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Something I want you all to know about me, is that I was an antizionist.

I once vehemently hated Israel and demonized its very existence. I am intimately aware of how those who feel this way think, why they believe what they do.

Here is what scares me.

There is an absolute certainty and self-righteousness, a confidence in so many who hold these beliefs. I have felt it. I know beyond a doubt I would still be steadfast in my hatred if not for one thing.

I lived in an ideological bubble with primarily non-Jewish radicalized self-identified activists with far-left political beliefs. I had always recognized many self-contradictory and authoritarian sentiments among my peers, but being a survivor of psychological abuse conditioned me to be vulnerable to taking on the beliefs of others as a tactic of survival, even when something feels wrong inside. However, I felt so deeply certain and right about my hatred of Israel in the name of support for Palestinians.

What made me reconsider my beliefs was a close and safe relationship with another Jewish person who disagreed with me. I was rightfully questioned for having biased and unreliable sources of information that did not provide appropriate references or historical context and used antisemitic tropes in how they framed the conflict. I was challenged on the antisemitic beliefs I had internalized and my universalization of our peoples’ specific traumas an pain, my unwillingness to humanize us and examine how incompatible my beliefs were particularly with my beliefs in the area of Indigenous issues.

Many, if not most, antizionists will never do this. They have dehumanized any Jew who does not agree with them so thoroughly that their words, their pain, their knowledge, is completely null and void.

That’s not me.

I hurt the person who changed me. It hurt me to hurt him. It changed me to realize I could believe something so wholeheartedly, and not only be wrong but be so hurtful. And the more I learned, researched, and connected and spoke with people who have lived experience, the more I realized that for having such strong and incorrect opinions… I knew so little.

I would say that now, I know more on the history of Israel and more broadly the Middle East than a lot of other Jewish people I know. I am more deeply connected with Jewish history and culture, and with myself as a Jewish person because of it. I am not Jewish as a performance of morality, I am Jewish as a continuity of thousands of years of history that my ancestors fought to preserve.

When someone accuses me of having been brainwashed by some zionist industrial complex, I just laugh. I had no Jewish education growing up. I had no connection to my Jewishness at all. Jewishness was a family story and a menorah put out in December. A longing for something lost, that I fought to get back. No. I was brainwashed by people who I trusted, who I risked my life for, who I spent countless hours talking about life with and who knew me better than my own family. And once I became proud and secure in my Jewish identity, unwilling to compromise on it, they all left. Every single one. Some hurt me badly on the way out.

Sometimes I feel afraid or embarrassed to share that this was my past, but it was. Sometimes I feel crazy. But I know in my heart I am not.

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WRONG 😈

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hmmm

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Pukicho how did you get a gf, this shit is hard

I honestly don't know. All I did was be handsome, charismatic, funny, talented, rich and nice and it sorta just worked out

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my new blog design

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Humans are born wanderers. Don't tell me you don't wanna veer sharp left off this trail and get lost for 30 days. I fucking know you do, deep down. You love it.

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FINAL THOUGHT