conscious-streaming

[conscious-streaming]

I don’t know, I think if you’re gonna tell me to take the day to think about your side of things as if I haven’t spent the entire time doing that leading up to and during a conversation, that’s on you bro, because I’ve already been through a minimum of 5 possible lines of thought you had and if it’s still bothering me after that, then like??? Maybe I don’t need to further evaluate your side?? And maybe??? You are just dismissing mine?? You’re literally trying to tell a massive over thinker to over think like hello hi I’ve already been doing that hence why I’ve decided we need to have this conversation?

I don’t know, sometimes you treat me like I’ve never tried to imagine your perceptions when it’s all I do and when they’re incongruent with what you boast about yourself thats when I get annoyed?? You literally are on me all the time about consistency and when you do it it’s just an oopsie.

You know what I honestly don’t feel better because the entire time during that conversation you basically told me I was overreacting and I certainly was not, objectively was not. And I don’t appreciate that?? I choose my words very specifically so if I���m saying something feels a certain way it’s because it does regardless of if you’re intending that or not. To me, it’s important that you recognize that your actions have impacts on me rather than dismissing it as me overreacting or just compromising my emotions away.

We usually do what you want. How many times have I brought up tennis or this new show I like and want to watch with you. And yet we still watch the movies you choose and do what you want. That bothers me so much.

I don’t ask you to help me carry the groceries because I am fully able to do that, the same with furniture stuff, but when I ask for help with cleaning I need the help then, and considering that it is truly the only thing I explicitly ask for help for, I’d think you’d realize I’m asking for a reason. Helping is going out of your way to aid someone, and emotionally caring for a person you’ve known and loved for 6 years is different. Physical help is drastically different than emotional support. I just want you to be an adult and take initiative.

You know I hate it too when I’m saying something directly to you and you can’t bother to pause a fucking video to hear what I’m saying. That turns me off so fast you have no idea and it puts me in the worst mood. Again, if I’m saying something to you knowing that you’re watching a video, odds are it’s something I need you to listen to. All of my actions are well thought out and planned so to act like I’m unaware of human tendencies or thought processes is just fanning the flames because I’ve already had the conversation with you like 10 times in my head.

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Perhaps I dwell because I don’t feel heard

By god that could be it

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read me deeper when i don't speak

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“If I write what I feel, it’s to reduce the fever of feeling.”

— Fernando Pessoa; “The Book of Disquiet” (via minuty)

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The Moon and the Yew Tree, Sylvia Plath

[ID: How I would like to believe in tenderness—]

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“Tonight, when the Moon delivers my thought to you, I hope you will come to know how much I still care, and how I never really let you go all this while.”

— Lukas W. // All this while (via somepiecesofmyheartandsoul)

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“fuck i’m so in love with you you can’t even imagine”

— (hatin)

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“But still, you know how it is when you’re missing a loved one. You try to turn every stranger into the person you were hoping for. You hear a certain piece of music and right away you tell yourself that he could have changed his clothing style, could have gained a ton of weight, could have acquired a car and then parked that car in front of another family’s house. ‘It’s him!’ you say. ‘He came! We knew he would; we always…’ But then you hear how pathetic you sound, and your words trail off into silence, and your heart breaks.” - Anne Tyler, A Spool of Blue Thread

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“No one has ever made you feel this way, how I am loving you now: remember, remember because nobody else remembers. I remember, I do. Imagine for example, how we tread the pavements with your leather shoes, when we cross the bridge when you suddenly hum a song you have heard from nearby folks. It is quite so lovely how you do it. You do it in your own way, that I am moonstruck, as if the moonbeam is coming from your voice, that spontaneous illumination with your movements, your hands that are vital to your nails– transparent, colorless, like spring water in the brooks. If it is with you, these memories, arise, gently opening my heart to take you in– and you will eat me whole, because I feel so small, so small that I am melting, melting and caramelized. We are here, we are here, and nothing has escaped between us, as if the earth and sky meets halfway to give us space: the momentary pause of this liquid ether we hold in our hands, the palpitation in your chest, that is, how I know, time stand still.”

— Chuck Akot, from The Color of Charcoal and Other Essays, IF THE EARTH AND SKY MEETS HALFWAY 

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“I don’t consider myself a romantic, but you bring out the devil in me. Let’s rent a cabin on the furthest edge of the closest set of mountains we can find. Let’s bathe in the skylight, talking about how cold it is as we spoil ourselves inside with the heat up high. We can crank up the fireplace and turn down the television set, listening with trained ears as fresh snowdrops settle in on the roof. Let’s line ourselves up like glue and press together until all our problems go away. They won’t get far. Trouble always seems to find us, doesn’t it?”

— t.s.

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„If the world was ending You'd come over right? The sky'd be falling and I'd hold you tight. And there wouldn't be a reason why We would even have to say goodbye”

— Julia Michaels

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“It has made me better, loving you.”

— Henry James; The Portrait of a Lady

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you make me realize just how beautiful life can be

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