credulousmooncake

[credulousmooncake]

-Clarice Lispector

[credulousmooncake]

i'm the girl of your dreams,

i'm a mirror, all versions of you that you desire to be,

and if you don't say you love me yet,

you will, if you delay it, give it time,

it's over for you once I'll have you figured out,

and reflect it back to you,

in the way you'd say i'm different, i'm a breeze,

when in reality you'd just be in love with yourself,

a you that you couldn't be.

~

(April 19, 2023)

[credulousmooncake]

Once we start loving ourselves, people no longer seem good to us unless they are actually good for us.

[credulousmooncake]

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Distance means so little when someone means so much.

Unknown

[credulousmooncake]

as i come back to the place of demise,

i crumble my body in here,

'do you have monsters under your bed?

can i fight them for you?'

the light of hope, lit yet burning out,

'i do not fear those monsters

can you save me from the monster inside my head?'

~

how can you let down your guards so easy?

didn't you know where you are?

it's inescapable, it's a cage of slow denial,

it's inside you, where you can never let yourself desire,

it's vague and fatal, worsens in times dire,

it's inextinguishable fire, it's the end of the wire,

it's your head, all who so admire.

~

(July 3rd, 2024)

[credulousmooncake]

All there is to me or what there is in me

Has a big chunk of you

Somedays i tell myself

when am i gonna stop being this hopeless romantic all by myself

Ill sing you a song like i always do I will always do

[credulousmooncake]

Lately I’ve been thinking about who I want to love, and how I want to love, and why I want to love the way I want to love, and what I need to learn to love that way, and who I need to become to become the kind of love I want to be…and when I break it all down, when I whittle it into a single breath, it essentially comes out like this: Before I die, I want to be somebody’s favorite hiding place, the place they can put everything they know they need to survive, every secret, every solitude, every nervous prayer, and be absolutely certain I will keep it safe. I will keep it safe.

Andrea Gibson

[credulousmooncake]

he's not the kind of person who'd just 'change his mind' one day, he's not the kind who'll find someone better while keeping me on the side, he's not the kind who'll let me be alone in my struggles, he's not the kind to make me question if I'm worthy of love, he's not the kind to leave me behind.

he's the kind to let me talk about anything and everything, he's the kind to hold me softly and whisper to me calmly when everything seems to crumble apart, he's the kind to let me experience everything to an intensity unfathomable, he's the kind to be my happier part of everything. he's the kind to treasure, to keep. he's not a passerby, he's familiar and real and i want this forever.

[credulousmooncake]

The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.

Marcus Aurelius

[credulousmooncake]

dark skies come again, welcoming me abode. they say "we'd like you to come back up, you've had enough. we'll make sure your cloud will be the softest one here." i look at them with heavy tears in my eyes and shake my head "I don't remember. why do you think I've been there before?" they smile with pity in their voice "it's your home." i look up in disbelief as the world turns grey and my eyes go dry. "no it's not" i scream. i hear a thunder and it starts pouring. i run to nowhere going around street to street, all soul-less grey as the sky. i get to a field and lie down. i smudge my teary eyes and see streaks of gold in my hand. "oh, i get it now" as i look around the grey scenery for the last time on this land. "hey, im ready now. take me home." i hear a thunder as the grey turns to black, i smile. "afterall, they couldn't keep me" they're confused "who do you mean?" this is why i must've forgotten this place. i hated it once i was with them. it was easy to get lost in momentary bliss. the one dark cloud surrounded me as they promised, the softest one up here. it asked me "is it empty down there?" i reply "they left, i remember now." the cloud got softer. "but who are they?" i say in a low voice "the people who didn't let me back up here, who filled my eyes with gold."

[credulousmooncake]

atleast i have this space ig

[credulousmooncake]

"You ask yourself: where are your dreams now? And you shake your head and say how swiftly the years fly by! And ask yourself again: what have you done with your best years, then? Where have you buried the best days of your life? Have you lived or not? Look, you tell yourself, look how cold the world is becoming. The years will pass and after them will come grim loneliness, and old age, quaking on its stick, and after them misery and despair. Your fantasy world will grow pale, your dreams will fade and die, falling away like the yellow leaves from the trees . . ."

— Fyodor Dostoevsky, from White Nights

[credulousmooncake]

White nights/Fyodor Dostoevsky.

[credulousmooncake]

main character energy, but from a dostoevsky novel.

[credulousmooncake]

White Nights, Fyodor Dostoevsky

[credulousmooncake]

far into the depths of the unknown,

i'm alone,

oh i'm so alone.