confusedmama85

[confusedmama85]

Do you ever find yourself scrolling mindlessly? You have seen every post but can’t help it. You just keep scrolling. I am guilty of this. I hate the guilt that comes with this. I feel like I am not doing enough. Like I could be doing this or that. I still had the tendency to pull my phone out, even though I had so much that I could be doing. Let’s look at some stats, to see why this could be happening.

Based on techjury.net:

1. Most mobile phone users check their phone up to 63 times a day (Source: Slick Text)

2. People spend an average of 5.4 hours on their mobile phones, daily(Source: Oberlo)

How Many American’s Own Smartphones?

3. 294.15 million smartphone users are in America (Source: Statista)

4. 94% of 18-29-year old’s in the US own a smartphone (Source: Bank My Cell)

5. 86% of Americans go online, using their mobile devices, daily (Source: ZD Net)

6. 91% of American college graduates are owners of smartphones (Source: Bank My Cell)

How Are Mobile Phones Used by Americans?

7. Social media is responsible for 2 hours and 24 minutes, as a global average (Source: Slick Text)

8. 13% of millennials spend over 12 hours on their phones (my generation) …

9. Baby Boomers spend 5 hours on their phone, on average

10. Millennials spend 48 minutes texting, daily

Now that the stats are listed, what do you spend most of your time doing, while you are on your phone? I used to mindlessly scroll through social media like a freaking zombie. I kept telling myself that I needed to find other things to do. It was almost like I didn’t know what to do with myself, if I wasn’t on social media. The craziest part of this is that I have plenty to do. There is literally ALWAYS something to do. I have two kids, a significant other and a house to maintain. Obviously when I am working, it is much easier to avoid social media. It is a literal addiction. I don’t care what anyone says.

So how do you fix this? Do you even want to? I honestly didn’t see any issue with it, until I had kids and life seemed to zip by at a faster pace, than it previously did. Is this just me? I doubt it.

Personally, I wanted to take my life back. Social media scrolling isn’t the only issue. Ads are literally after every other post. You end up buying things that you would have otherwise never even thought of. Who needs surprise subscriptions beauty products? You are likely not going to use most of the items. I can attest to this. We don’t need it if it wasn’t already on our list.

The things that I have found helpful, is finding hobbies. Things I enjoy doing. I never knew that I liked blogging, even though I always felt like I had helpful advice, or good ideas. Now I find myself enjoying it. Coming up with new ideas to talk about. My perspective. I want to help others. I know I am not the only one struggling at this thing called life. Social media has made us so blind to the struggle. It is so gross.

On top of blogging, I am working on coming up with new side hustles. It’s never a bad idea to make extra money, right? One side hustle that I have really learned to like is reselling. There are so many things around my house that I either forgot that I had or that we just never use. Instead of sending stuff to the landfill or to Goodwill, that will send a lot of stuff to the landfill, I find someone who wants or needs it. This keeps me busy and helps others in the process.

I have also learned to love making my own products. I make, lotion bars, chap stick and flax seed gel for my hair. I plan to branch out a bit, but that is what I have done so far.

Look we all need to work on ourselves. It is the world that we live in. Until we go home to Jesus. While we are here we should make the best of it. I don’t have a ton of time to blog or resell, but those are things that I can do here and there. There is no obligation to do either. There are no deadlines. I do try to set a day that I will post but that doesn’t always work out. Regardless this is for my enjoyment and down time. We all have to do what is best for our families and ourselves. We also should spend time doing things that’s are beneficial for our minds and souls. Social media is beneficial in some ways, but it can also be toxic.

Did you know that on most devices have settings that track the time you spend on your phone? What apps you are using? And how many times you unlock your phone? Should we be scared… Probably… Big brother is always watching. Anyhow tell me what your hobbies are. I would love to try new things!

[confusedmama85]

How I Paid Off Over $22,000 in 15 Months:

Hi friends- This is my second time writing this. I made a booboo and deleted the first one. First off, I want to say that I am not a Financial Advisor. I am only telling you what has worked for me and my situation.

A little backstory for you; I am 33. I have 2 children. I work from home and manage my home. I am working on getting to a point where we can move out of California, and I can still work from home. The job I currently have is not guaranteed to be a home job, indefinitely. I am opening my horizons and trying some new things.

For the financial background, I grew up in a home where we lived paycheck to paycheck. After becoming an adult, I continued down this path. Often, I did not even have money the day after payday. At this time, I lived at home with my parents. Obviously, this was helpful, as I did not pay rent.

Before I had my first child, I got myself into some debt. I had two store credit cards and two student loans. I paid the minimum on my credit cards, for a while. Of course, when you pay the minimum, you see little to no progress. This made me stop paying them. Of course, this was not a wise decision, but it was the decision that I made at the time.

As for the student loans, I deferred them any chance I got. I deferred them when I really did not need to. This is embarrassing, but oh well. It was my life at the time, and I want to be completely honest.

After having my son, I did not get any better. I took out a couple more student loans, to help me move my family and me. I know, this is not what student loans are for. I was also going to go to the university, in my area... But did not, of course.

Eventually, I met my other half. We were looking at moving in together, but I was terrified. My debt was out of hand. I had things in collections. I thought for sure my other half would leave me, because of it. Thank goodness he did not. We were able to get into an apartment together.

The craziness did not stop me from making dumb decisions and overspending. I started dabbling in the world of budgeting. I started creating a budget but could not seem to stick to the budget. I kept creating the budget, even though I was failing. In 2019, I stumbled upon Dave Ramsey. Listening to him was like a gut check. I was ashamed of myself. I started to feel some type of way, and this helped me get further on track.

I continued to struggle, but not as badly. I started to dive deep into my credit and was consistently trying to fix any issues that I could.

I was able to clear off the collections and got approved for actual credit cards. Do not freak out. I use credit cards for the advantages. I use them to pay bills, pay them off every month and reap the rewards. There are successful ways to use credit cards.

In 2020, I was able to pay off $11,000, in student loans. This was all my student loans. They were gone. WOOHOO. Now all I had was my car loan that was about $20,000. In 2021, I paid off OVER 11,000, on my car. I currently owe $4,500, in total debt. This is just for my car. I am going to go through the process that I went through to get here.

1.    Mental Health:

I know this topic can be taboo, but it should not be. Mental health is so especially important. I cannot stress this enough. There can be several reasons why you are not in a good mental space. It can be mental illness or life circumstances. Ensure that you get the proper help to stabilize yourself. It will make all the difference.

2.    WHY?

What is your why? What will benefit you if you are debt free? What goals can you reach because you are debt free? Is it to reduce the interest? Is it to save for your children's futures, or your future? Really put some major thought into this, so that you have a strong why.

3.    Be 100 With Yourself:

Put everything on the table. Every single debt. The amount you owe on each debt and the total amount of debt. Understand that this is going to hurt. You may be embarrassed. You might want to cry. You may feel helpless. This is necessary. All the feelings and pain in necessary.

4.     Plan of Action:

Now that you have all your debt laid out, you can create a budget to pay this debt down and eventually off. There are several ways to pay down your debt. The two that I have heard most about are the snowball method and the avalanche method. I use the snowball method. This method works best for me because I need to see change on the faster side. You always need to do what works best for you and your situation.

5.    Extra Money??

Sorry to break it to you, but when you are in debt, you do not have extra money. If you are in debt, you owe someone. How would you feel if someone owed you money, but only paid you the minimum (if that), but you know they can pay more? It would be frustrating. I know debt collectors want you to stay in debt, and that is why you pay so much in interest. That doesn't mean you should stay in debt. I put any additional funds I receive towards my debt. That includes tax returns, stimulus checks and side hustle money.

6.   Side Hustle:

There are so many ways to make extra money. Reselling is a great option. It is free. You can literally sell things around your house. If you are like many Americans, you likely have too much stuff. This has been very fruitful for me. I’m sure it could be for you too.

7.   Create a Vision Board:

Look to the future for a moment! What does life without debt look like to you? What could you invest in, if you weren’t investing in debt?

Thank you, if you have gotten this far. If you like my content, please like and share. If there is a topic you would like me to cover, please reach out!

[confusedmama85]

Budgeting Tips & Tricks

Hi friends! First off, I am not a financial advisor. I am just a mom, trying to do life. Look, I know the school system is not set up, to teach us a lot of life’s challenges. We need finance classes to be a requirement. Most of us were taught financial lessons from our parents, who were taught from their parents and so on. Considering that poverty is often generational, that could explain why.

I know of a family that lived in poverty for several generations. It took one generation to turn that around. We can break the mold. We can leave a better legacy, than was left for us.

I am currently on my debt free journey. I am $9,500 away from paying off my 2018 Nissan. I have paid off over $15,000 within the last year and this is how I started. I will go into more detail about my debt free journey, in my next blog.

1. Create a Budget:

The hardest part of budgeting is creating a budget, that works for you. Creating a successful budget takes time. Your first budget likely won’t be your last. I have personally lost count of how many budgets and systems that I have used over the years. I started with the pen and paper method. To be frank, this was my favorite method for a very long time! I am very old school and love to write things down. My budget has progressed over time. I now use an Excel spreadsheet. It took a lot of getting used to, but I love it. The math is automatic. There are also so many other functions that Excel has, that are excellent, for budgeting. Always remember to use what method works for your situation. There are so many options. The method you choose will depend on many factors (I.e., debt, savings goals, bills and so on). You may have to try several methods, before finding one, that works for you. I, personally do the 20/30/50 rule. This will likely change, but it works, right now.

2. Review, Review, Review:

I can’t stress this enough, consistently go over your budget. I review mine daily, weekly & monthly. I may be excessive, but I am never surprised. I start creating a budget for next month on the 15th. After I have created the budget, I glance at it daily. I do not go over it in detail, on a daily basis. I just review as a reminder. Once pay day rolls around, I go over my budget in detail, before distributing the funds. This is a weekly routine. This whole process helps keep me on track. You don’t have to review as often as I do, but it doesn’t hurt to review weekly, at least.

3. Always Budget for The Unexpected:

Look, I don’t care what you say, you will likely buy something that does not align with your budget. Maybe not all of the time, but it will happen. It is a great idea to have money set aside to spend on miscellaneous things. It is better to put money aside, rather than put yourself further in debt. It is not a bad idea to have an emergency fund, to support anything that happens outside of your control (I.e., flat tire, car breaks down, hospital visit and so on). Unfortunately, we aren’t in control of everything, but we can be ready.

4. Make As Much as You Can Automatic:

Hear me out, I used to hate making things automatic, by it has really made things much smoother in my world. Here is my strategy:

A. First off; this may not work for everyone

B. I have my bills paid automatically, through my credit cards

C. I pay my credit cards in full, each month

D. I obtain rewards through my credit cards

E. I put the rewards into savings

F. I have subscriptions for things that I have to buy anyway (i.e., toilet paper, diapers, wipes, toothpaste, coffee and the such)

G. I budget these subscriptions, so they aren’t a surprise or an over spend

5. Have Multiple Accounts:

I have several accounts to help manage my money. This helps me, so the money is separate. It is like the envelope method, but electronic. The accounts I have are below:

A. Primary direct deposit account

B. Spend account

C. Gas, car maintenance and car insurance account

D. Holiday and birthday account

E. Regular savings account (tax money goes here)

F. Savings accounts for both kids

G. Investment account

H. 401k

6. Don’t Overthink It:

Give yourself some grace. You won’t be perfect, ever. Our lives are always changing. Do your best and never ever give up.

[confusedmama85]

How To Help Your Child, When You Need Help Too?

In my previous blog, I went through my diagnosis'. It took me over 10 years to get the help I needed, desperately.

Why did it take me that long, you may ask? Or not, but I will explain why. In 2011, I had my first child. I had struggled with anxiety, my entire life. Unfortunately, I had no idea what it was. Assuming life was just unbearably stressful, I didn't get help.

After having my son, in 2011, I finally sought help. The doctor that I had visited, told me that I'd get over it. All I could think is "I will never do this again". I spent another 10 years struggling.

In 2020, 10 years later, I became pregnant. I spoke to my doctor, about my anxiety. I was so afraid that she was going to down play it, so I made it seem like no big deal. Thankfully my doctor took it VERY seriously. She told me that I should take medication, to control it. I was afraid to, but did. Thank goodness that I did.

Fast forward a year. I was having major manic episodes. They were stressing me out so bad. I was making really dumb decisions, and I was afraid of the consequences. Yes, I knew the consequences... No I did not have any self control at the time. It's not just a "you just shouldn't do it". Shortly thereafter, I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar II Disorder & ADHD. Both disorders cause impulse control issues. Obviously, I needed major help.

To help my son, who also has ADHD, I first took care of myself. He had already been diagnosed with ADHD, and I literally had no idea what I was dealing with. I did research and did the best I could to educate myself.

I have worked closely with his teachers and school staff. We have a plan in place and we all communicate regularly.

I went through the medication process and have him doing regular therapy.

I talk openly with him and always leave room for him. He knows he is safe with me.

I am still learning every day and so is he. Educating yourself, is key in all situations.

[confusedmama85]

2020 was the year, wasn't it?

Not only did COVID hit, but I was pregnant, my mom was sick and my son was struggling badly, in school.

While I was pregnant, my doctor was very adamant that I take care of my anxiety. I was reluctant to take medication, but they explained what could happen, if I didn't take it seriously.

I gave in and took medication. The medication helped tremendously and I was almost never anxious. Considering all I was going through, I felt numb.

I was told that my son may have a learning disability, as he was way behind.

My grandmother died. I wasn't close to her, but it was sad. I feel like when anyone dies, it saddens me.

My mom was dying. She had had several strikes, which ended up taking her life.

Exactly a month after my mom passed, my cousin died in his sleep.

Then I had my daughter. The biggest blessing for 2020.

Keep in mind that in 2020, I went months without getting my son diagnosed or treated. It was near impossible, with everything going on. Finally I was able to get him a diagnosis.

He has ADHD, which truly wasn't a surprise. This boy has so much energy, its pretty insane. Medication scared me, so I tried everything I could to not medicate him. Unfortunately, he literally needs the medication, to be successful in school.

In 2020, not only was my son diagnosed with ADHD, but so was I. I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar II, ADHD, GAD and Social Anxiety. I had to go on a medication journey, to figure out to to stabilize myself. It took months, but finally I have a regimen, that works for me.

I know often times people talk about Bi-Polar like its split personality or something. Its not. Its like either being high on life or being depressed.

When I say "being high on life", I mean feeling like you can take on the world. You can do anything. Sometimes you make bad decisions, thinking you can be successful at things.... LIKE MLMs. I digress. Its a very good feeling, but can lead to major consequences.

The depression can be agitation... Seeming on edge or frustrated. It could also he lethargy. Lack of enjoyment and so on.

Now that I've put my dirty laundry out there, I want to talk about self care and mental health.

I went out of my way to get help, because I was spiraling out of control, and I wanted to be stable for my kids and myself.

Since I have been diagnosed with all of these mental issues, I cant get life insurance, through my employer. Yea thats right, they denied me. Im sure I could get it through someone, if I wanted to pay a ton.

I am literally getting help, to control these issues, but they assume that I may do something to myself, which I never would. I honestly think this is so wrong. Mental health is a serious issue, that people refuse to get help for, and I see why. I dont regret getting help, but my first thought after I was denied, was I shouldn't have gotten help!

We need to advocate for change. Mental health needs to be focused on and not be taboo. We all struggle in some way. We need to support and love one another.