cornellasjournal

[cornellasjournal]

What I want in 2025 is very simple. I want to slow down.

Well, my job is still the same, independent auditor—that right now facing busy peak season— however I still want to keep things slower. 2024 was chaos and full of unpredictable things happened. I was burnt out and feel horrible about myself.

This year, I want to get my spark again. I want to pursue what I want and find back my hobbies, and just not think too much. I want to enjoy my time and cherish every moment. I want to embrace every opportunity to connect with kind people: my parents and very few close friends of mine.

More importantly, I want to reconnect with myself. I want to love myself and listen more to my voice, voice inside me. I don’t want to fill my head with loads of noises anymore. I want to prioritize serenity in my life.

[cornellasjournal]

Salah satu dari sedikit orang yang sangat senang bertemu denganku sesenang aku bertemu dengannya, dan sangat menghargai kehadiranku sebesar aku merindukannya; sudah meninggal.

Tahun ini semakin sepi dengan perginya teman2 terdekatku kembali ke kota asal mereka di luar jawa, atau merantau di negeri yang jauh, atau benar2 tidak kembali lagi ke dunia ini selamanya.

2024 lewat dengan begitu cepat namun benar-benar mengesankan: puluhan tantangan baru, puluhan memories menyenangkan yang tercipta, tapi juga tahun yang dikunjungi kejadian-kejadian yang membuka luka lama. Sekaligus tahun dimana sekali lagi aku belajar menyembuhkan diri di tengah kesibukan dalam pekerjaan.

Benar-benar mengesankan bukan? Hati manusia yang sering dianggap lemah ternyata bisa bertahan dari sekian banyak luka.

[cornellasjournal]

Everything is fine, everything is good. Everything is under control. (today's affirmation)

[cornellasjournal]

Change

These past weeks have been quite overwhelming. Two of my friends passed away, and it has left a deep mark on my heart. While at the same time, I still have to go to work everyday like nothing happened. Of course a lot of my colleague have tried to understand and share my condolences, but still, job is job. You gotta find a way to regain your focus.

I never imagined losing a friend would hurt this bad. Especially when you lose them at a young age, like I did. I never imagined any of my friends would be gone in their twenties, in our twenties.

And even though I red quotes about "The wisest man is the one who remembers death the most" quite often, it hits different when the person close to you actually facing death. It becomes, so real. A lot of "what if" going in my head. And I no longer feel life in this world as daunting as before. I used to feel anxious about my work, my career, my accomplishment, or what other people think of me. I don't know maybe this feeling is just temporary, because I still in the time of grieve; But, this experience surely changed me.

It changed how i see this world, and how i feel about this world. I no longer see struggle as much of a burden. My ambition towards this world is diminishing. Our time in this world is very short. We have no idea how "short" it would be. We just have to make sure that, when we leave this world, we're ready.

One of my friends that were passed away was very close to me. We spent our 4 years of college together. After I worked in different city, I always met her when I went back to my hometown. I used to imagine 6 years from now, she would be a professor at our university and we would live in the same neighborhood. But fate had other plans.

She was kind. Really kind. She was a pious person. And I miss her so much. I wish to meet her again in the hereafter but I don't feel anything like her. Not as kind, not as pious. And now, I just want to be a better person. Kinder, more sincere. So we can actually be neighbors, in Jannah, Insha Allah.

[cornellasjournal]

We will indeed die and leave everything we have in this world. But what we do, our deeds, will follow us until we die and determine the shape of our next life.

Let's keep ourselves busy doing good things.

[cornellasjournal]

[cornellasjournal]

There’s this quote that stuck to me ever since I read it, “be the kind of soul that others wish they could meet you a thousand times”.

الترجمة الصحيحة: ‏كن الروح التي يتمنى الآخرون مقابلتها ألف مرة.

To be the best of who you are, your heart and soul, for everyone that crosses your path. Be simplistic and powerful with your words, be meaningful in your actions, have purity in every intention you make. With Allah ‎in my heart, I want to make sure others see that first before they meet with me and that in itself is empowering in the most humble way.

I don’t want to leave a mark in this world. Allah already has.

[cornellasjournal]

Waktu memang tidak bisa diulang. Jadi daripada fokus ke waktu yang telah hilang, mari fokus ke waktu yang masih tersisa, di depan.

Mari coba sekali lagi. 🌹

[cornellasjournal]

How foolish we are to delay prayer, neglect reading the Quran, waste our time engaged in sin, and then sit and complain that life feels miserable. If we truly make Allah our number one priority, life will fall into place with ease. But when we prioritize instant gratification and temporary pleasure, life is guaranteed to feel meaningless.

[cornellasjournal]

Golden advice from Imam Ibn al-Qayyim (رحمه الله)

Do not carry the worries of this life because this is for Allāh and do not carry the worries of sustenance because it is from Allāh and do not carry anxiety for the future because it is in the Hands of Allāh.

Carry only one thing; how to please Allāh, because if you please Him, He pleases you, fulfils you & enriches you.

[cornellasjournal]

Why do we love beautiful things?

Do you ever wonder, why do we pursue efforts to beautify ourselves? Especially our appearance. We also care to beautify our surroundings. We paint the walls of our house with elegant colors. Put some flowers. Maybe add beautiful painting in our room too. These things are not our primary needs, we just love to look at them.

Beauty adds no tangible benefits to things, but it brings some emotions, makes us feel something. It especially bring calm and joy for me whenever I see or hear something--that in my opinion--beautiful. Like what Roger Scruton wrote in his book, Beauty:

"Beauty is the ultimate value--something that we pursue for its own sake, and for the pursuit of which no further reason need be given."

You probably have been in some situation where you hurried to the beach or to the top of a hill just to see the sunset. Because you find it beautiful. That's it. No other explanation needed.

When you read the word "beauty", what first comes to your mind? For me it's a lake on a top of a mountain with a bunch of wild flowers on the edge.

Another "beauty" that I like to immerse myself in is beautiful words. Beautiful words have a special place in my heart. Whether it's written or expressed verbally, it's always amazed me how some words can move even the hardened hearts, stir up emotions, and make us-human- do something after read or hear it. Hear it. Sometimes, we heard some celebrities got complimented, "you have a beautiful voice", "you have a calming voice", "I'll never shut up if I have a voice like you". They were not singing at the time, they just talk. They talk, and their voice is a pleasant to the ears. But do you notice, when someone got complimented like that, it's not only because of their voice and the way they're saying it (tone, intonation, etc); it also because of the words they choose. They don't use harsh or obscene words. They choose their words deliberately. And that make their overall speech, pleasing to listen to. This is remind me of a quotes by Rumi:

"Raise your words, not voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder."

Some research says, just seeing photos of a beautiful landscape can release feel-good hormones in our brain. Aesthetically pleasing environment can improve our well-being. So I think it's good to be more mindful of the important role that beauty plays in our lives. And actively display beauty, in how we carry ourselves; in how we act and speak. Because, hey, it brings no harm and only make our journey here on earth feel more pleasant, isn't it?

[cornellasjournal]

Books Review: Live in 5 Senses.

4/5. It was a joyful read. Saya meminjam buku ini di perpustakaan Jakarta-Cikini. Buku yang cocok untuk bacaan ringan. Bukan yang secara dalam membahas mengenai kelima indra manusia, lebih menceritakan mengenai perjalanan penulis to get her new mindfulness dengan memaksimalkan 5 senses: sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch.

Meskipun sebenarnya ide dari penulisan buku ini sudah banyak kita ketahui sebelumnya, yaitu seputar "dengan fokus menyibukkan diri pada dunia nyata, akan mencegah kita overthink~menghabiskan banyak waktu dalam pikiran". Seperti sebuah quotes, "busy hands, quite mind." Tapi untuk saya yang seringkali melamun dan overthinking akhir-akhir ini, buku ini menjadi bacaan yang bagus untuk mengingatkan indahnya benar-benar menjalani kehidupan di dunia nyata, dengan maksimal menggunakan indra-indra yang sudah diberikan Tuhan kepada saya. So yes, it definitely was a joyful read.

[cornellasjournal]

Things to do in pursuit of happiness

• Wake up for Tahajjud prayers at least once a week. • Fast on Mondays and Thursdays. And the white days every month. • Spread salaam to those whom you know and those who you don’t know. The full salaam. • Send peace and blessings upon the prophet Muhammad, everyday. Salla Allaahu ‘alayhi wassalam. • Read the morning and evening and sleep adhkaar every day without fail. • Read at least one page of the Qur-aan with the translation a day. Gradually increase. • Dedicate at least 20 minutes a day to read from tafseer Ibn Kathir. Take notes. • Aim to memorise the Qur-aan. Make the intention and set realistic goals. • Have the Qur-aan or a beneficial tape playing anytime you can. When you’re getting ready in the morning… Brushing your teeth, washing your face, eating your breakfast, driving, cooking… Etc. • At least 15 mins a day to listen and FOCUS on an Islamic reminder/audio. Or read out of an Islamic book. Take notes. • Lower your gaze. • Don’t talk to opposite gender without reason. • Try to pray as soon as the time has been called. • Pray the sunnah prayers. • Do the adkhaar after each prayer. Astaghfirullaah. Alhamdulillaah. SubhaanAllaah. Allaahu akbar. Ayaatul kursi. Du'aa. • Kiss your parents. Hug your parents. Smile at your parents. Serve your parents. Be kind, be kind, be kind. • Give small gifts. • Smile to people and say hello. • Tell people you love them. • Keep in regular touch with your relatives, even if its through a text. • Give bottles of water to strangers on a hot day. • Give glasses of water to those close to you on a hot day. And a normal day. • Hold the door open for people. • Offer the seat you have to someone. • Make genuine du'aa for those you think of, those who ask you to, and those who you you say you will to. • Think of your brothers and sisters around the world, the situations they’re in and pray for them. • Attend the masjid regularly for prayer and talks. Think of the angels surrounding you and supplicating for you. • Treat people according to your manners and values, not theirs. • Eat your greens. Exercise. Brush your teeth. Brush your hair. Shower. Exfoliate. Moisturise your skin. Wear clean clothes. • Know you can’t please everyone. And forgive the mean ones. • Do it all for His sake. • Beg for jannatul firdous. Beg for jannatul firdous. Beg for jannatul firdous.

You will fall again and again. It’s in your nature. Just don’t stop getting up. Keep struggling and striving till you get there. Because eventually, by His will, you will.