cocky-little-sonuva

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it's wet beast wednesday you know what that means!

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it's wet beast wednesday you know what that means!

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IS BEING HYDRATED REALLY WORTH ALL THIS PEEING?

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love how wikipedia’s “List of unsolved deaths” starts at 11,000 BCE. like, I don’t think we’ll be cracking that cold case anytime soon.

[cocky-little-sonuva]

i like sailing myths and superstitions because most of them can be boiled down to "if the ocean doesn't like you it will chew you up and spit out your bones. and if it really loves you it will swallow you whole and never let you go. good luck 👍"

[cocky-little-sonuva]

i like sailing myths and superstitions because most of them can be boiled down to "if the ocean doesn't like you it will chew you up and spit out your bones. and if it really loves you it will swallow you whole and never let you go. good luck 👍"

[cocky-little-sonuva]

Did you guys know that the most recent version of sharks have fins that are kinda leg like and they like to walk up onto land?

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kind of orbular

[cocky-little-sonuva]

No joke is one-size-fits-all, but adding "but I remain optimistic" at the end of any somewhat-speculating statement makes it funny, taking a different tone in each.

Adding it to the end of something positive gives it an unexpected twist - implying that whatever the good thing that happened was, it wasn't what you expected or hoped to happen, but you're yet to give up hope of whatever the fuck you've now vaguely implied towards might still happen. "He survived and is expected to make a full recovery, but I remain optimistic."

Adding it to a neutral statement implies that you think something can be done about it, funniest if the statement is something that obviously can't be affected. "Apparently it's tuesday tomorrow, but I remain optimistic."

And the bleakest, most hopeless statements just become bleakly funny by the grim absurdity. "About 30 seconds remain until impact, and the chances of any of us surviving the crash are zero. But I remain optimistic."

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not to be a misogynist doctor from the 1800s but i’m pretty sure my uterus is moving around my body, biting my other organs, and also is possessed by the devil

[cocky-little-sonuva]

Jefferson figuring out that his son is Spider-Man but instead of telling him “hey you blew your secret” and possibly freaking him out, starts quietly training him in correct police procedure (without him knowing) while also repeatedly talking about how he had issues with the old Spider-Man but the new one seems like a brave and responsible young man and how he would be totally proud of him if he were this guy’s parents

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* blows a kiss to my computer * for JSTOR