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yo yo yo, i'm still kicking. wanna see something cool?

i redid my room in its entirety and ended up with this. all the poor shelves are double/triple stacked but this feels like an exhibit and i'm so proud. sharp eyes will likely catch that the bottom shelf is bonus tolkien and forgotten realms. truly a museum of fantasy lmao

i'm excited to come back in january of the new year and use all of this again

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Look into the fire. It will warm you, keep you company. But left unchecked, it will consume everything, until there is only ash...

Independent Merrin of Star Wars Jedi; Fallen Order & Survivor Highly Selective, Canon-Divergent, Headcanon Based EST. February 2021, Revamped 4-30-2023

Witch Sistered by Victoria

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my girl is coming back. she's really coming back.

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Bianca Stone, from What Is Otherwise Infinite: Poems; “Artichokes”

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i linger always. like a threat. and i'm forcing you to look at THE CHRISTMAS PRESENT MY ROOMMATE GAVE ME IM FREAKING OUT --

bless this angel, she's never seen the ahsoka show but knows i love that character more than life, so got me a holocron and picked a color she thought i'd like. it's so charming it hurts. i put it in my ahsoka corner.

my favorite part was her prelude to me opening the bag: "i hope you'll know what it is, but if you don't i'll tell you what the internet said it was." she underestimated my power but i adore it anyway.

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“I thought I knew who you were behind that mask.”

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I don’t own my emotions unless I can think about them. I am not afraid of feeling but I am afraid of feeling unthinkingly. I don’t want to drown. My head is my heart’s lifebelt.

Jeanette Winterson, from ‘Gut Symmetries’

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@honorhunt / continued for beta. 🎶

at first it was like a game, lifting away so many surgically folded layers of paper. guessing at the purpose and pretending not to know any greater reasons why boba had angled away to practically drape himself over the deck's railing like wet laundry. if she looked deeper, pain would have radiated from the curve of his spine and pricked at her sensibilities. or sounded alarms. it wasn't that she wasn't interested, but her recent and relatively weightless curiosity still lingered fractionally on her lips. to let go so soon felt unfair. 

once the wrapping exposed its treasure buried within, the response was both immediate and nonexistent.

the distant wind in the trees prompting latent falls of snow hushed. butcher paper drifted soundlessly away. out of sight. within her cold now hands lay the memories of warmth suspended in mottled wood and glass.

parasaurolophus.

how many times would she have to suffer the unearthing of what used to occupy her heart? the cave. the beach. the boat. sand, wind, air, solitude, intimacy, secrecy, privacy. honesty.

 ❝  goddammit. ❞

in times ahead she would look back, unable to recall if she'd whispered or hissed.

turning away could not have caused the profusely detailed burden of hearts' truth to become any less intense, yet every survival instinct told her to. frozen flakes covering the solo's deck dampened the two steps she took toward the door then took back to the same indentations as before

running.... she'd tried that before. and it hadn't fixed a thing.

even as her vision clouded, all the remaining control ahsoka possessed howled for tears to withdraw, every modicum of restraint cranked to eleven and yet she could feel the mechanisms fraying with every twist. emotion was inescapable. with a kind of creeping horror, ahsoka tano had to remind herself that feeling wasn't wrong. being too overcome to think was.

there would be no compromises either way; she had to lock the rest of the way down before breaking. get through the evening and remain stiff and solid and reasonable until she could drive home in silence, shut her door in no one's face and pour a heart full of saltwater onto her pillow in her dark bedroom. for someone who preferred everything well lit, from office to lab to midday air, no light could be suffered to reach the still gaping hole where love used to be. the pitted crack in her heart where, far, far down love still lurked at the bottom like a frightened animal, starved, weak, and never bold enough to exit its hiding place yet too stubborn to die. an ever-present necrosis that didn't expand, though managed to remain in a state of suspended rot. like an obedient dog the frozen infection stayed where she commanded: out of sight. if she paid any more attention to it, she'd be sick. frankly, ahsoka had flatly refused to amputate anymore of herself once the first deed had been done.

but she'd played impenetrable for so long. never let the choice get the best of her. never let heartbreak drive a wedge between her good sense and her life's purpose: the very reason she'd ended everything between them, as a matter of fact.

boba had other plans. if the rot of undying romantics really was shared, he'd let it eat him alive in her presence and ahsoka wasn't sure if it was a curse or compliment. 

holding such an objectively priceless effort in her hands, she could almost sense tendrils of warmth crawling through her veins despite brisk december. if she looked under her sleeves, would there would be tattoos appearing, weaving across her skin like vines? boba's fever was spreading from the wood into her blood without a drop ever spilt. damn boba. she used to hope she'd marry him. or wake up in tandem forever next to the coos and calls of the living fossils they had the honor to steward and shepherd. either would have been fine.

make it stop, make it stop. don't you make me weak, too.

all too recently she'd gotten the impression adequate time had passed to make peace with losing one more home. apparently not.

a one handed grip was too risky for a woman hell-bent on keeping the peace. so ahsoka leaned in to the danger, holding the gift just so near boba's peripherals. half safe, half hovering above the sharp drop to gravel below.

the next hiss she remembered vividly.

❝  now here's what you don't get to do: hand this over like nothing changed. what possessed you ——— ❞

unfortunately, she had no choice in how what would have been her next word cracked. sharply enough to force a pause.

maybe she should have tried to invent some kind, any kind, of imaginary conversation the two of them might one day have because this....felt impossible. conversely, it might have been nothing short of hubristic to think she could have anticipated a situation like this.

ahsoka surrendered to the break, drifting parallel to boba's pose and letting her elbows prop her up, forehead coming to rest against aromatic wood and glowing glasswork once more secured in both palms. a long sigh preceded any words that eventually took shape through the fog of upheaval.

 ❝  any reason you chose to do this now? ❞ a rogue tear skipped down her cheek and into the ether with supernatural speed.  ❝  it's beautiful. i'd have enjoyed it more under difference circumstances. ❞ one thumb had begun rubbing a path along the expertly carved tail that gave way to a knobby driftwood spine. the rhythm of its gentle texture granted her a sliver of focus and calm as she tried actually looking at boba full on. suddenly all she felt was exhaustion.  ❝  this isn't simple to respond to. can you at least understand that? ❞

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and just like that....

this is one hell of a jumping off point

we got "wolves" for ahsoka to finally ride

morai, living embodiment of the daughter

anakin's pride

ahsoka standing firm in her promises to others and being granted help in return

ezra, finally home to mom and the family dog

I FUCKIN KNEW WE'D GET NIGHT TROOPERS LIKE THIS, of COURSE IT WAS THAT

and at last, ahsoka gets her kill on morgan. a long time coming and boy. there's A LOT OF NIGHTSISTERS THAT WON'T BE HAPPY A HALF-JEDI HAS THEIR MOTHER'S SWORD

and there's more afoot. there is so much more

also ahsoka does in fact get home after about a standard month, by the way. until i get more content this is my canon, goodbye

i am...genuinely heartbroken about baylan and his story. the end for him is there, unless he's cast again for a further part and as much as i want to see more of baylan it won't feel the same without ray. thank you, ray stevenson, for everything. while we had you, you were wonderful.

overall, i'm left hanging but i'm so happy. this can only mean there's more coming, and soon

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just so you're aware, snips, i am proud of you. i know, i know, i don't usually say it, but i mean it.

her smile is a slow moving thing, almost luxurious.

anakin's impression flickers and there may not be much time left to speak to him, though ahsoka still finds herself taking her sweet time sitting down beside that which remains of the master from a youth long past. he's quite been a few different people since they last spoke in the flesh. so has she; they still know one another regardless, memorized across landscapes of flaws and cracks and peaks. perhaps they will always know, even as they fade into the force and out of memory, when that time finally comes.

 ❝  something in here, ❞ the now matured togruta murmurs while tapping where her robes hide her heart,  ❝ always needed to hear that. i'm amazed that the youngling i used to be still lingers, but she does. and that part of me is grateful to get to hear you say it. all those years never made a difference. thank you. ❞

once, that might have been a lie, she thinks: such generosity would have been what ahsoka wished she felt. there hadn't been much room for grace in her garden of old agonies.

but as much as it pained ahsoka to watch the past burn before her, below the ash of her grievances and guilts dwelt a more whole spirit, meant for a path not walked by simply subsisting on what service she could provide the galaxy at any given time. above all, there was hope. for her, and for the galaxy.

after some further thought, ❝  i'm proud of both of us. as strange as it sounds, i truly am. ❞

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october 3rd: the first two episodes of the clone wars premiered, the first episode of rebels premiered, and the finale of ahsoka will premiere.

what a day 🥹 what a ride

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i did mention this to venus, but what a beautiful sight it was to witness ahsoka wholeheartedly training alongside her master's holos instead of simply listening to his old recordings, as she'd been doing in rebels.

that time previously spent with his holo-recordings had been more about bringing anakin back for a little while. her meditations with them were for the purpose of easing the still weeping wounds of his loss and her confusion over the fact. safe to say ahsoka was lonely without him. but now that she has faced her guilt head on, tested and triumphed over it, and decided that she must live a life that explores her purpose and her path, not only the one that seems to need her the most....

now it's about making him proud. continuing the legacy that has finally become one of victory, not one of loss and darkness.

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that was incredibly stressful and incredibly delightful.

i'm just glad to see the noti leave none behind and neither does ezra. AND THE HOWLER IS PART OF THE CREW NOW

ahsoka pulling so many Ahsoka ™ moves and sassing huyang right back proves the re-adopted """jedi""" title only goes so far and I LOVE IT

AHSOKA LAUGHING. HUGGING EZRA. REACHING OUT TO SABINE

that gentleness with shin cut so deep......

AUGH i'm going to need to watch it again but this episode was so rich that it felt so short

also damn you thrawn and your acting, you know right well who she is and who her master is

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i need to swear off ooc for a bit but before that, today can't pass without reminding you of the beautiful ashley eckstein's birthday 🧡💙🤍 if you ever enjoyed ahsoka, ashley was likely the reason why and we have her to thank for ahsoka's enduring spirit and memorable presence. hbd to the queen of mental health and all things light side 💛

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reblog this post to remind the person you reblogged it from that they’re valued and loved and seen