coreyhell

[coreyhell]

Easy for you to say that in a position of power.

Whiny Little Bitches

I don’t know how many times I must say this, but women are doing so much better in Gilead than in the Old World. Women don’t have to fear for rape, assaults, and voyeurism now, but they had to live in constant fear. People who are complaining about how our great country ‘takes away their freedom’ and ‘limit personal choice’ are just whiny little bitches who can’t be satisfied with what they have in the present.

[coreyhell]

If you dont follow the rules then why did you make them in the first place?

Entry 3

that feeling when you made the rules for Gilead and do not have to follow them at all.

[coreyhell]

There is no place for love in this place.  It’s too dangerous even if we both want it.

Love

In a world where feelings are scorned, it is only natural that we as humans would rebel with the only thing we can.  Love.  I’ve told you all about Offred.  Her reality in and of itself is different from anything I’ve felt in years.  I know I said no romance, but this promise to her and myself seems to be something that keeps getting harder and harder with each passing night.  During the day, I long for Offred, and at night, I pray she never leaves.  However strong this feeling is, I must remember to stay strong and never tell her, or it could ruin everything that we have.  So I continue with no romance.

~Nick

[coreyhell]

If only you knew how much I think of you.  I will never forget about you Luke.

Mixed Feelings

I don’t know anymore. I have not heard from Offred since the beginning of this society. The last time Ive seen her was when Offred, our daughter, and I were all separated. Now we haven’t been seeing each other then. I do not know what to do but accept that you are now just a memory. There is no point anymore to continue loving you as we are not going to see other anymore. I do not see any hope for us in the future. I hear rumors that you’re trying to survive on your own in your society and hope you well. 

[coreyhell]

Blog entry 25:    I hear a van pulling up, it’s the Eyes.  But Nick came into my room telling me it was actually Mayday coming to rescue me.  As I left both the commander and Serena are baffle by who called the Eyes on me. Maybe these people actually are from Mayday.  

[coreyhell]

Blog entry 24:    After Ofglen died I felt better.  I felt I was finally back within all the laws and I would have done anything to live.  But then Serena found out about me seeing the commander.  She calls me a slut and I contemplate suicide again.

[coreyhell]

Blog entry 23:    Ofglen was replaced today.  What’s even worse is I figured out she knew about the resistance, but she said that we should forget about echoes from the old world when I mentioned ‘Mayday’. And then I she told me the old Ofglen hung herself when she saw she was about to be arrested.  I feel I am next. 

[coreyhell]

Blog entry 22:    I continue to see Nick at night even without Serena knowing.  I just feel so much better talking to him even though he mostly listens.  I tell him about Moira and Ofglen.  I even tell him my real name.  I feel I can trust him.  

[coreyhell]

Blog entry 21:    When I got home I cleaned off my makeup and went to meet Serena.  She had planned for me to meet with Nick tonight.  I feel so bad about what I did, I betrayed Luke.  I wonder if I’d feel different if I knew he were actually dead.  I can’t stop thinking of him.

[coreyhell]

Blog entry 20:    Eventually the commander takes me to a hotel room.  We have sex for real this time, without the ceremony.  But I didn’t really want to which upset him.  I had to fake it, I didn’t want to upset him anymore than he already was.

[coreyhell]

Blog entry 19:    When I went to see the commander tonight he seemed drunk.  We talked a little and then he gave me a skimpy outfit from before Gilead and told me to put it on.  He was taking me out to a hotel which was basically a club.  When I walked in I could see prostitutes everywhere, and one of them was Moira.  She also saw me and we met in the bathroom to talk.  She told me about her failed escape attempt and how she had to work here or go to the colonies.  She also told me she was tortured.  It was so sad seeing Moira’s energy and happiness drained, she was just waiting to die it seemed like.  I hope I get to see her again but it doesn’t look like I will.  

[coreyhell]

Blog entry 18:    I went to a Prayvaganzas today.  Ofglen told me that Janine’s baby was deformed after all, guess that’s a good thing in some ways.  The commander had talked to me about how Gilead had taken away some freedoms, specifically those related to relationships and love to me reproduction easier.  I guess he might be right in some way.  

[coreyhell]

Blog entry 17:    This summer will seemingly never end.  The horrors of everyday life make everything slow down to a crawl.  Serena asked if I was pregnant today, which I’m not.  Then she suggested that her husband might be sterile.  She then suggests that I try with Nick and offers to show me a picture of my daughter if I agree.  I hate her even more for this.  She gives me a cigarette when I do agree and I seriously contemplate lighting the match. I could burn the house down with this match and everyone inside it.  No one would even know it was me.  

[coreyhell]

Blog entry 16:    The commander and I have become closer.  It’s almost as though he feels bad for me.  I learned that his previous handmaids also visited him, but one of them got caught by Serena and killed herself.  I guess he’s not as heartless as I thought, but I think I can use his guilt as a weapon.  If I would only have the courage to do so.  

[coreyhell]

Oh yes I had such a good time.  I so wish we could go back.

Offred do you remember this room?

I had a great time. Did you?

[coreyhell]

Blog entry 15:    Ofglen and I went shopping together again.  On our way back we stopped at Soul Scrolls. Ofglen asked me if I thought God actually listens to the prayers in the machines.  I didn’t know whether I could trust her, but I answered ‘No’ anyways. Then we realized we could trust each other.  I was so excited, I haven’t been able to trust anyone for years.  What’s even better is that Ofglen is in a group of what seem to be rebels.  I don’t want to get my hopes up over anything but this is very different to my normal news. I hope something good comes from all of this.  

[coreyhell]

Blog entry 14:    The ceremonies are embarrassing and weird now. I still hate Serena but I feel bad that I’m now more than just the commanders handmaid, I’m like his mistress.  The commander is becoming closer with me and seemingly more distant with Serena.  I’m afraid if she finds out I could be sent to the colonies.