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[cocotokii]

I love when you write Sephiroth being weak or vulnerable. Can I request Angeal finding him like that?

Angeal heads over to Sephiroth's department to return the bottle opener Sephiroth previously lent him.

He is startled to find his friend's half naked body curled up on the couch, his chest heaving, unable to move beyond a series of tight, staggered breathing. It's some sort of advanced panic attack. But considering Sephiroth's state of dress, the vaguely antiseptic scent that hovers over him, and the sight of his pupils blown to huge black orbs, it's not hard to figure out what's happening. Hojo got his hooks in again. And seems to have given Sephiroth some sort of ill-defined substance.

Sephiroth is sweating all over the place, curled in a tight ball, his breathing growing increasingly panicked. Angeal doesn't know what he's seeing. Or if he's even SENTIENT right now. He just knows he has to help. He pushes forward and gently takes Sephiroth's face in his hands, murmuring at him soothingly, gently trying to get him to steady his breathing. Sephiroth doesn't seem to recognize him, or really even his surroundings. But the voice is calm and peaceful and the hands are warm. It's just enough to get his frenzied, foggy mind to obey, to gradually breathe in sync at a gentler rhythm.

Angeal gets him some water and a damp washcloth, setting up a tiny space on the couch where he can keep watch and tend to his friend. He'll spend the entire night if he has to, at least until Sephiroth comes down from whatever fucked up high/fever-dream Hojo managed to induce. Sephiroth still doesn't move much, but he at least manages to reach out to cling to the fabric of Angeal's sleeve. Angeal reaches forward and settles Sephiroth's head on his lap, placing the blanket around him and petting him until his eyes slowly begin to close. Angeal doesn't budge. He stays right where he is.

In the morning, he'll still be there, breakfast on the table, newspaper in hand. He'll feed Sephiroth if he has to, nurse him back to completion bit by bit, Sephiroth's prideful protests be damned. And then they'll talk, form a plan to ensure that something like this never happens again. Not on Angeal's watch. And not on Hojo's if he plans on living until next week. Sephiroth is agreeable to the latter, and shakily asks Angeal if it's too early in the morning for a bottle of wine. He thinks they both could use it right now.

Angeal grins and waggles the bottle-opener. Already got you covered.

[cocotokii]

“Obedient Soldier”

[A phrase uttered by Sephiroth in Scene 07-06. As this line indicates, Sephiroth in BC (Before Crisis) was regularly obedient to orders, such as defending the Mako canon and protecting Hojo. Therefore, Shinra valued the worth of Sephiroth's loyalty and treated him like a hero.]

-Keyword Collection, CC Complete Guide, p. 285

“Until then, I will be an obedient soldier of Shinra…”

He uses the term “従順な“ which is described above. He willfully submits himself to Shinra’s authority regularly in spite of inner turmoil and reluctance much of the time.

I see more of this with every update in The First Soldier. Sephiroth calls it his only job. You would say then “Yes, and he is paid for it and treated like a hero! That is why he obeys!”

First. Where is this interest in money? And who is to say he receives it? He was raised and trained by Shinra from his boyhood days. His lack of interest in money is said clearly. Angeal actually misjudged him for it too in chapter one of episode 2 when Bachman asked Sephiroth’s opinion on the situation in Robio:

Sephiroth: “Search for the missing troops. Don’t interfere with the filming. Anything else is not my job.”

Angeal: “You’re a stingy guy.”

Sephiroth: “What?”

Angeal: ”There’s no harm in experiencing things. Don’t just consider profit/money gain and loss.”

Sephiroth: “That’s not the reason.”

Angeal: “Then tell me what it is.”

Sephiroth: “….”

(Japanese translation)

There is another reason but he does not want to state it. He does not want to explain why he focuses on his assigned mission and nothing else. His disinterest in money was stated in episode one as well:

Matt: “We'll have to talk about the distribution of the reward money… fortunately, he (Sephiroth) doesn't seem to care about money.”

Money is not the reason for Sephiroth’s loyalty to Shinra then. You might then say it’s because they treated him as a hero! Like as it was said in the Guide, they valued his loyalty and dealt with him as a hero. But where is it stated that Sephiroth wants that either? No, it is the opposite.

Sephiroth: ”I don’t want to be a hero. I want to live a normal life…”

Glenn: “What did you say?”

Sephiroth: “Nothing. It’s never going to happen.”

But Sephiroth! Since you are a hero, Shinra must spoil you and treat you well? They must give you so much! Is that why you stay with that defeated resignation?

Perhaps you have authority and respect within the military! The fandom has always called him the General….

Ignore that you see the cameras he hates, the false propaganda he knows about, his low sense of self-worth, how he sees himself as a cyborg killer that does not deserve friends. He never experienced the sensation of joy and fun with others until he met Glenn’s team. Ignore that he was trained to be afraid and heartless. Forget that he has memories of Hojo’s pain and training.

And authority?

“Very sorry. We cannot follow orders from others outside of the normal chain of command.”

These are just infantrymen.

Sephiroth’s ability to refuse orders in Crisis Core was also an unofficial privilege that existed under Lazard’s generous command. If it were Heidegger, no privilege like that would have existed and Sephiroth would have had to kill Genesis and Angeal in Banora. Lazard, a man already disloyal to Shinra, had to be in command for that point in Crisis Core to exist.

“Also, there may or may not be a right to veto orders...It seems to be just unofficial though..”

-Kunsel to Zack, CC DMW flashback

Angeal Hewley is also made team leader over “Shinra’s hero” in episode 2 of The First Soldier. Years later Angeal still gives orders to Sephiroth that the hero follows. Sephiroth’s authority inside Shinra is not like a general or even a captain.

Not that then. Perhaps you are living a lavish lifestyle, hero?

….ah, but do I even need to explain why this one is nonsense when this boy was isolated and brought up by Hojo?

”Mom? Why are you in my bedroom?”

-Sephiroth, chapter one, The First Soldier Episode 2, Japanese.

A lab cell near to where Aerith and Ifalna were held as prisoners?

“I’ve never had many opportunities to interact with people.”

-Sephiroth, chapter five, The First Soldier Episode 1, Japanese.

He would not have in the environment Hojo gave him.

“I am a SOLDIER that was raised to stand on the battlefield. SOLDIERs are worthless unless they are strong in body and mind.”

-Sephiroth, chapter five, The First Soldier Episode 1, Japanese.

“You and I grew up in different worlds. The day we understand each other will never come.”

-Sephiroth to Angeal, chapter one, The First Soldier Episode 2, Japanese.

Hojo is who raised him like this! In isolation and cruelty!

“I am the only one who can speak to Professor Hojo freely at any time, who researches the limits of our SOLDIER abilities…”

-Sephiroth to Angeal, chapter one, The First Soldier Episode 2, Japanese.

Did that Halloween event not show us the deeper horror beneath these other horrors? And who they were connected to?

Hojo: “Endure the pain, Sephiroth. You’re not at your limit yet. The more you endure, the more of your hidden strength will awaken.”

Glenn: Hey! Hang in there!

Sephiroth: “I’m sorry. I was suddenly in a lot of pain, but I’m alright now.”

Glenn: “Don’t be so strong!! Rest! Rest! Don’t push yourself so hard just because you’re the team leader!! Just relax!

Sephiroth: “….I’ve never heard anything like that before. It’s just the reverse of what the professor said…”

(Japanese translation)

Who would have ingrained such deep loyalty into the world’s strongest SOLDIER so well other than his father Hojo? Sephiroth does not speak of leaving Shinra until he is close to 25 years. He was shaken when Elfe questioned why he fought and if it was for any reason. He responds to a command from his friend Genesis on immediate instinct.

He is conditioned. That is why he was an obedient soldier to Shinra and why he stayed with them even when he hated his life. He was afraid. Of them and of Hojo!

The First Soldier will only keep showing this. Sephiroth’s friends were his chain to mental stability. When they left and died, he became vulnerable again and Nibelheim was timed just right. How much grief and anger must he have felt learning about how deep the use of his body and mind had gone? Enough to hate Shinra and soon everything.

Shinra is run by greedy pigs who have their dogs and sheep. They have their SOLDIER recruits, their Turks, their Deepground prisoners, their clueless employees. You will find that among these pawns, there are many who try to leave or question the power keeping them in check and that is because Shinra was not so careful enough to condition and lie to them.

They were careful with Sephiroth though because disloyalty from him would be so dangerous. The story shows this well enough.

Out of all of their abused pawns and attack dogs, Sephiroth was the one chosen to be exploited in front of the world and decorated in hero’s ribbons to cover up the scars. He was lied to about the depth of his abuse and given false hope in his two dear friends. He was trying to claw his way to the light and find himself so that he could be a real hero and protect others but there was no hope for such things. His cage was gilded and when he became aware of it, that boy’s heart was filled with sadness and then anger and then hatred.

His life was DESTROYED by Shinra from the start. His loyalty was sown into him mostly by Hojo. This new episode of The First Soldier has brought this truth further to the light and I do not think it was will stop.

Thank you to those who helped me with this post in DMs!

[cocotokii]

Uni is kicking my ass so hard rn, I feel bad that I can't draw Sephiroth as much atm 😔 But I WILL work on seph art whenever I get small moments of spare time!!! 🗣☝️ I am DEVOTED to her

[cocotokii]

Who loved Sephiroth the most in his life?

That's impossible to say because each and every one of his loved ones/connections comes with a BUT.

Glenn: Cared about Sephiroth's wellbeing and autonomy as a person BUT also did him a lot of emotional harm in rejecting him and throwing away Lucrecia's locket.

Hojo: Wanted his son to succeed and was completely obsessed with him BUT never treated him like a person and only ever abused and dehumanized him.

Angeal: Presumably helped Sephiroth learn to trust and value friendship again BUT also abandons him when he needed him most.

Genesis: Admired Sephiroth and wanted to be his equal BUT emotionally sabotaged him during a vulnerable episode.

Zack: Had all the right equipment personality-wise to prove himself as a loyal friend BUT didn't get close enough before it was too late.

Lucrecia: Wanted to be in her child's life BUT was too emotionally cornered and full of regret to the point of instability.

Jenova: Probably doesn't love Sephiroth at all tbh, assuming she's sentient.

And so on. I think the sad truth is that Sephiroth really never had someone who loved him with complete iron-clad unconditional devotion. He was never anyone's priority, at least not Sephiroth the MAN, the human. Lots of it is the result of external factors, or the narrative weaving a tragedy outside of their control. But it still stands.

Sephiroth was alone.

[cocotokii]

Idk what Genesis is complaining about. Ever since his pregnancy both Angeal and Sephiroth have been looking VERY puffed up, swaggering around all proud of themselves. Embrace this gift, Genesis. Your husbands certainly are.

(but don't let Sephiroth name the baby because otherwise you're getting a kid named Jenova 2 or Murderbox 64 or something)

It's a good thing genesis will handle the embarrassment of this misunderstanding perfectly normally! (Lazard... will have to file a LOT of incident reports this day. And even more paid medical leave requests)

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HERES MY DOODLES W OUT MY RAMBLES HEHE

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Miniroth finally meeting his mother but he's so shy and nervous that he can't even look her in the eyes. He knows that whatever he says will probably just be something stupid. And he so badly wants her to like him. So he just turns pink and stares at the floor, standing there there timidly shuffling his feet. 😭

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W.I.P/ He was made for this >:)

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You draw Sephi’s skin so tender. Beautiful work.

THANK YOU SM!! 🫶🩷🩷 That's exactly how I want to portray it :') I hope to get even better at it~

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your sephiroth makes me blush 🥰

Hhhh thank you, anon! 😭 Seeing this made me blush as well 👉👈💕💕

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A lil doodle, I’m very obsessed with his nape 🧍‍♂️

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I love a man who needs to be put in a mental ward but looks angelic being insane

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So I got diagnosed with PTSD and whenever there’s a problem in my life, my immediate urge is to project it onto my favorite characters. Now, that being said, assuming that they DO have PTSD from the war and other traumas, do AGZSC have flashbacks, and if they do, what do they look like?

I hope I did this concept justice 💚 wishing you well

• Genesis’ PTSD, years after he's been doused with a cure, begins with the itch beneath his skin. No matter how hard he scrubs, no matter how dry the scarring is, he feels it raw and sticky beneath the hot leather. He can feel the burning in his muscle, resurfacing to his skin like it’s breaking apart, like it’s rotting again. The smell of decay, of something foul and wrong, floods his senses even though the air is clean. His hands tremble, fingers tracing invisible cracks on his face, terrified they’ll split open. The fear of the degradation gnaws at him constantly, fearing that the goddess revoked her gift, fearing that one day he'll start degrading all over again.

• Sephiroth’s PTSD smells like antiseptic, that sharp, clean scent that coats the inside of his nose, no matter where he is, no matter how hard he fills his environment with lavender, vanilla and other desperate attempts to stifle the phantom horror. He can smell it everywhere he goes, and initially believed his mind was failing him.

He can be working in his office or peacefully reading a book in his bedroom when the hum of lab equipment buzzes in his ear, faint but clear. Sometimes it's the dull click of needles being prepared, and Sephiroth flinches.

He can be laying in bed when the familiar feel of restraints scratches his wrist, phantom sensations that won't let him rest.

• Cloud’s PTSD is heat—scalding, unbearable heat. The fire burns it's brightest when he's overheated, roaring in his ears, licking at his skin, smoke filling his lungs as the villagers' screams overtake his hearing.

He smells the burning wood, the burning flesh, his mother’s voice lost somewhere in the flames that swallow everything in its wake.

And then he sees him, accompanied by a crack of green pulling his consciousness back to the moment he saw that Sephiroth for the first time—not Sephiroth the hero, but Sephiroth the embodiment of everything Cloud would lose.

• Zack’s PTSD is the weight of Angeal’s sword in his hand he feels in the weeks following his mentor's death. It's the body he doesn't want to be in, the flesh that grips the bones Angeal should have broken when he killed him, not the other way around. When when the sword is clung to his back, he can feel the weight of it in his hands, dragging him down, forcing him to press his knees to the dirty ground again and face Angeal's dying body.

• Angeal’s PTSD wakes him up in the middle of the night and pins his eyes open with memories that won't sleep. His apartment is always silent, just like he remembered the house was that night—oh the trivial details the mind picks up. But it always starts with the silence before the screams hit. He can hear his mother's cries, raw and desperate, tear through the quiet. His mother’s wails are like a knife dragging across his chest. He feels the emptiness of that house, the coldness of the room after the life has drained from it. His father had just passed, and once again, just like when he was a boy, Angeal is suffocated beneath his blanket, eyes wide open.

[cocotokii]

Sephgeal cuddles

Sephiroth is not a very cuddly person, at least not in public. He was taught that a good and proper soldier doesn't get all moon-eyed and touchy feely with his comrades.

How surprised he is when he finds himself melting in Angeal's strong arms, so secure and warm and safe that he could just curl up and disintegrate on the spot. Angeal always knows how to hold him in a way that makes him feel protected and loved. He soaks up the praise like a sponge, leaning into Angeal's touch like a greedy house cat. It's a strange sensation for him. To love and be loved. He wants more, though he's not sure how to ask for it beyond a few awkward nuzzles. Angeal just seems to understand on reflex, giving him what he wants, taking his time.

Neither ever has to say a word, never expressing their emotions, never talking. It's simply a natural rhythm, a special, secret link shared between them. All Sephiroth knows is that he could get quite used to it. Never stopping. Never pulling away.

Angeal laughs at the aggressive vibrations emanating from Sephiroth's throat, ruffling his silver hair. He rolls his eyes, leans back, and pulls him closer.

[cocotokii]

Sephiroth

[cocotokii]

🎃 zack and seph perchance?

You got it!!! Thx so much for the prompt!! <33

~

When Sephiroth walked into the office that morning, he had half a mind to think that it was the wrong one.

Approximately thirty different plastic pumpkins were scattered throughout the room, their scale-scintillating colors varying from the standard orange to obnoxiously bright pink with green stems; bats and spiders and other stereotypical creatures were strung cheesily from the light fixtures, their dangling threads intertwining and knotting and contrasting against the bright orange streamers racing from one end of the ceiling to the other; thick, gluey webs clung to the windows and desks, translucent and loosely built, stray and sticky threads shedding onto their floor like falling feathers, making a mess...

And in the heart of it all, stood Zack, plastering the last of the decor along the window.

...

“Zack.”

Zack whipped around at his name, flashing a luminous smile. “Oh! Hey, bud! Whadya think...?!”

Sephiroth scanned the array of decorations, his frown sinking six more feet. “...I think I’m in a bad dream.”

“What?” Zack smirked mischievously. “It’s too much?”

“Too much...?!” Sephiroth parroted, eyeing the computer mouse that had been decorated to resemble an actual mouse. “I don’t think any of this is necessary.”

“Huh? What are ya talking about!” Zack exclaimed. “It’s almost Halloween!”

“And?”

“What? You’re telling me you’ve never decorated for Halloween before...?”

A few images popped into Sephiroth’s head then—flashes of planting scarecrows outside his quarters, carving pumpkins with theatrical faces, baking the seeds afterwards...

But those memories were gone.

Long gone.

And soon, so would these pesky reminders.

Sephiroth shook his head, the emerald eyes frosting over, turning his attention back toward the doe-eyed SOLDIER with an authoritative scowl.

“You are to remove all these embellishments at once.”

Zack frowned. “Aww, Seph...”

“That’s an order.”

Wounded, Zack dipped his head in defeat. “Alright, alright...”

Sephiroth didn’t wait for any further protests as he made his way over to the desk, seating himself in the familiar leather, pleased to hear the comforting sound of the webs being peeled off the windows panes. Hmph. Good... There was no need to engage in such childish affairs. The General’s office was a place meant for stern, objective facts—an air of professionalism that should be reflected regardless of which seasonal holiday may occur. There was simply no room for juvenile games, no space for webs and mice and ghosts... Ghosts were dead. Gone. Memories. There was no reviving them, no bringing them back. A closed book. A finished chapter, punctuated with permanence. The past was the past... and that was a cold, objective fact.

His eyes fixed on the folder before him, Sephiroth reached into his pen drawer, fishing around for a proper writing implement to begin his paper. Strange, really... how he had seemingly forgetter to leave one his desk, now forced to rummage through staplers and tape and clips and...—

...

...Paper?

His frown deepening, Sephiroth let his fingers rest of the alien object, examining it with the utmost puzzlement and curiosity. Paper... yes. That was certainly what it felt like. Thick paper... hard paper. Smooth paper. Paper that was encasing something, enveloping it... As it if were a...

Confused, Sephiroth peeled his gaze away from the folder, glancing down into the drawer...

...

And his heart twisted 360 degrees in his chest.

What sat in his drawer was none other than a candy bar—a chocolate bar... His favorite brand, too. But it didn’t end there; strung to the glistening gold wrapper was a small index card—a note... And scrawled only with a handwriting so illegibly familiar that it made Sephiroth’s chest nearly tear asunder.

Growing numb, Sephiroth gingerly extracted the candy bar, bringing the dangling note before his eyes.

He read it.

Happy early Halloween, old pal! I know you’re not a big person on celebrating, so just leave the decorating to me! All you have to do is enjoy!! No tricks, only treats! Angeal once told me these were your favorite.

I’ll always be here, Seph. On the good days and the bad. I love you so much.

- Zack

...

By the time he was done reading, the numbness had completely taken over, and he found himself idly tracing his thumb over the loving lace of letters. Over and over again, he did... Tracing, reading, musing, remembering...

The man had to blink a few times, though he wasn’t certain why.

Merry Christmas, Sir...! I know it’s not the besssstt wrapping... but I wanted to get you a little something anyway!! 

Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you...! Happy birthday, dear Seephiiroth!~ Happy birthday to you! Woooo! Now blow out the candles!! 

Okay okay okay... I know Valentine’s Day is usually reserved for lovers in all that jazz... so I’m introducing Palentines Day...! A day to celebrate all my favorite pals in the world! ...And you best know who’s on that list! 

Oh man... you should have seen your face; too precious!! ...April Fools, bud! I hope that gave you a good laugh! You know how amazing it is when you smile.

...

Sephiroth’s grip tightened on the paper, cupping it preciously in his hands.

“Zack...?”

Zack turned around, just about done with removing the spider web. “Yeah, pal?”

“Please... keep the decorations.”