colormenaive-blog1

[colormenaive-blog1]

The Times, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, August 15, 1897

[colormenaive-blog1]

A Christmas present made for my twin baby nephews. <3

[colormenaive-blog1]

The Green Machine (1975)

[colormenaive-blog1]

“Esquimaux” ice cream tricycle, Lisbon. 1930. Photo from the Arquivo municipal de Lisboa.

[colormenaive-blog1]

Little Girl on tricycle outside W.K. Best Chop Suey and Noodles restaurant, Calgary, Alberta, 1957

[colormenaive-blog1]

Bai Fang Li was a tricycle driver for 20 years and donated 350,000 yuan to support the education of 300 poor students. At the age of 90, he gave his last installment to School, “This will be my last donation as I am no longer fit to work.” He passed away at the age of 93. 

In 1986–1987, at the age of 74, Bai retired from his pedicab driving job and returned to his hometown in Hebei Province where he decided to live the rest of his life. On his way back, he witnessed many children working in the field. Upon learning that they had to drop out of school due to financial difficulties he decided to go back to his job of driving a pedicab in Tianjin to support the children in receiving education. However, before returning to work he first donated 5,000 yuan (US$785 in 2015) for the cause of their fees. Hitherto 2001, he often worked for long shifts, sometimes 24 hours at a stretch so that he could make the money to pay the installment for the school fee. He got an accommodation close to the railway and would wait 24 hours a day, eat simple food and wore second hand discarded clothes. He also lived in a shabby house in the outskirts of Tianjin and ate humble food, according to local media. In 1996, he opened a small store near Tianjin’s railway station to make more money. Most of his income was donated to local schools and universities such as to the Nankai University where he donated 35,000 yuan (US$5,498 in 2015) for the first time in 1996. His entire contribution summed up to 350,000 yuan. In 2001, at the age of 90, he paid his last installment to the Yaohua High School and retired from his job. 

[colormenaive-blog1]

Black inventors

[colormenaive-blog1]

[colormenaive-blog1]

The Canyon News, Texas, November 9, 1950

[colormenaive-blog1]

[colormenaive-blog1]

some good consent phrases

“May I hug you?”

“When I ask you if you want to do something, you know it’s always okay to say no, right?”

“Let me know if you get uncomfortable, okay?”

“How do you feel about (x activity)?”

(When someone’s insecure about having said no and asks if it’s okay/if you’re mad or upset they said no) “I’m disappointed, of course, but I’m really glad you were willing to tell me (no/that you were uncomfortable/etc.). That’s really important to me. Thank you.”

“I’d ALWAYS rather be told no than make you feel pressured or do anything to hurt you or make you uncomfortable.”

“I care about you, so when something I do hurts you or makes you uncomfortable, I want to know, because I don’t like making you feel bad.”

“Wanna do (x)? It’s okay if not, but I think it would be (fun/worthwhile/prudent).”

(When starting a social phone call): “Hey, are you busy right now?”

(When confirming plans made earlier): “Hey, are you still up for doing (x) at (time) on (day)?”

“Can I vent a little about (x)?”

“Can I tell you something (gross/depressing)?”

“Are you comfortable talking about it?”

“Do you think you could talk me through this problem I’ve been having? If you have the time and emotional energy of course.”

“It’s okay if that doesn’t work for you.”

“I’m interested in spending more time with you. Would you be interested in doing (x) together on (y day)?”

“No? Well let me know if you ever want to do something else.” (leave it open! don’t nag! let it go!)

Consent culture - it’s about way more than just sex!

Give people as much freedom as possible to make their own choices without pressure or control.

Even children deserve as much autonomy as allows them to remain safe and get their needs met - remember, you can’t train a child to make good/safe/healthy choices without ever giving them choices. A child who is taught to respect consent is a child who doesn’t assault people! A child who knows they have a right to say no is a child who knows that someone who infringes on their autonomy isn’t supposed to do that.

A consent-conscious relationship is a healthier and safer relationship, and a person who is aware of and deliberate about asking for, giving, receiving, refusing, and being refused consent is a healthier and safer person.

[colormenaive-blog1]

Home, rambling

We left early on New Year’s Day, and got home a couple hours ago. We were at m’s dad’s place on the big island for 6 nights, then 2 nights just us 3 in Honolulu. It was a fun trip and I am glad we went but it was definitely some Extreme Parenting and I’m exhausted. But it was fun. T-burger is in a maniacal phase, at 17 months, where she has strong opinions but not rational ones. She can run fast and will find the most dangerous item/surface in any vicinity and engage. And she looks at us and laughs and then we laugh which only encourages her and we might be turning her into a monster even though we are trying our very hardest. She hates the sand like a weirdo but loved floating in her floatie toy in the warm water. She loves birds and cats and dogs. She cut 3 new teeth in a week without baby tylonel and we survived. She didn’t get a sunburn. I got tan. We can say we traveled with her during hellion phase but won’t have to do it again. I’m so happy we pulled it off.

[colormenaive-blog1]

#mombrain - It’s painful how true this is…

[colormenaive-blog1]

3-year-old, running past as I’m cooking dinner: “My baby’s name is Soft Flesh.”

[colormenaive-blog1]

It’s GARY!!!!!!

[colormenaive-blog1]

 I’m a few chapters in to You and Your Adolescent, the Essential Guide for Ages 10-25 by Laurence Steinberg. There were some nuggets on collaborative problem solving and establishing ground rules for conflict resolution that will be helpful for us.

My undergrad minor was psychology and my major was in advertising. Which, upon reflection, may not have been the healthiest approach to communications for me to study. *smirk* That, along with years of sales training, has probably warped whatever natural ability I may have possessed to relate to other people.

In college I wasn’t studying to retain much of the information let alone planning to apply it decades down the road to situations I could never have dreamed up on my own. And working in sales, communication was calculated and practiced and honed and intended to manipulate the outcome of conversations to whatever result my employer demanded. And i got good at it, too.

Anyway the psychology and interpersonal communication concepts that have been brought up in therapy aren’t brand new to me but they may as well be.

I’m still processing our therapy visit that happened last night. It was challenging, insightful and helpful. I want to talk about time-outs because I like how the guy broke them down for us and maybe it will be helpful for someone else. But that will have to wait because time is short and I have a rainy walk ahead of me. More later.

[colormenaive-blog1]