cookie002

[cookie002]

I’ve come to the decision that I will not be posting on this blog anymore. This blog holds a dear place in my heart so I won’t delete it.

Over 4 years ago I made this blog to create a safe place where I could vent. I did this because it was very clear to me that I could not talk to anyone around me.

I never expected followers or likes at all. But it made me kind of relieved I wasn’t the only one with these feelings. I felt as if I was not alone in this.

I know I haven’t been as active as I used to be. Depression is still torturing me from time to time but it’s much better since a year ago. I haven’t self harmed in I think 2 years now? Anxiety attacks are still a big challenge for me. But even with all those issues, I’m happier. I’ve made some great friend who support me and don’t judge me.

I just wanted to thank the people who reached out to me through these couple of years. Even though we don’t talk anymore, you still hold a place in my heart. Thank you to my followers and the people who liked and reposted stuff of mine. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH 💖

Even though I will be leaving this blog, doesn’t mean I will leave Tumblr. I have made a blog themed around my interests. Such as series and movies, anime, games, ... This blog is @mind-of-arts. Do not feel obligated to follow this blog. Only follow if you like that content.

Again thank you all for the wonderful years and goodbye.

[cookie002]

I told my friend that I had a bad day and had a mental breakdown at night. My heart literally ached and my stomach hurt so much. I felt tired of living that day and just wanted to disappear. And the only thing she said was “well, are you sleeping enough?”

That’s it. That was the only question. I’ve been sleeping a full 8 hours, so a “healthy amount of sleep”. Does she really think depression is caused by lack of sleep. I don’t know but it made me angry that she just said that. She knows that I’ve been trough some shit but she never saw me at my lowest point. Sometimes it just hurts me that she can say stuff like that. She doesn’t believe I have depression because I look happier than 3 years ago? It’s still there honey, you just have to look a little deeper.

[cookie002]

Okay, my mom just called me a drama queen because I have anxiety attacks. Thanks mom, it’s the ✨mental illness✨ that my dad caused

[cookie002]

hey, how do you feel today?

Better than yesterday and that’s an improvement. I got to hang out with my friend because it was my birthday. Even tho my anxiety flew trough the roof, I still enjoyed her company.

Now the question, how are YOU doing today? I hope you enjoyed your day as much as I did. 💖

[cookie002]

Honestly, I never thought I would make the age of 18.

[cookie002]

Damn I’m fucking raging.

This dude that I’ve known for 4 years that has been sexually envisioning every woman he has ever seen (even made a list of the girls in his class who he would fuck), has just been posting several racist comments and articles on his PUBLIC snapchat story so all his friend can see that bullshit.

He has been posting some racist things earlier in the years but I’m so fed up with him.

When I opened his story, I just unfollowed him. I know I should tell him that he is in the wrong but that guy doesn’t wanna see any other sides. He is too brainwashed by the racists. He even said “all lives matter”. My dude, if you don’t wanna respect black lives or any lives other than white lives, you should definitely not say ALL lives matter. You just mean white lives matter. So goodbye you fucking racist white piece of shit.

I myself am white and I know I have privilege. I understand the pain of black people even though I will probably never encounter them. I will stand by your side! I will spread awareness, information and sign petitions!

Sadly I am not able to go to the protests or donate money because of my racist dad. If things were different I would do these things without a doubt.

[cookie002]

Dark times all around but there are still people out there who love you

Do not hurt yourself, do not hurt others, get help, talk to someone, anyone. Humanity has survived before and we can do it now if we all just support each other. My country and my people let me down and endangered my life but there’s nothing I or anyone else can do about that so let’s try to spread the love that is so clearly lacking.

[cookie002]

this post is about racism, and not only in the usa.

I made a similar post yesterday, but I feel like it was shadow banned by tumblr, so I’m gonna do it again today. I have a much larger reach on this blog than in real life or my other social media, so I think it’s important to address this here. 

Brazil, much like the United States, was built by slaves, and up to this day is filled with deeply rooted institutionalized racism. Police brutality is also a tremendous issue on both countries. A week before George Floyd was murdered, João Pedro, a 14 year old black boy was killed by the police while playing inside his home in Brazil. It sickens me that these two cases are just the tip of a giant disgusting icerberg.

In Brazil, we hear of similar cases every other day in the news. And I am ashamed and disgusted that this is the world we live in, where people can’t walk the streets and not fear for their lives simply because they are black, where black children aren’t safe playing in their own homes or returning home from school, not even wearing a school’s uniform. 

In Brazil, if you live in a favela (poor communities where mostly black people live), police can and will come barging inside your house, and will shoot first and ask questions later. But if we are being honest, nowhere will ever feel truly safe for black people while this kind of shit still goes on.

I am white, and there’s definitely more important people you should be hearing right now (black people/simblrs). But I felt the need to talk about this deeply disturbing situation, and from white person to white person: if thinking/talking about this makes you uncomfortable, good. You’re not supposed to feel comfortable while lives are being taken. 

If you can go out and not fear suffering from racism, if you know with certainty you won’t be mistaken for a criminal simply because of your skin colour, if you can actually call the police with confidence that they will help you, and if you can carry a closed umbrella and not fear it will be mistaken for a gun, you are privileged. We are privileged. 

Recognize your goddamn privilege before you say anything on this subject. Recognize it before throwing your judgement around about how people are reacting. You’ll never feel this on your skin, so it’s not your place to tell black people how to act. What you can and should do is see, listen, and stand with black people. Black lives matter and always will matter. 

[cookie002]

[cookie002]

Hey, do you remember me? I'm really sorry for you. I've never seen a shadow figure, but there was a time when I was younger where I heard steps in my room when I was trying to fall asleep, even if I was alone. So I actually get what you feel. It's really scary. I just wanted to send you some love and feel huged. Stay strong ♡

Of course I remember you 💖

I’m kinda relieved that I’m not the only one who experienced something weird

I hope you don’t hear those steps anymore because I would be so scared.

I send you all my love and hugs back 💖

You stay strong too!

[cookie002]

[cookie002]

I like making fun of myself so others think I’m funny

Even tho I’m a depressed bitch

[cookie002]

I’m literally texting someone about remy the rat from ratatouille

If this doesn’t sum up my life I don’t know anymore

[cookie002]

This whole quarantine I lived on coffee and netflix

[cookie002]

Back at it again with crying in the bathtub ✌️

[cookie002]

January 13 2020

Long time no see. My life has been getting better since the beginning of 2019. I gave myself more time to heal, more time to become myself again, more time to make friends. I gained interest in my hobbies again. I started painting, reading and gaming again. My relationship with my mother became really healthy in 2019 and is still going strong.

This year, my class is absolutely fantastic. I’m in a class of 7, which I already knew one of them and could call her a great friend. I immediately became good friends with all of them and never felt so loved in a school. My teachers are nice and care about us.

These years might be the best years of my life. I hope they don’t end too soon. But I will enjoy every second of it.

[cookie002]

merry christmas to all the people struggling with depression, anxiety, or any other mental health problems, and trying their hardest this year, despite only being surrounded by cheer. it sucks, and i know how you feel. messages always open, and even though it doesn’t feel like it, have a merry christmas. all my love