cosmicdeviant

[cosmicdeviant]

blocked my bitch ex husband on everything but hes on the communications team at wikipedia so he's still finding ways to contact me

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I think he does actually understand

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Reminder of why we must celebrate today

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So my betrothed (acupuncturist) came home tonight and said they’d seen a really fundie mom with her teen who’s got Lyme disease. When they asked about a primary care provider the lady said yes, they had a naturopath they saw as well as a…. Practitioner.

“A practitioner of what?” was the next logical question which is when the lady got cagey. After some probing she admitted they were seeing someone called Wellness Kristy. Who’s just. Some lady who had Lyme disease and now does counseling and stuff? Absolutely not a medical practitioner of any kind.

My betrothed came home and said they had looked in vain for Wellness Kristy online. After a brief poking around I found her. They did the wrong spelling but I knew instinctively it was Kristy.

It’s this crazy eyed white lady who looks like she’s got a punch card for cult membership who takes samples from people and then gives them treatment plans. Wellness Kristy believes Lyme disease has caused a rise in autism. Wellness Kristy had a parasite once so you should buy her book and like and subscribe to her page.

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me reading straight up pornography: hmm… this one just doesn’t have enough accurate character psychoanalysis to get me off

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growing up as an imaginative single child, I loved to play with Barbies. I loved creating elaborate drama-filled storylines for them and I could keep at it for hours. there was one problem. I had like 15 thrift store Barbies and no Kens. I only had one Barbie-sized male doll and it was a collectible Elvis Presley doll and he was my favorite doll. I always did the Elvis voice when I was playing him but he had no relation to Elvis Presley otherwise. anyway, he had some crazy days. trapped on a scary planet where he is the only man in the world and half of the women there hate him. in a massive car accident and stranded in the woods with a girlfriend who had broken her foot and a crazy ex girlfriend who had stalked them there. kidnapped by Athena (one of my Barbie sized dolls was Athena, like, the goddess) and held captive by her while trying to go home to his 7 situationships. all of this happening to a guy who looks and sounds exactly like Elvis but is otherwise the quintessential everyman.

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I think any marriage needs its running jokes, ones that you can repeat with variations, or make callbacks too.

One of my favorite bits is describing the romcoms I watch to my wife as though I have never heard of a narrative in my life.

"She runs a small plane company, and he's from a major airline trying to shut her down, so it's really anyone's guess what's going to happen."

"Get this, he's a stuffy office dork and she's a free spirit, and they end up stuck in the same cabin on a cruise. Sounds like a disaster, right?"

"They've decided to pair up and be each other's plus one at a series of weddings to feel less pathetic, but it's not like they like each other or anything."

So I told my wife that I hoped she would still enjoy me doing this bit forty years from now, and she smiled and held my hand and said that she'd never liked it, not even the first time.

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Home decor store clerk: sadly the vintage style oval wicker and glass coffee table is display only and is currently not for sale.

Me: understandable. Well I think that’ll be all for me this evening. I have a very important meeting to get to thank you.

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J. R. R. Tolkien: no, my books aren't about the war I experienced. It's just a story

J. R. R. Tolkien's works: you cannot go home, war ends entire bloodlines, you are mourning the death of your brother alone, you dug into the earth and permanently scored the land, you cannot explain what you have been through, you cannot go home, "that wound will never fully heal. He will carry it the rest of his life", leaving the women behind does not save them, the young die first, you cannot go home, the parent will bury their child, you have lost the wives and you will never connect with them again, "how shall any tower withstand such numbers and such reckless hate?", you are not the same, you cannot go home, you can never go home, your father will only side with those he sees as worthy bloodlines and you cannot change his mind, it is more meaningful Not to kill, sometimes your sacrifice accomplishes nothing, you cannot go home

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I hate I when I get an idea for a novel. Like oh no here starts the slow sad slip n’ slide to dissapointment again.