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Are straight white people okay????

What is this?!

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this man is unreal

bonus:

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OFFICIAL LOVE, SIMON (2018) TRAILER

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February 21, 2018

Wow wow wow ok kind of a lot has happened since last time I blogged so... I’ll try and keep it short, sweet and to the point, K? K.

My girlfriend and I broke up (her choice not mine) cause she wanted me to be happy, and I’m actually ok with that. Ummm... My GBFF and I went to go see a pre screening of Love, Simon and it was AMAZING but that’s literally all I’m allowed to tell you until the embargo is lifted later this month. My mom and I had an amazing conversation about how me being gay is just a label and even though she may not support my “choices” 🙄 she’ll always love me - so that’s nice I guess? My anxiety has been getting slowly better, but no matter how hard I try to ignore it, it still feels like literally everyone at school knows I’m gay, even though only like...6?... people know (I think).

So yeah these last few days were pretty aight. Oh yeah! I almost forgot, my aunt invited me to come spend spring break with her in Paris so that’s AWESOME and I’m toooootally stoked, albeit a bit scared to fly 14ish hours by myself.

Anyways, thanks for listening to my rant and ya...Byeeeeeee

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Idk why I just did this

01. Full name: Cole M. Shockey

02. Best friend: Londooooooon

03. Sexuality: Gay 🏳️‍🌈

04. Favorite color: BLUE 💙

05. Relationship status: Single AF

06. Ideal mate: Good looking lmao

07. Turn-ons: Ummmm let’s not go there

08. Favorite food: Fajitas

09. Crushes: Literally anyone named Tyler 💔😅

10. Favorite music: Country & Pop

11. Biggest fear: Unacceptance

12. Biggest fantasy: Rich, Famous, & Gaaaaay

13. Bad habits: Procrasination, Jacking Off (Literally and figuratively), Can’t put my phone down

14. Biggest regret: Everything happens for a reason

15. Best kept secrets: My sexuality - oof

16. Last thought: Why the fuck am I doing thi- - - oh hey this is a good song

17. Worst romantic experience: The last Tyler (#3?)

18. Biggest insecurity: My looks & Weight

19. Weapon of choice: Guns 🔫🔫🔫

20. Role Model: Casey Neistat & my Birthmother

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Positivity for ur Wednesday night

x

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February 17, 2018

Today was an a’ight day. I woke up late and missed my dad’s calls (I was supposed to meet him at the mechanic to get my car fixed) and so he was a lil ticked that he had to come to my Aunt’s house to switch cars with me while I was asleep (I was babysitting). Once I met him there, picked him up, and we arrived home, my mom and I started talking about SVTHSA and she promised me she’d read it because it should help her understand what I’m going through. I told her that I know that this is who I am and that these feeling are not going to change, and she promised to love me no matter what, and told me I didn’t have to change because she loves me for who I am. Of course she had questions and opinions but I squashed those saying I didn’t want to change, that I’m proud of who I am now, and she seemed okay with that. I also told her that I’ve decided to stay with my current girlfriend until the relationship fades out on it’s own. I explained to her that while she may be my last girlfriend ever, I’ve done my grieving and mourning and I understand now that if I truly want to be happy, I have accept myself.

So after all this happened my dad and I went on to go to the DFW Auto Show in Dallas which was AWESOME this year, and made me realize I am going to have a very hard time deciding if I would rather have a Wrangler or a Land Cruiser. (Pic of me in a super lifted Jeep below.) Also, pickups lifted super high make me very uncomfortable and I will never own one.

I think the most challenging part about all this was not admitting to others that I’m gay, but rather admitting to myself that I’m gay. It took me a while to realize that it’s ok to be gay. When I first started having these feelings I thought I could be gay, but marry a woman and have a straight family. Little did I know at the time that’s not what I want at all. I watched Henry Gamble’s Birthday Party last night. A unique indie film, it shows a small peek into the life of an extremely conservative Christian family and their gay son’s birthday party. Didn’t paint us conservatives in the best light, but it made me glad my family isn’t ACTUALLY INSANE like theirs is.

Oh! Almost forgot. My BFFFFFF got us tickets to an early screening of SVTHSA on Tuesday and I’m sooooo excited I can’t WAIT! If the book changed my life this much, I can only wait to see what the movie will do.

Update!!!!: I got my car back from the mechanic, and $600+ later the mysterious rattle is gone!!!!

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So after talking to my bestest friend ever I think I’ve finally decided to stop lying to myself and come out to the world. It seems like the right thing to do. Tomorrow I’m going to tell my amazing birth mother and maybe break up with my girlfriend, but time will tell I guess. Btw Simon Vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda and the song linked above are the only reason I’m in this position now, so thanks a lot writers. You just complicated my life a hell of a lot more.

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My thoughts... read on if you’d like.

So I wasn’t really planning on putting this here or anything, but I feel like I need a place to get out my thoughts. Since most of my friends have no idea this Tumblr exists, this seems like a safe enough place for a journal of sorts.

Anyways, I’ve got a girlfriend. She’s beautiful and amazing and perfect and everything I’ve ever wanted! But there’s one tiny problem... I’m gay. Like reeeeeally gay. People are like “oh are u gay” and I’m like “no I’m bisexual” and I’ve dated tons of girls and shit to try and hide my identity and save my masculinity but every now and then my gayness just bubbles up and I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore, right after it feels like I’ve just figured myself out.

So I’ve tried to tell my parents before that I’m gay or bisexual or whatever the fuck but they’re super religious and all they want to do is pray the gay away. Like it seems like I’m kidding but I’m not. If being a gay was a sin then why did God make me this way???? Anyways I can’t help but wonder if I wasn’t raised in such a republican household if I’d be out by now. I always figured coming out would be easy. Yeah I think the fuck it’s not.

So back to the whole girlfriend thing. I wanna keep her around but like, I can’t just come right up to her and say “oh here’s the thing see I’m gay” like that WOULD NOT blow over well. Should I just wait until college? That seems like a shit idea. Should I come out to the school and start dating boys now? Well, that also seems like a shit idea. Jesus Christ I need a fucking counselor. Or a beer. Or both.

It honestly feels like I’m closing myself out from everyone. Like nobody knows about me except me. People always ask me “are you ok?” Like no I’m not fucking ok I never am but am I gonna tell you about it? Hell no. So I guess if they REALLY wanna know if I’m ok they can just come read this piece of shit that is a blog.

Well those are my crazy disorganized thoughts for tonight. Do with them what you will, just don’t use them to blackmail me or some dumb shit like that.

(Edited)

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customer: hi how are you today

me: 

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Howdy doo I’m Cole and this is my Tumblr. Welcome aboard!