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“You’ve built a world, in which, alas, I hardly Could fit, with earth and sky misplaced”

— Igor Kuras, from “While I was sleeping…, translated from the Russian by Andrey Kneller “Ты выдумала мир, в котором я не помещался, спутав землю с небом”

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Thor: Ragnarok (2017) dir. Taika Waititi

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where! has! my! passion! gone! I had it abundantly when I was a child, and I must have dropped it along the way, but I cannot figure where!

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I BET SHE WAS PHIL

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Being the family’s assigned IT person is fun because everyone gets annoyed when you don’t know what to do

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Old street

Bea Rossi on Flickr

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gaining eldritch knowledge is just finding out how to be woke and hp lovecraft was scared of it because he wanted to keep being very racist

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Shiny gold armour. I couldn’t resist with this pallette. She’ll certainly glitter in the sunshine.

Open Adopts on my adopts-dA

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leliana, telling me about the warden again on my 500th inquisition playthrough with the exact same worldstate as always: i have lost enough. i will not lose her as well.

me, through tears: THAT NEVER GETS ANY LESS BEAUTIFUL TO HEAR

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“Sort of princessy way of being rescued by some dude. I never really got into that.”

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Views of the sun from three planets. The Physical Sciences. Revised Edition. 1950. 

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load-bearing

Sometimes people hit a place in their life where things are going really well. They like their job and are able to be productive at it; they have energy after work to pursue the relationships and activities they enjoy; they’re taking good care of themselves and rarely get sick or have flareups of their chronic health problems; stuff is basically working out. Then a small thing about their routine changes and suddenly they’re barely keeping their head above water.

(This happens to me all the time; it’s approximately my dominant experience of working full-time.)

I think one thing that’s going on here is that there are a bunch of small parts of our daily routine which are doing really important work for our wellbeing. Our commute involves a ten-minute walk along the waterfront and the walking and fresh air are great for our wellbeing (or, alternately, our commute involves no walking and this makes it way more frictionless because walking sucks for us). Our water heater is really good and so we can take half-hour hot showers, which are a critical part of our decompression/recovery time. We sit with our back to the wall so we don’t have to worry about looking productive at work as long as the work all gets done. The store down the street is open really late so late runs for groceries are possible. Our roommate is a chef and so the kitchen is always clean and well-stocked.

It’s useful to think of these things as load-bearing. They’re not just nice - they’re part of your mental architecture, they’re part of what you’re using to thrive. And when they change, life can abruptly get much harder or sometimes just collapse on you entirely. And this is usually unexpected, because it’s hard to notice which parts of your environment and routine are load bearing. I often only notice in hindsight. “Oh,” I say to myself after months of fatigue, “having my own private space was load-bearing.” “Oh,” after a scary drop in weight, “being able to keep nutrition shakes next to my bed and drink them in bed was load-bearing.” “Oh,” after a sudden struggle to maintain my work productivity, “a quiet corner with my back to the wall was load-bearing.”

When you know what’s important to you, you can fight for it, or at least be equipped to notice right away if it goes and some of your ability to thrive goes with it. When you don’t, or when you’re thinking of all these things as ‘nice things about my life’ rather than ‘load-bearing bits of my flourishing as a person’, you’re not likely to notice the strain created when they vanish until you’re really, really hurting. 

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Thor: Ragnarok (2017) dir. Taika Waititi

Bonus:

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a gentle reminder that you did well this year. you met new people, learned new things and felt new feelings. you did so many things that made you scared. you picked yourself up off the floor after feeling completely defeated or heartbroken. there were some really tough nights but you survived them all. you made people happy just by existing. you accepted many goodbyes but the serendipitous meetings made up for them. it was your own hard work that paid off but you always downplay it or compare yourself to others. that’s not fair on yourself. you’ve come so far from the first day of this year. you have more wisdom and strength now. yes, other people seem more “successful” but does that even matter? please don’t think so lowly of yourself to only think about your failures. 2018 was your year of growth. I hope you take a moment to be kind to yourself, and believe that 2019 will be even better.

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