crayfishcoffee

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suck, and i cannot stress this enough, my cock to the fucking base

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why is this mangione official court sketch kind of giving tumblr fandom check my carrd before interacting

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Hey, in case I don’t remember to tell you tomorrow… You’ve always meant the world to me, Benzo.

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You are the Dark Queen—the most powerful being of your entire universe. Your lair is breached by an aspiring hero—a pitiful thing, easily crushed.

Except they keep coming back.

PLAY ON ITCH.IO

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Phasmid eggs | Levon Biss

these are actual eggs of the stick insect family

[crayfishcoffee]

My conduct this year landed me on Santa Claus's fabled and controversial "Kill-at-all-Costs" List. Turns out the reason the big man and his people don't exercise that option more often is that they really aren't good at following through on it. Well outside their core competency. He's delegated to the elves, and they've got this ingrained assembly-line mindset that doesn't translate at all to the adaptable and fluid mindset needed for siege breaking. They just haven't adjusted their playbook at all from when they're doing rote deliveries. Armed Elves have been rappelling down my chimney one at a time into the roaring fire I've kept going nonstop for the last week. They haven't even thought to try my front door yet. Whole house smells like peppermint, which it turns out is what burnt elf meat smells like. Thought I was being super clever putting cyanide-laced almond milk out with the cookies as a last line of defense, but none of them have made it even the scant few feet to the side table where that's sitting. At the rate things are going the real danger is that I'm gonna forget what I did with that and accidentally drink it myself while I'm watching the show

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just saw in some stupid medical drama someone burst into the hospital with an injured person over their shoulder and they said "is anyone here a doctor????" . that's so fucking dumb. thats like going into a rock climbing gym and saying "does anyone wanna start a podcast????" like thats the only people who go there dipshit

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He needs a napkin

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I will NEVER not fuck with women using a traditionally masculine title. Tell me more about that girl that's also a prince.

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Honey don’t feed me I will come back

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nice things will happen but first you have to lose all hope and die 45 times

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i went to the intersection of desire and suffering and everybody knew you

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i know she ate a leek

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Maybe the real Herr Forehead is the friends we made along the way