cigs-after-s3x - Tumblr blog

[cigs-after-s3x]

i love deleting everything related to him. looking back at it, it was never love. we were both lovesick.

i'm happier now.

[cigs-after-s3x]

i was so much happier before i started dating, and i was still a suicidal wreck back then.

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my birthday's in a week but i'm killing myself today

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this bitch about to hang itself 👍

[cigs-after-s3x]

i'm actually so tired of my dumb fucking brain.

i hate how i overanalyze everything. i hate how other people make me happy. i hate how i'm so reliant on them. hate how much control they have over me. and every time i think i'm getting better or try helping myself, one interaction with them sends me spiraling all over again.

[cigs-after-s3x]

took a lot of pills today. hoping i don't wake up tmrw

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in my sleep for 16 hours a day era

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it feels so nice not being clean.

i don't have anyone's expectations to live up to anymore. i don't have to feel bad for ruining any streak. i don't have to resist any urges.

[cigs-after-s3x]

where tf do i have to go to feel like punching/scratching myself is also a valid form of self-harm? media only shows cutting. songs only reference cutting. pictures only show cuts. and just saying "all self harm is valid" isn't enough for my fucked up brain.

[cigs-after-s3x]

well, today has been utter shit.

from me realizing i don't really love my boyfriend as much as i should to my mom tipping me off.

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actually. feel free to message me if you're depressed, suicidal, and have anger issues because same (/gen. anyone can feel free to message me, actually. i'm pretty chill.)

[cigs-after-s3x]

fuck my mom. fuck my boyfriend. fuck my grandma. fuck everyone. i'm so fucking done.

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reminder that even when things feel like they're getting better, they never are. nothing ever changes.

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was almost 11 days clean of self harm until today. i want to kms

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you ever suck so much at conversing that your boyfriend prefers to talk to ai whilst on the phone with you? (im gonna kms)

[cigs-after-s3x]

im such a fucking idiot

[cigs-after-s3x]

all i wanna do is surprise him with a suicide note as a new years present