colorlessrose

[colorlessrose]

I feel like I'm going genuinely actually insane

I can feel my heartbeat too much and it's making me angry

I'm so alone i can feel a hole in my chest and it fucking hurts

I'm scared

[colorlessrose]

I don't have the physical ability to do manual labor.

I don't have the emotional capacity to do retail or customer service anymore.

What the fuck am I supposed to do to make money

[colorlessrose]

unfortunately im better as a concept and ruin everything eventually

[colorlessrose]

this is not living this is just surviving and i’m tired of working to be alive

[colorlessrose]

I know there's no god

Or if there is, it's a cruel unjust one

To give me abandonment trauma

And then let everyone in my life leave me

[colorlessrose]

I'm a burden!! I'm annoying!! I will not be missed!!

Even my partner wants me to shut up!! Not even my partner wants to fuck me!! She's the only fucking person who actually puts any effort into any kind of relationship with me and even she is fed up with my bullshit!!!!

[colorlessrose]

if they wanna talk to you, they will. if they wanna be with you, they will. if they wanna make things work, they will. don’t let things be one sided. it’s not healthy, and it’s not fair to you.

[colorlessrose]

I love getting stitches and then cutting them off and cutting even deeper! Soooo here are some pics for you💕

[colorlessrose]

"abandonment issues" "trust issues" - at this point i’m the issue

[colorlessrose]

[colorlessrose]

I'm starting a new job tomorrow and I'm really nervous because I don't completely know what to expect

I have an overwhelming urge to just hide in a closet until it goes away but I can't do that because then I'd be ✨unemployed✨

And we can't get through another winter with me fucking unemployed, we're on the verge of broke as it is

[colorlessrose]

Sometimes not having my boobs anymore makes me even more dysphoric

Like before at least my curves were balanced and I had a somewhat attractive female body

Now I'm still fat and I don't even have the boobs to make up for it

Do I want a female body? No. But at least my body was appealing to someone. Now I'm just fat

[colorlessrose]

[colorlessrose]

My car won't start and I'm a burden to my partner and no one gives a shit about me

If I didn't feel so guilty about leaving all my shit for my partner to deal with I'd just go jump off a cliff right now

[colorlessrose]

[colorlessrose]

I've always been the odd one out.

I got lucky in middle school and got along with a group of other misfits that tolerated me, and then kept with them when most of us went to the same high school.

When I moved high schools, I had no one. No one from back home kept in touch, and no one at the new school gave a shit about the weird new kid.

When I went to college, I had no one but my classmates in the same major as me, and my one roommate. None of them stayed in touch after we graduated.

When I became an adult, the only friends I've ever had were the friends of whoever I was dating.

At this point it's pretty obvious the problem is me.

No one wants me around. No one wants me in their life. No one cares enough to keep in touch.

Loneliness hurts, but at least it's familiar.

[colorlessrose]

Alcohol is a coping mechanism that has become very normalized in our society. I understand it can be yucky to see people do it but keep in mind many people keep in mind they are human too and many people do it to escape from their struggles.

Literally how desperate do people have to be, to have the need to get so drunk to lose control over themselves… this is so embarrassing and disgusting🙃😂🤡