cordovcs - Tumblr blog

[cordovcs]

✩ °｡—  outgoing: ARES.

ARES: i think he should work harder than that. you're worth it. waiting...all this time.. these years.. will be worth it to be with you.

ARES: i feel the same way. you... came out of the blue, slipped right into my heart, my life. i never expected it, i didn't expect to see you ever again after that night. i did though and i think i knew it then you were going to turn things upside down for me. if you can do that in one night, what the hell could you do in a lifetime.

ARES: i always cared. doesn't matter whose you were.

ARES: thanks for showing me it was worth opening it up to someone again.

ARES: they've loved you for a long time too, and you know indi...i've seen you. with them, you know it in your heart you'll give this child everything, all the love. things they need, what.. maybe we didn't get. i've seen what your heart is capable of...

ARES: you'll do right by them, because you'll want everything for them.

ARES: hes... who you were with?

ARES: guess i have no right to feel anything do i?

ARES: you were free to do that

ARES: am i allowed to ask why? i just wanna know. it was him that first time too... when i came to you that night. remember? and it was him again this time too.

ARES: i just want to understand thats all.

ARES: they'll never be. truth be told, think i'll probably love them no matter.... who.. it is. because they're half you indi.

ARES: indi... all you needed was you to save yourself.

ARES: always?

ARES: if you need me... i'll be there.

INDI: well, he's got all the time in the world to make it up to me.

INDI: wanna know something? i don't even remember who was playing when we danced at coachella. like, that whole night's a total blur. i... didn't even know your fucking name for half the weekend. but it was the best damn weekend of my life. life changing, really.

INDI: even then, ares... you took care of me. when you barely fucking knew me. you literally made sure that the drunk girl you met in the crowd got back to her friends safely. & you haven't stopped since.

INDI: if you ever question why i love you... just think about that. how you've never given up on making sure that i get home safe.

INDI: & now your arms are our home.

INDI: ares...

INDI: you... are allowed to have feelings? & you're allowed to be... upset about it, if you want. it wasn't right of me to be with him & then go off with you later & say all of those things.

INDI: but, i don't want you to doubt what i said. because i meant every word. i still mean every word. like, ... god dammit, ares. literally. he's not the one that i want right now. or ever again.

INDI: always, ares.

INDI: it's you.

INDI: it's always been you.

INDI: who would've thought that the boy i met in the crowd at coachella would end up being the one to rock my world?

[cordovcs]

✩ °｡—  outgoing: ARES.

ARES: definitely a complete idiot. i have a feeling... he'll be willing. more than. if he has a chance.. he probably doesn't even really deserve one.

ARES: yeah... it is kinda nice, knowing you have have family thats not only blood but... chooses you too. that.. means more.

ARES: you'll have me indi... always will and always have. but you know that dont you..?

ARES: you had me since the beginning.

ARES: i... dont understand.

ARES: what.... do you mean after the bonfire???

ARES: we... saw each other that night?

ARES: did something happen with you two??? recently...

ARES: are you saying... its me or him??

ARES: i wish it was in person...

ARES: i wanna see you.

ARES: like what?

ARES: because i love you indi?? i have for a while.

ARES: i'd stand beside you... always, god i just dont wan't you to think you have to do this alone. you wont. ever.

ARES: listen i never said i wasn't scared... but i'll take responsibility if... y'know. i'll love them.

ARES: i've already basically raised three kids.. havent i?

INDI: he's lucky, because i think we could probably work something out. all he's gotta do is look at me with those dimples & everything just ... melts away.

INDI: you've been family to me for awhile now ... you know that, right? for years you've taken care of me. even when i wasn't your responsibility.

INDI: you've got a heart of solid gold, ares byers. fucking gold.

INDI: you know you have me too? you & the girls ..

INDI: i ... yeah, the bonfire.

INDI: i was with him that night ... too...

INDI: that was the last time i was with him, i swear. it just ... happened. & then i talked to you after & we said all of those things & ... i meant every word, you know that, right?

INDI: he was a mistake.

INDI: he's always been a mistake.

INDI: but ... i don't want to think of this baby as a mistake.

INDI: because i think it's what i needed to save me.

INDI: i love you too.

INDI: i've always loved you.

INDI: do you wanna come over later? i mean, i get it... if you don't... because of the whole vince thing. but i... i think i need you right now.

INDI: i know i need you.

[cordovcs]

✩ °｡—  outgoing: ARES.

ARES: oh....? you think maybe you and him.. can work it out..? think it's.. still meant to be or? even if he's.. a complete idiot?

ARES: you know family... doesn't have to be blood indi. you.. kinda have family here dont you...?

ARES: do you... need to tell someone else?

ARES: are you going to..?

ARES: think.... i'm the dad..? that this baby might be..ours?

ARES: oh. so is bas... the other guy.....

ARES: vince is kind of out of the picture. my math is good enough to tell me that. a year indi is plenty of time.

ARES: no... we haven't have we..?

ARES: im usually.. somewhat responsible with that, but i guess not when it us.

ARES: i don't think sense is always the answer though

ARES: i.... know okay, i know this is probably harder on you than it is on me... i wanna make it easier indi.

ARES: i just feel blind-sighted.. with that last bit of information but... i guess i have no right

ARES: maybe this wouldn't be residual damage to me indi... ever think of that?

ARES: make it sound like.... i don't or wouldn't want this... when that's not really true... at all

INDI: a complete idiot, huh? he might have to do a little work, but ... yeah, i still think there's a chance it could work out.

INDI: no, it doesn't have to be ... but it's kinda nice when they are, y'know? i've got my aunt phe & ... a baby, i guess.

INDI: & you.

INDI: i mean. i've... never been good at math, so i could very well be wrong, but i can't be more than a few weeks along. which leaves you, the front runner ... & vince.

INDI: but that was after the bonfire.

INDI: & we were safe. i made sure of that, because... this is not something that we'd handle very well. me & him. our past is just... too rocky. too complicated. this would be the last thing we need.

INDI: probably shouldn't have brought it up over text, huh?

INDI: why ... are you like this?

INDI: this ... kind? accepting? loving?

INDI: most guys would be running for the hills. but, you're ... encouraging, almost?

[cordovcs]

✩ °｡—  outgoing: ARES.

ARES: i think i do yeah..

ARES: oh you talk about me, what do you tell her then..?

ARES: shes important to you right... i can tell when you tell me about her.

ARES: and they love you... i know that. always will.

ARES: ok. how else did you mean it indi.

ARES: other than they might not be mine?

ARES: your not sure, kind of.. self-explanatory.

ARES: if?

ARES: god i... dont know.

ARES: i'd love them like i love y..... like i love my own siblings, like i raised them since they were babies god

ARES: I dont know, thats kind of hard to ask because i don't want to think.. they could be and then theyre not. don't want to picture it, i haven't even processed before that bomb hit me.

ARES: i'd be there okay.. thats what i know. whatever you chose... i would be there

INDI: i tell her the important stuff.

INDI: like, there's this dude that i've kinda been into but it's just like, really complicated. & things just seem to get even more complicated as each day goes on. but... i'm kinda into him no matter what?

INDI: she's the only real family i have. she means everything to me.

INDI: i just... meant it as...

INDI: you're the first person i've told.

INDI: that you're the one i think... is... responsible?

INDI: idk i was uber safe with vince & bas in the past & just... with you... it was like all care went out the window that morning. multiple times, apparently.

INDI: we've never been good at careful... so, it just makes sense.

INDI: you think i've processed the bomb?

INDI: at least there's a chance that you won't have to deal with the residual damage. this... is something i'm stuck with handling from now own. no matter what.

[cordovcs]

✩ °｡—  outgoing: ARES.

ARES: i know... we talked about it a lot.

ARES: maybe who knows, if i go i could meet heer too.

ARES: god i really let that one get to your head didn't i? They love you fine.

ARES: sometimes...

ARES: oh.

ARES: ok

ARES: hope u figure it all out

INDI: you... still wanna go?

INDI: she'd love to meet you. i mean, god... she already knows everything about you. because i can't shut my mouth, so.

INDI: i love them. it's MUTUAL.

INDI: ares.

INDI: i...

INDI: i didn't mean it like that.

INDI: i mean, if... it was yours.

INDI: hypothetically speaking.

INDI: what would you say? what would you do?

[cordovcs]

✩ °｡—  outgoing: ARES.

ARES: just want you to do... whatever makes you happy indi

ARES: they mention you all the time, really i kinda played myself they wanna see you more than even me at this stage.

ARES: she's just as stubborn too, so thats definitely from you, luckily it's amusing

ARES: right okay god i wasnt thinking

ARES: ??? thats... kind of a big deal indi

ARES: what do you mean.. a courtesy?

ARES: what it could mean for us.... right?

INDI: you know i love paris.

INDI: i wanted to see my aunt.

INDI: AHAH I KNEW IT. THEY LOOOOOOVE ME! aunt indi for the win !!!!

INDI: oh, my stubbornness is amusing? noted...

INDI: a courtesy.

INDI: because...

INDI: it might not be yours.

[cordovcs]

✩ °｡—  outgoing: ARES.

ARES: you don't think you'll go anymoree..?

ARES: maybe... you can come see them some time soon.

ARES: she is a mini you, she's picking up on all your habits.

ARES: and....? they're... positive?

ARES: i have to see you indi.. where are you.

INDI: i've got a lot to think about, ares.

INDI: yeah, yeah... i'd like that. i miss them. a lot.

INDI: shut uuuuup, she really is a mini-me, huh? i knew i raised her right.

INDI: would i be mentioning them if they were negative?

INDI: i'm at my place, but like...

INDI: ares, it's not a big deal. i'm only telling you as a courtesy. who knows what this could mean for me.

[cordovcs]

✩ °｡—  outgoing: ARES.

ARES: yeah she did.. and i have a feeling shes right

ARES: maybe.... ill see you there

ARES: she misses you too.

ARES: oh...

ARES: maybe as in.... have you taken a test or..?

ARES: should... i come over?

ARES: i mean... thats why you asked isnt it?

INDI: maybe, yeah... if i end up going.

INDI: tell her i said hi?

INDI: & orion.

INDI: you know orion is my mini best friend.

INDI: she is my MINI ME !!!!

INDI: um... yeah. i've taken a test.

INDI: like... five of them, actually.

INDI: ahahha...

INDI: shit.

INDI: sorry.

[cordovcs]

✩ °｡—  outgoing: ARES.

ARES: i thought maybe i could join everyone.. even just for.. a little

ARES: funnily lea basically begged me to go, said if i.. didnt i was an idiot.

ARES: shes pretty smart

ARES: no we don't, but i don't mind never finding out

ARES: wanna keep doing that... not that i'd ever know how to stop..

ARES: thats why you asked....

ARES: you... weren't sure..?

ARES: indi... are you pregnant?

INDI: did she really?

INDI: she's always been smart...

INDI: ...

INDI: i...

INDI: maybe?

INDI: i think...

[cordovcs]

✩ °｡—  outgoing: ARES.

ARES: or is that not it..?

ARES: you've been.. off

ARES: do... you still want me to or is that revoked...?

ARES: guess we're not great with self control...

ARES: or saying goodbye.

ARES: or maybe.. i don't really want to say goodbye anymore..

ARES: i was hoping you were starting to remember

ARES: what.....

ARES: what do you mean late :\

INDI: no... no... i'd love for you to still go

INDI: are the girls okay with you spending a few weeks abroad?

INDI: we don't know what it means to be friends.

INDI: or how to say goodbye.

INDI: we're just... good at loving each other.

INDI: i...

INDI: i mean.... i'm... late, ares.

INDI: think about it.

[cordovcs]

✩ °｡—  outgoing: ARES.

ARES: reminiscing or something..?

ARES: do friends.... ask their friens to go with them to paris...?

ARES: maybe im not as good as i thought...

ARES: yeah we kind of went at it that day... guess we thought it was goodbye....

ARES: is this... some kind of sexting thing... i tell you about all the things i did to you that day?

ARES: or is this a booty call?

ARES: okay then lets say.... i dont think i did.

ARES: yeah... god we definitely did.

INDI: aha... reminiscing, yeah.

INDI: you're... going to paris this summer?

INDI: we thought that was goodbye... then we thought last week in the library was goodbye... you need to come over later tonight to really make sure we've said goodbye?

INDI: no... i...

INDI: god, no. you don't have to remind me of everything we did... unless you want to?

INDI: i remember... i just... wanted to see if you remembered some of the details because... i....

INDI: i'm um...

INDI: late?

[cordovcs]

✩ °｡—  outgoing: ARES.

ARES: yeah a little.

ARES: what indi, whats going on..?

ARES: is this what friendly conversations are like.

ARES: yeah...? i can't stop thinking about it too

ARES: keep waking up imagining it even if I shouldn't

ARES: your just what?

ARES: i mean yeah most of the time you except when we get carried away.

ARES: which time...? first or second..?

ARES: jesus i... don't really remember indi :\

ARES: it wasn't.. exactly what i was focused on, we were all caught up in the moment...

INDI: just wondering 😎

INDI: idk, ares. what do friends usually talk about?

INDI: seeing as you're the expert on being just friends...

INDI: first... OR... second?

INDI: i'm just... asking!!!

INDI: asking... remembering 😋

INDI: it's almost 1 a.m... forgive me for wanting to remember all the fun we had?

INDI: sometimes... those... moments...

INDI: are important?

INDI: idk. at least we had fun?

[cordovcs]

✩ °｡—  outgoing: ARES.

ARES: hey.....

ARES: how are you..?

ARES: wasn't expecting this questioning

ARES: you mean the next morning indi..?

ARES: ouch okay, we pretending like it... wasn't some of the most intense passionate hot...sex we ever had.

ARES: yeah we did unless you're trying to forget.

ARES: um, i don't... really remember. i don't think so.. you usually ask me to pull out?

ARES: this small talk or?

INDI: sorry, um... that was kinda random, wasn't it?

INDI: listen..

INDI: fuck... idk.

INDI: i'm not pretending like i... don't remember that morning. because i do. i... haven't stopped thinking about it since.

INDI: i'm... just...

INDI: hold on.

INDI: i... usually... ask you to pull out?

INDI: what... are you saying?

INDI: did you... not... pull out?

[cordovcs]

✩ °｡—  outgoing: ARES.

INDI: hi.

INDI: aha um..

INDI: so... question?

INDI: a few weeks ago...

INDI: after the party....

INDI: did... we?

INDI: y'know... do it?

INDI: & like, were we safe?

[cordovcs]

// ᴍᴇꜱꜱᴀɢᴇ → 𝒾𝓃𝒹𝒾 //

ARES: i always have yeah..

ARES: even years ago, fuck i know we don't ever talk about that but i swear i knew it. didn't.. you.

ARES: do you think i'm not sure.. that it's what this.. us being apart is about? cause it's not that indi, not even close. it's the opposite.

ARES: yeah i did, and i'd do it again too

ARES: i don't hold anything you've done against you indi, not that night or any other night. i've always known who you were but i also know theres more too.

ARES: wanna know a secret?

ARES: i wanted it to be you... thought that was clear?

ARES: the texts were meant to go to you, clearly i didn't do that well though huh?

ARES: i didn't know if i was allowed to do that anymore, i didn't know if that would complicate thinsg..

ARES: i know we're... friends but fuck indi what does that even mean

ARES: i should probably know but.

ARES: you know.. what he did.

ARES: so don't make me say it .. please

ARES: it's why i wanted to be alone.. i thought but we both know being together is so much better.

ARES: yeah and about summer.. didn't take any of it well.

ARES: i almost thought you did... in the beginning?

INDI: i... still remember the day we met.

INDI: like, through all of the drinks & all of the people that were there... your face is the only thing in my mind from that day. crazy, huh? i had... no idea.. just the impact you would have on me.

INDI: that first time... in cass's van... i still don't think she knows about that.

INDI: i just... don't know what i think about any of this? we want all of these things, but then... it's like we can't have them. not easily, at least.

INDI: ares... we both know we're not friends.

INDI: i don't... even know what that means. but, it's not friends...

INDI: i'd rather be stuck in limbo... with you... than in the friendzone.

INDI: yeah, what... are your summer plans?

INDI: i... hate what he does to you. like, physically.

INDI: physical bruises heal. y'know, they... go away after awhile. but... where he puts you mentally, ares. how he can wound you emotionally... it's not right.

[cordovcs]

✩ °｡—  outgoing: cASSidy

cass: you're telling me

cass: it's been stressful to say the least

cass: wine and cluedo night soon?

INDI: what've you been up to?

INDI: did finals go well?

INDI: oh hell yes

INDI: only if i can be miss scarlett tho...

[cordovcs]

✩ °｡—  outgoing: cASSidy

cass: hey

cass: thanks for the apology

cass: you were kind of a bitch

cass: you're lucky i love you

INDI: it's just... been a rough few weeks

INDI: for me

INDI: for everyone really

INDI: love you too