clitcummings

[clitcummings]

[clitcummings]

sometimes i’m gay sometimes i’m extra gay

[clitcummings]

i hate porn. “ohh fuck my ass!!!” you fuck your own damn ass

[clitcummings]

[clitcummings]

The permian is interesting as hell but it is so

so deeply cursed

[clitcummings]

me: okay i’ve complained enough about this it’s time to put it to rest

me five minutes later: actually you know what-

[clitcummings]

men will literally nut 45 seconds into sex and have the audacity to ask if you came. yeah i came to the wrong house 

[clitcummings]

She’s perfect!

[clitcummings]

Meowdy howdy

[clitcummings]

she make my heart explode call that a chestnut

[clitcummings]

So I got blood drawn today, and left a note for myself last night to remember to fast.

It was much more confusing at 5AM than it was the night before.

[clitcummings]

i envy your ability to destroy people with mere words

Butter is just half-cheese

[clitcummings]

are u a boy or a girl?

im a dumbass

[clitcummings]

[clitcummings]

i don’t either

[clitcummings]

forensic files narrator: … and he left his finger prints on the door knob…

me eating my 5th mozzarella stick: you absolute fucking idiot

[clitcummings]