collegestudentmother-blog

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Babies make you do things

Having my son has made me do a lot of things I would have never done. He is amazing and the best guy in the world but many parents who love their child juat as much as I do take away their happiness entirely for them. I don't know how to explain in but I see parents who I meet that aren't happy woth their life at all. I'm confused and perplexed because I know and they know the only thing that makes them happy is their child. Parents will do extraordinary things that a single person has total luxury. We stay woth a mate even when the love is gone. We work so hard to get ahead and take so little. I think the reason why this is remarkable and astounding. And parents will do it the rest of their lives because that's who they are.

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Am I a horrible person or a realist or a what?

I don't know if you have gone through this. I don't even know if I should write this but I think someone could relate. I also have waited a few months to post this so it shows how indecisive I am. 

The week before Christmas last year (2014) I was rushed to the ER by my fiancée’s brother. I arrived to the ER with horrible stomach pains at 6pm and wasn’t seen till 1am. My fiancée was in San Francisco when I got to the ER and raced to get to me. 

At 12am I was told that I was pregnant and my heart stopped. I called my fiancée and he was so happy but I wasn’t. I couldn’t understand the emotions I was feeling. How could I not want this baby? How could I tell my beloved fiancée that I wanted to kill our “could be” child? I just didn’t know what the answer any of those questions. 

At 3am I was told that my pregnancy was ectopic and they had to do an emergency surgery to remove a fallopian tube and remove the fetus as well. I was in dismay my wish came true but it wasn’t what I wanted. My choice to keep or not keep this “could be” baby was not mine any more. I was full of guilt because I saw the sadness fill my fiancee’s face when he was told that a theoretical baby girl had to be taken away to save the mom’s life. 

I felt like a monster and was stuck in the hospital for three days. I just didn’t know what I was supposed to feel and looking back now if the pregnancy wasn’t ectopic I wouldn’t of aborted because I love my son and when there is a will there is a way. 

The point of me writing this is to tell all mothers or young women who had to go through an abortion or emergency surgery that there is a reason for everything. I wasn’t ready for another baby so life made my choice for me and sometimes its OK to feel horrible then because now I feel great. 

Shit Happens. 

[collegestudentmother-blog]

Catching Up

I know it has been a while but today I really feel its time for me to write about my experiences. Today I took a final for my Partial Differentials Class (PDE’s) and it was really tough but I got through it. After the final I continued to office hours where my Numerical Analysis class said, “I really need to step it up” to get a good grade in the class. She is very nice and has been one of my favorite teachers since I have been at UC Merced. I spend at least eight to ten hours on each homework for this one math class and have busted my a** for this class. I was stunned at first and took pause. I shook my head to indicate that I heard those frightening words. The words that indicated I might fail or get a poor grade in a class that I have worked so hard in.

I know if I do decent on the final I can pass the class but passing is not my goal as a college student of Applied Mathematics. Perfection is. I want to be proud of my college transcripts and be proud to tell my one-year-old son that I went to college and I did well.

After I digested what my professor had told me a rock built in my stomach like I was about to cry. I recognized this feeling like a black pit I was about to fall in if I took one more step so I took a step back and re-composed myself to take part in the office house and study discussion that was surrounding me.

I took a few breaths and told my self “I can do this” and then I realized it isn’t can it is “I will do this”! I will succeed and get a good grade in this class and I will get an A on this final no matter what and if I don’t then that is ok because I will keep trying and keep on keepin’ on.

It is the fact that I tried and I have decided not to give up and I think that is the most important thing.

Thank you for reading and I hope this is helpful for other student mom’s out there to know they are not alone.

[collegestudentmother-blog]

How to make Home Made Baby Food

Home made baby food is such an amazing gift you can give to your child. You know exactly what is going into the food and knowing a few tricks will make our life a little easier. 

It also really easy to do. Many other parents would come up to me and say that I would get tired of it or its too hard and I don't understand how devoting 20 minutes of my day or an hour max is a burden when it comes to your child. 

I have done homework while making baby food. Taken care of Levi by myself while doing it. The old saying "if there is a will there is a way" is 100% true. Of course if you are choosing not to make home made baby food that is completely up to you and when I travel I buy pre-packaged food since I freeze mine. But here are a few pointers I'd like to share with you. 

1. Its easier to store the baby food in the freezer so I recommend buying a mummi&bubbi freeze trays. They are really easy to use, BPA free and its easy to get the frozen baby food out of them and into freezer bags. 

2. KISS (keep it simple stupid) --> Take this expresion quite literaly. Baby food is supposed to be simple when you first start them out on solids to identify possible allergies. For example: I bake butter nut squash or backed yams and just skin them and throw the meet in the blender. Possible with a little bit of water if its too thick.

3. Don't waste your money on a baby food maker just use a good blender for the whole family. I personally just invested in a Ninja blender because it is big enough for my fiancee and I to use ourselves, its durable and a blender specific for baby food is typically smaller and your child will out grow that blender really quickly. 

4. Its really important to know a few nutritional facts about produce. For example Kale has protein so one common mixture that I make is apple and kale. Most doctors recommend not to mix items until you have introduced it to them separately but Kale is a little bitter and I didn't have any trouble with my son. 

After you know those four things you are ready to go. Most of the baby food I make is made from farmers market produce so its seasonal, cheap and delicious. I snitch a lot of it because its so good especially pureed pears and apples. 

If you have any questions or want any recipes let me know. 

[collegestudentmother-blog]

Its ok to be kid with them and embrace their purity. Sometime you have to just step back from your 9 to 5 job or school and remember that your little one doesn't understand work or school they just want to be with you.

[collegestudentmother-blog]

Levi's eating table food!!!

These last two weeks have been a leap but especially this week has been a huge transition for me. 

Our usual routine every morning was I would nurse him when he woke up or make him a bottle depending how full of milk I was. I fed him home made pureed food (baby food) or I would open up an organic pre-packaged one such as gurbers and that would be his breakfast. 

He eats a lot!

But this week I have been able to share my eggs with him and steamed vegetables. Depending on what I have for dinner I can give him selective pieces of it for breakfast. I have to make his lunches every day for day care. 

I really enjoy doing that every morning for him. I put him in his high chair and can give him fresh fruits or cooked apples. Its such a weird phenomenon that he wants to feed himself and I have breakfast with him so we can spend as much time together before I have to go to school. 

Levi is growing up so fast and its such a blessing to watch him grow everyday. 

[collegestudentmother-blog]

You really find out who your true friends are

Ok so I need some feedback from other moms out there with this post. I'm sure they have gone through this and if your pregnant you are going to receive a lot of false promises. 

Let me explain.... 

When I was pregnant so many of my friends and so called close people in my life claimed they wanted to be apart of Levi's life. I was excited when they said these things because I was excited and nervous about becoming a new mom. 

Now that levi is almost ten months old I see that all of those people disappeared or will only hang out with you when I don't have Levi. 

At the same time I feel blessed about this phenomenon because it really shows who your real friends are. Some of which came to light after I had Levi. 

If you are pregnant and you have a person tell you that they will be there if you need anything. Or they might say I can't wait to visit you and the baby. Don't believe them all the way. Even family members, I think I have had to travel around a lot to visit them instead of them visiting me. 

This has made my skin a little thicker and even though these people made those false promises I think my life is better without them. A mother, a family and a baby doesn't need a person around them that doesn't really care about them. And the few people who do care about my baby come to see him all the time which fills our lives with genuine love. 

[collegestudentmother-blog]

Pregnancy Discrimination

I asked a question on a UC Merced Facebook group, "Should student parents receive priority registration?"

I didn't think it would initiate a huge response from students on campus but it did. Some comments were very positive and many were negative. This event brought back memories of when I was pregnant. 

While I was pregnant I received a lot of negative remarks such as "why would you be stupid enough to get pregnant in college?" or I would have (mostly women) talk about me negatively as I walked by them.

The most asked question I received from students, staff and faculty was "Are you going to drop out?" This question was phrased many different ways. Another question that was asked is why didn't you choose abortion? This stems another topic about how many people believe abortion is you only option and many people do not realize the emotional affects loosing a child does to the women or the man.

This questions boiled inside me and made me angry. I was a very proactive pregnant person. I got on the waiting list for the day care center as soon as my fiancee and I decided that we were keeping my baby. It also has been the best decision in my life. Having Levi in my life has made me focused and has given me a goal bigger than myself. I tell myself everyday, "I can not afford to fail!" 

I feel like there was an unspoken discrimination that I could feel resonated from staff and faculty. I was fortunate that my personal professors were very helpful and supportive. But I have talked to fellow moms and they do not have that experience. Some professors relay a message that translates to, "tough sh**!" 

Now as I look back at these negative remarks I believe they were completely unnecessary! What about the guy that got that girl pregnant and why was it so hard for me to receive information on resources to help me? Although on the other hand I think the University passes out condoms once a month but doesn't want to educate students on their responsibilities they decide to take if they have sex. 

SEX EQUALS BABIES if your not careful! 

[collegestudentmother-blog]

Take responsibility when you have sex

I am a pro-choice person because I believe a women has the right to do what they want with their body. But I feel like many conversations among young women is if they get pregnant all the'll do is get an abortion. 

They treat it as if they had a headache and took a pill such as Advil for it. I An abortion is not that easy. Granted every women's experience will be different but I have met women who have had abortions and have read articles just by Google-ing "depression associated with abortion" or "post abortion feelings". 

Many women have said that they were fine initially after the abortion and I believe this corresponds with women who received the pill during their first trimester but I have said they feel depressed and strange later on. Many have told me personally while I was pregnant that they feel like they can not talk to anyone except for (the random pregnant girl on campus) because society expects them to just move on with their life. 

This is not right for women who go through an abortion process to be taken lightly especially if you hear and see the heart beat of your baby resonating inside of you. 

The other side of the story is what about the men who loose their children. There are many men out there who wanted that baby and a women took that opportunity from them. This springs the debate about terminating a pregnancy is solely the women's choice and the man has no say but that is his baby just as it is hers. '

Men and women need to take their responsibility seriously when they have sex because if the women were to become pregnant there is no easy way out of it.

I have met people (myself included) who did not find out until their second trimester of pregnancy and if they chose an abortion then that is a real medical procedure and it is not just a pill anymore. When a women becomes pregnant there are many hormonal changes that must be addressed if you take that baby suddenly from her body. 

[collegestudentmother-blog]

My crazy week before Holloween

This week has been absolutely crazy. 

There was a twist this week that turns every parent's world upside down. My son was sick again and this time I felt worse than he did. 

I hate it when my son is sick along with myself because all I want to do is sleep and hold my pillow as I blow my nose but I am a MOM. Mom's don't get to do that or parents with kids in general don't get to do that. I had to manage taking care of my son and making sure that my homework was done by Tuesday morning. 

My homework isn't easy either. Luckily I had most of it done so finishing it wasn't that big of a deal but I ended up missing class Tuesday morning and playing catch up with a baby just is not the best situation. 

I got it done by staying up after my son went to sleep to 2 am and I was really lucky to have my mom stay the night so she helped me with the baby in the morning while I got him and myself and finished some loose ends up with a few problems. 

Its Wednesday and I am just trying to get ahead with homework but I had a lot of meetings and didn't get as far ahead with my studies as I wanted. 

Today is Thursday (the day before Halloween) and I just realized with everything going on that I forgot to get my son's costume and my costume together for the most important kid holiday.

What do I do??? I don't know I guess I'll figure it out tonight and post some pictures tomorrow.

I do know that even though my weeks are hard they are all worth it because at the end of the day I get to hug my beautiful son.  

[collegestudentmother-blog]

How to study for a midterm with a baby

Today I had a midterm for an upper division math class that studies ordinary differential equations. Yes, that is a mouthful and its not an easy class I can just go to lecture and do the homework. It is a class that requires me to do extra work in order to get a good grade. 

When you have a little one, you have a real purpose. Let me define what I mean by "Real Purpose." A true "real purpose" is when you can not afford to make mistakes, your choices and your goals when your in school will benefit your child. 

So lets get down to the process: 

1. Do not procrastinate!!!!!

2. Wake up before you child does or stay up after he/she goes to sleep. 

3. Do not try to stay at home and study at the same time as watching your child. (Especially if he/she is a baby.) You might be able to do some at home but it will not be efficient. You will constantly be getting up to make them food, clean the dishes ect. 

4. Have a solid relationship with your professor. Its really important to feel comfortable enough with your professor to ask for help and seek their help on a weekly basis. You can not afford to waste time trying to figure out a problem. You need to understand it and get the theory behind the problems you are doing. This includes having a solid relationship with your teaching assistants, tutors ect. 

5. Have a study-homework group!

You will be more focused in a group. The other bonus is typically homework and studying is much more efficient. 

6. Do not count on your babies current schedule. 

This is really important because babies and children will change their schedule based on little things or big things. One day he/she might decide to wake up and stay up all night. Another time you might get lucky and they;ll play with their toys while they let you work. 

7. Its important to have a reliable sitter or day care. 

It is really hard to do work with your child. Your day care and child care needs to take into account homework time or you must be willing to stay up late and wake up early. Its tough but its worth it. 

That's it for today. Ask me anything! I'll post about it or if its personal just let me know and we'll chat. 

[collegestudentmother-blog]

This picture was taken when Levi was around four to five months old right before AJ (daddy in picture) had to leave for Oregon to work. A fathers clutch on his baby is strong and gentle. No one would dare break that special moment when they are both enjoying each others simple touch. 

[collegestudentmother-blog]

“It” is a very detached word. “It” is the word you would call this alien growing inside of you if you chose not to keep it. This blog will be very controversial because I am not anti-abortion and I believe that there are some precautions if you know you’re not ready and you know that this is the...

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Your group is bigger than you think

I have always truly believed that babies bring people together. I have a few friends who I never would have expected to have such an important role in my life. 

My lover, a man who has proven himself to be a provider and the most supportive person in my life. The moment I saw him I thought he was cute but not for me. Three years later he is the man for me then another two years later he is a father to be. 

My best friend, who was just a coworker at one point helps me watch my son while I'm in class and she does so much for me but when I first met her I thought she was this random girl that lived upstairs to my dor. 

My boss, she was my boss who would have thought she would have turned out to be a mentor and my birthing coach. 

My next door neighbor, she lives next door and I have known her through my entire college experience. I never wold have imagined that she would be so generous in offering her time to help me with my son. 

Random strangers who have extended their kindness to help load my car at the grocery store. A humble grandmother and mother who lent me advice that saved me a lot of worry. When your a new mom all you have is questions. I hope my followers know that you can ask me anything. 

My point is that the most unexpected people in your life end up becoming your group.This is your extended family that will always be in your heart because they have played a crucial role in raising your son. 

[collegestudentmother-blog]

Midterms and a sick teething baby

This past week was really rough only because my son is teething and he caught a cold. I am super lucky that my boyfriend decided to stay home to help me out so I wouldn't get behind on my school work. 

It didn't help that my boyfriend caught Levi's cold and then I caught the cold too. There is really no room for error when your running on such a tight schedule that the slightest fluctuation messes your entire month up almost. Playing catch up isn't fun and its really hard to study while your baby is awake. 

I can only do school work if he is at daycare or asleep. So this week I would stay up late after he went to sleep and I would wake up really early before Levi woke up. Which gave me only three hours of sleep sometimes. Many parents told me Levi would keep me up all night, but really school keeps me up all night. I can not wait to finish and trust me sometimes I think it would be easier to quit school and just be a mom. 

But then what would happen? Your going to school to give your son/daughter a better life and in these hard times a degree puts you ahead of the competition. 

[collegestudentmother-blog]

The day we brought you home I was in a magical place of vulnerability and confidence. I was scared because I didn't know how to be a mom and worried that I wouldn't be a good mom. Simultaneously I was ecstatic and my heart reached out to infinity in order to grasp your simple and heart felt little hands that stole my heart from the world. 

It was almost relief, my pregnancy was over and now I am privileged with this beautiful little boy. 

Personally I don't even remember labor that much. I remember key points of laughter and my birthing coach (good friend too) was calling it a party because I went to labor on my birthday and I remember my fiancee being the best man, excited father to be person who stayed by my side and was I think more nervous than I was. 

Now he is almost 8 months old and has changed so much. 

[collegestudentmother-blog]

True Love

When you were in high school or even college and maybe you are the girl now who is wishing for true love. You are wondering if that guy who you have sex with is your true love. I am here to tell all of you women that your TRUE love are your children. 

Now this statement is probably subjective of course but love is subjective. What I do know is the moment that your child is put into your arms your body is filled with euphoric feeling that exhilarates your body. Those hours of pain prior do not matter any more. 

I will do anything for my baby boy and I will continue to care and love for him. He is my true love.