clara-steve

[clara-steve]

the person who used to try stopping me from hurting myself left me free and told me to go hurt myself so I did just that.

I have no one stopping me anymore

Im unstoppable lol

[clara-steve]

story of neet aspirant

I'm tired.

Soo very fucking tired.

I get the lowest score compared to my classmates and I hate it. I've always been a kid who has had it easy jn life and I hate that everyone is smarter than me in my new class. I feel so stupid, like a waste of space cause grades were the only thing I had in life and they are slipping away. I've never enjoyed life like my peers. I've always been a good girl, listening to her parents, staying jn the right crowd but I feel like everything is slipping off right now and I hate fhat I have absolutely no fucking control over it.

What if I don't have fun, nor get good grade. What's the point then?

I've always been told "concentrate on your studies for 2 years and you'll live 50 years of your life happily" but what if I don't have fun in these 2 years, not score well and live the rest 50 years like this too.

I keep asking myself this question cause I'm not even 2 extreme ends right now. Not the kinda girl who score really well nor am I the one who enjoys her life and score too bad. I'm in the middle and with this score I'm not gonna end up doing anything and I terrified of that

I keep pushing myself but I really can't seem to get my score above 500 in my periodic mock tests while all my friends keep scoring 550, 545, 530 , 580 and I feel so ashamed to even tell my marks thinking they might look down on me. I mean leave them, dven j look down on Me. It's even sadder that one of my friend who I used to always get at least 4- 8 marks more then, beat me and is now scoring 550s it makes me feel like a complete idiot.

Well. I don't know how much of it made sense to people but I just desperately wanted to went somewhere without being judged or told that I should stop being selfish and jealous of my friends.