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I was not content to believe in a personal devil and serve him, in the ordinary sense of the word. I wanted to get hold of him personally and become his chief of staff.

Aleister Crowley (via lucifelle)

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ZEE MIGHTY CAPS LOCK and PRESS

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don’t we love to find new problems after we have solved the old one? people eh.

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06082015

Love a dreamer. Learn from her. Feel the world through her. Let her teach you on how to see the world in all its truth and beauty and what it has to offer. Let her make you hear sounds that once filled your ears in your early years. Let her smooth skin brush against the backside of your arm. Cherish every moment with her. Share your thoughts and your worries and be surprised with what she has to say about it, for she sees things in a different way than your worry-filled mind does. Let her control the time, for she treasures every second of it and with that, you’ll appreciate what it is to be truly alive. Look deep in her eyes, not on the intent of kissing her, but to see the soul inside. Because those eyes are your only escape from your cynical, ruthlessly pragmatic view of the world. Watch her as she smiles, over the little things, for those little things do really matter, maybe not today but they will as the time slips away. Remember those times, for moments of need that she needs to be reminded of how she was before when all the world has been robbed with glory, you are her only fighting chance, you must be there to remind her that she deserves the world and the world deserves and shall be forever thankful of her. Never ever fucking hurt her.

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That is how it is, we in our lives are presented with some random situation out of nowhere, with all our guards down that tests are ability to compromise certain things that we believe in, or that goes against every fiber of our whole being, or makes us feel stupid, abandoned and worst of all, betrayed by the people we treasure most in life and it has always been or it is all of the above. Like what they usually say, “When the shit hits the fan”. Yes, it happens on a regular basis, but not all events that occur do make a mark in our heads or in our hearts. But some events marks you for the rest of your life. Usually the aftermath of the event is a train wreck, a disaster, an anomaly in the heavens that brings the wrath of gods to Earth, only this time, you are the Earth. But Earth as it is, learns to adapt, learns to change and at the end of the day, it still revolves around the same sun. The same goes to you, it might have been the worst thing that did happen to you but always remember that, it was your first time handling it. Subconsciously we do not try to remember that it did happen, because, there really is nothing more to it. “Nothing more to it” more of like “I do not want to think about it anymore or deal with it because it already did happen”. The problem with the most of us is, we do assess our actions and reactions by the situation presented to us and usually, we do not approve a hundred percent of what the outcome was. Most of us does not want that event to be rubbed all over their face over and over again, but you know what, I find it as a good thing and I find no shame in it. Why is that? Because we can charge it to experience. You will get used to it and learn to handle it if it happens again in the future just like a pro. It will give you the preparedness that you did not have the first time around and you will realize that, yes, it was a good thing and you will be forever thankful to that person who did that to you. Popping the cherry is not really the best thing that could happen in the world, it is messy and chaotic and full of tension but it is as important as it is. It is a start.

With all of that said, I have come to appreciate what Viktor E. Frankl said, “when we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves”. Realizations. That made me look back, and I asked myself these questions: What happened? When did it start to happen? Why did it happen? How did it happen? How did I handle it? All of this are needed to be answered in order for you to reassess the situation that happened. But the most important question of all is “Everything that I have done to save myself, was it all worth it?” When I answered all of this and I did not think about throwing my life away, I learned to that self-love is needed and will always be the core of all the living being and forgiving yourself is already there included.

When that thing happens to you that you feel betrayed and helpless with that troublesome situation, own it up and let them be. Don’t put the blame on the other person. That will lead you to nowhere because that same person should also belong to nowhere near your life, ever. You do not send the puppy to clean up his own mess. And what I mean with puppy is the other person who brought you to that situation because a hundred and ten percent, he will completely and inevitably make a bigger mess out of it and that is really not a great thing to be at. Do something for yourself to get out of that mess or to clean it up. When you are staring down on a barrel of a gun and that gun is going nowhere, what do you do? Do you let them pull the trigger without fighting back or doing something to avoid being shot? No. that will be the end of you. So what do you do? You can try to steal the gun from the other person or you can call it a bluff or try to pull a bigger gun out from your pocket or you can do a million other things to make the situation in your favor. Yes it may sound stupid, with no sense ever at all but get this, what I am trying to say from all of this is that you need to decide what you will do next to get out of that situation as fast as possible before spiraling down the staircase without depending with the other person or persons actions because for all we know, they are the one who led you to this and it is not a very intelligent thing to let them be the captain.

Yes, some of the actions that you will be thinking of, just to get you away from the situation, will go against everything that you believe in. It can be politically, or religiously or whatever other beliefs and standards you have set yourself into. It will sometimes make you feel disgusted with yourself just thinking about it in the future but let me ask you this, would you rather have done nothing to get away from it or control or solve it? I think not. It is hardwired to us human beings as an individual that we will first save ourselves first before others. Yes, we are all social animals but we still have our survival instincts and it tells us that selflessness, in a world of self-saving, should have been made a crime. Fun fact, selflessness is just a few words away from stupidity in the dictionary. We do not want to be called stupid or let ourselves believe that we are, do we? Have you heard of any people who are selfless who still lives? I do not think that there is any. Selflessness and stupidity makes you end up with death and misery. Do what you have to do. You can always live with regrets with those actions but on the bright side, you get still the live, and I know that you would rather have regrets than ending up six feet beneath the ground with your problems.

It is okay to make excuses with your reactions but it is not and never will be right to make excuses with your inactions. You can justify the former because you know within yourself that it is not of your own doing, you are just merely there, both the victim and the collateral damage. Tough luck as it is, you just need to keep on living, by all means necessary, and that is enough reason do to the things that you needed doing. Do not let yourself live in a delusion of just always being in your comfort zone. That is not living at all. That is a death sentence where you spend all of your life being in trapped on a casket, in that prison even if you know that there is no lock to that door. You waste your life with that, might as well avoid any interactions at all with any living being. Cut the anchor loose. Never learn to love your chains. That will be the end of you.

You might have been wondering why I’m saying all of these things. Do not get me wrong, I feel sorry for all the wrong things that I have done just to get out of a tricky situation, but I just had to. It is true that two wrongs does not make a right, morally speaking, but you just need to understand that I do not want to be caged for the rest of my life being a prisoner of somebody else’s action and my inaction. Sometimes you just have to fight for it because you know you are fighting for your own dear life, with what is left with your few lucid strings of sanity. We are all damaged people don’t you see? Some of it was inflicted by the people around us and some of it, even if we do not want to, we just have to, was done by ourselves to ourselves for ourselves. It is like cauterizing your own wound to avoid it from being infected and spreading all over you.  The real challenge is can you do it? Do you still have enough strength left to add more pain to that already painful cut that was done to you? Never think twice. Think of what is the best thing that you can do to yourself. Yes the pain might make you feel like throwing up or passing out, but in the end, you will be thankful to yourself that you did it. You survived, and that is all that matters.

5/27/2015

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“Don't use the phone. People are never ready to answer it. Use poetry.”  - Jack Kerouac

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"The tears of the world are a constant quantity. For each one who begins to weep somewhere else another stops. The same is true of the laugh. Let us not then speak ill of our generation, it is not any unhappier than its predecessors." — Samuel Beckett (Waiting for Godot)

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damn straight

When a new acquaintance finds out how high my alcohol tolerance is

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#godfather #moviequotes #doncorleone #quotes

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The Godfather x A Life of Crime

18x24 x Screenprint x 2 colors. Edition of 50 x Signed and Numbered

Available here.

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"The moment I first saw her eyes, I knew it. I knew it was love, I knew I was fucked and lo and behold, I was."

- Bunca yıldır yanılıyor olabileceğimizi hiç düşündün mü? Cennet diye bir yer, ölümden sonra hayat yoktur belki? - Elbette düşündüm, ama Tanrı bizi seviyor. Fakat sevdiğini tuhaf bir şekilde gösteriyor bazen. - Bazen, Tanrı’nın delirdiğini düşünüyorum. Yaptığı şeyler, yapmadığı şeyler… - Onun da işi başından aşkın. Piç herifler onun da çocuğunu öldürdüler. - “Piç” deme lütfen hayatım. - Alt tarafı bir kelime Myra.

Seven Psychopaths / Martin Mcdonagh / 2012

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Seven Psychopaths (2012)