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heydenmonroe:

Sounds like you’re breaking some fourth wall or something, honestly. I’ve had a few people stop me and tell me I look like that guy that plays Pennywise, I think that’s just a hint that I gotta get into the fame scene and deal with it. 

I definitely am. I’m like Deadpool. But hotter. Hotter after the accident. I’m full of myself but not full enough to say I’m hotter than Ryan Reynolds. Huh. You kinda do.  Means you’e got to be dealing with those clown fuckers too. But it means you’re kinda hot, too. But you’re stuck with the weird fanbase either way, might as well make bank for it.

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heydenmonroe:

Not much of a pro-tip if I already know this, wouldn’t you say? Even better when you’re kinda fucked under some other influences, too. I probably should, I could get famous and get more money being a vlogger than I probably could being an RN.

A pro-tip is a pro-tip is a pro-tip. Leave me be, I’m trying to share my wisdom. Just so happens that while i’m smashed my wisdom is about being smashed. That is a smart addition though, I gotta try that out soon. I haven’t had high sex in forever. Definitely could, if you can get past the weird stalker kid fanbase.

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heydenmonroe:

Oh, that guy. I can’t take that song seriously without thinking of Shrek.

Ha, I forgot about Shrek. I was watching Guardians of the Galaxy, y’know the one where andy dwyer got real hot and the blue chick from avatar is green? God, I’d do half that cast. But the soundtrack is catchy. So now I’m dancing to a song about two assholes cheating on each other through the newspaper of all things.

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heydenmonroe:

Who the fuck is Jimmy Buffet?

Y’know. ‘If you like Pina Coladaas.. and getting caught in the raain. If you’re not into yo-ga, if you have half a brain’ Jimmy Buffet. Bob Marley for white people.

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The Pina Colada song is so fucked up if you think about it. Jimmy Buffet wrote the catchiest song about two huge assholes. What tf. The fuck. Someone hit up Buffet and get me an explanation. 

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“Calm down, it’s a strawberry. Don’t be the kind of person who moans at a strawberry.”

“Is that a chocolate covered strawberry?” he took the dessert and bit into it with little to no hesitation, letting out a noise of delight. “God I love Halloween.” he sighed out.

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@rhysiscup: It's almost 8 in the morning and what am I doing? Watching fucking Halloween and #chocolatewasted

@hardlycara: sounds like most of my mornings tbh

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@heymonroe: UCLA isn't that bad, at least here there aren't people that are 25 and settled with kids.

@hardlycara: The people you know aren't 25 and settled with kids.

@hardlycara: And the school wasn't that bad, I'll give you that.

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@heymonroe: Sounds like a fucking nightmare to me.

@heymonroe: And who acts old at fucking 25? That's supposed to be your prime, right?

@hardlycara: definitely is but at least i'm not at UCLA anymore

@hardlycara: right? But no, they're all gross and settled down and half of them have fucking kids

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@heymonroe: Kinda figured with it being a gay school there'd be lots of parties since they tend to be into that.

@hardlycara: wouldn't you think? To be fair all the gay men I've met are acting all old and gross at like 25, coupled off and no fun

@hardlycara: just a lot of bored bisexuals left

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@heymonroe: Not doing too good of a job avoiding them if you show up to one of their parties. Js.

@hardlycara: It was not my idea. I was party hopping. Since nothing fucking happens at Lakewood

@hardlycara: Makes me fucking regret transferring there

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@heymonroe: They aren't that bad. You just tried too hard with the wrong people.

@hardlycara: I didn't have the chance to try with the right people, this ass kept cornering me at the party

@hardlycara: Plus I avoid that student body for a reason

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@hardlycara: nobody good has ever been at a UCLA frat halloweeen party. myself included

@hardlycara: if a hot girl in lingerie tells you she's a mouse,duh, just shut up and makeout with her

@hardlycara: i don't leave parties alone, but I said fuckity bye to that one

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dustinmontgomery:

I mean I guess you have a point, I wouldn’t know since I never went so. But even so, someone else might report it anyway, pretty certain you didn’t have the only half raw one there. That’s really fucking gross though, and makes me queasy just fucking thinking about it. Good luck with eating for the rest of the time you’re there without wanting to die.

Not missing out on a whole lot, let me tell you that. Except maybe debt, but if you’re smart enough or athletic enough you can get out of that one.  That’s probably true, no way they just managed to fuck my one piece of chicken. Well that’s already a lost cause, I’m just gonna survive on shit I know they can’t poison me with until I can get an apartment again. Or maybe fucking out of Southern California. 

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You like it when I pretend to be someone else, don’t you?

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b-eckett:

Yeah, having your own place where you have control over what you eat is so much better. Although, my first year of living alone, I literally lived off of ramen and toast.

Oh trust me,I know.  year before last I had an apartment with my ex, actually getting to cook was  one of the best things about it.  Ramen and toast was exactly my freshman diet, if you add in shots of..whatever really, can’t really knock you there. You didn’t die, so it was probably fine.