coollifeofemilia-blog

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I’m working out too, do you need to stare?

The campus gym is a tough place to be for all women. Considering the weights section is probably 80 percent men makes it pretty darn difficult to build that courage to the squat rack. I’ve made it there though, and now I don’t give a damn who is there and how many guys are around me. Until today.

I was at the squat rack, just about to put a 45 pound plate on when my so-called friend, Jack, said to me, “Wow that’s heavy Emilia. Careful, don’t wanna get bulky”. This is one of the many examples of times when people have commented on me weight lifting and what it will do to my body. There is this expectation I have experienced for women to be small, not muscular. Whereas with men it is the complete opposite -- they must be big, strong, someone who can protect. 

I think this pressure for women to be small and men to be muscular is ridiculous. As long as you are healthy and moving your body in a way that makes you feel better about yourself, that is all that matters. By continuing my journey in the weight room will challenge Jack’s, and everyone else’s, perception of what I “should” look like. I’m in the gym for myself, screw these expectations.  

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happy international women’s day 💕

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Out on the town

It’s funny how differently girls act at the bar compared to guys. Last night my girlfriends and I went to the bar downtown Ottawa, which is always fun. Beforehand we went to John’s house for a party. Everyone was sitting around and one of John’s friends, Pat, was talking about a girl he obviously liked. When Pat said he wanted to take her to a nice restaurant, his guy friends scoffed at him and said some extremely rude comments about her body. All the guys were egging each other on, and Pat laughed along when he obviously did not actually think of her negatively like that. If I had said something like that to my girlfriends they would have been happy for me, not made fun of me for it.

When we went out to the bar, I made a point to actually look around and notice how everyone was acting. Most girls were wearing tank tops and jeans, dancing and singing along to the music with their hands in the air. The majority of the men, however, were sitting in the bar area right beside the dance floor, a beer in their hands, watching the girls. Then I realized that is the expectation of me when I go the bar -- wear minimal clothing and dance in front of guys. We were all accepting these expectations and following through. It makes me wonder what would have happened if the roles were reversed and the men were on the dance floor -- would the girls gawk at them? 

I was having a similar discussion in one of my seminars last week. We were questioning what the proper protocol is for how women and men should behave at a bar. It was mentioned that women are expected to wear a somewhat revealing outfit, while at the same time not too revealing or else she will appear “slutty”. Regarding men, the expectations for clothing are not nearly as strict. We were discussing that it really doesn’t matter that much what guys wear to the bar, just a simple t-shirt and jeans usually suffices. Why is this? Why do girls have so much pressure placed on them to look and act a certain way in the bar? Why is it not as much so for men? Both men and women have a certain amount of characteristics they must live up to in order to be socially accepted. When out on the town, it is crucial we act, look, and drink a certain way -- otherwise, who knows how we will be treated? 

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To anyone who thinks feminism means never calling other women out, you are wrong and this is not progressive. We call men out when they hurt women, we also have to call out the women who do the same. Your gender does not protect you from being accountable for your bad behaviour

Jameela Jamil - Presenter, Actress

Jamil has recently garnered much attention from the media due to her bold statements in interviews and on Twitter regarding the toxic influence of celebrities on the public, especially in relation to body image. Most notable is her backlash against the ‘detox teas’ and other weight loss products, and how many celebrities, like the Kardashians, irresponsibly promote such products. As someone who has struggled severely with weight, body image, and related medical issues, she highlights how damaging it can be for celebrities to set an impossible standard of beauty (achieved through their vast wealth and photo editing), while supporting products with potentially adverse effects, and contributing to the dangerous cultures and narratives that harm so many women.

She is also responsible for heading the Why Not People? and I Weigh movements, which create support for people with disabilities, and promote positive ideas about body image, respectively.

(via approaching-storm-feminism)

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The classroom

Oh, seminars. How I love them, how I hate them. One particular class I am taking right now is based on women in Canadian Politics. The discussions are always great, everyone always has something to say and an opinion to make. In this post I want to focus on gender dynamics in the classroom, particularly in a class dealing with women in politics. There is one guy named Gus who is extremely conservative. He is a white cis male, often surrounded by his fellow white cis male friends. Today we were discussing Trudeau’s decision to enforce a gender-equal cabinet and his slogan for the movement, “Because it’s 2015″.

I was arguing that this is a step in the right direction towards a gender-equal government and that Trudeau needs to continue these advancements towards gender equality. Gus had another opinion. As I was speaking, Gus actually interrupted my point to say “Just to be devil’s advocate here, but what exactly does it being 2015 have to do with making a a gender-equal cabinet? Shouldn’t our government be focusing on more important, real-life issues?”

I had expected people to scoff at this comment and argue against him, but no one did. I was baffled. Then began a five-minute heated argument between Gus and I regarding the importance of women’s participation in government, or from Gus’s perspective, lack there of. One of his friends next time him actually told me to calm down. Calm down! No one was telling him to calm down! (As you can probably tell, I’m still pretty heated over it) 

Eventually our seminar leader, Elizabeth, did settle the room and told us we could finish our discussion outside, another class was coming in. On the way out Gus said to me, “Good game” and laughed off with his friends. If this doesn’t describe typical white, cis male behaviour in the classroom I don’t know what else does. One question I do have is, would Gus have acted that way if his friends weren’t around? What makes him feel entitled to interrupt me several times, then act later like the whole thing was a joke? Would his friend had told me to calm down in a different situation? It was also interesting that no one was backing me up, especially his friends. This goes back to that expected behaviour of men, especially when surrounded with other men. I think that if any of those guys agreed with me, they definitely would not have spoken up about it. They need to keep up that masculine, tough attitude. 

Then there’s my need to “calm down”. Although men are expected to act a certain way in the classroom, so are women. My having an opinion and arguing against a man made me appear “hysterical”, while Gus was also arguing just as much as me, no one told him to “calm down”. That behaviour is expected of him, however shamed upon for me. Why? 

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Men don’t age better than women, they’re just allowed to age

Carrie Fisher - Actress, Writer, Comedian

Fisher, renowned for her role as Princess Leia in the Star Wars franchise, always spoke openly about misogyny in Hollywood, issues surrounding women’s body image, and her experiences with bipolar disorder and drug addiction. Throughout her life, she provided advocacy and financial contributions to a number of causes, including support for recovering addicts, AIDS/HIV organisations, and LGBT+ causes

(via approaching-storm-feminism)

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Today I’ll quote one of my fave random tumblr quotes: “I love women. In the feminist way and in the gay way” 👏

 Happy International Women’s Day 🌸🌈

𝖓𝖊𝖛𝖍𝖆𝖉𝖆

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What makes a good student?

Being in third year, by now I have a sense of what makes a successful student with, let’s be honest, somewhat mediocre grades. One of the most important things to remember when entering university is to learn time management. Once you know how long it takes you to complete a task (and do it well) it is so much easier to plan around that. Another factor of what makes a good student is balancing social life with school life. I will do a post on experiencing the university social life as a female, however for now it is important to remember that yes we are here for school, hanging out with friends is also just as memorable. Thinking about this, do you think these qualities of what makes a good student differs between those who identify as men and women?

 I do. 

Here’s an example. In my first year, one of the boys on my residence floor was extremely smart, handsome, and all-around great guy. Everybody loved him. His name was John and he was also in Political Studies with me. We would go to class together, study together. He helped me a lot in our Economics class since I was having trouble (okay, maybe trouble is an understatement -- I was failing). I probably would have failed that class if it weren’t for John’s help. Near the end of the semester, I overheard him talking to our Into to Women’s Studies prof after seminar. It was then that I realized he was failing that class. Afterwards I confronted him, telling him that I could help him study for the final. He refused. I did not realize until a few weeks later, once the term had ended and I was back at home for the summer, that John didn’t say no to my help because he didn’t think I would be capable -- he said no because he was too embarrassed to need help, especially from a girl. 

There are so many examples of gender expectations in this situation. Why was it socially acceptable for me to ask John for help, but not the other way around? My friends certainly wouldn’t have cared if I told them John was helping me, but would his friends had if they found out he was failing? Why do men have this pressure on them to be so smart they can’t even ask for help, especially from a  woman? The fact that I didn’t feel embarrassed needing help but John did shows this pressure men experience with needing to be smart, handsome, funny, and perfect. But not too perfect that they are cocky about it. 

These are the kind of life experiences we need to remember and reflect on. There are hidden gender dynamics in every social situation like this we go through. We just have to keep asking that same question. Why?

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03.23.17 // 3:24 PM

Nothing like a quiet spot with a nice view to get me back on track. Last exam tomorrow! Must not lose my focus!

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Hello! Whoever you are reading this, it’s so nice to meet you! Just a little introductory post here. My name is Emilia and I am a third year student at the University of Ottawa majoring in Political Science and Women’s Studies. Here I plan on sharing my thoughts, ideas, and experiences regarding politics. One of my favourite discussion topics is the expectations our society puts on men and women, as well as how those expectations change depending on the person’s gender and the situation they are in. It is something I have noticed my entire life. Identifying as a white female, there are certain expectations I must abide by, almost as if there is a role i must play in order to be socially accepted. On this blog I will show some examples of these experiences, as well as those of which my fellow colleagues have shared with me. Thanks for reading!

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I hate men who are afraid of women’s strength.

Anais Nin (via hell-bound-and-diversivolent)

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There is no limit to what we, as women, can accomplish.

Michelle Obama (via hell-bound-and-diversivolent)

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