crabpancreas

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You will live to watch elon musk die. dont kill yourself.

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The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982)

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an interview with the mayor of LA was aired where a journalist asks “do you owe citizens an apology for being absent whilst their homes were burning? do you regret cutting the fire department's budget?”

and someone is enraged the mayor is being asked this question they’re like “omg how dare you ask this!! this woman is clearly shaken up!! give her time!!” like… that’s what happens when you’re in a political position of power and you make fuck ass decisions like that and it’s perfectly normal and acceptable to ask this shit especially when you cut the LAFD budget to give more money to cops

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last time I had sex I told the gentleman to “release the kraken” as he was taking his pants off, in case anyone was wondering how suave I am.

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My girlfriend is on a cruise so while she’s gone I’m gonna cut the sleeves off of all my shirts

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I don’t WANT a career. I want to cuddle and sleep and eat and read and create and love and be loved.

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I love you time theft I love you long breaks I love you wasting time in the bathroom I love you texting on the clock

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The amazing and cool as hell @kleebee tagged me for a selfie so I’m going to tag @avery-grace-again @molly-darling @molly-darling @charming-kittyy @goodsuccubus @disney-eyes @philosophical and anyone else that wants to !

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Before and After

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Throwback to when I had a beard

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girls don't want dick pics. girls want videos of you jerking off w/ audio.

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of all the ways to word this they managed to pick the worst one

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Dale Cooper, Zach Clemens and Dirk Caber "I'll Show You Fucking Leather!" - Two Punks Taken Down in the Gym (2016) Bound Gods