cocoa-nutzoveryou

[cocoa-nutzoveryou]

I want you all mine.

[cocoa-nutzoveryou]

sometimes i wish i was never born.

[cocoa-nutzoveryou]

i still love you too

[cocoa-nutzoveryou]

asan yung cctv

[cocoa-nutzoveryou]

i generally dont mind if you lambing sa iba, pero nandito din nmn ako 😭. Wag mo naman akong itreat as a stranger, as if i dont exist. Ansakit kaya nun, nanonood lng ako from afar habang sumasandal ka sa shoulder nya, habang hinuhug mo sya, mga ganun.

Dont get me wrong about being possessive, pero ansakit lng na ginaganyan moko, as in, sobrang sakit

[cocoa-nutzoveryou]

yung tipong nanonood ka lang habang lumalambing sya sa iba.

yung tipong nasasaktan ka pero nananahimik ka lang

yung tipong pwede kayo maging friends pero tinetreat kang stranger

yung tipong gusto mong sabihin na nasasaktan ka pero di mo magawa

yung tipong gusto mong sabihin "gusto ko rin ng lambing" kaso iba yung kalambing nya

oks lng

[cocoa-nutzoveryou]

may lagnat ako gaiz ahahahsahhahhahahahha

[cocoa-nutzoveryou]

wow, i skipped an entire day of eating yesterday

[cocoa-nutzoveryou]

im on the very last strand, whatever i might do, im sorry.

[cocoa-nutzoveryou]

if i dont get into high honors what am i even doing here. Pagod na pagod nako lord. As in, di ko na tlga kaya. Tinitry ko nmn best ko eh pero bat di ko parin nagegets yung lesson. Nagpuyat ako kakaaral sa isang subject pero bakit ganun parin mga scores ko. Nakakapagod nmn tlga eh, di ko na tlga kaya. Yall are out here joining clubs, the sportsfest, academically succeeding and all that, pero why is it no matter how hard i try im never good at anything? Ive been playing guitar for 4 years and im still horrible at plucking. Ive been trying really hard to train my voice pero its still horrible, my range is just not it. And my academics was the only thing i was good at, but now i can see my downfall. I dont know what to do, im exhausted. Im really tired. I know ive said this same line for the past month pero its true, im really really tired. I dont think i cant take this anymore. Ive been giving out every ounce of love, effort, and trust but why does it feel like i can never deserve the same? Why does it feel like no matter how hard i try, ill fall even harder. And if im failing inside, i try to focus on the outside. My look aren't the best, im overweight, my face isnt small, and i hate all my body features. People can say im overreacting for all i care, pero i just wanna pour this out. Im tired of being the "former presi", im tired of being "the rest", im tired of being the "tryhard", and im tired of being an embarrassment.

It feels like in this race called life, im getting left behind, getting trampled over just for their benefit to reach the finish line, and whenever i try to get up i fall back on my face. I hate that small voice that always tells me "You arent good enough, you should just die", "Everyone who you think cares about you is just pretending, they're doing this out of sympathy, they feel bad for you existing". I GET IT. I GET THAT IM SLOWLY LOOSING THE FIRE, I GET THAT IVE NEVER LOOKED AS PRETTY OR SKINNY AS THEM, I GET THAT ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE BEEN AVOIDING ME, I GET WHY MY FAMILY THINKS OF MY AS AN EMBARASSMENT, BUT I DONT NEED A DAILY REMINDER TO MYSELF OF EACH LITTLE THING I DO. i know im a failure god damnit, i just wish i wasnt.

[cocoa-nutzoveryou]

im gonna have to cram na ahahahahaha!

[cocoa-nutzoveryou]

ay shit putangina ang pangit kong sumayaw shet shet shet putanginang yan lord ayoko nang sumayaw ever again please lord ayoko na lord mk ayoko na fuck shit

[cocoa-nutzoveryou]

ang masasabi ko lng is, ang galing nya sumayaw jusko po 😭

[cocoa-nutzoveryou]

i totally didnt spend the whole night crying after realizing that all the comfortable clothes and clothes that i actually wanna wear dont look good on me at all just because im overweight ahahaha

[cocoa-nutzoveryou]

tapos na nga exam, tas may assignments pa! ahaha!!!!

[cocoa-nutzoveryou]

LORD ALL THE DOMINANCE IN ME HAS LEFT THE BUILDING DSGDFGDFGDFGDFSGD

[cocoa-nutzoveryou]

LORD WHY AM I SUCH A BOTTOM AHFJSHFHSDGHDFKGHFDH