csssa-stuff

[csssa-stuff]

Fri, 8/3/18

     So that’s it. The last day of CSSSA. I’m writing this on Tuesday night, so I don’t remember the specifics. I do remember that I had a blast and everyone was crying. Well, mostly. I wasn’t crying. I wonder why. The Captain boasted about me in front of all the writers so that was actually really nice. My mom came to get me as I said goodbye to Val and Willa. I don’t wanna talk about it. It makes me sad. 

     If you’re considering doing CSSSA, you should definitely do it! It’s such an amazing experience and you learn about yourself as an artist and as a person. Life-changing? Yep. Great time? Yep. Do it do it do it do it! Applications can seem like a bitchass but it’s nothing to the amount of writing you do here. Good luck, kids! I loved it so much and can’t wait to look back fondly on my time at CalArts/CSSSA. Now time to study for chemistry.

[csssa-stuff]

Thurs, 8/2/18

    I haven’t slept for 41 hours. I did my 7500, so,.... allll in 12 hours.  i  was only a bit of a mess otday. in between yelling bouts of philosophical questions at people to zoning out during class, yeet? we learned about Mormonism from Amberly (me, Cam, Mira, Marissa, and Val). I’m gonna miss these children. mack respects me for doing all my shit in one night. yeet. we went out to valencia marketplace for the last time today. It was really nice,, all the CW kids there. I’m gonna miss them. goodnight, tired as shit.

[csssa-stuff]

Wed, 8/1/18

      Happy August! I’m on a writing streak (sorta) and it’s 1:01 AM and I have a nice 4..5k-ish more words to write so forgive me for making this short. Lunch was teriyaki chicken and the sauce was overbearing so that wasn’t too great, but definitely fine. Dinner was chicken tenders (called buffalo something), french fries, vegetables (the usual). Not bad. Poetry today we went over the epic and I volunteered to go first so people put in a lot of energy to workshop and it wasn’t half bad! Pretty good actually :) went over my stuff in elective and it took like 8 mins since there wasn’t anything groundbreaking. Look, I made an outline in the second week and I’m sticking to it, adding stuff here and there and rearranging subcategories, nothing crazy. I’m not super lost or anything, so that’s pretty great. I’ve just been writing, although I’m not gonna lie, it’s not the easiest to get through. Each piece has to have good prose and extended metaphor without being a fucking drag so that’s hard to balance if I’m writing, manic, at 4AM. That may be how late I stay up tonight. Fuck it. I could sleep like all day tomorrow and it wouldn’t really matter too much. (Obviously I’m going to class but ya know). Annie almost fell asleep a good couple of times.

     Everyone is slowly realizing that we’re really out of here soon. It makes me sort of sad, because there was this collective turning point in the beginning of the third week wherein people really got the hang of being here. And now we have to go when there’s so much more I want to explore and so many people I want to get closer to. I won’t see most of these people again, but there’s so much more I want to do!!! I suppose it’s like a short story: come late, go early, and leave much to be desired... (is the saltiness coming through? good. I don’t even know what I’m salty about.)

     I have to figure out how to get the Mack Rap to Alex. We’re not sure yet but I’ll ask around tomorrow. I also got another letter (ok so I sent a letter two days before my boyfriend sent me a letter so I just got another letter today that was a response to the letter I sent initially... it’s unnecessary to explain but basically I got letters two days in a row, which made me feel pretty special), which was neat. Mailed my application for college credit, which turns out is transferable (mmmmmmm nice). ok I have two huge chapters to write which should satisfy the 4.5k I have left (maybe only writing like 3k more tonight and leaving a thousand and a half for tomorrow). Wish me luck all 0 of you, you beautiful Chads/Chadlettes/Incels! I support you all.

[csssa-stuff]

Tues, 7/31/18

     Today was... you guessed it! Good. Woke up in time to eat a rushed breakfast with Annie and Lena. Core wasn’t great because I can’t fucking out figure how to contribute with poetry, but it should probably get better tomorrow when people read their epics. I’m excited to share mine if I finish it and it’s as good as it is now (it’s pretty cool so far but I’ve gotta done go and edit it). During writers desk I actually did some work (woah!!) so that was fuckin,, epic. Everyone’s pretty sad about CSSSA ending so soon, especially because now we’re all really starting to bond. So that sucks that I won’t see most of these people ever again... that does make me sad. I’m kinda trying not to think about it.

     Elective was good. We literally critiqued only 3 people’s work but whatchu gonna do. I was supposed to go today but guess I’ll put actual quality shit out for tomorrow, which involves my bitchass epic and like 2 new chapters for Alex. Update for my word count assigned as final project: 2.5k/10k. Not good enough. I need to write like uhhhhhhhh 3k tonight to not wanna perish, which is a fuckton of words. I have tonight, tomorrow night, and Wed night. Sorry for ranting but. Ya know. It be like that.

     Val is writing a super interesting story about this boy, Antony, whose mother dies. it’s gonna be gay but not overbearing. I had lunch w/ the cw kids and they served teriyaki and rice, which wasn’t so bad. I took dinner with Annie in the laundry room, and Marissa later joined us. Dinner was roasted turkey with potatoes and vegetables, and it was really pretty fucking good. Today’s highlight was maybe feeling slightly productive? Oh WAIT, that hasn’t happened yet. Time to put on my writing hat and do some fucking work. See ya kids. :)

[csssa-stuff]

Mon, 7/30/18

     First day of poetry core and I wrote a shitty poem ! Totally forgot I had a really good one and I read some edited nonsense about being smart. I don’t even resonate with it since I wrote it like a year ago, rip. Oh well. Lunch was meh but dinner was really good. The food for lunch was good (baked ziti) but dinner was opposite: meatloaf. It tasted fine but why oh w h y with the weird liquid that came out of it when pressed? I don’t care for that at a l l. I spent writers’ desk in Tatum’s but do want to talk to Hilary about the poem I forgot to share. Anyway, after dinner a whole swell group of us went to Tatum’s and I stayed until closing time (10:00). I did some work and started on my epic poem, which is gonna be about someone rising and falling from fame. Yeet! Anyway, sorry and it’s late (1AM) so I wanna get to work (you heard me right folks), so gotta blast!

[csssa-stuff]

Sun, 7/29/18

     Hey pals. Today was really good. Was ready at like 8:45 and caught breakfast with Marissa, Val, and the cw kids. Then went off to wait for Tatum’s to open. It opened half an hour late. It was actually super fun waiting there with all the cw kids (more joined than just the outside group). We finally went in but left soon for lunch. Lunch was me, Zeke, Craig, Lena, Amberly, and Manasi. it was pretty nice. They served some weird orange soup (don’t get the chicken noodle) and nachos? It wan’t the best but oh well, whatcha gonna do?

     After lunch, back to Tatum’s with Zeke. Then Naseem and Akasha walked in and invited us to “All about Eve” which was showing at the Bijou. It’s a fucking fantastic movie so that was neat. (how many times have I used the word neat?) Then dinner with Naseem, Lena, Sophia (yet another Sophia! she’s amazing and very calm yet whimsical), and Akasha. It was a super nice conversation and after I hung out w Annie in Vore Dorm. Alright kids gotta blast but looking forward to Monday, although sad CSSSA is ending so soon.

[csssa-stuff]

Sat, 7/29/18

     Today was really good! I hung out with a bunch of friends so it was pretty good. I painted my nails because it didn’t really feel like Shabbat. I mostly hung out with Em, Mints, Annie, Marissa, Sofia (Sophia?? I don’t know how to spell her name), and Val. That’s a lot of people. The vore dorm is really gaining popularity. I’m writng this on Sunday and can’t remember a lot of what I did, other than hardcore explore the first floor with Annie. And woah, it’s sorta cool. Like, it’s just the main building we have access to, but it lets off in a bunch of cool places that we fucked around in. Let’s say the doors we exited lock from the outside...

      I’m learning a lot about my friends and stuff, but really fucking need to get back to writing. Alex assinged.,,,,,,,,,,,, 10k words due like Thurs, and I’ve written a nice 400... fuck me in the a s s. I gotta get to work. Bye. :)

[csssa-stuff]

Thurs-Fri, 7/26-7/27/18

     Sorry for not writing on Thurs. I got a lot done (or did I? I don’t remember honestly). Today was good though. It’s like 12:44. On Thurs I got some really good critique about my memoir but it’ll be a lot of work to implement. The road to greatness is hard or whatever. Anyway, that was productive. Kids are starting to realize that CSSSA isn’t happening for much longer. Core was good too, and I worked a bit on my piece that I almost submitted to the anthology. I decided on one I wrote that resonated more with me, but a lot of things here are still very dear to my heart.

     Today was pretty neat. I did almost nothing during both core and elective since my pieces got work shopped on Thurs but it was still fun to be there. Dinner was neat: bowtie pasta and chicken tenders. Not terrible. I got peer pressured into semi-deepthroating a banana, but what can ya do? This girl I lowkey idolize (her writing and aesthetic are amazing) accepts me, and like,,,,,,,, oof, that sweet, sweet validation. Yum.

    After dinner, a bunch of people came to Vore Dorm to edit anthology pieces so that was pretty neat. Alex assigned 10,000 words by the end of CSSSA but sure, why not? I’m not super concerned w/ that. I just need to write like 2000 a day, which is sort of a lot if I want high quality. But what can ya do, huh? Just gotta try your best. At one time, it was me, Em, Mints, Val, Annie, Cassie, and Marissa all in the room. It was great.

     Em drew some truly cursed stuff (such as sexy yeehonk character) but it was amazing as always. Val did some figure drawing which they enjoyed. I embarrassed myself by chatting with a schoolmate which I should not have done. Oh well. I take ownership of my mistakes and I am taking ownership. Ya bitch fuckin dumb sometimes.

     Oh, I forgot! Thurs was open mic! it was really pretty good. A bunch of music kids did songs or openings, and writing kids did poetry and short prose pieces. It was altogether pretty cool.

     My anthology piece is done and I have to wash my hair. It’s also 1AM. So I’m gonna uhhhhhhh sleep. can i get a fuckin uhhhhhhh nice 7 hours? hopefully. I hope the printers aren’t too backed up tomorrow. Anyway, night children!

[csssa-stuff]

Wed, 7/25/18

     Today was super productive! I wrote a bunch of words and I wanna get right back to it, even though it’s 1AM. I just hit my stride today or something, but if I do like 2 chapters a day I could actually really move along with this. I did like 3 today? I feel pretty good.

     Mints and Annie were nice enough to bring me breakfast because classes started at 10 today for CW kids. It was eggs, bacon, and blueberry pancakes. Really not bad.

     Lecture wasn’t super fun, but i do feel disrespectful when screwing around on Discord, which I did plenty of. I tried not to directly slander our lecturer. Her heart is in the right place but everything feels very patronizing. Maybe we’re all just hyped up on our own ego, but when someone’s explaining what a setting is to you, you feel pretty damn patronized.

     Cameron? Absolute unit. When the lecturer asked for the time, he got flustered because he has difficulty reading watches and said 4:15 instead of 3:15 (lecture gets out at 4). She abruptly ended things and we were let out 40 minutes early! Amazing.

     After, Annie and Val came back to the Vore Dorm to work on their epic poems and me on my memoir. Diana’s letting me workshop a fiction piece I care a lot more about than one I was gonna write about this bitchass guy who goes to an modern art convention to impress some girl. So that’s good. We were pleasently surprised with the company of Lulu, Sophie Hood, and Zoë. Sophie and Zoë read this incredible one act play of two Jewish grandmothers. They did the voice and everything. It was amazing.

     After that, Valencia marketplace for boba and sushi. We had to get the sushi to go because we were in a rush trying to make it back on campus by 8, but everything worked out fine and we ate in the empty cafeteria (power move). Today was also like 111 degrees haha yeet. I’m learning to find the heat quite bearable, especially because the buildings are so well air conditioned. That’s something to look forward to if you come here.

     We went back to the dorms Val, Mints, Em, Annie, and Marissa (she showed up somewhere) in tow and actually did some work in Vore Dorm. And I haven’t taken a break since. Wow, I’ve been working for 4 hours?? Holy shit it does not feel like that. No wonder I wrote so much.

     There’s also something going around campus so Val, Em, and I stopped by the nurse’s office for some Vitamin C. Consider us invincible (jk but I hope I don’t get sick!!!!! that would suck). Anyway, it’s fucking 1:35 and I still have to read through and comment on pretty much everyone else’s work. rip. see yall tmr, or later today depending on what I’m doing and how well I manage my time.

[csssa-stuff]

Tues, 7/24/18

     Today was a good day! Did a bunch of writing and I’m about to do some more, so let’s make this short and sweet. Core was neat and I read a piece I wrote in class about my relationship with my dad (our relationship is good, if you were wondering), and sent it to my parents. They really liked it. Reading it back a few hours later I don’t know how I feel about it, but I’m trusting that it’s good.

     During nonfiction I started a personal essay about body hair. I’m a thousand words in and I don’t even know if I like it. Ah well. I did laundry today (yay me! productive!) and sent a letter to my boyfriend. It has 3 pictures: one of everyone in the suite doing a variant of the t-pose, one of my friends looking cursed in a tree, and another of me in a tree. It’s a nice variety. I also put some words in it and stuff.

     After laundry, a group of us got together to rehearse Alex’s rap. It’s going well. I’m a little nervous to perform it, but I know it’s funny, so it’s all in the delivery and enthusiasm! Then Annie (from nonfic elective) and Val came back to the Vore Dorm and we helped each other on various work. They gave me advice about miscellaneous stuff and I tried to help them on their epics. it was fun.

     There’s been something going around (a couple things, actually, but I don’t know a lot about it) and Annie is sort of sick and she was in the room for awhile. I’m trying not to be paranoid and worried. Surprisingly, I’m not a hypochondriac. I don’t think so. Maybe. I don’t need to think about it.

     The meals today were pretty good. I had chicken + spinach pizza (soggy as usual but what can ya do) for lunch with beans and rice I think? Maybe soup too. Who knows. Dinner was lemon chicken, rice pilaf, and roasted vegetables. Quite good actually.

     There’s not much else to it, folks! Time for me to finish whatever nonsesne quota I set for myself. As they say, yeet.

[csssa-stuff]

Mon, 7/23/28

     Today was pretty cursed. I don’t really wanna talk about it but I spilled soup on myself, had those good good insecurities (I thought some people were laughing at a comment I made but they were actually laughing at something else and it was just bad timing), and generally felt weird and lost. also it was super hot. Tomorrow will be better. :)

[csssa-stuff]

Sun, 7/22/18

     Not a lot happened today. It was Tisha B’Av so it was purposefully sad I guess (it’s a Jewish day of mourning). I talked to my dad for like an hour and a half in Alex’s classroom (which was weird) and then took a nap. I shouldn’t take naps during the day because I always get super depressed when I do. Oh well. Time for tomorrow. Night, kids.

[csssa-stuff]

Sat, 7/21/18

     Today was great! I got ready just too late for breakfast, so I had a bar in my room. Then some people came down and we headed over to Writers’ Salon. I was one of the first to read, and I didn’t think my piece was anything special, really, but I got some compliments. Everyone else did so damn well. Like. Wow. Also, a piece (epic poem chronicling the adventures of a sperm) I critiqued of Jacob’s got read and it was absolutely amazing. This screenplay too, called something like “Charlie 4 Prez” is just.... incredible. I want to devour the entire pilot. Everything was really great though.

     Lunch was baked pasta and roasted vegetables. Dinner was chicken tenders, curly fries, and roasted vegetables. Not bad. Tomorrow, everyone’s going to Disneyland, so I’ll take the opportunity to catch up on a bunch of youtube I need to (it’s not a necessity) watch, work a little on my memoir, watch some “Breaking Bad,” read a book Val gave me called The Little Life, so I’m pretty stoked. Maybe, if I don’t hate myself, I’ll even do some Hebrew (I miss it so much). I’m really getting into the groove of things here.

     I had lunch with Val and after they came to my room and we chatted and hung out as I wrote a letter to my boyfriend and called my best friend from home (her name is Emily, she’s an icon, I love her) and regaled some “salacious” stories. She...... was not expecting them to be as.... full (?) as they were? Idk, it was fun to talk. A bunch of people joined us for dinner and I went to an impromptu documentary showing @ the Bijou of Judy Garland’s life. It was pretty tragic actually. After we went back to the Vore Dorm with Marissa, a CW student I have elective with. She’s pretty cool and we talked about movies. While this was happening, Marlene, Drew, Tommy, Em, Mints, Cassie were also in the room. When Val and Marissa left we played never have I ever and then paranoia, which I strongly recommend. Then T-Posing in the hallway with our suitemates and after making balloon animals with them. It was really an interesting day.

     Highlight of the day: Writers’ Salon. If not, deciding to stay at the Bijou with nothing but my lanyard (and clothing). Highly liberating. Anyway, it’s a nice 12:30 right now and I’m trying to fix my sleep schedule so I’m effective done for the night. Peace, kids.

[csssa-stuff]

Thurs - Fri, 7/19-7/20/18

     I’m typing this on Saturday morning because I’m very good at time management. Anyway,,,, I’m gonna type as much as I remember but these days go by fast. On Wednesday not a lot happened. I worked so hard on this piece but workshopping for it got pushed to Friday (it still went well, I’m really proud of it in terms of... everything. I just think it’s a pretty solid piece. During workshopping, nothing really bad was said about it, but Alex kept making this hilariously accurate jokes about my religious boyfriend, whom I had written the piece about. OUch. On Thursday I also presented some excerpts from the memoir I’m tryna do, and everyone really liked it, so that’s pretty damn good. I worked to finish the outline and I’m almost done (it’s a long boy). I still have to wash my hair...

     Tisha B’Av is coming up (fast day). I’m not fasting and neither is anyone else I know. Oh well. I mean, I can’t fast anyway but I haven’t been keeping kosher. What can ya do I guess. (You could observe halacha (Jewish law) you blasphemous child) At the end of Tisha B’Av, the Nine Weeks will be pretty much over and everyone can go back to doing what they’re doing, so, yeet? Neat. I hate that those rhyme.

     Also, we’ve been writing a rap about Captain Alex! it’s nearly done and we’ll preform it at open mic. I’m gonna sign off now since I wanna read and get to E400 early so I don’t feel flustered and have time to settle in before I read. : ) Have a good one and I’ll write about today tonight, after watching “No Country for Old Men” (hopefully) and washing my goshdarn hair. Byeeee

[csssa-stuff]

[csssa-stuff]

Wed, 7/18/18

     Today was pretty good. It’s 8:23 and I haven’t started on my work but I’m about to! hell yea. Also I got picked for writers’ salon again! It’s a free association piece about failure. I don’t know how to present it (speed, frantics, etc) but I’ll figure it out. We had a guest speaker today, Kristen Tracy. She writes middle grade fiction and gave us some nice practical tips. I started getting this weird headache by the end of the day, but I went to Valencia Marketplace with some friends and it got better. We talked about mental health and shit cuz I’m about that. We got dinner there (I had 2 hard boiled eggs and some questionable sushi). Not much else happened, but we climbed a tree! Cool. Also painted my nails. Now I’m gonna pay attention to Val and Christine. Have a beautiful night, to all 0 people who read this.

[csssa-stuff]

I started semi-wheezing in the CalArts hallway... thanks...