corsaircaptain - Tumblr blog

[corsaircaptain]

"Where did you go, huns?"

"Huns? Is that what you're calling me now? Obviously, Ossie and I just sit here on our ever-widening asses, eating bon-bons all day--"

"You'd better not, I'm a married woman!"

"So am I, my dear, so am I."

[corsaircaptain]

The split your crew into two factions idea sounds like a fun one and makes for a good adventu-cation. Would your crew be in on it though?

C: "I don't see how they wouldn't be? Was I supposed to only tell one side and then capture the other with no explanation? It'd be more of extended training exercises where team Celaeno and team Mullet each try to capture the most members of the opposing squad. Or maybe we could just do the old capture-the-flag routine? IDK."

[corsaircaptain]

So captain, have you ever got taken hostage by other pirates? If so, what was the experience like?

C: "I desperately want to 'pull a Dashie' and make up some fantastical tale for you, but the truth is that there simply aren't many pirates anymore. Klugetown is full of ruffians, thugs, and politicians, but actual literal pirates are somewhat of a rare breed these days. Maybe we could split into two factions and capture each other? Or sell a 'captured by pirates' escape room/adventu-cation type deal. I hear that's what Caballeron's doing these days, maybe I should team up with him?"

[corsaircaptain]

Two fruit baskets appear in the Captain’s quarters

One is heavily stylized, filled with items that The Captain would love… and the other was generic, with a note card attached apologizing about not knowing her well enough to make a proper one. Both, however, contain one ring each- another note which reads ‘A gift, because I missed the wedding- yes I know it’s stupid to gift people a RING as a wedding present, but I didn’t have enough material for two necklaces.’

O: "What do you think? 'With this ring, I thee bed'?"

C: "Pffffft-- I thought I was the dirty one?"

O: "What? You're the one who has to dress in full clothes all the time, also you're superstitious."

C: "What does superstition even have to do with lewdness-- wait a minute!"

[corsaircaptain]

B: "Okay, so I'll put you down for not-into-voyeurism-- no wait, the other one... exhibitionism? It doesn't sound like he's your type, Ocypete."

O: "Look, just because I go for the 'tits out' look doesn't mean I don't enjoy a man who's shy."

C: "I'm pretty sure not wanting people spying on your most intimate moments is just being normal, not... shy."

"You fellas aren't spying on me, your Captain, and Ocypete together because I'm getting along with them?

Are you?"

M: "Spying on ye doin' what, exactly?"

B: "You three haven't so much as held hands."

S: Makes some noise, and signs something out.

B: "I get to make those kinds of jokes."

M: "To answer your question, I am the Captain's token gay friend, and her First Mate. I am keeping my eye on her to make sure she and the Princess are safe, but you have nothing to fear from me as a romantic rival. Or whatever the closest thing is to a romantic rival in this whole 'polyamory' thing of hers. Boyle has a crush on Rainbow Dash, which you might have picked up on, him and the Captain are sort of rivals for her affection, though I believe that ship has sailed since she has a kid with Gilda these days. Is there anything else you'd like to know?"

[corsaircaptain]

Mien Gott! I’m sorry for being late, but happy Birthday! I’ll send a fruit basket or something

O: "Better send two, since we both had birthdays!"

[corsaircaptain]

"You fellas aren't spying on me, your Captain, and Ocypete together because I'm getting along with them?

Are you?"

M: "Spying on ye doin' what, exactly?"

B: "You three haven't so much as held hands."

S: Makes some noise, and signs something out.

B: "I get to make those kinds of jokes."

M: "To answer your question, I am the Captain's token gay friend, and her First Mate. I am keeping my eye on her to make sure she and the Princess are safe, but you have nothing to fear from me as a romantic rival. Or whatever the closest thing is to a romantic rival in this whole 'polyamory' thing of hers. Boyle has a crush on Rainbow Dash, which you might have picked up on, him and the Captain are sort of rivals for her affection, though I believe that ship has sailed since she has a kid with Gilda these days. Is there anything else you'd like to know?"

[corsaircaptain]

Happy Birthday! *dumps the whole crew into the pool again, this time with swimsuits*

M: "Looks like another forced pool party, at least this time we have the right swimmin' gear."

B: "I dunno, I kinda liked to see the Capn's wild side."

M: "She is married, you know."

B: "Yeah, and her and the Princess are swingers, which means I could probably spill my birdseed all over--"

L: "Remember to keep it PG, boys!"

[corsaircaptain]

"Well, sure... if you want to do it the easy way."

"Happy Birthday!"

"Ah, yes, Maxie... whom we've accidentally been ignoring as our lives spiral out of control. Thank you. If you got me a present, you may want to save it until tomorrow, unless you've got an even bigger present for wifey."

[corsaircaptain]

Happy bday

"Oh, yeah, happy birthday... to me. I was just a little distracted... eating waffles. We weren't expecting anycreature to come by today?"

[corsaircaptain]

"Happy Birthday!"

"Ah, yes, Maxie... whom we've accidentally been ignoring as our lives spiral out of control. Thank you. If you got me a present, you may want to save it until tomorrow, unless you've got an even bigger present for wifey."

[corsaircaptain]

O: "How come you've gotten a birthday every April 10th and I haven't?"

C: "Because...April 10th isn't your birthday?"

O: "Let me rephrase that, why hasn't this Mun-fellow given me a birthday?"

C: "Did you ask him for one?"

O: "Yes. And he went on about Babs and Kara for quite some time--"

C: "Oh, how Supergirl's birthday is September 22nd, and Batgirl's is September 23rd? Whether it's some cosmic coincidence, or simply lazy writing is up for debate."

O: "Are they a couple?

C: "That is also up for debate, but they are very explicitly gay for each other, with none-to-subtle subtext in most all continuities.

O: "Okay, fine but I get to be the Barbara of the group."

C: "What!? I'm the one missing the leg, I'd be a much better Oracle than you."

O: "Using the disability card? I get to be Barbara because the Killing Joke is the 'Loss Jaypeg' of the comic industry. No sane person liked that story arc, and although we are sad to see positive handicap representation go, we hope this decision will lead to less flashbacks to her degradation."

C: "That certainly would be nice..."

O: "Also, in this analogy, it means my birthday becomes the 11th. If I were Kara, it would have to be the 9th and I'd have to wait a whole year."

C: "Wait... is that it? Is that why you're talking out me, the actual one who's handicapped?"

O: "Well, there is that... and uh... for my birthday, I got this uncut emerald shard from Maud. And, you see since Kara can't really feel pain normally, when she gets curious about BDSM, Babs offers to help show her through it with the help from some Kryptonite."

C: *blushing* "Um, yes... okay, so from this day forth Ocypete's birthday is, and always has been April 11th. Today I turn 32, and tomorrow she turns 31, every year. Our eggs were laid 366 days apart? Or something, I guess?"

Happy Birthday to Me!

“Or is it ‘hatchday’? Is it like sunrise, where we actually know that the… oh no wait. Well, it’s the anniversary of when I was ‘birthed’ from an egg, anyway… you don’t have to give me presents, just attention. Ask Wendy about this because she is a lot more familiar with it than I am, but there is this thing called ‘the Floating Timeline’ and that’s why I am turning 32… again.

It’s like Groundhog’s… year. Only for my body, but the years still go by. I wonder if I lost an arm if it’d grow back? I don’t get my leg back because that happened when I was 12, but I had both arms at the start of the year, so… do I get them back? How far does this status quo rule go?”

[corsaircaptain]

Sorry you all had gotten covered in cake and thrown into a pool, but there's a stand of free lemonade near the pool! The swimsuits cost money though...

"Screw that noise, I'm going au naturale."

[corsaircaptain]

((To make a long story short, I binge watched the entire DuckTales Reboot this last week after putting it off for 5 years because of extreme anxiety. I already know they made Huey the smart one, and basically Dipper, and that they stole my idea where the original Mario from Donkey Kong turns into Wario to solve the Cranky age discrepancy. Though to be fair, MatPat had already stolen that idea from me 2 years earlier... too bad he mucked it up with his Rosalina nonsense. Actually, he also stopped it at Mario's dad, without him becoming Wario; of course that's because of Yoshi's Island DS, which didn't exist back in '95 when I created the there-are-2-Marios-and-1-becomes-Wario theory. I'm not making this story so short, am I?

Anyhow, they stole the Negaduck thing... and then didn't even do anything with it. But more to point... Della. Not a sky pirate, but a pilot, missing a leg (left, not right, but still!), but here's where things get weird, she has a strange aversion to fish. That was my headcanon! Based on how I headcanoned Celaeno lost her leg to some seamonster. This was supposed to payoff when interacting with that one guy in Klugetown, Mori (that hypochondriac giant fishman vendor... remember him? From the movie? Voiced by Peter New? Only named in Gameloft's mobile game? Ah, phooey.) but I never actually got around to that. The closest was probably when she got scaroused by Sharko Dash.

So, in any case coincidences that are slightly too close for comfort, but way too far apart to be anything other than literal, sheer coincidences.))

Della’s strange new friend on the moon… they relate to a lot

[corsaircaptain]

*throws your crew & ocypete into a pool of water*

"I just had to go and jinx it! I mean, at least Bird Jesus isn't here to turn this water into wine, forcing us to drink our way out!"

"At least this'll wash the cake off... what's going on around here?"

[corsaircaptain]

Drops a cake on your crew, ocypete, and you

"Well, this is just great! Smothered in cake, caked in cake even. It's like the opening to New Super Mario Bros. Wii all over again."

"Look on the bright side, at least we're all comfortably dry."

[corsaircaptain]

theherothestars replied to your post “being a bird.... can you fly without your ship?” So basically, she's a chicken.

"Now look here mister, I don't know if you get all your information from old Aardman movies or what, but chickens actually can fly. Not very well, and for only short distances, but they can get more altitude than jumping, so it's real flight. Me, and my crew can only glide... and Boyle is especially bad at it, being a one-winged angel... well, one-and-a-half.

No, we're more like... the Gargoyles. Remember them? Well, if not, I'm sure they'll be rebooted in a few years, every other part of the Disney Afternoon is. The point is it was a plot point that they could not fly, but only glide; so they had to dramatically climb the skyscrapers of New York with their claws, causing thousands of dollars in property damage each time.

Superheroes® it's all about the collateral damage.™

What was I ranting about again? Only I get to make chicken jokes, when you do it, it's specist."