claudielou - Tumblr blog

[claudielou]

I was about to make a post about like… how my family has this lemon tree out front, and one of the funniest things about having a lemon tree is occasionally I’ll be out in front doing whatever and I’ll see someone walking past and quickly grab a lemon off the tree and stuff it in their pockets as quick as they can like they’re shoplifting. 

I was about to make a post about how that’s funny and how, y’know people can have our lemons, it’s not a big deal because the tree pumps them out like gangbusters, but I really can’t make that post without thinking of… them…

[claudielou]

which lucky lady gets to be subjected to me behaving like this 24/7 🧍🏻‍♂️

[claudielou]

[claudielou]

Me: struggling with the never ending list of work, making a plan to check out early because I'm weak as shit and can't cope.

My editor: can we renumber q15 as q14b?

LADY I DO NOT GIVE A CUNTING FUCK IF WE RENUMBER 15 AS 14B.

[claudielou]

kitten

[claudielou]

this is among one of the funniest ask i have ever seen someone get sorry

[claudielou]

NSFW/Not Safe for Work is a funny concept to me because I have on separate occasions worked as 1. a creator of porn comics for an online subscription service, 2. a film archivist, digitizing material for the The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. I got to experience the dissonance of writing a crisp, professional email to my editor like I was taught to in art school and then attaching 18 pages of dong pictures to it. I've called a coworker over to dispassionately watch hardcore pornography over my shoulder so that they could help me make sure I was scanning a film at the correct frame rate. We were both wearing lab coats at the time. In terms of raw percentage, I have likely spent half or more of my professional life working in situations where it would not be all that unexpected to see someone's hole(s) in the course of my duties.

[claudielou]

i made a collage inspired by What Its Like To Use Tumblr Mobile (: hope u guys can actually see it

[claudielou]

i’m only on reddit for r/Kevin

[claudielou]

Hi Elon: please add a decreasing counter bar in the corner of the screen so I know how many posts left I can view. Because having a health bar on twitter would be the only funny thing you can do right now

[claudielou]

let's draw a horse

[claudielou]

"I'm a member of a Masorti community"

What I mean: I'm observant, but I believe in full equality between the sexes during services.

What gets heard: I'm basically Reform but I daven in Hebrew.

[claudielou]

Ah, yes, that famous Ashkenazi super hero.

[claudielou]

[claudielou]

Boy heroically puts horse conditioner in princess’s hair without a moment’s hesitation

[claudielou]

My friend got pregnant at 17. Deeply religious family (she would be kivked out if they found out), one night stand, she just could NOT have the baby. Thing is we live in a country where abortion is illegal. Our only option was to illegally buy some pills online and hope they worked and we didnt go to jail

But these are hecking expensive and we needed to rush

So i set up a twitter/fb/insta/furaffinity/etc account and advertised my furry art EVERYWHERE. Im not that good but i said id draw basically anything no matter how weird (not cub art or anything illegal). I got a lot of weird coms (vore, scat, inflation and some i dont even understand) and for two weeks i did nothing but draw weird shit all day. My hand hurt so bad, but i got the money.

We spent a week afraid we'd been scammed and afraid we'd get caught, then a weekend afraid my friend might die once we did the procedure in my house. But it worked

I never told her how i got the money and i never will. Id rather die than tell her i funded her illegal abortion by drawing the wolf from robin hood swallowing robin through his belly button. Im pretty sure she thinks i was a prostitute for those two weeks and id rather her think that

To this day i gift her condoms on her bd as a joke bc im never doing that again

.

[claudielou]