cokefiendqueen

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wishbone, richard siken

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2022 reading

winter: hardship and not letting go

spring: choices, drama, completion

summer: celebration, then deception, a change in perception, and heartbreak

fall: abundance and emotional stability

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my parents were like im going to make a daughter that is so beyond help

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Gothic and horror writing’s obsession with mutilation, blood, vampiric biting and dismemberment conceals the real wound at its heart: the notion of writing as a technology that affects and forms subjectivity. No longer an envelope, the body in horror becomes a surface to be written upon and to be broken in order to reveal its bloody secrets. Screens and pages dripping with blood offer access to this invisible red fluid that should remain sealed by the surface of the skin.

— Aspasia Stephanou, Inhuman Materiality in Gothic Media, 2019.

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Scorpio/8th house planets

"The forbidden sign of wanting more and more, a terribly tempting soul toxicity,

she whispers with mesmerising telepathy, burn with me, and I will show you eternity..."

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I liked hell. I liked to go there alone, relieved to lie in the wreckage, ruined, physically undone. The worst had happened. What else could hurt me then? I thought it was the worst, thought nothing worse could come. Then nothing did, and no one.

Marie Howe, from Magdalene: Poems; “Magdalene: The Addict”

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ellen hagan, blooming fiascos

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‘nightscapes’

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my tarot reading for the future of me and gus

09/21: justice, temperance, the lovers, six of cups, queen of wands

10/31: king of cups, the hanged man, justice, five of pentacles, ace of swords, four of pentacles, ace of cups

things are going to start out really beautiful. but there’s something deeply karmic about our connection for both of us. while justice can also mean libra, the hanged man and the justice card give me a feeling of a lot of hidden truths surfacing and deep spiritual processing/murky decisions coming to a forefront. i need to take it slow and really take a step back/be moderate. but the ending doesn’t look so good for us. i see a painful breakup with the loss of emotional security, a new job/a new opportunity, clinging onto the past, and finally, ending with the beginning of a new love. 

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guy 16: very unexpected in a coked out haze

night thoughts on the guys i’ve fucked

guy 1: took my virginity, but won’t remember my name

guy 2: wonder if he had a gf the whole time

guy 3: couldve broken my heart

guy 4: don’t know if i loved him or hated myself

guy 5: don’t know who he’d be with if i wasn’t there

guy 6: wish i didn’t have to see him so much

guy 7: i couldn’t scrub off the bruises

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what body does your soul inhabit?