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coraxcrown · 22 hours ago

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“Alone” - Gavin/Princess (NomadsTales)

Notes: Set during one of Princess’s father’s galas right before she and Gavin leave for Frosthaven, so mostly based on my own headcanons. Kinda angsty, very yearning.

I started writing this with the intention of it being a short blurb to vent out some feelings after the shitty weeks I had, but due to it ending up as a full on fanfic with almost 5000 words I thought I might share as well. Please ignore any mistakes or rusty writing as I haven’t written anything coherent in English in over two years, otherwise enjoy. Not fully proof-read.

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“Are you okay?”

The words linger in the cold night air and Princess blinks a few times as if trying to decipher the interruption's meaning. Though as quickly as it appeared, the voice seems to disband with the breeze that is tugging at the loose strands of her hair, obscuring her view like storm clouds chasing each other across the sky. It only takes a few heartbeats longer for her to question the legitimacy of the noise disturbing the peaceful quiet of the night.

She keeps herself ignorant of the man stepping closer to her on the balcony, her focus lingering on the sight of the clear night sky instead. The stars sparkle on its black canvas like thousands of jewels, forming delicate structures or dense clusters, and even with light-years of distance in between some of them seem to touch. Something about them reminds Princess of the melancholic beauty of unshed tears.

A shiver runs down her bare arms and back. The cold of the night clings onto her like the fabric of her dress. It’s unusually cold for this time of year. A fine sheen of dew has already taken residence on the roofs of the city and with the silver reflection of the moonlight, it almost looks like an exact copy of the stars shining above. Princess slowly closes her fingers more tightly around the champagne glass she has been carrying around since the very beginning of her father’s gala. The rim of the glass still untouched and the golden liquid in it is as icy as the night air. But it's the type of coldness that feels somewhat comforting as it clings to one’s skin.

“Princess?”

She finally turns to face the man approaching her. It takes a few seconds for the world to get back into focus and for his words to truly sink in, but she remembers to quickly force a smile on her face as she meets his eyes.

“Of course, why do you ask?”

Gavin’s eyes narrow into a critical look, one eyebrow already raised in obvious doubt. He takes his place next to her as usual, one hip cocked against the smooth stone of the balcony’s railing. The black suit he usually wears while on duty blends seamlessly into the darkness, extending the night sky into Princess’s reach if she just were to extend her hand towards him. Gavin stands next to her casually, his gaze unwavering yet comforting. He appears so natural -as if he was meant to stand right there beside her- that it ignites a longing deep inside Princess’s chest.

He keeps his eyes trained on her face, studying the tight curve of her lips keeping them up in a practiced smile. The sight of it drives a sharp pain into his heart, but he wills his gaze to wander higher, over the bridge of her nose to her slightly reddened cheeks before finally locking onto her eyes. The pale light of the moon reflects off them and unshed tears twinkling in them like thousands of stars. Her eyes don’t smile with her mouth tonight.

He doesn’t question why she feels the need to pretend right now, he knows her reason well enough. He can't help but feel hurt at her feeling like she has to do so in front of him, though.

“Sure”, Gavin crosses his arms before his chest, keeping his eyes locked with her’s as his eyebrows furrow. “You want to tell me the truth now?”

Princess just stares back at him for a few, painful beats of her heart before the pressure of his gaze gets too much and she glances to the side, breaking eye contact. Furrowing her brows as well she keeps her voice clipped: “I said I'm fine.”

The golden liquid in her glass swirls as she turns to face the vastness of the night sky once more, failing to notice the worried shadow casting itself over Gavin’s face.

The darkness of the night, which had seemed so comforting only a few moments before, now draped over her like a weighted blanket dragging her down. The forced smile falls from her lips as she takes in a quivering breath, her fingers loosening around the long forgotten glass of her drink. Gavin reaches out to clasp his hand around her trembling fingers and the stem of the glass before it can slip from her grasp. Startled by the sudden, warm touch on her cold skin, she jolts to meet his eyes once again.

“Princess.”

Gavin’s voice is stern but his eyes are shrouded in worry. They flicker over her face, seemingly searching for a response Princess can’t give him tonight. All she can do is shake her head while lowering her gaze, unable to properly meet his inspecting eyes. The lump in her throat rendering her mute grows and the icy champagne appears rather tempting for the very first time tonight. She tugs at the glass and Gavin’s persistent grip on it, craving the burning aftertaste of the alcohol in her mouth. Anything to delay the inevitable, anything to be able to keep pretending as if everything is fine.

Gavin takes the glass from her trembling fingers. He places it down on the balcony banister, while his other hand gently guides her face to meet his gaze again, stroking over her cheek with his thumb. His warmth, a stark contrast to her own cold skin, sends shivers down Princess’s back. A content sigh escapes her lips and she’s enticed to nuzzle closer, yearning for more than just his hand on her cheek. She’d like nothing more than to forget everything else and just wrap her arms around him, bury her face in the junction of his neck and hide away from reality. Right now she’d like nothing more than to pretend. With him.

Gavin's thumb strokes over her cheek one final time before he withdraws his hand from her. He takes one step back when he remembers the many guests chatting just a few steps behind them.

As soon as his touch leaves her, Princess is left feeling cold and alone again. The coldness no longer a comfort but a harsh reminder. It’s almost instinct when she steps forward to reach for him again. Her hand hovering in the air as if to catch his before he can truly withdraw. Just when the tips of her fingers brush against the back of his hand a familiar sound suddenly rings through the chatter of the guests. Loud and clear, sharp as a knife, her father’s laugh cuts through the noise. A second reminder.

The comfort of Gavin’s warmth boils over, and Princess janks her hand back quickly, leaving her fingertips feeling burned. He takes another step back.

“Come on, let's go.”

Gavin walks towards the glass doors of the balcony. Aware of the eyes following his every move, he takes a deep breath before opening the door and turning to face her again, a smile similar to the one she had forced onto her lips earlier now curves his own mouth. He reaches one arm out towards her invitingly, beckoning her to follow him.

Princess hesitates, but she neither questions his words nor actions. With slow steps she approaches him, welcoming the touch of his hand on the small of her back, which -even with its polite distance- feels soothing against her bare skin. He applies no pressure to her back and instead waits ever patiently for her to continue on her own time. Even though she’d like to savor the feeling of his fingers ghosting over her skin and lean into his touch, she is reminded of the still present guests by another wave of pretentious laughter. When she walks past him through the open doorway she can’t help but notice the lack of his smile usually reflected back in his eyes. All she can see is the same yearning sorrow she feels reflected back at her instead.

With her face trained forward, she keeps glancing at Gavin from the corner of her eyes as he leads her across the room with a gentle hand. He dodges clumsy conversation attempts of several guests thrown her way with a professional and polite smile, a practice the two of them have perfected over the years whenever they would sneak away. She’d normally bite back a cheeky smile and let her own hands teasingly ghost over his sides anytime he’d politely tell someone off. Tonight she just stares at his face as his hand flexes against her back in annoyance at yet another attempt to engage her into conversation. He reacts as usual. Maybe Gavin is a better pretender than her.

Blocking yet another person's attempt, Gavin turns to guide her to the man he was looking for. Upon finally reaching Princess's father, he withdraws his hand from the small of her back. His fingertips leave her skin one by one as if unwilling to fully pull away. He is unable to miss the longing glance she directs his way as the last one finally falls from her back as well.

Even though her father seemed deeply invested in a conversation with some other man -no doubt another high lineage pure-blood- he instantly stops mid sentence at the arrival of his daughter.

“Ah, Belladonna! There you are.”

His tone as warm as his gaze, he turns to face Princess fully and instantly places a hand on top of her head, ruffling her hair gently. It's a gesture both of them have been clinging onto ever since she was a child and forcibly placed his hand on her head herself. The first time she had done so she had pouted up at him and he hadn’t been able to hold back his laughter as he tussled her hair lovingly. To this day it’s still something that soothes her, even though his hand was now marked with his age and rougher than she remembers. As she lifts her eyes to glance at her father's hair now sprinkled with white tufts and silver streaks she can't help but wonder how all that time went by so quickly without her noticing.

The lines at the corners of his mouth deepen as he smiles down at her. She wishes she could meet his with a real one of her own, but all she could offer him was her most convincing fake one. He strokes her hair once more before placing his hand back at his side, the absence of his touch leaving an ache in Princess’s heart she was far too familiar with nowadays.

Her father turns to greet Gavin with a polite nod, though his gaze turns into a questioning one. “What troubles you two?”

Gavin takes over before Princess can even stumble out any words faintly resembling a response: “The miss would like to retire for the evening.”

Not surprised by his ability to stay so collected in front of her father, while she feels mere seconds away from breaking her own facade she just nods, slipping in a quiet sound of agreement. Maybe Gavin was indeed a better pretender than her.

Her father immediately directs his gaze upon his daughter’s face again, taking in the tiredness shrouding her eyes and the strain of her smile.

“Of course, you should get some rest, bellezza.”

Her father opens his arms invitingly and Princess snakes her arms underneath them and around his back without hesitation, pressing herself against his side. Maybe she holds onto him a bit too tight, clinging onto him like she had done when she was a child and he had to leave for important business. Maybe she had closed her eyes and pretended she was back there, in those memories when the worst thing to think about was not seeing her father for a few days. Now, thinking back on it she feels silly, though she can’t help but miss those times when her problems seemed simpler and everything appeared easier.

The lump in her throat returns, or maybe it never left, and the unshed tears threaten to spill over, stubbornly cutting into the corners of her eyes like the pointy ends of a star. She barely manages to croak out a quick “Good night” against his side. Her father places his hand back on to the top of her head ruffling her hair again, all the while careful not to jank against the hairpins holding half of it up.

Somewhat reluctant Princess steps back, releasing her father from her embrace. The hand on her back returns for a split second and her gaze shoots towards Gavin. He’s pointing towards the venue's doors with his eyes and with a polite nod thrown towards her father and the man he was speaking to earlier he begins to walk towards them. Princess mirrors his action, forcing a small smile onto her lips when she locks eyes with her father again before quickly following Gavin out of the room.

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Princess lets out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding, as the doors finally close behind her. Now with the chatter of the guests silenced behind thick wooden, the sudden quiet seems unfamiliar and almost deafening to her ears. Overcome with the sensation of being lost in the sea of silence, she feels drawn to grab onto something that would anchor her. She glances up at Gavin who was still standing beside her, his head already tilted her way. Reminded of the feeling of the burn of his touch the last time she had reached for him, she rubs her fingertips against each other.

Gavin’s eyes once again point her forward, motioning towards her room. And he once again takes the lead when faced with Princess’s hesitancy. Her eyes stay trained onto his form and she follows him a few heartbeats later, the tense silence twisting its claws around her heart.

She lets her eyes wander over his form as she walks a few steps behind him. He would appear calm and collected at first glance if it weren’t for his shoulders stiffening with tension that crackles like lightning down his arms and to his clenched fists. The fabric of his suit jacket stretches over his tense muscles with every step. Princess feels drawn to reach out again, either with her hand or with words. But just when she’s about to call out to him she suddenly stumbles, barely able to catch herself on the wall. Her face contorts in pain as she stares at her shoes for a few seconds, her feet aching from spending hours balancing on her toes. With a frustrated sigh and the sharp stars returning into her eyes, she grasps at the clasps of her heels. Her vision slowly blurs when they refuse to open. And even though she's biting her lip in an attempt to stifle any of her pathetic sounds, she can't help but let out a surprised gasp at the sudden touch of a hand on her elbow. Snapping her head up she, once again, is face to face with Gavin, his gaze unreadable.

Princess doesn’t react as he kneels down before her, just following his movement with her eyes. His hand slides down her arm until it replaces her hand around the stubborn shoe with his own. His fingers open both claps with practiced ease and it would have made Princess’s heart skip a beat if it weren’t for his eyes staying trained towards the ground. His touch still sends goosebumps down her back, while the absence of his gaze leaves her with another longing ache in her heart. Instinctively she places her hand onto his head, loosening a few strands of his tied up hair with her fingers as she strokes over his scalp. It’s a familiar gesture but she barely notices she’s doing it. She barely notices the hum leaving Gavin’s throat.

Princess opens her mouth, the need to reach for him returning once more. However, there are so many things on her mind, so many things she’d like to say that she doesn’t know where to begin. A pained croak escapes her lips and she clenches her mouth shut instead.

Gavin helps her step out of her shoes without acknowledging it. The tips of his fingers glide over the indents the heels have left behind, creating goosebumps in their wake. His touch is soft but fleeting, already withdrawn before Princess can truly revel in the sensation of it. She bites down on her lower lip and swallows the need to speak back down her throat.

Gavin stays kneeled on the ground but turns around so his back is facing her. Princess’s hand falls back against her side at the motion, leaving both of them yearning for more.

When he taps the back of her thighs, she finally understands his intentions. Placing her hands on his shoulders, the fabric of his suit soft under her trembling fingers, she steps closer. His own hands, while still holding onto the straps of her heels, gently take their place at the back of her knees as he guides her onto his back. Even though she was no longer wearing her heels she stumbles slightly, wrapping her arms around his neck to stabilize herself while he secures his around her legs, hoisting her up. With her breath hitching she clings onto him, burying her face into the back of his neck. His familiar warmth and scent fills her senses and she holds onto the comfort it brings her. The sigh, the first content one this night, escaping her lungs tickles against the hairs at the back of Gavin’s neck, sending a shiver down his back. Unable to ignore the goosebumps adorning his own skin now, he only shakes his head as if to clear his mind. Then he continues the walk towards Princess’s room.

He gently squeezes his fingers around Princess’s legs as he walks, a comforting reminder that she wasn’t alone.

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When they finally arrive at her room -maybe Gavin has been walking slower than he absolutely had to- Princess is reluctant to release him from her hold. Another gentle tab against her thigh signals her to let go, but she buries her nails into the front of his suit jacket instead, tightly clinging onto him. A mixture of a sigh and an amused huff vibrates in the back of Gavin’s throat. Kneeling down, he straightens his back for Princess to be able to easily slide off. She slowly and still rather unwillingly loosens her grip on the fabric of his jacket, her hands wandering up and back to his shoulders as if to stabilize her as she straightens herself to stand.

Maybe she lets her hands linger for a few seconds too long. And maybe she doesn't mind.

When she finally steps away, he immediately rises to close the door, placing her shoes down beside it. He then walks towards her, aware of her eyes following his every move, and she automatically takes one step into his direction as if to meet him halfway. He silently nudges her into the direction of the connected bathroom instead and opens the door for her. Nodding for her to get in, he reassuringly smiles down at her. Conflicted, she hesitates to enter, keeping her eyes locked onto his.

Don't go yet.

He nods in silent understanding before pushing her into the bathroom with a playful touch to her lower back. Normally she would have glared at him or even happily retaliated with a suppressed giggle, but instead she just does as he asks, her eyes all the while stay trained onto his. Only when the door separates them do they shift from his gaze.

Princess turns to her vanity slowly, holding onto the wood for support. She ignores the mirror for now, or rather her reflection in it, and takes off the delicate silver necklace around her neck instead, placing it in one of the many boxes scattered on the vanity. Turning around and away from the mirror she undoes the strings of her dress and lets it fall to the floor. The silken fabric pools at her feet like a lonely puddle as she steps out of it, opting to change into something comfortable first. Only afterwards does she dare to sit down before her vanity, douse one of the cotton pads in makeup remover and face the mirror.

As she raises her eyes to meet her own reflection’s, the deafening silence is replaced with a wordless fog of thoughts instead. Pausing mid motion she stares back at herself, suddenly feeling incredibly vulnerable under her own piercing gaze. Just a few swipes of the cotton pad were enough to reveal the dark shadows under her eyes, the worry lines between her brows and the imprints on her lower lip. Teeth imprints from whenever she would bite her lip to suppress their tremble. The sight of her tired self fills her with an unfamiliar sadness.

The cotton pad falls to the ground as she springs to her feet, pushing the chair back with a deafening screech. She quickly walks out of the bathroom, her hair with all its pins still holding half of it up stays untouched.

Swinging the door open she can feel her heart slowing only when her eyes finally lock onto Gavin's. He sits at the end of her bed, his suit jacket discarded next to him, the top button of his shirt undone and the sleeves rolled up. Like this he looks much more like himself than he had fully dressed up.

Princess lets out a quivering breath and his eyes slightly widen in confusion. It only takes a few quick steps for her to stand before him, her trembling hand hovering in the air, reaching for him. She doesn’t mind getting burned right now. He doesn’t hesitate to engulf her’s in his own, brushing his fingertips against the back of her hand. Princess tightly holds onto him, craving the burning feeling of his touch on her skin, craving how it anchors her to this very moment.

With a gentle tug he motions for her to sit down beside him, directing her back to face him. She’s simultaneously grateful to hide her wet eyes from him but also mourns the loss of his gaze. His eyes ever steady, promising something secure to hold onto.

His hands glide up her arms, tempting a soft gasp from Princess’s lips as she leans into his touch. Their warmth reaches her shoulders and the nape of her neck. He lets his hands rest there for a few seconds, his fingertips so close to her mouth that if she were to turn her head slightly, her lips would ghost over his skin. Neither of them break the silence and neither of them break the connection, reveling in each other's embrace for a few moments more. Only when his warmth is about to boil over does he remove his hands. He collects all of her hair as he originally intended and guides it all to flow down her back. Princess breath slightly hitches at the motion, his fingertips brushing against her pulse point.

With familiar fingers he strokes through the vast darkness of her hair, feeling himself reminded of the dark canvas of the night sky, the silver hairpins eerily similar to the stars outside. The silence, tense but strangely comforting, heavy with unsaid words but familiar, hangs over the both of them when Gavin begins to take out hairpins patiently, one by one. Maybe it takes longer than it should have for him to take out the pin holding up the last strand of her hair. And maybe he doesn't mind.

He stands from the bed when all of her hair is finally freed, spilling on the cushions like a pond hidden deep in the forest during the darkness of night, like a secret meeting place, a spot only he knows of. He collects all of the pins in his hands to place them on Princess’s desk and catches her reflection in the glass of the balcony doors next to it. Her head lowered, her gaze hidden. He turns to look over his shoulder and notes her hands placed in her lap tightly holding onto each other. It does nothing to hide their trembling.

His shoes click against the wooden floor when he turns to walk back to her, taking a stand before her hunched figure. His hand hovers in the air just as her’s had when she had rushed out of the bathroom earlier. She doesn't grab to hold onto his, though.

“You should get some sleep”.

They're the first words he has spoken since they left the gala, since the doors had separated them from all the guest’s curious eyes. And even though Princess has yearned to talk to him only a short while ago, now she was dreading it.

Slowly looking up, she searches for his eyes, but he keeps them downcast, trained to the floor and unwilling to meet her own ones. Noticing the tremble in his own hand -now back at his side- she, yet again, feels drawn to reach out. Her fingertips only barely ghost over his knuckles when he abruptly steps back. Picking his jacket from her bed, his arm brushes against her own, so faint she thinks she might have only imagined it. He then turns to face the door.

“…”

Princess’s mouth opens but no words are willing to spill out, her tongue heavy and useless. Gavin's hand clenches into a fist around the fabric of his jacket, the tension in the air as prevalent as the one that has returned to his shoulders. For a few seconds both of them stay like that, frozen in their positions as if someone has hit the pause button during a movie.

The silence hanging over them like a shadow is only broken by the sound of Gavin’s shoes hitting the wooden floor as he walks towards the door. Princess’s heart grows heavy.

“Good night, Princes-” a sudden hand around his wrist stops him in his tracks.

“Stay.”

Her voice mirrors her touch, soft and shaking with despair, and Gavin can’t help but wish she would have spoken as if to command him instead. Because he would have loyally followed any of her commands in that very moment and abandoned all reason. But instead it was a desperate plea, an impossible wish. And Gavin knew all too well how he should respond, how he was supposed to.

“You know I can't.”

Princess��s grip on his wrist tightens, her fingers cold and desperate against his own warm skin.

“We can't get caught, Princess.”

His voice is hoarse, plagued the same way Princess’s is as well. He'd like nothing more than to fulfill her plea, to grant her this wish. He had liked nothing more than to abandon reason the second he saw her leaning against the balcony with those unshed tears in her eyes.

“Please.”

She only speaks one word and yet her voice breaks. With her fingernails now digging into his skin as if to root him to her, she tugs at his hand. A trembling breath leaves Gavin's lips as if to prepare him for what he was about to see and he turns to face her slowly once more. He had expected for the stars to have fallen back into her eyes, but he could feel his resistance shatter as soon as he took notice of the craving desperation in them as well. Maybe he discards his resistance a bit too easily. And maybe he doesn't mind. Maybe he hadn't actually been willing to resist from the start.

The suit jacket falls to the floor when he reaches to cup her cheek instead. His touch left a burning sensation that soothed the ache in Princess’s chest, her heart stuttering longingly.

Gavin’s shoes are discarded on the floor next to the jacket. He guides her onto the bed and with her arms tightly looped around his middle she tugs him with her as they lay down besides each other.

Princess hides her face in his chest with a quivering breath, eyes shut tight. Her fingernails bury themselves in the fabric of his shirt as she desperately clings onto him. His own hands find their place on the top of her head and around her waist, rooting her to himself like she has wished for.

Their legs intertwine as they have many times before, their bodies flush against each as if to force the puzzle pieces to fit.

With the warmth of him now fully surrounding her and his fingers leaving behind faint tingles on her skin, Princess can't help but let the stars finally fall from her eyes as she drifts into a restless slumber in his arms.

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Princess wakes up slowly at the first feel of the morning sun tickling her nose. It drags her from her slumber, and unwilling to face reality she curls deeper into the cushions of her bed instead. As if they have a mind of their own, her hands begin searching for the feel of the soft shirt from the night before.

Princess wakes up slowly and against her will, the sun now digging its bright rays of light into the skin of her face. She turns onto her side and keeps her eyes shut tight, even though she knows she won't be able to fall asleep again. With her mind already fully awake she knows what she will find as soon as she opens her eyes. And what she won't.

Princess wakes up slowly, surrounded by pillows and blankets. The morning sun illuminates her giant room as usual, as she slowly blinks away the last traces of sleep.

Princess wakes up slowly.

And alone.

#corax writes #don't get used to it #nomadstales #nomadstales gavin #nomads tales and audios #fanfic #Gavin x Princess

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