cruzerforce4256

[cruzerforce4256]

"THE WAYNE SIBLINGS READ THIRST TWEETS"

requested by anon

summary: the internet is horny for you, your brothers suffer for it.

pairings: platonic! dick grayson, jason todd, tim drake x batsis! reader

A/N: 18+, on account of horny twitter users ;)

You and your brothers are lined up in a semi-circle, Dick, you, Jason then Tim, each of you sporting different expressions as the cameras begin rolling.

You and Dick are cheerful mirrors of each other, while Jason and Tim look like they'd rather be anywhere but here as the four of you settle into place.

"So today we're going to have you reading thirst tweets, but the twist is, they're all about your sister." The producer says from out of frame. Abruptly, your brother's moods swing violently.

"No!" Dick cheers, the blinding smile plastered across his face never even twitching.

Jason's frown has evolved from "mildly disgruntled" to "about to start shooting people."

Tim, meanwhile, appears to have stopped working altogether. "Timmers?" You giggle, waving a hand across his face.

"Ew... I mean, people find you attractive?" He scrunches up his nose, and your face turns murderous.

"RIGHT! Listen here you little - " you lean across Jason to strangle your little brother when a giggle from somewhere on set reminds you where you are, and you paste on a practised grin.

"I can see why Damian wasn't invited now."

"None of us should have been invited, this shouldn't be happening." Tim mumbled with a thousand yard stare.

Relishing in his stress, you quickly pull a piece of paper from the oversized thirst jug, staring directly at Tim as you read. "Bruce Wayne's daughter could smack me across the face with a brick and I’d say ‘thank you, mommy’"

Tim dry heaves, face a little green.

"Damn, now I can never use that in bed again." Jason grumbles, causing Dick to spit out his water as Tim gags once more.

"You're disgusting." He kicks Jason as you hum in consideration.

"I don't know, I think I could get behind it."

"Never speak again, actually." Tim fires back.

"Well, if you liked that, then you'll love this one: Sit on my face, I'll pay you, anything! please, SIT ON MY FACE! SIT ON MY-” Dick, who's only just recovered from his previous near death experience starts choking again, making you hit his back a little harder than strictly necessary.

Jason starts attempting to take the jug off your hands, but you quickly dance out of the way, "Oh look, this one's not even that bad." Your brothers look sceptical, but they don't stop you, "She's so fine, I'd kill a man just to breathe the same air as her."

"What is with people and committing crimes?" Jason seems genuinely concerned. How chronically offline of him.

"I attract a very passionate demographic." You shrug.

"You attract future convicts," Dick mutters in devastation.

A shit eating grin covers your face as you read the next one, having lulled them into a false sense of security.

"Need her to pull on my hair like a leash as she fucks me into next week with the strap." Dick wails, falling sideways off the chair like a fainting Victorian woman.

"Hmm, you want the pink or the green one, baby?" you smile seductively at the camera.

"That's it! You're done, you're done!" Jason lunges for you at the same time as Dick, your older brother getting the jug whilst you're hauled over Jason's shoulder.

You shriek, but you refused to be deterred, unfolding one of the papers you'd managed to grab before Dick attempted to thwart your fun. "Not to be dramatic, but if Jason’s sister looked me in the eye and said ‘kneel’, I’d hit the floor so fast I’d break my - hey."

Tim pulls the paper from your hands, staring at it like it killed his puppy. "Why are you encouraging this?" Tim gestures accusingly at the Buzzfeed staff members laughing behind the cameras, before he does a double take at the twitter handle.

"Wait... This is from Roy's Twitter account!" Tim yells, whirling on Jason like he's personally responsible for all of his grievances.

"There's one here from Conner too," You clear your throat, holding the paper far above Tim's head with your superior height courtesy of Jason's unwilling help, "I’d treat you right. You ever want someone to make you cum till you forget your own name, hit me up babe."

Your brothers scream, and you’re having so much fun that you only mildly worry about Conner’s safety in the near future.

(You wonder if you’ll have time to take him up on his offer before his inevitable funeral.)

The video ends with a message flashing across the screen: "Several of the tweets submitted came from Wally West's Twitter account. Some were deemed too explicit to share."

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Bruce, actually being genuine and concerned: why are you still single

Jason, offended: i know you did not just say that

Jason: you? of all people?

Jason: being gotham’s most eligible bachelor for 30 years straight isn’t a compliment

Jason: the public only votes for you ‘cause they have daddy issues and they like silver foxes

Jason: but youre not even a silver fox anymore, youre an arctic fox

Jason: no ones’s lining up for your wrinkly ass

Jason: god forbid they find out youre a furry too like damn

Bruce:

-

-

Talia al Ghul, watching them from the window, covered in blood after taking over the LOA so that she, Bruce, and Damian can ride off to the sunset together:

Selina Kyle, next to her, holding Grace Kelly's $38.8 million Cartier ring as an engagement ring to Bruce:

Harvey Dent, in therapy for Bruce:

Superman, rearranging the stars to make a Batman/Bruce constellation:

Wonder Woman, picking out wedding dresses (for Bruce):

Hal Jordan:

Hal Jordan: what

Hal Jordan: im not in love with mr dark and brooding

Hal Jordan:

Hal Jordan, screeching at the other Green Lanterns to stay away from Gotham because Bruce didnt want anyone messing with it:

Ra’s and Joker, dead, still pining, but mostly dead:

[cruzerforce4256]

*50 year old Dick Grayson time travels to the past*

Jason, looks him up and down: gol-LY what happened to you

Dick: *rolls his eyes*

Future Dick, absolutely delighted: oh my god little LITTLE wing

Tim, fiddling with Future Dick’s equipment, stars in his eyes: this is genius! why haven’t we thought of this before i need to-

Damian: richard. you have not aged well.

Jason, throwing his head back, wheezing: im pissing myself. holy shit im gonna piss myself

Dick: *rolls his eyes harder*

Cass, signing: ‘don’t listen to them, you look good’

Future Dick, hugging her: this is why you’re my favorite

Cass: 😇

Cass, discreetly signing behind her back: ‘he is going bald’

Jason, on the floor, clutching his stomach, crying: im dying. death by laughter. here laughs jason todd-wayne

Dick: that’s. it.

Dick, inhaling:

Dick, screeching: DAAAAD!!!

*heavy footsteps*

*a crash*

*vase breaks*

*alfred shouts*

Bruce, running in the room, panicked: what happened?

Dick, huffing: they’re bullyi-!

Future Dick, quietly: …dad?

Bruce, blinking: dick?

Future Dick, tearing up: dad!

Bruce, utterly baffled: dick???

Future Dick crashes into Bruce, desperately clinging to him. Dick’s heart sinks to the pit of his stomach.

Damian, fearfully, instantly understanding what the reaction meant: richard, get up. stop bothering baba.

Future Dick, clinging harder: dad…tati…

Jason, all amusement gone: stop playing around, dickhead.

Tim, teary-eyed: it’s not true…

Cass, shaking her head: no. no!

Bruce, slowly realizing what was happening, hugs Future Dick back: oh, sweetheart

Future Dick, sniffling: …dn’t you…

Bruce, rubbing his back while smiling reassuringly at his mourning children: im sorry baby, what was that?

Future Dick, lifting his head, sobbing: WHY DIDN’T YOU LET ME BUY MY OWN CIRCUS?!?!

Bruce:

Dick:

Jason:

Tim:

Cass:

Damian:

Future Dick, wailing, shaking Bruce: you’re rich! i’m rich! timmy’s richer! do you just nOT LOVE ME

Jason, hiccuping: im going to kill him

Damian, wiping his tears: i shall do it first.

Cass, eyes red: bald-head deserves death

Dick, about to commit suicide:

Tim, under Bruce’s arms, kicking a weeping Future Dick away:

Bruce, so done: death is my mercy

Batkids, as one: NO!

[cruzerforce4256]

HAHAHAHAHHA

i hand batman a baby. batman takes the baby. bruce wayne adopts the baby. the baby is introduced to the family. the family is not impressed.

-

Bruce, cooing over his new baby: aw, good evening honey, did you have a nice nap? of course you did, daddy was here the whole time! *proceeds to kiss the baby’s cheek multiple times*

Damian, beside them: *actively bleeding*

Tim: do you feel it now

Tim: do you feel your significance slowly dwindling

Tim: you are a middle child now damian

Tim: do you understand your fate. a middle child, damian. a middle child.

Damian:

Damian, unsheathing his sword: not for long

Before the baby’s Arrival…

Jason, admiring a motorcycle:

Bruce: *buys five*

Jason, glances at a shirt:

Bruce: *buys every color*

Jason: *stomach growls*

Bruce: *books the most expensive restaurant*

After the baby’s Arrival…

Jason: b

Bruce, attentively listening to the baby’s babbling, not even turning his head: hm?

Jason: can i buy this

Bruce, imitating airplanes to feed the baby: sure *tosses card*

Jason:

Jason: im hungry

Bruce, playing peek-a-boo: alfred. kitchen.

Jason:

Jason: *pretends to faint*

Bruce, moves baby away to safey, not sparing him a glance: yes sweetie that’s your brother jay. can you say it? say j-a-y

Baby, giggling, slapping jason’s face: da!

Bruce, gushing in excitement, picking the baby up: da?! did you say dad?! im right here baby! dad’s here!!

Jason:

Jason, still laying on the floor:

Jason, curling up:

Tim, walking by: middle child…the curse of the middle child…

Baby:

Dick: BABY :DD!!

Baby, with Bruce:

Dick: baby :D!

Baby, with Bruce, whose time and attention is now solely dedicated to the baby:

Dick: baby :)

Baby, with Bruce, whose time and attention is now solely dedicated to the baby, which means he no longer pays attention to his first child:

Dick: baby :(

Baby, with Bruce, whose time and attention is now solely dedicated to the baby, which means he no longer pays attention to his first child who just wants to spend time with his dad again because he misses him so much:

Dick: BABY >:[

Cass:

Baby:

Cass:

Baby:

Baby: *cries*

Cass: *narrows eyes*

Baby: *cries louder*

Cass: *hears bruce’s footsteps*

Cass, eyes narrowing again: smart baby

Baby: *stops crying* *smiles* *starts crying again*

Cass: you think dad will pick you?

Cass: *also starts crying*

Bruce, banging the door open, doesnt even notice Cass: BABY

Baby, sniffling, already being rocked in Bruce’s arms:

Baby, making eye contact with Cass:

Cass:

Cass: *starts crying for real*

Jim:

Barbara, glaring at her phone:

Jim:

Jim: haven’t seen bruce around these days…

Barbara: *glares at phone even harder*

Jim: must be busy with his new baby

Barbara: *types furiously while still glaring*

Jim: who knows how long ‘til he visits again

Barbara: *tosses phone out the window and leaves the room*

Duke, leaning against Bruce while playing a game:

Baby, on Bruce’s chest:

Baby: *slaps Duke’s game away*

Duke:

Duke, pursing his lips: *picks game back up* *leans against bruce again*

Baby:

Baby: *slaps Duke’s game away*

Duke: IS IT ‘CAUSE IM BLACK

Spoiler, tapping her foot impatiently: ugh where is he

Batman, gliding in:

Spoiler: finally! you’re la— IS THAT THE BABY.

Batman, baby strapped to his chest, wearing their own domino mask: …hm.

Spoiler: why. did you bring the baby.

Spoiler: it’s our hang-out day

Spoiler: me and you fighting crime and sitting on rooftops eating bat burgers

Batman, cowl ears drooping: …but the baby…

Spoiler, tears in her eyes: just admit you dont love us anymore!

Spoiler: *runs off*

Batman, in shock:

Spoiler, getting in the batmobile parked nearby: how was that

Red Robin, handing her money: perfect

Robin: tt this had better work

Oracle, watching Batman pace around guiltily through a camera: it will.

Orphan and Red Hood, huddled at the back, both mumbling: he ignored us…his favorites…he ignored…

Nightwing, also mumbling: replaced again…how many more times…

Signal: *snoring*

[cruzerforce4256]

this once again proving that gojo wasn't just fighting sukuna. gojo was fighting gege himself

i can't have shit in jjk

[cruzerforce4256]

Yeah, Ody... About that...

Odysseus and Poseidon's designs are from Neal-illustrator

There Is a third panel on my Bsky, nothing really spicy but it's quite esplicit.

How do you think things are gonna go? 👀

[cruzerforce4256]

😭😭😭

Zeus has finally met his match

Another Au, another Ganymede. And this one is quite unhinged. I feel you Gany.

so no clouds here, eheh

well, who knows

[cruzerforce4256]

Reminder that Damian doesn't hate Tim. He wants his approval

[cruzerforce4256]

we don’t talk about eurylochus’s deep rooted mistrust of gods enough. and how he might feel about athena when he first meets her. would be very funny like a cat immediately gravitating towards someone who HATES cats because they think they’re respecting their boundaries.

athena’s like “ahhh odysseus’s friend is so nice, nothing like him. quiet and well-mannered what a nice boy. total breath of fresh air” meanwhile eurylochus might projectile vomit from anxiety

[cruzerforce4256]

🥰🥰

Brainrot of these two bc theyve taken over my brain 🫶

[cruzerforce4256]

The concept of Jason Todd, who makes so many good friends around Crime Alley, so they eventually start asking him to help them out in their small businesses or take their shifts are so funny to me, because imagine the sheer confusion of randomly catching him, standing in the midst of Crime Alley in a stupid bright red-yellow uniform behind the street vendor cart, screaming "Hot dogs! Fresh out of oven!"—

Tim, during the patrol, landing to grab a food: Hi, can I have—

Jason, pale: ...

Tim: You said you are out to help a friend

Jason, through gritted teeth: Yes. I am.

Tim, trying not to choke on his laughter: Well. Uh. Ahahah, SORRY, THIS IS HILARIOUS

Jason, irritated: Of course you would find it hilarious, rich boy

Next week, in the early morning, Bruce pauses before ending his patrol to help some teacher with a line of kindergarten kids to cross the busy road, and it is only when they are in the middle of the street that Bruce realises that the teacher is... his son?!

Batman: J— Lad?

Jason, holding the colourful rope that all kids hold on to, so they all would follow him, as ducks, in the bucket hat and with a name tag hanging on his neck: ...I cannot curse when I work with kids, I cannot—

Batman: ...What are you doing here?

Jason: Can you please, PLEASE, kindly f... fridge off my way, sir?

Batman: ...

Kids, in awe: Nanny Jay is so cool. He is not even afraid of big Bat!

Jason, in the verge of tears: Just go.

Batman: Have a nice, uh, day?

Batman, minutes later: O? Had you made screenshots of this encounter? I need to put it in the frame. He looked so cute.

[cruzerforce4256]

† unacceptable : damian.

⋆˙⟡ "You are not a hero," he says, voice lower, rougher. "You do not have a suit. You do not have armor.

⋆˙⟡ request: Can I request a frustrated Damian patching up reader, please? 👀 reader isn't a hero! Just wrong place at the wrong time. ↦ kalico note: welcome to deadrobinthoughts --- a damian page, atp.

the cut isn’t deep, but it bleeds. too much. the fabric of your shirt is torn, darkened with the warmth of it, and damian hates it. hates the way it seeps between his fingers, hates the way it stains your skin, hates the fact that it’s there at all.

because this should not have happened.

"sit." his voice is sharp, clipped, thinner than usual. damian is furious at the world. at fate, at chance, at whatever cruel god decided that you, you, should have been standing there when the chaos spilled over, when things went wrong.

you don’t argue, don’t push back. maybe because you can tell that, right now, he wouldn’t tolerate it. you ease onto the chair he pulled out for you, hands gripping the edge of it, body wound too tight.

he crouches in front of you, ripping open the first - aid kit with more force than necessary. he doesn’t speak at first, just works - swift, efficient, deliberate. his gloved fingers press around the wound, checking the depth, and his jaw locks, his throat moving around the words he doesn’t want to say.

he knows pain. knows it intimately. it’s nothing new to him - injuries, blood, patching himself up in some dimly lit corner of gotham before anyone can notice. but this? this is different. because it isn’t his pain. it’s yours.

he exhales sharply through his nose. unacceptable.

"damian-"

"do not." the words are immediate, pointed, rough. he doesn’t want to hear it - doesn’t want your reassurances, doesn’t want you telling him it’s fine, that you’re okay, that it’s not as bad as it looks.

because that isn’t the point.

he presses a gauze pad to your side, just a little too firm, and you suck in a breath, gripping the chair tighter. he doesn’t apologize. he doesn’t soften. he should; he knows he should.

but he can’t.

not when his pulse is still hammering from the moment he saw you. not when he still sees the image of you standing there, frozen, seconds from something worse.

"it’s not like i went looking for trouble-"

"you don’t have to," he interrupts, grabbing the bandages with a little too much force. "trouble finds you."

there it is. that edge of anger. not at you, not exactly - but at the situation. at the idea that you, someone who isn’t trained for this, who isn’t meant for this life, who is supposed to be safe, ended up bleeding in his hands.

you study his expression - the tight set of his jaw, the focused determination in his eyes, the way his hands move without hesitation but not without care.

he’s pissed.

"you are not a hero," he says, voice lower, rougher. "you do not have a suit. you do not have armor. you have-" he exhales sharply through his nose, shaking his head. "you have nothing that keeps you safe. and that is unacceptable."

you blink, the weight of his words settling heavy between you.

because this isn’t just a scolding. it isn’t just anger, or frustration, or another lecture about staying out of danger.

this is fear.

raw, unfiltered, still simmering beneath the surface of his control.

"you could have died." his voice is quieter now, but not softer. he does not allow softness. not when it comes to you.

because softness means fragility. softness means something that can be broken.

and damian refuses - refuses - to let the world break you.

you don’t say anything for a long moment, just watching him, letting him breathe, letting him be.

your hand moves. carefully, lightly, you press your fingers against his wrist, over the steady drum of his pulse.

and only then - only when he feels the warmth of your touch grounding him, tethering him to something real - does he let himself breathe again.

[cruzerforce4256]

How fandom portrays Tim's first months as Robin:

Tim: Batman, it's time for your anti-depressants.

Bruce: *grumbles*

Tim: Speak louder.

Bruce: Go away Jason.

Tim: It's Tim, actually.

Bruce: GO AWAY.

How it actually was in the Batman comics:

Tim: How did my report card got on your fridge?

Bruce: I took a look at your grades, and they were great, why? Except for chemistry. Maybe you should not go out as Robin to focus on school.

Tim: Not happening. I'm not falling for that.

Bruce: Well, if you are really going to do this, we should add bubble wrap to the suit.

Tim: I'm not made of glass.

Bruce: Are you sure about that? By the way, do you eat enough? ALFRED, can you cook something for Tim? He needs some food.

Tim: I'm fine Bruce!

Bruce: Are you sure? Do you want a hug? If you want a hug, you can ask. I can have Alfred make some hot chocolate.

Tim: You realize I have parents, rights?

Bruce: I don't see them in this room.

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Duke: I have a stalker

Tim: It's okay.

Duke: How is that okay?

Tim: Don't worry, I've been stalking them for months.

Duke:....

Duke: You've been stalking my stalker?

Tim: Yup, and to be honest, they're nothing special. You can do better.

Duke:...

Duke: Jason, he's doing it again!

Jason: Oh for the love of--- he just got out of rehab!

[cruzerforce4256]

Television is ✨TRAUMATIZED✨

This is part 4 of the suitors "anime Beach episode" they're just doing sports naked in the royal courtyard (or smth)

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - part 5

[cruzerforce4256]

Jason: batman’s such a control freak!

Roy: yeah he is, isn’t he

Jason: what the fuck did you just say

Roy:

-

Red Hood: *punches batman*

Goon: *punches batman*

Red Hood: *shoots Goon*

-

Bruce: jay can you—

Jason: 🖕

Bruce:

Bruce: tim can—

Jason: do i mean NOTHING to you

-

In the Watchtower

Superman: thank you for coming to um, to today’s. um. to…hm.

Red Hood, covered in blood:

Batman:

Red Hood:

Red Hood: b i threw up

Green Lantern: that is NOT puke

-

Green Lantern: so who was that psycho yesterday

Batman: my son

Nightwing: my brother

Wonder Woman: my nephew

Red Hood: Wonder Woman’s nephew

Batman:

-

Billy Batson, took the wrong train and ended up in Gotham, immediately getting mugged:

Batman:

Billy: oh shit he knows im captain marvel he’s gonna kill me

Batman:

Batman: orphan?

Billy:

Billy: …yes

the next day

Captain Marvel: hi dad

Batman: 😐🙂

Red Hood, biting his nails, eyes green, shaking:

-

anyway protective jason who is the only one allowed to hate bruce>>>

[cruzerforce4256]

I can't---- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

YALL LOOK WHAT I MADE. I RECREATED THE MEME AND I CANT STOP LAUGHING 😭😭

reference below: