closenotenough
who knows
gots symptoms syndrome. 27. she/her.
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i don't know if I can handle it anymore
#saw a little baby yesterday#i didn't even hold him#but looking at him felt like getting my heart ripped out#& my mom. my beautiful perfect amazing mother#when i admitted kids are something ive been wanting for a few years now but idk what to do#she just looks at me kindly and says. 'you'd be such a great mom'#literally crying rn remembering it#it won't be me!! it will never be me!!! he doesn't want kids he hates babies it will never fucking be me
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Ya know when people told me "when you're finally safe enough that you can leave survival mode and start to let go of and process your c-ptsd/trauma things are probably going to get really, really bad before they slowly start to get better" I thought that was reasonable. I did not understand that by "things are going to get bad" they meant "you're going to find yourself in the worst mental state of your entire life, but dw, that means it's working" and tbh I simply wish someone had been more clear.
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hate myself:)
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do you ever think oh actually i am never going to stop being eleven years old and lonely
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sick of this bullshit ass job. supposed to be a manager but my dept is literally 1 other person. useless ass GM let my assistant leave my dept, cut everyone's hours but hers, & she doesn't even have an official position rn!! we were booked for a meeting at 9, saw him walking around the office chatting to people at 9:20, then emailed me at 9:35 to move our meeting to 3pm. just fucking tired of it all
#ive been here damn near 6 years but what's the point in staying when I'm this miserable?#idec anymore. i show up late & leave early. i do the bare minimum. im on my phone all the time. tbh im kind of hoping they fire me#so i can just get unemployment for a bit & not have to deal w this shit
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woke up to 2 of 4 bank accts overdrawn. Woo
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hi everyone. does anybody else miss something they can never return to. anyone else being swallowed whole by grief. anyone else clinging to love as a life preserver
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that dull ache for a child still consumes me
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baby fever still in full swing. regretfully
#coworker is pregnant & it's not helping#fb & insta are constantly pushing mom content on me#sometimes i like. ache for a baby#he doesn't want kids.
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i love going through old posts and being like. wow. i was really miserable. nothings changed from then but still
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it's quarter after three in the morning & we just got home.
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over it tbh
#husband tested positive for the flu.#he's been sick since Sunday & hasn't been able to keep anything down#so he went to the doctor again today who advised him to go to the er for imaging#that was at 4pm. it's now quarter after 11.#i started getting symptoms today#& therefore haven't eaten#& im ready to fuckin die bro.#he keeps insisting the doctors aren't 'listening to his pain' when they're literally just trying to figure out if there's something more#that is wrong in addition to the flu#meanwhile he is sleeping in the bed. I'm sitting on a hard ass chair trying not to fall over#i just want to go tf home!!!
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