cinderellyq420

[cinderellyq420]

Feb1.21/Imbolc

Lately we have been staying up longer at night. My boyfriend has been more focused on his career/hobby, so that means long nights. I don’t like going to to bed without him, so I will fall asleep on the recliner, while watching cartoons. Waiting for him to wake me up and take me to bed. If I wake up and he’s not next to me in bed, I get a little anxiety. But from the recliner I can hear him doing his thing, that’s why I like it this way. Its much more comforting like that. We usually go to be around 3-4 am on weekdays and sometimes he is up until 5-6 am on the weekends. Today was a Monday so we had to work, but he was nice enough to give me the day off and take the work on himself. All though I appreciate it very much, I really I hope he knows that I am more than willing to do the work. Hmm...I just remembered I saw an explicit picture of a chicken on my phone and thats kind of around the line of work we are in, so maybe thats why he was being so considerate. That really was rough on me, I will never forget that image, I cried a lot. Anyways, back on track, since we have been going to bed late, we have been sleeping in. I woke up late to make the animal babies lunch. It was a little past 11am, which is when I usually begin making their meals. I even set an alarm for 8am, but it didn’t go off. I wanted to start the day off with yoga and meditation, which reminds me I forgot to meditate. So instead, this is how my day went after I fed all the animal babies.

First you know I had to start off with an avocado 🥑 and my green juice! Come to find out we didn’t have enough batteries for my wii fit board, so I had to hold off until he went to store and got some. I had a friend who said they might be coming by, but they didn’t come by. I scrubbed my bathroom down clean, it looks so nice and smells so much better! Got to love the good smell of bleach lol. I washed and dried our shirts. Wiped down the stove and counters. We watched some Undeclared, a show where Seth Rogen is in college. One of todays episodes had Adam Sandler in it, it was pretty funny. I spent some time coloring in my planner. It was a cold rainy day all day. I did end up doing 10 minutes of yoga and 20 minutes of exercise, after dinner.

Dinner was a disaster. My first day back in the kitchen and I failed already. We made Spinach Lasagna with white sauce. I did not research how to cook the lasagna noodles. I just threw them in the pot like any other noodle, what a mistake that was. I officially never really want to attempt to make this again. In my opinion it really wasn’t even that good and Im sure my boyfriend is just trying to be supportive at this point. He comes from a family that knows how to cook real authentic food. I however am talentless with no cooking skills, what so ever. Whether I mess up the measurements, burn it, or over salt it, you name it, I will ruin the food some how. It was the 2013 macaroni incident all over again. My family will never realize the damage they caused me and its truly sad.. Anyway my boyfriend, the optimist he is, remained positive the whole time. I could not help, but be upset with myself. When I am fussing at him, it makes me feel bad and I know it cant make him feel good either. Im not sure what it is and why I cant just stop being angry. I honestly feel like it has something to do with my hormones because I get such an adrenaline feeling from it and it fuels me with fire, I cant stand it at all. I really wish I was like my boyfriend and just calm and chill all the time, he is the coolest guy you could ever meet in your life. He took the horrid lasagna noodles & lined them around the pan and we stacked the toppings on layer by layer. Topped it off with cheese and put it in the oven. I only a little bit, he ended up eating some more of it, so that was nice of him, I really hope he some what liked it. Definitely not enough spinach maybe, I dont know. We may never make this again. I also made Fairie Butter, which is whipped butter, sugar, squeezed orange juice, and a splash of almond milk. Its actually pretty yummy, but I can only imagine how bad it must be considering its main ingredient is butter.

I made a Dissolution Spell Bath Mix and took a energy cleansing bath. 

[cinderellyq420]

1/11/21-Portal Day✨

Its an hour past midnight, so technically its the 12th now, but I just wanted to come write a little reflection of the day.

They say today is about Manifestation. Well, I manifest that I will have nothing, but positive people in my life this year. Too often toxic people have slipped their way into my life some how. When they said keep your inner circle small, well i cut that shit even smaller. I have definitely figured out that if they will screw you over once, they will do it again, no hesitation. This is usually where I say, I hate everybody. Yes, i physically will out loud say, I hate everybody. It just comes out unintentionally, when im thinking of bad situations with people, several times a day usually.

Moving on to the reflection of the day. Well I woke up from horrid nightmares.Which reminds me, DO NOT put lapis lazuli under your pillow anymore dude! In the nightmares, both of our mothers had passed. It broke me to see my boyfriend cry & so heartbroken. What hurt the most for me was that, I could see my mom in my nightnmare, I could touch her & talk to her. I woke up & i couldnt do that. Shes still alive, but its just become so physically painful to be around her, Especially when she continues to hurt me. I made my boyfriend check on his mom & she’s good! 

On to the afternoon. Its day 11 of our cleanse & it only gets more strict from here. We basically fast through out the day. We are allowed unlimited cucumbers & water of course, & 3 flex foods, & 3 power shakes. Which is basically fruits & vegetables & dehydrated nutrients your body needs but probably isnt getting on your typical daily diet. I found out we have actuall y been doing the accelerated diet, which is pretty cool I guess. To know I can do this/get through this. Today I had one & a half cucumbers, strawberries, avocado, & kale chips. This was my first time making kale chips & they tasted just like potato chips to me. I just nee to salt them less next time. I know thats not a lot at all, trust me im pretty hungry. We also take these supplements throughout the day & its going to flush out the parasites from our bodies. We forgot to do our 10 day check up yesterday, so we did it today. I have lost about 7 pounds & hes lost about 12 or more. Our goal isnt to lose weight though, its about health. The weight loss is most definitely a bonus for sure. I think it will help me feel more confident in my body. Ive lost 25 pounds in around 4 months. We went grocery shopping for the week. I can not wait for these 10 days to be over. 1 down, 9 more to go!

As for tonight. I put on meditation music for around 5-6 hours. I started off with a cleansing shower. I used a lavender chamomile tea bag with 3 crystals, rose quartz, clear quartz, & amethyst. Then I lit a spiritual & sage incense & some candles I made myself, turned on my Himalayan salt lamp. I wrote in my journals. I made affirmations cards & hung them on the wall & pulled a tarot cared that says, i have anxiety about money. I mean its not wrong, I have always felt that way. Im ending the night watching Trolls. & babe is going to bed with me! 

Good night 🖤

[cinderellyq420]

Jan8th21-Lifestyles

I think I am always searching for the “perfect” way to live. Like I just mean, naturally. I am very grateful for humans evolving, but we are so brainwashed & so caught up in so much bs. Lately i have been following people that live in a plant based commune on an island, in the jungle. The way these people are literally a community that comes together & takes care of each other. I am truly amazed. They wake up at sunrise, eat fruit generally for breakfast, & then shortly after do morning yoga. Then everybody has their job they do in the community. From building houses etc, to gardening & such. 

They also come together to eat meals sometimes. & take breaks from their phones one day out of the week. They are all just amazing & truly aspiring & i hope to be like them some day. I know being here, I can not reach my full potential in this environment. But i really hope I can still achieve the vision I am looking for here at home. Thats the thing about this pandemic. I was already anti social, introvert. I was already very much comfortable staying home. My lifestyle really didnt change much at all since this took place. So at home, on our little piece of land, its so peaceful. But its like, as soon as we drive out of the driveway, we are in redneck republican christian bbq city. I am sure i am the only vegetarian/vegan here. i am literally surrounded by cows, cow farms. Im really not sure what they do to them to be honest. I tell them i love them every time i see them. I really hope they treat the cows well here🥺

We have 9 animals in total right now. 3 dogs, 1 cat, 3 pigs, 1 bunny, & 1 gecko. I live my life every single day for them & i live by that, for real, they are my babies. All, but one are rescues. One chihuahua was born into the family & i knew i would be keeping her. We rescued everyone else. It can be a lot sometimes, but i love every single one of them all so much. We have to feed them every day, which takes about 45 minutes to an hour & snack time too of course. We need to play with them more & i have a feeling we will soon. We dont get to go out or travel like we would like too. Its not easy to just find someone, let alone trust anyone enough to care for the babies. No one loves them like us or understand how theyre family & how important they are too us. They all have their stories, each unique in their own way. Penelope is baby 🐷 

Our babies definitely are our reason for change. I went vegetarian shortly after adopting Penelope. Now look at us both on a cleanse. I really hope we keep these healthy habits going & maybe even get a bit healthier. 

My tooth aches & headaches at 3 am on a friday, i think im a call it a night for now. good night my dudes!

[cinderellyq420]

some health nut: if u have pcos, U MUST avoid potatoes

my unhealthy pcos havin ass:

[cinderellyq420]

Jan6th21-Nightmares

I havent been sleeping very well. I think its just a little bit of stress mixed with my pms. & possibly the melatonin. Its day 6 of our cleanse & last night i woke up to use the bathroom at 6 am. I was worried i wouldnt be able to go back to sleep because my mind easily wanders & quickly at that. So i ate another melatonin gummy. Now I woke up at about 930 sleepy. Ive already waked & baked & made my green juice.

So im not sure why, but lately i have been having nightmares of my bullies, from elementary school. Weird right? A 23 year old woman having nightmares of people that literally significantly no meaning in my life. They both really mostly just called me fat & ugly. But in the nightmare im trapped with them, like literally in a cage. I have no idea what these mean. I

Everything is oka, like im not really bothered by the time I wake up. I just think its odd thats what my brain is choosing to conjure up at night. I wish i could have good dreams, I rarely ever have those for some reason. Id rather just not dream at tbh.

[cinderellyq420]

Jan5th21-Cleanse

Today I want to keep it on a lighter note. 

At the beginning of this year, my boyfriend & I started a gut cleanse. We basically stick to a balanced vegan diet for 30 days & drink green juice & take a few supplements. Its to flush out the parasites in our system & eliminate waste. I am so excited to finally be taking this step forward. I have wanted to be a vegan for about 5 years now & even if it is just for a month, it still makes me very happy. I hope to continue this lifestyle or at least keep some of the habits, the lessons im learning.

I forgot to mention I did this cleanse once before. I didnt follow it the way i should have though, but it still helped slow down my bleeding from PCOS. You see, for the last 4 years i have had to struggle with some feminine things. I was almost bleeding everyday for a year non stop. I wasnt ever able to enjoy intimate moments with my lover either. It was miserable. Thats when I turned to this Purium.

I thought i found some doctors that actually cared about me, but that was foolish on my part to think that i was ever more than a pay check, a number. They didnt even tell me the meaning of PCOS, i kind of had an idea already, so i just didnt ask questions. My mind always blanks when they ask if I have any questions.I hate it so much. I am learning to be my own doctor now. I have seen too many, especially my own mother get trapped in this vicious health care & addiction cycle. I must be the one to break these generational traumas. It really sucks because boy is it a lot of fucking work dude.

It makes me feel more awake, more alive than ever. I will probably come back to this, but im taking a break for now. to be continued.

[cinderellyq420]

You’re the Queen of Hell! You have a coven to save and a realm to fight for, and I’m… I’m just a distraction. | Then I’ll give it all up. I’ll give it all up for you, Nick.

[cinderellyq420]

Basically Nabrina’s at the end of part 4

[cinderellyq420]

I’m about to step off a cliff, into the great unknown. And you’re the one by my side, holding my hand.

[cinderellyq420]

“You can say it, Sabrina. Hell. I went to Hell. I took the Dark Lord inside me.”

[cinderellyq420]

𝐸𝑥𝑐𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑚𝑒. 𝐼𝑠 𝑡𝘩𝑎𝑡 𝑠𝑒𝑎𝑡 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑛?

𝐍𝐢𝐜𝐤? 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞?

𝐼 𝑤𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑠𝑤𝑖𝑚𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑛 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑆𝑒𝑎 𝑜𝑓 𝑆𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑜𝑤𝑠. 𝑊𝑖𝑐𝑘𝑒𝑑 𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑜𝑤.

𝐎𝐡 𝐍𝐢𝐜𝐤! 𝐍𝐨, 𝐧𝐨.

[cinderellyq420]

that self-irony & meta-irony, the hymn

[cinderellyq420]

Chapter Thirty-Six: At The Mountains Of Madness

[cinderellyq420]

[cinderellyq420]

Black Mirror -  Rachel, Jack and Ashley Too (2019) dir. Anne Sewitsky.

[cinderellyq420]

BLACK MIRROR -  S03E01 “NOSEDIVE”

[cinderellyq420]

ASHLEY FUCKN O - BLACK MIRROR 2019