coffecookies-blog

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Mother & Father

Mum is silent cause she's gone. Dad is noisy cause he's still here and mum's not here anymore. And I'm sad cause we are all getting older. Everyone has changed. Everything has changed. Mum just could've done better than all of us if she's still here. Mum is a keeper unlike any of us. How I wish she's here staying alive and celebrate life with us.

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I feel like crying too when he cries like this.

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I lack of sleep. Been taking care of my baby Aren and he's just grunting in his sleep. and i dont know what causes it. Maybe becaise i wake him every 2 hours for milk time or maybe because of his gassy tummy or acid reflux. I wanted to take him to the doctor today. Cause I wasn't sure if it's normal or not. Or he is having other condition. But i prayed nothing worse. and that everything is fine. I can't even sleep when he's asleep cause i cant stand hearing him cry. It coukd be too late when he cries. :(

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-Tales by Gendys

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“Just because you fail once, it doesn’t mean you’re going to fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself.” - Marilyn Monroe

—

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“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” - Lao Tzu

—

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what if

what if its always you

and i can never move on

what if its always you

no matter how other people try

what if its always you

the only person my love reaches

what if its always you

im never giving anyone a try

because its always you

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“Sometimes something happens to you and you can’t recover from it.”

— Unknown

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I don't know what to do anymore

My feelings are so strong

They drown me

I'm drowning

I have been for years

But now might be the deepest I ever get

And no one's here

To save me.

The only thing keeping me alive

Are the floating thoughts of you

In my heart.

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I am not actually tired, but numb and heavy, and can't find the right words.

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“A poem begins with a lump in the throat.” - Robert Frost

—

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“God should be welcomed in the heart and not in the act of worship alone.”

— Mwanandeke Kindembo

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You Win,

i'm done honey,

i quit my beloved,

you've proved it,

you've won,

you made yourself entirely unloveable

even despite my best efforts

to love you unconditionally

you win and i quit.

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“Who taught you how to hate yourself?”

I learned it from my parents.

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I was never enough.

Nothing that I did was enough. What did I do to deserve being lied to?

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Dear God,

Please help me fight my silent battles.

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1. It's so wrong you don't check on me or update me on what you do or where you at.

2. it's so wrong you don't check on our baby and you got so much time with anything else whatever.

3. it's so wrong your mama told me you didn't go to Davao yet when you told me last week you're in Davao already, and that you were not able to update me cause your phone died.

4. It's so wrong you were lending money from me and you used it only go to your friend for a week now. But i still hope that I'm wrong.

5. It's so wrong that you don't even send pictures when i asked you to for a proof where you've been and what you've been doing.

6. It's so wrong your friend sent picture of you when you already sent that same pictures to me last week and that you told me, it was taken from your papa's phone cause he gave you his iPhone 12, now you're telling me those pics were from before and that you just ask to send it to you. fuck you!

7. it's so wrong you told me earlier you are going to call me tonight, but you kept me waiting for hours and you haven't called yet. I think you really don't want to call.

8. It's so wrong I feel like I'm the only one missing you. I feel like you don't miss me at all. or even your baby.

9. It's so wrong you're letting me feel this way that I am begging for your attention, your love, your time, when i don't need to cause if you are that right person, i don't need to or i don't have to, caus you would just give it to me without me asking for it.

10. It's so wrong that Im having these crazy thougths rn cause it's giving me stress, anxiety, depression.

This is not how i wanted to be treated. This is so wrong. I can't believe you are doing this to me rn. I feel so dumb. Believing you are going to love me right. But I guess this is my reality. You just broke my expectations. And I am badly hurt. I pity myself and I can't even share to anyone for they will only blame me for my decisions.