clio-muse-of-history

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April 18

In 1864, an army of Prussian and Austrian troops decisively defeated a Danish army at the Battle of Dybbøl in the Second Schleswig War.  Though the fortress of Dybbøl had been under siege for over a week, the battle itself lasted just one day; thus, it was the first recorded daily Dybbøl.

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April 16

In 1818, the US Senate ratified the Rush-Bagot treaty, establishing the border with Canada and making sure that those Labatt-swilling bastards understood that they should stay north of it.  Unless they're in Windsor, in which case they should stay south of it. We don’t need you people comin’ around here with all your politeness and free healthcare and shit.

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April 15

In 1952, the B-52 Stratofortress made its first flight.  The airframe is still in use as of 2018.  Well, not that original model, but, you know, the same KIND of airplane, ya smartass.

Basically, this is just an excuse to post this sweet-ass picture.

These two types of airplanes’ service lives actually overlapped. (Image of foreground B-17 and background B-52 via Wikimedia)

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April 14

In 1939, Viking Press first published John Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath, and it's pretty good if you can get past the part about the goddamned turtle crossing the goddamned road.

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April 13

In 1963, Sidney Poitier won the Academy Award for best actor.  He was the first black man to win the award, and he would be the only black man to win it until 2001.  You might see this as a reflection of the entrenched racism of the AMPAS, and while that's undoubtedly part of the equation, it's not as simple as that.  Go back and look at how many Oscar-bait type movies had black lead actors (to say nothing of actresses) in that almost forty year span.

The next black man to win the award was Denzel Washington, on his third nomination.  His first nomination was for playing Malcolm X, but ain't no way an organization as stodgy as the AMPAS is gonna give someone an award for playing that role.

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April 12

In 1945, at his personal retreat in Warm Springs, Georgia, US President Franklin Delano Roosevelt suffered a cerebral brain hemorrhage and died.  He had been elected President four times and had seen the United States through a crippling depression and almost through the largest conflict in world history.  

In the afternoon of the 12th, while sitting for a portrait, Roosevelt said "I have a terrific pain in the back of my head."  Then he passed out in his chair.  No one was terribly concerned at first, because his aides simply assumed that the previous day’s hangover had finally hit the old man.

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April 11

In 1945, US President Franklin Delano Roosevelt went to bed for what would turn out to be his last night’s sleep.  He must have had some kind of premonition, because rather than getting obliterated on mint juleps, he had his barman serve him a single Last Word, and, softly whistling “Moonlight Serenade,” he retired for the evening.

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April 10

In 1912, the ocean liner RMS Titanic set sail for New York on its maiden voyage.  Of course, the ship never made it.  You may not, however, be aware that the White Star Line's official report on the sinking indicated that the ship was too heavily laden with poor people to maneuver properly, and that all steerage passengers should henceforth be jettisoned at the first sign of trouble.

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April 9

In 1965, the Astrodome opened in Houston, Texas, because this is America, and if we're going to be bored watching baseball, we're not even gonna get any fresh air or sunshine while we're doing it.

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April 8

In 1820, Greek peasant Yorgos Kentrotas discovered the Aphrodite of Milos buried in the ruins of an ancient city. You probably know this statue better as the Venus de Milo, or (more likely, knowing my audience) "that naked lady what don't got no arms no more."

“Hey, loogit! She musta just walked around wit’ her chichis hangin’ out!”

(Image via Wikimedia)

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April 7

In 1945, the Japanese battleship Yamato went to the bottom of the East China Sea. As it was a surface ship and not a submarine, this was not part of the ship's normal mission profile.

By April 1945, the Japanese were clearly losing their war against the US. Backed against a wall, they examined their options and decided that surrender to the overwhelmingly powerful foe was the only option.

Hahahahaha no. That's not how people work. They got more desperate and cooked up crazier and crazier schemes. In this one, known as operation Ten-Go, they decided to sortie the Yamato--one of the two largest battleships ever built--one light cruiser, and eight destroyers against the American landings at Okinawa. The "plan" was to fight their way through the American fleet, beach the battleship on Okinawa, use its main 18.1 inch gun batteries as static artillery, and have the surviving crew join the Japanese ground forces once the big guns ran out of ammo.

So, yeah. Some real Sun Tzu shit here.

You may notice a distinct lack of aircraft carriers in the Japanese line of battle. That's because they had all been sent to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean by American airplanes and submarines prior to April 1945. So the Yamato sailed into battle with no air cover whatsoever.

The ship went up against an American fleet that included six battleships, ELEVEN aircraft carriers, the same number of heavy cruisers, and about three dozen destroyers.

As you may guess, the Yamato's chances for success in its mission were, to put it mildly, slim.

Starting at mid-day on April 7, the Japanese fleet was subjected to several waves of air attack. The US pilots, noting that there were zero (ha ha) fighters accompanying the Japanese ships, had the unusual luxury of forming up and attacking at will. All of the torpedo planes attacked from the big ship's port side (if all of the below-the-waterline openings are on one side, a ship runs far greater risk of capsizing than if the breaches are on either side). Dive bombers ranged at will over the doomed fleet. Finally, near 2:30 in the afternoon, after at least 11 torpedo and 6 bomb hits, the ship heeled over and sank. Of the accompanying ships, the light cruiser and four destroyers were also sent to the ocean floor. Somewhere around 4000 sailors died in the operation.

American losses amounted to ten destroyed airplanes and 12 dead aircrew.

Pride is a hell of a thing.

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April 6

In 1947, the first Tony Awards were given out in recognition of theatrical achievements.  But these awards are nowhere near as prestigious as the coveted Tony! Toni! Toné! Awards.

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March 31

In 1906, the Intercollegiate Athletic Association of the United States, the forerunner to the NCAA, was founded to set rules for college sports.  Well, "rule," really.  And that rule is "literally no kind of disgusting and/or criminal behavior is unacceptable so long as you do not pay your players."

Fuck the NCAA.

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March 29

In 1822, the US created the Florida Territory; in 1867, the US purchased Alaska from Russia; and in 1870, Texas was readmitted to the Union after the Civil War.

Basically, the United States shouldn't do ANYTHING on March 30, because holy shit is this a bad day for making decisions in America.

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March 29

In 1973, the last US combat troops left South Vietnam, and the American government never again inserted itself into a complicated conflict that no one cared to understand.

God damn it.  Is it too early for whiskey?

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March 28

In 193 CE, Roman Emperor Publius Helvius Pertinax Augustus, known to posterity as Pertinax, was assassinated by his Praetorian Guard.  Pertinax had assassinated the previous emperor, Marcus Aurelius' son Commodus, three months prior and ascended to the purple.  His Praetorians then sold the throne at auction to Didius Julianus, who would himself be deposed and finally executed by Septimius Severus.  193 is known as the Year of the Five Emperors because, well, there were five different claims to the throne that year.

So yeah.  Political systems can be a bit more fucked up than what you're used to seeing in the US.  Also, "Pertinax" is a hell of a name.

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March 27

In 1971, Nathan Fillion was born; contrary to what you would expect, he seems to have been a very well-behaved child.