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2020
hello, it has been ages since I login to my tumblr account. now its 2020 dude, i realized that my last post was around 2014. 4 freakin years dayyumnn what im doin dude haha. okay i know what im doin btw :) been busy with my so unfortunate life. no sarcasm detected.
here we go a little bit update about myself, so im gonna hit 26 years button this coming december, getting old and ugly god help me i hate this part. jobless and still survive in this cruel world. world is really tired, 2020 has been so hard to all kind of human being. with this corona virus thing, sure this world need to rest. its august, and half of 2020 wasted just like that.
last year was rough but not too much just like 2014′s roughness. i was having such a bad day for almost a year. been looking for a job but none of them get to be mine, all in my mind was about secure a job but maybe its not my time yet. and im super single for almost 2years. with that condition, i dont think i can commit to any relationships. i lost interest of hopping into relationship. i pushed people away, who wants to help me. the bad part was, i experienced panic attack. that was horrible. the first time i had when i was alone in my room at night, i dont have any idea what was that. i thought im gonna die, because it feels unrealistic. my hand was shaking, sweaty, my heart was beating so fast, i had breathing difficulty and my chest was hurt. i rose up from my bed and sit at the corner of my room hugging my knee. i experienced 3 times panic attack last year. i dont want to go through that condition again, i feel so pathetic. nope.
should i talk about my relationship status hehe? maybe i should because this is the main reason why i feel alive ever again and happy.. maybe its true. we need love to be happy. so this guy is like my dream guy. i knew him back in 2015 when i was in college. my first day of orientation week was the day I saw him. he’s so attractive, i cant keep my eyes off from him. i have crush on him. biggest crush ever. so we shared the same course but different class. in semester 1, along the period, i still have crush on him. i always stole glances at him. my best friends knew about it and they told me to move on because he got his girlfriend by his side. but i cant help myself, he’s so fine. and i think there’s nothing wrong with having crush on someone. it never cross my mind that one day he will be mine. never. i respect his relationship. furthermore during that time, i got someone too. so yeah you know.. so during semester 2, he got to be in my class. so he was my classmate yeay. but he left college before semester ended. he left me with his shadows.. i cried when he left. i know he’s not even mine but he had such a great impact to my life since i knew him even we never have proper conversation together. idk why both of us were very shy towards one another.
so after 5 years, we have our first conversation in facebook. during raya aidilfitri. and it went outta hand, i cant resist him even after 5 years. i still have crush on him. and it goes like that until now.. i just finished my phone call with him just now haha. im truly happy. im happy with him. he gives me chill whenever i heard his voice. it has been ages since i fall this hard for someone. hold on tight there baby, im gonna be there with you. spend our time together.. laugh, fight, cry and lean my ears for you. i love you sayang. my aliff :)
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