chubby-queerr

[chubby-queerr]

I have no idea what my body looks like.

Sometimes I look at myself and its like: “ I really lost a lot of weight, I am so skinny”

.

But then I look more and its like: “ holy shit, look at all this fat. I need to starve.” 

.

And honestly I have no idea what is real. 

[chubby-queerr]

im so miserable but i laugh at everything

[chubby-queerr]

People who love cold weather are fucking weird. You like to freeze? You like to shiver?? You like when you take a step outside and the air stings your skin???

[chubby-queerr]

i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry. i'm not hungry.

[chubby-queerr]

i love this girl omg her legs are so long and thin

[chubby-queerr]

Me, feeling weak, dizzy, and nauseous: At least I'm finally Skinnie

My ED: okay you fat bitch

Me: °.°;

[chubby-queerr]

what I say: my inbox is always open! :)

what I mean: ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ

[chubby-queerr]

yas queen sabatoge your life girl!

[chubby-queerr]

I love feeling in control again. Knowing I’m not going over my limit, I feel like a god.

[chubby-queerr]

✨ ED RANDOM QUESTIONS ✨

-reblog if your ask box is open-

🍣 What’s your favorite food?

🍍Food you hate the most.

🍕Do you like to watch mukbang videos when hungry?

🧀 Favorite mukbang YouTube channel.

🍦Do you purg3?

🍺 Do you like alcoholic drinks?

🫐 What was the last meal you had?

🍫 How long have you been struggling with Eds?

🍎 What is your ‘skinny girl dream?’

🥑 Do you take any laxatives?

🍔 Top 3 people whose bodies are your dream goal.

🍑 2 0cal drinks.

🥝 2 safe foods.

🧋 Top 3 favorite accounts.

☕️ Do your friends know about your ED?

🧊 What do you do when fasting becomes too hard?

🥓 Have you ever been hospitalized because of your ED?

🥞 What’s your GW?

🍰 What’s your CW?

[chubby-queerr]

i never regret the meals i didn’t eat, only the ones i did.

[chubby-queerr]

ED DISCORD!!

i posted the link to the ed discord server i’m in (and a moderator of) on my pinned! we’re trying to find more ppl from the ed community to join to talk more and make friends :)

[chubby-queerr]

How to tell it’s getting bad again

Physical pains (sore jaw, old injuries acting up)

tired tired tired tired

Can’t think/can’t stop thinking

Sleeping too much/not enough

Early waking

Can’t make eye contact

Picking or scratching at skin, nails, hair, etc

Forgetful

Sex repulsed or sex obsessed

Lonely in crowds

Unjustified assumptions (my friends all hate me)

Too much/too little food

Everything tastes bland?

Headcolds/the flu out of nowhere

Distancing yourself

Spending too much time in bed

Not showering/brushing teeth/brushing hair/taking care of your body

Not able to do laundry

Not turning in assignments

Forgetting about assignments

Zoning out

Defensive

Overly emotional/painfully numb

[chubby-queerr]

i feel so invalid

[chubby-queerr]

i don’t think people understand how much self hate someone has to feel to deny a basic human need as eating

[chubby-queerr]

masterpost of my fav pilates workouts ⭐️

My mother is a pilates teacher and I’ve always watched her as she worked with love and passion, however I’ve never understood how truly amazing pilates is. I’ve been doing on my own pilates workouts for a year by now and with my mom’s teachings I’ve seen major changes in my physique that not even thousands of cardio workouts could achieve. Also I have to give props to whoever invented pilates because you can stay in your home, without sweating too much and wearing comfortable clothes and at the same time getting effective results. So I chose to share some of those videos with all of you and I’m going to update everytime I find some new that I enjoy and think are suitable for everyone.

1)  For beginners: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCg_gh_fppI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-PpDkbcNGo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2ZFwMyx9w0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDDFS1kPplI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gzT-FZ45i0

2) More advanced:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIS03agmr9M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWjRCMB_mzY&t=9s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKIqLUlPGBw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvOc0Ed9MYI&t=166s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkiiFeFePmI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywJe6ZJhyA0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lww6qnPH34

Be aware! some common mistakes people do and that I’ve done for a long time:

don’t hold your breath, breathing is your friend: exhale during the hardest part of the exercise and inhale during the resting part

DO NOT ARCH YOUR BACK! THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. If your lower back is hurting you’re not working your abs at all but you’re just hurting yourself. Don’t push your body where you aren’t comfortable, there are always modifications you can do.

always keep the core strong when you’re in plank positions, otherwise you’ll be working your wrists instead of your abs.

when you’re doing squats be careful to your knees, they have to be in line with your toes: you want to work your booty and quads, not hurt your poor knees.

open your shoulders, stay tall like you have a glass of water on your head and open your chest because your back needs lots of love and care since we always neglect it: posture is so important!

don’t think working out as pain in the ass: it helps your body, it’s a moment of healing after all those hours spent at school or at work, it’s a moment of recovery and serenity that you owe to yourself.

[chubby-queerr]

i was scrolling on tiktok the other day and came across a video regarding people with eating disorders. it made me upset, so i blocked the person and kept scrolling. but it’s been pestering away at my brain so much, i just want to write it out.

the video in question was accusing people with an eating disorder to have the core of their eating disorder rooted in fatphobia, and that it’s entirely the person with the ED’s responsibility when they upset other people by proxy of the behavior their disorder makes them exhibit towards themselves.

this is just…a beyond messed up interpretation of someone struggling with an ED.

my ED’s source is rooted in self hatred at its core. i look at people who are larger than me, and i am envious of them. i wish i could be them, just to escape the mental hell of looking at myself in the mirror and not knowing what the fuck i’m looking at. to escape the feeling of repulsion towards no one else but myself.

i’m always the ugly one. i am always the confidence-lacking loser. you could be a thousand times my size, and you would still be the pretty one.

having an ED is not so black and white as to mean when a mentally sick person calls themselves “fat” to inspire more self hatred, they automatically find all body types that are larger than theirs (or larger than their gw/ugw) undesirable. just the opposite. any other body type is more desirable than the unrelating mental torture of finding yourself hideous - of slowly killing yourself because that’s the only thing that you have control over.

having an ED is so far beyond unrelated to the judgement of other people’s bodies, i fail to find the accurate words to represent the actual mindset. but i’ve tried.

i can’t describe the amount of love and support i have for other’s body types. i can’t describe why i look in the mirror and wonder why i can’t feel that towards myself. i can’t describe the frustration of wanting, so badly, to think it’s okay - that i’m okay the way i am.

i can’t. i just can’t.