crowboybites - Tumblr blog

[crowboybites]

"why are people suddenly saying kink isn't always sexual" hello! you seem to have picked up on something that is actually de facto considered true in IRL kink scenes and often trotted out as one of the basic foundational truths of kink in educational contexts (i.e. beginners' workshops, it'll be in guides for first-timers at dungeons, etc). come take my hand and let me introduce you to the vast and wonderful world of IRL kink.

"kink," contrary to what a lot of internet-only kinksters seem to think, is not referencing your relationship to a concept--it's referencing the concept itself. for example, "bondage" in this context is not referring to "being turned on by tying someone up/being tied up," it's referring to the concept of being tied up/tying someone up itself. this is one of the most common kinks you'll see people playing with in entirely nonsexual contexts--most rope groups have at least a handful of players who are asexual or entirely sex-repulsed, for example. at a lot of rope play sessions, sexual activity will be banned entirely & you'll generally be expected to not show signs of sexual arousal while in that space. because it's not the space for that--sexual play parties are their own thing.

so what makes something a kink vs. a "normal" interest, if it's not a sexual aspect? mostly social stigma. the group of interests considered "kinks" have developed a shared umbrella due to a shared societal pathologization of those interests in similar ways, and one of the ways that pathology manifests is by considering those interests fundamentally sexual. there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a sexual dimension to your kink, to be clear--but society sees sex as inherently disgusting, and sexualization is frequently weaponized to pathologize all kinds of people.

portraying interest in domination/submission as inherently sexual, for example, means those explicitly navigating consensual d/s play are relegated to the realm of "the bedroom" and signifiers of their relationship (i.e. a collar) are considered "obscene" and not fit to exist in public--even when equivalent signifiers of vanilla lifestyles are allowed and not considered obscene, i.e. a wedding ring. if you portray an interest in roleplaying as a dog as inherently sexual, it means anyone roleplaying as a dog in public is subjecting the public to nasty, perverted sex, it can be classified as obscene, you can arrest people for barking and wearing leashes even if they are deriving zero sexual pleasure from it whatsoever and are not exposing themselves or harassing anyone.

why are most kinks expressed sexually to some degree, or have a sexual dimension to them? because sexually active adults tend to enjoy sex. i don't know how else to explain this, genuinely. if you are a person who experiences sexual arousal and sexual attraction, then you will often be aroused by your interests in a sexual context.

like, i am really into fandom. i love a lot of different things about fandom. one of the things i love about fandom is that it's horny; i'm a big enthusiast of smut, horny cosplay, et cetera and so on. but that doesn't mean that i don't like fandom in completely non-horny contexts, or that my interest in fandom is always sexual and can never be separated from sex. just because i cosplay erotically doesn't mean that i don't also cosplay in other contexts entirely. cosplay turns me on, and i also love cosplaying at conventions and for entirely non-horny reasons.

kink is the same. sometimes the exact same person is both turned on by petplay and interested in it nonsexually. this is actually like... really common, it's not even just "sometimes," i would say it applies to the vast majority of IRL kinksters active in my local scene, and i would hazard a guess that this isn't a major outlier, it's fairly common in scenes across the world. but if you can understand "i like cosplaying, and sometimes i'll cosplay at a convention, and sometimes i'll cosplay for sex, and sometimes i'll cosplay for fun alone in my room, and sometimes i'll cosplay to jack off, and sometimes i'll cosplay for money, and none of these are The Only Reason I Like Cosplay, and sometimes when i cosplay i will do it in a way that only includes some of these reasons and not the others at all," it shouldn't be too hard to apply the same reasoning to kink.

anyway, trying to relegate "kink" to only and solely refer to "this set of stigmatized interests and relationship dynamics, but only in reference to sex specifically" is closing the barn door after the horses are gone. sorry y'all but the kink community developed in response to medical pathologization and severe social stigma. there's no post-hoc way to turn it into an ontological classification of some form--kink is messy and abstract as a category because it isn't a category based in, like, scientific observation or ontological meanings of words. it's a category based in "we think these people are freaks and we need a diagnosis for their freakishness" lol. the forcible sexualization of every aspect of kink is part of the initial classification of this loose social realm as "fetish" and/or "paraphilia." sex is not evil or scary or bad but equally the structures doing the pathologization do consider sex to be evil and that's not something you can just ignore when discussing how sex is utilized rhetorically in these discussions.

[crowboybites]

can i stress the importance of boundary setting? of being able to say no? if you want to be able to play with this shit, or really engage sexually at all, you need to be able to look someone in the eye and say “i don’t want this.”

[crowboybites]

Pretty things deserve to sit on my fingers looking so fine while I massage inside them until they spasm on my fingers and whimper and moan as loud as they want, or more importantly, as much as I want.

[crowboybites]

got a reply to one of my posts saying i’m not a boy. you’re absolutely right, i’m a good boy :)

[crowboybites]

Sometimes I think oh I could totally brat but then I remember that I fold like a cheap tent at the slightest hint of possibly being praised

[crowboybites]

my blog is for sluts, autistic people, boykissers, and ppl who r silly

[crowboybites]

i just wanna lay there and look pretty while you use me

[crowboybites]

There’s something about being the godly entity a boy needs to become a man. Just this pathetic and incomplete excuse for a man. A tboy that’s pre-t and only his God can help him. There’s a beauty in being the only thing he can rely on. But I will be reliable, I will take this boy. I will take him, I will mould him into the perfect image of masculinity and I will make him mine. My loyal servant, ready to please his God at the drop of a hat. Become his new religion just because I ask.

[crowboybites]

You ever be horny but not entirely in the "I wanna be fucked" way

Just sort of in the "I really just want attention and to be able to be a dumb dog for a little bit cause life is a little too much right now' kinda way?

Like I just wanna be gagged and muzzled cause puppies don't talk

Want my hands cuffed behind my back while you pet me and praise me and caress me and say nice things about me so I don't have to think for a while

That actually could fix me for a little bit at least

[crowboybites]

literally just need someone to tease me abt how slutty im being and tell me how to undress and how to touch and an d and :(((

[crowboybites]

need someone to guide me and talk me through as i grind and ride on my pillow tbh…. grip my hair and pull my head back and tell me what a good job im doing as i rock my hips back n forth,,, tell me what to do n how fast/hard to go,,,, pleaseeeeeee,,,,,,😵‍💫

[crowboybites]

I want to be DESIRED. Is that too much to ask 😭

[crowboybites]

[crowboybites]

I need to be spanked. I need to be pulled over someone's knee to be taught a lesson. Start off by pulling down my pants and boxers so that you can spank my ass until it's bright red. Watch as I begin to drip, just as I start to cry. Despite my crying and begging for my spanking to be over; that i learned my lesson; i promise to be a good pup; my cunt is soaked wet from a spanking. Let your hand slowly trail down onto my cunt as you spank me. Tsk at me as your hands get covered in my wet cunt juice. Shove them into my mouth and force me to suck on them to clean them off. Remind me that i needed this you are only doing this to me because I need to learn a lesson. Use your hands to pull back my tdicks hood to allow yourself to spank it directly. I begin to whimper louder begging for my punishment to be over. You slow down and move your hand back up to my ass. By now I'm a sobbing mess barely able to say anything. Pull me up onto your lap and hold me. Kiss up my neck and my wipe away my tears. I needed punishment and I also need a master that will give me one with the love of wanting me to learn my place and a lesson. 

[crowboybites]

reblog if you’re a transmasc who needs cervix kisses from a transfem

[crowboybites]

Y'all, I'm begging you not to be weird if someone turns you down or says no to pics/sexting/literally anything, even nonsexual things.

It's so uncomfortable when I'm like "no thanks :)" and then I have to spend 15 mins soothing you. Like it's okay if you didn't realize that was a boundry—now you know. It's okay if you misread signals—it happens. Just say "no problem, thanks for letting me know," and move tf on. Deal with that embarrassment in private. It's happened to everyone, and it sucks, I get it. Also, you need to deal with it without making it my continued concern.

[crowboybites]

*hits your cock with a comically large hammer*

*looney tunes sound effect*

YEEEEEOOOWWWCH!!!