colettes1x1s

[colettes1x1s]

"Not really, no but my daughter doesn't really tend to clear things off with me in the first place either way." Aubrey shrugged it off a little too nonchalantly. As far as she were concerned, Wylder may as well have been just another one of her daughter's flings if it hadn't been for the fact that he'd stayed for dinner last night and now clearly, slept over too. "Let me guess, no lapping of the waves to gently rock you to sleep?" The brunette questioned. The small talk was merely just to be polite, figuring maybe he'd go away but she had to at least show a little bit of hospitality. "Coffee, you want some? I just brewed a batch." Aubrey asked as she poured her own.

His brow rose, feeling suddenly even more out of place. "Sorry, I thought that that Cassidy had cleared that with you." Wylder didn't know how to interact with parents. Most of his relationships were short lived flings with either coworkers or guests on the boats. Going home with them and meeting mom and dad was new. And to say he wasn't exactly expecting her mom to look the way she did was putting it lightly. "No," he chuckled at the question. "Hardly. Just couldn't sleep. When you spend every night on a boat sleeping in a house takes more adjusting than you may think."

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"I trust you, I do." The words of confirmation Vera spoke were not easy ones to let go of. For her, they held a lot of weight to them to be able to admit that she trusted someone so she at least hoped that Christian could see that. He was vastly different to a lot of the other guys she'd been with. Caring, attentive, patient... But most of all, he'd never made her feel judged or like she was a burden or too much to handle. As much as Vera had tried to fight if off previously, it was near impossible not to fall for him. "Okay, just let this be." She repeated the words quietly, liking the way it rolled off her tongue but when he kissed her again, she could feel all of her defenses falling away. This time felt different from the first initial kiss. More meaningful, powerful, a bit more loving... Even from the way their lips pressed against each other's, Vera could feel the emotion in it and frankly, she could tell it wasn't going to be difficult to get used to kissing him more often. "I guess it's not so bad kissing you after all." The gentle tease came before she found herself sleepily snuggling up against his chest for the first time, finding herself oddly comfortable in the new position.

"Because you're not too much and I hate that you think that. Like you're someone that I'll have to put up with. And you're right. I do see you. So maybe trust me when I say that there is nothing inside you that doesn't deserve acceptance and love." His thumb rubbed the top of her hand. Christian gave off an optimistic vibe when in reality he had seen too much darkness in the world to let that be the case. He didn't have some view of Vera high on a pedestal. He saw someone flawed but also saw what in life had caused those. His chest tightened as she repeated the sentiment back. It felt hard to believe that she wanted when he had so little to offer. "There's nothing that you have to do. Just let this be." They had fallen into this naturally, without meaning to. He didn't want them to change that. His eyes drifted to her lips, feeling that pull to them and he gave in. His free hand cupped her cheek as his lips connected with hers. This kiss held a bit more passion in it. Controlled but deepened. He pulled back slowly, forehead resting against hers. "Together," he repeated the word back in a whisper.

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"Cause you're different. You see me and you don't act like I'm too much to handle. You don't run away." Vera protested in response to his question but the moment he grabbed her hand, she instantly felt herself calm down. He seemed to know all the right moves to make her feel comfortable. "And believe me, I want you too." She replied in response, a nod following after she took the moment to listen to his words, soaking them all in but it was clear she was still hesitant. "I just -- I don't know if I know how to be someone's first choice." She told him honestly. All her life, that's all Vera ever wanted. To be loved. To be someone's first choice. To be enough for someone. Maybe now, fate was finally giving in and handing that to her and she was questioning whether or not she really deserved it or not. "But I think for once I know what it is I want and it's you." Her eyes locked on his, wanting him to know that she were dead serious. "Okay." She nodded back at him as she agreed. "Let's just take it slow and try figure this thing out together." She found herself staring back at him, all of a sudden feeling a real urge to just lean forward and kiss him.

"Maybe I don't know you fully, but don't you think that there is also a reason I've never seen that side?" He questioned. Christian knew nothing about this other guy and he was hardly trying to imply that he knew Vera better than she knew herself. Simply that he had a clearer perspective cause he wasn't close to that situation. "And I don't think it's because you have been hiding it from me. It's because you haven't needed it. To me that says a lot more about him than it does you." He reached for her hand, wanting to have done it earlier but now the instinct was too hard to fight off. "I don't want the best version of you. I just want you." His blue eyes searched hers, like he was begging for her to believe him. "You talk about feeling like you were a choice. There is no choice for me. It's only you." He swallowed, glancing down for a moment. He didn't want her to feel pressured or that this was too intense too fast, but Christian also had no intention pretending that this was something else. "I can do slow," he nodded looking back up. "Whatever pace you need, I'll match."

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"Trust me, you'd hate her if you knew her. I become a monster when I'm with him sometimes." Vera admitted. It definitely wasn't something she was proud of and wasn't easy to admit but if she really was going to let go and start with this new chapter then saying it was probably the right way to start. "I know you want to always see the best in me but trust me Christian, my life is.... it's messy and complicated and..." Her words fell away. He didn't really know her yet. Not her full self. It wasn't like she were trying to talk him out of it but he ought to know the truth if he seriously wanted to enter into something with her. Vera hadn't realized it before but now the truth was clear as day, staring right back at her. She wanted Christian. She wanted him but she also feared that she wouldn't be enough. Or worse, her and her entire life would be all too much for him to handle. "I just think if we're going to do this then we're going to have to take it slow. For both of our sakes." She replied finally after some thought.

Christian shifted slightly in bed so that his body faced her more, making it easier to look at her. He had known that there was a lingering relationship in her life from past conversations. He hadn't known just how long though and admittedly the answer made him nervous. Not that he felt worried about the guy. After listening to the why's of the end and putting together past comments it sounded like she knew she deserved more. What worried him was his lack of experience and also failing to give her what she deserved. Maybe not in faithfulness but in time and full transparency. "I don't hate her," he said softly. "You can't always help who you have to be to survive this life. Sometimes that means being things you don't want to be but if you weren't, you wouldn't get through what you did. I like who you are because it got you to this point in your life. The version I met and have been falling for. Maybe we both just need some grace in all of this."

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"Fine - if that's the only way I'm going to win then I'll just have to settle for that." Vera pretended. His confession had her heart skipping a beat. The whole idea of the word commitment scared her because it meant promises. Promises that were too big to keep. Time and time again, she'd been let down when it came to the idea of commitment that honestly, Vera wasn't even sure if that kind of loyalty was real anymore. She'd seen it fall apart in her life far too many times before. "We'll figure out what we are." She settled on because how did she tell him that the idea of being something more scared her? "It's not like I want to see anyone else either it's just I --" She paused for a moment "I finally closed the door on someone I've been chasing after since I was fifteen because he always treated me like an option that he was never going to pick and I -- I don't know. I like how I feel when I'm with you. I hate the person he turned me into." She confessed, her heart feeling heavy even as she said it. She didn't want Christian to feel like he was the next best thing but Vera was scared she also wasn't ready for that yet.

"Fine. I'll cuddle them on the nights that you aren't here," he sighed as if the compromise was asking a lot of him. Christian drew his knees up, leaning his forearms on them as fingers fidgeted. Part of him hated the answer because it made him feel immature. Like he was some young prick not ever wanting to commit. It was just that for so long he was too drained and life was too busy. "Uh, well. You know, the whole committed relationship." Yes, he had something in high school, but it never got that deep. "At least not in one where I felt something like this." It wasn't until he gave his answer that he realized that he basically said they were in a relationship and he was quick to speak up. "Not that I'm saying that we need to be that right now or anything. Like I'm expecting you to just be in this with me. But I just... I don't want to see anyone else."

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"Sure but can you at least like, keep them out of the bed if you're going to cuddle with them?" Vera scrunched up her nose at him. Shifting a little, she shrugged. Of course at some point they were going to have to talk about them. The changes that were happening. She didn't really want it to be a heavy topic but clearly, they were addressing it now. "Umm, what exactly do you mean never really done this before?" She questioned, that part really jumping out at her. She knew that the respect was there. That was something she never really had to question with Christian and honestly, compared to her past relationships? That was at least a refreshing change but still, that didn't really give her much more clarity as to what this was. Having someone who was good at communicating and open and honest about their feelings also new to her.

He shook his head in disappointment. "As a cuddler this is going to suck for me then. Guess I'll be the one snuggling with the rats." Christian was curious what this would look like with them. Would she be okay with him just reaching out? Would it feel natural to hold her hand when out? Christian didn't feel satisfied with her response. It wasn't that he was looking for much, but the way she said it made him wonder if she had doubts. "Like I said, I've never really done this before, but I can promise you that respect we've always had for each other is always going to be there. When or if we take that step to be together in that way, nothing is going to change in that." While tempted to pull out a joke he didn't, wanting her to believe that he took them seriously.

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"Well maybe I don't want to cuddle. Maybe I'm not a cuddler." Came Vera's quick rebuttal. Listening to his response, she wanted to believe him but at the same time she didn't really want to make a big deal out of it so settled on "Yeah, okay." Her reply was a little flat. All these years, she'd been so used to feeling like an object of desire to a lot of guys. Something that they could brag about after they'd "conquered" her. It was rare to have someone who treated her with such care and kindness who she could honestly say she returned the feelings for.

Laughter spilled out after seeing her expression. It never got old for him. Though it served as a reminder that they were worlds apart. There were so many things that could have been a perfect out for them, but Christian didn't want an out. "Damn. Maybe they just want to cuddle." He laughed, pulling up a movie on screen that seemed like a good compromise for both their tastes. He could feel her shift to a more serious tone. "You know I wouldn't actually do that right? That locker room bullshit stayed in high school for me." He knew that it took time for her to trust him and he wouldn't compromise that ever let alone over some guy talk.

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The look on her face was horrified for a brief moment until Vera realized that Christian was merely just pulling her leg. "God, if I wake up in the middle of the night and see something with legs crawling about I will scream." She shot him a look as if some kind of warning sign. "Um, no." Her face turned serious for a second. Was she really now dating the pizza boy? "Don't even start. What happens between us stays between us." Her face was almost serious for a moment, trying to figure out how to adjust to a comfortable position now that she was laying next to him. It was a joke but his words were only a reminder to her that they were world's apart in some ways.

"Oh that is because we have an agreement. While I'm sleeping they have freedom to roam, but they gotta scram when I'm up. So far it's been a good arrangement." He spoke as if serious. The last time she had been here he'd been in a horrible state, but the calm her presence brought was what he had needed. He felt it now with her there again. He knew the two of them didn't make sense. That they'd have a lot of hills to get over, but when it felt like this that meant whatever the journey ahead it had to be worth it. "What?" Christian turned his head from his laptop looking at her in shock. "Are you telling me this doesn't count as second base? Damn, what I was gonna tell the guys at the pizzeria just got way less exciting."

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When he picked her up, a shriek left her lips. That was definitely unexpected and although she would always beat down any attempts he had with flirting with her, she found herself being more than okay with accepting it now. Like her walls had been let down enough to at least let him in now. "Well, I haven't seen any rats yet." Vera shrugged as she shuffled over on the bed to make room for him. She really wasn't sure how often they'd be doing this. Staying the night at each other's but if they were really going to be doing this then she figured it would be at least a little bit more. "You know, this doesn't count as getting me in your bed, right?" She eventually teased when he joined her.

"I agree which is why you ruined it because any time I try to wear it now this is all I will think about." His lips hovered near hers but he didn't initiate anything, a soft laugh slipping past as she kissed him quickly and got away. The playfulness was nice. It leaned into their natural dynamic of their friendship. Making the transition to more maybe would more seamless than the thought of change. "Oh you want to have another sleepover? Guess my place isn't all that bad then, huh?" He didn't give her time to answer as he leaned down to put her over his shoulder, gentle as he got to his bed and tossed her on it. He smiled at her before going to grab his laptop for the movie before he joined her.

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"It's not. I make it better. It looks better on me." Vera kept up her tease, the smirk remaining on her face. She couldn't help herself but laugh as he pulled her into her. If this is how it felt like, so smooth, so natural Vera figured she could get used to this. "I'll leave it here." She gazed up at him. "And maybe if you invite me round to stay here again, I'll wear it for you again." She didn't even give him a moment to think, stealing a quick kiss before wriggling away.

"It's the same thing," he argued. As she moved closer the smile pulled wider. He began to meet her half way. "Mmm, I don't know. I'm pretty partial to it." Christian made a move of grabbing some of the fabric and pulling her closer to him. The desire to feel her near him stronger now. "What if I miss it?" If she wanted it was hers. It pulled in his chest at the thought of her wanting to keep it. To bring something that reminded her of him back in her home.

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"Ruined? Oh no, no, I think I've actually made it better, babe." Vera couldn't help the smug smile from forming on her face. Usually, she would've scolded him for staring with the new territory, she had to admit, it felt nice to have his attention. Him staring didn't make her feel uncomfortable. Actually, the way he stared at her made her feel kind of sexy in his shirt. Or at least, wanted. "If you don't want it anymore then I think I'll keep it." She teased, moving a few steps towards him.

"Hey. Nothing that a gentleman wouldn't do," he jokingly gave a defensive performance. While he had the desire to kiss her again, Christian wasn't looking for more. Of course the attraction was there but his feelings for Vera that had developed had nothing to do with wanting to sleep with her. He washed the dishes quickly and threw the leftovers in the fridge as she went to change. His head turned at the sound of her voice, and he couldn't mask his expression if he tried. His blue eyes shined as he looked at her, taking in the sight. "Well, shit. I didn't want to agree with you, but I think I have to." He couldn't explain the warmth that fell over him seeing her so at home in his clothes. "You've ruined my favorite shirt for me now."

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"Movie sounds good. I don't even want to begin to imagine what that or something could be." Vera replied with a gentle tease. She was tired anyway. The night had been eventful and at least with Christian they were comfortable enough that they didn't feel like they had to talk all the time or constantly entertain each other. "But I think I'm going to go change first." She disappeared into his room, emerging moments later in the oversized shirt that she'd seen him wear a few times before. "I hate to say this but I think I pull this off way better than you do." She could still smell his scent lingering off the material and to be honest, something about that felt comforting to her.

Single. Is that what he was now though? It wasn't like he was going to ask her for full on commitment in this moment, but with the way that he felt about her to leave any room that they would see anyone else felt wrong to him. He didn't want there to be any confusion that she was the only one that would get that side of him. But how did he say that without coming off too intensely? Christian opted not to speak on it. Heating up his own food, he turned at her second remark. "Alright, I think we've heard just enough out of you and what you think of my cleanliness."

Eating dinner with her was nice. To have someone to end the night with. He missed companionship in the most simple way. It was casual and the conversation easy. The moment of silence feeling natural. It's how it always was with her. He grabbed the dishes bringing them to the sink. "Would it be cool if we just watched a movie or something in my room? I'm going on about 32 hours of no sleep and I don't think I'm good for much else," he explained not wanting her to think him being drained had anything to do with no interest in her being there.

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"Umm, I don't know. You're a single bachelor boy. There could be plenty of dirty things hidden there. And I don't just mean the skeletons in your closet or the roaches in your underwear." Vera shrugged. If there was one thing that hadn't changed, it was her ability to be sarcastic. At least they could still joke with each other. Was he still single though if she'd kissed him? Maybe. Probably. Whatever it was, Vera didn't really feel like putting a label on things tonight, instead just wanting to live in the moment. When he returned, she had already started eating. "Okay - sure." She shrugged. "But if I find any cheese stains on it, I'm throwing that shirt in the wash along with you." At least keeping her humour up made things feel normal.

"Mmm," he eyed her. "You're gonna have to get some new tricks soon enough." He spoke a bit flirtatiously which wasn't new. The two always danced around that line, but it never meant anything. Mostly cause he would never let it. "What kind of dirty secrets do you think that I have?" He questioned playfully but when he thought about it, it probably was for the best. His gun was hidden on the back of his nightstand and while she would never look there to notice he knew he should do a sweep to make sure there was nothing around to draw her attention. Christian realized if this was going to become something there was a lot he had to figure out. Shaking the thought away, he pulled out the heated food from the microwave, sliding it over to her. The apartment was small so he didn't even excuse himself as he went to the bedroom, picking out a shirt that would work for her, laying it on the foot of the bed. "It's on my bed for whenever," he commented as he came back in, moving to make up his plate of food.

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"Well it works most of the time so I'm not going to stop now." Vera rebutted with a joke. As he explained himself, she figured it made sense. Here she was, probably over thinking things again. "Oh right... well, just one of your giant t-shirts will do." She shrugged, peeping over into his room before she stopped herself. "But uhm - I think I'll let you go get it. I don't really want to go fishing round your underwear or whatever other questionable things you have in there." She told him. It was half true. She was still a guest in his apartment and although she'd been here a few times it wasn't like she knew where he kept everything. Even just the thought of rummaging around and snooping didn't feel quite right.

"That answer isn't going to work every time," he gave a scolding look before a small smile pulled at his lips. Her giving him a hard time actually set him at ease. Proof that they could still be them in all of this. His head turned back to her. His brow furrowing in some confusion to her reaction. "What?" He questioned back, not having thought twice about making the offer. "Nothing is wrong with them. They are nice. Nicest clothes this apartment building has seen, but I just thought that if you were staying the night you would want to be in something more comfortable." He hadn't meant it to be weird. In truth, Christian would have offered her the clothes whether they had that moment before or not. "Thought sweats in bed would be a welcomed feeling over that," he gestured to her. "As good as it looks."

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"Yeah well.. today is not going to be that day." Vera replied flatly as a joke. The truth was, if anything, today she was showing that she accepted him. The words hadn't exactly been outrightly spelt out but she'd hope that he could at least see she was trying. Letting her guard down just a little bit with him. "Umm, what?" His words caught her off guard, staring at him blankly for a moment. "What's wrong with my clothes?" A frown formed. It wasn't like she hadn't stayed the night before but that time was different. He'd needed her. Or at least, she didn't want to leave him alone while he was in pain. She'd slept on his couch in her own clothes and to be honest, Vera didn't really expect that tonight would be any different either. They'd kissed, sure, but she figured things would remain the same. They'd take things as they came and tried to figure things out along the way but maybe not much else would change. Least, she didn't want too much to change.

"Alright," he gave a nod, putting it to rest. Admittedly he was curious on what it was that she had been battling. He wasn't naïve enough to think the moment they shared fixed anything going on. Though selfishly he wouldn't change what just happened. They were both scared and out of their comfort zone, but now he wouldn't have to pretend that there wasn't something more. "You know, one of these days you are just going to have to accept me as I am, babe." He gave her hand a squeeze before letting go. Christian went back to the counter, grabbing her plate to zap it in the microwave so it was warm for her. "If you want to get comfy you can borrow whatever you want," he gestured towards his bedroom.

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"You'd text me at 3am if I left either way." Vera thought out loud though she couldn't help but frown at his next comment. Even if the joke to try and soften it, it didn't quite hit right. "Uhm, no. It's fine. We don't need to talk about that." She quickly commented quietly. Especially not now. The topic of talking about Flynn didn't feel right anymore. Not that it had in the first place but even more so, she didn't want that topic to come up and taint whatever it was that they were stepping into right now. Whatever this was, it felt right. It felt like the right natural next step even if the unknown made things scary and Vera felt nervous about it. "I think I actually want to eat something now." She commented. "But you can't get too comfortable around me now and eat out of your dog bowl just because I'm staying the night." She decided to shift the topic.

His stomach was tight with nerves, not sure how she would take his confession. Yet even though she didn't say much she gave him the surety he needed. He needed as much grace in opening himself as she did. "Okay," he repeated with quiet confirmation. That was all he wanted from her. "Yeah, of course. It would be nice to not be alone for the night for a change." But it wasn't just anyone he wanted his night with. It was her. That was why he reached out so often. Just a text from her felt better than anyone else's company. "And I'm only going to say this once, but if you want to talk about what was going on that brought you here tonight you can. I don't want you to feel like that was dismissed now that we know you have a crush on me," Christian smiled, adding on the humor to make sure that he gave her that choice of what she wanted the conversation to be.

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"Oh..." The way she said it was gentle. A little bit of surprise entwined in her tone but Vera really hadn't expected that explanation from him. They were friends, yes, but best friends? That she'd never expected especially from Christian but still, she didn't shy away. Maybe before that thought would've scared her but now, it didn't. Or maybe it did but in a different way - like there was a little bit of pressure now to try and not fuck things up. It wasn't like her usual self to be lost for words, especially around Christian but it was clear she was trying to navigate things carefully in her head. "Okay -- well I'm not freaked out." Expressing her feelings, she still had trouble with especially when it came to him but it wasn't like she was fleeing or freaking out, something she tended to do especially when it came to relationships. Instead, she was still here. Standing in front of him. "And I don't think I'm going to sleep tonight so can I spend the night here with you?" It was her way of acknowledging his feelings without outrightly acknowledging them and putting her feelings out on the line again.

"Yeah, I uh..." Christian let go of one of her hands, to rub the back of his neck. A nervous tick. He had always been pretty open emotionally but that was because those emotions were shallow. They never went deep enough to invoke a level of trust with who he was. People found him easy to be around but he never gave any of himself to those people the way he had Vera. "I don't want to freak you out or make you think that I am expecting anything here. I'm not, but you are important to me. That night I called you my best friend. I know you probably thought I was exaggerating... I wasn't," he admitted swallowing hard. "I really like you and I cannot tell you how much I tried not to. How I have been fighting it because I didn't want to do anything that would fuck up our friendship because it's the best thing I've got here."