always awkward kissing a chick for the first time”

Ok, so my first kiss was memorable to say the least; but not in the way a 16 year old girl would hope.

I had been dating this guy, Rubix, for a month and nOtHiNg had happened between us physically (besides the occasional PG hug.) One night, after our coffee date, I had to go drop him off at his grandma’s house because that’s where his brother left his car. As I pull into the driveway and stop to let him out, I knew that he had other things planned because he did NOT get out of the car. As I sat there I started thinking “fuck I didn’t even put the car in park or get unbuckled and now it will be to awkward if I do so I‘m going to have to keep my foot on the brake the whole time and lean over while strapped to my seat omg.”

Because I had talked to my friends about how to make this shit happen, I knew that I needed him to feel that a kiss was welcomed and encouraged by setting up a nice entrance. Remembering this advice, I proceeded to say, “I had a lot of fun with you today,” hoping he would take the hint and continue setting the mood, but no. Homeboy Rubix just nods and makes a grunt in agreement. Now all I’m thinking is “ok that’s all I got.” But because Rubix isn’t even looking at me, just staring at his shoes, and another 15 awk seconds had passed, I start commenting on the nice Halloween decorations his grandma had put up. As I’m having a one way bullshit convo with myself, a light outside of the garage turns on. Taken by surprise, I ask, “Omg is that your grandma hinting at us?” and in reply he says, “No, she’s not home.” But to this day I am not convinced because for the following silent five minutes the light continued to randomly turn on and off. I guess eventually Rubix got tired of the stomach-churning-awful-uncomfortable atmosphere inside of my car and says, “Alright, well I’m just going to go in for the kiss.” I just nod and fake smile, just wanting this whole night to end already. He leans over and we kiss. It wasn‘t great, there was a lot of tongue and the whole thing felt middle school, but I would soon find that kisses can be muCH worse. So, after 12 seconds of “um I don’t think this is how it’s supposed to feel” I pull away and he immediately turns and climbs out of my car. Before shutting the door he stops and says, “Kissing a chick for the first time is always awkward.” Then, proceeds to open my backseat door, grab his backpack, and walk away to his car. That was it. I had finally ““““kissed”“““ a boy.

-M