christinalcheng

[christinalcheng]

10/2/18

My default is happy, especially when I’m in really deep shit. I smile bigger, laugh louder, jump around more, drink more coffee. It’s easier that way, so people don’t worry. 

But then sometimes, it hits me in waves and I’m sad. I’m truly, deeply, just plain ol’ sad. And I’m not really sure what to do with myself, or my face, when I feel like that. It seems like a literal dark and stormy cloud crosses my face because that’s when people ask, “What’s wrong?” or “Are you okay?” 

And I answer honestly. Or I scrunch up my face, pause a little, and say “Eh...” And then I give in and reply, “No, I’m not okay.” This usually comes with an added chuckle or guffaw, which probably confuses whoever I’m talking to. They give me a confused look, possibly too scared to even know why I’m upset. Or if they know me really well, they know that I will either shut up or explode with all of the thoughts and feelings on my mind. 

I think it’s actually quite easy to seem somewhat put together. It’s easy to put your best foot forward and make people think you’re just a silly, goofy, weird gal who awkwardly inserts herself in spaces and places to make people smile. 

It’s why whenever people describe their first impression of me or something memorable about me, it’s usually along the lines of a situation in which I was super bubbly, friendly, and warm-- a time when I couldn’t stop smiling or screaming or filling a room with my infectious joy. 

But for those who know me, and for those who have the privilege of being let into my dark and twisty cave of deep, dark secrets, they know that life can be really hard. And that I really do try to smile through the pain because maybe if I smile enough, I’ll actually feel happy. And sometimes, I do feel happy. 

Sometimes, I forget why I was ever sad in the first place. In these temporary spaces of time and relief and rest, I can breathe. I can be genuinely myself. But not the self I currently am. It’s a weird mixture between a past self that didn’t know or perceive the darkness around her but also a future self that’s hopeful and optimistic for what’s ahead. Because maybe, it’ll be better than whatever is happening now. 

It’s strange when what used to be my everything is now nothing. It means there’s a huge gaping hole, and instead of the hole being filled with good things, with God, it’s causing a lot of anxiety, nervousness, stress, tears, a feeling of emptiness and a strong desire to fill it, but no knowledge or way of doing so. 

It makes me feel like a pit. And I’m trying to fill it with dirt so that it levels out but dirt is dirt. It’s not really of much substance or character or value. It’s cheap, meaningless, and can be blown away by the wind if it isn’t packed in hard enough. But once it’s packed in enough, nothing can really enter unless you do the hard work of digging it out. 

I am tired. 

But maybe in this state of tiredness, the Lord will lay me down in green pastures and lead me by still waters so I can take time to be refreshed and rested. I long for and wait for that day, that time. I wonder what that’ll look like. 

[christinalcheng]

Challenge 8/23/18

pump. flow. beat.

The same patterns, rhythms, same path. Lots and lots of red. So let’s do it. Let’s go through it. 

Love. blood. same thing. 

Let’s begin in the right atrium. Blood rushes in like the hormones and endorphins of when you see them for the first time. Doesn’t matter if you’ve felt this way before. You’re almost out of breath as if you’ve already been around the block 3 or 4 times, and you need to breathe but there just isn’t any oxygen. 

And through the tricuspid valve you go. To another room, another day, still out of breath into the right ventricle. And you’re feeling kind of low, but as they say, it only goes up from here through the pulmonary semilunar valve/pulmonary artery to a place where you can finally breathe. And yeah, it’s like this whole time you’ve been waiting, holding your breath even though the forces of freaking nature have been trying to push you in the right direction. And now you’re breathing. Fresh oxygen hits you as you inhale through your lungs. Air whooshes in as oxygen flows through you, and you feel new. 

Kind of like when you realize you have mutual feelings and you want to spend every second together. Nowhere is off limits. But then you realize you need to get back to the heart of the matter-- make sure all of this is genuine. So you look into your heart, as feelings flow through the pulmonary vein into the left ventricle. You are on top of the world because you’ve put work into whatever this thing is and it’s giving you life. 

Then one day, you have a personal conversation with them: going really deep, so deep that you realize you’re talking about things you don’t share with anyone. And the love deepens through the bicuspid/mitral valve into the left ventricle. 

But you get so excited because all of this is so great, and you desperately want to share this happiness with others. So through the aortic semilunar valve and ultimately through the aorta you go because this baby wants to go public. 

The love feels limitless. You can’t stop smiling and telling everyone how ecstatic you are. You become a listening ear for others as they’re treading through life. Your love travels through systemic arteries. And you start to see your love less. As life comes with its turmoil, strife, struggle, the busyness of day to day life, you feel things piling up-- other commitments are vying for your time. Suddenly, you realize you’re very far away from the joy that made your world spin around. 

You want it back. But first, you must make the full journey of acceptance, healing, and building relationships with others. And it’s exhausting, but you are literally the lifeblood that keeps people going. 

You literally circulate the body until you make it back to your heart. Back to where all of this started and you’re exhausted. Each step becoming more and more familiar. As memories hit you from both the superior and inferior vena cava(s), you cannot breathe. And find yourself back in the right atrium. In the room where it all started. Waiting to be pumped out into the world again, so that you can receive life and share it with others. 

[christinalcheng]

8/13/18 Debrief of the Day

Sometimes I feel spurts of inspiration to write. I ask myself, why now? And I realized that today marks the 1 year anniversary of returning to the states from the GP, and that’s why I feel like the incessant rush to write something down... It’s because a year ago, I felt blocked up-- unable to process any feeling, emotion, thought, frustration. 

It makes me wonder if I’m still the same: if I’m still in this state of constant c-stop of the mind, unable to let anything out. 

I see the stuckness in my inability to write encouragement letters to my dear friends from this year. The hesitation I feel to say my parting words and reflections on the amazing giftings and quiet observations I noticed about them. 

I see it in my sprinting thoughts on YSC and the feeling of a massive waterfall hitting a dam. There’s a great sense of longing to be with my girls and experience life with them: to laugh with them and argue with them over the most trivial and at the same time the most crucial and life-altering matters. 

I see it in my inability to concentrate as I sit in the 190th Starbucks with an iced triple-shot with 3 pumps of vanilla syrup trying to process punnet squares and dihybrid crosses, but my mind keeps wandering. 

I see it in how I avoid conversations with certain people about other people. In how I avoid talking about certain things because I don’t want to face the hard things. I don’t want to face the pain. I don’t want to feel the whole world slamming into me like a stampede of opinions, criticisms, justifications, biases. 

I am stuck. 

But in the midst of the stuckness, I will not lose sight of the joy that I know wells up in me. This joy, the hope of the joy I have will allow me to leave this jar behind. It will allow me to replace the stuckness with a breakthrough and cause overflow, a great outpour of everything. Everything will come out and then I will be able to be filled with the great joy that comes from knowing Jesus. I will be able to confront the hard, deep, broken areas of my life. I will fight with my Lord and great shield beside me, and I will win because He has already won. I will be okay because even in my stuckness there is joy. 

[christinalcheng]

Late night thoughts (5/1)

To me, InterVarsity is not a judgmental community. I see that in how it fights and stands for marginalized communities-- how it weeps for injustice happening in our nation / world. 

Being a follower of Jesus is not supposed to be easy. It requires sacrifice-- dying to ourselves and our selfish desires in order to receive true life: the best life, one that only Jesus can offer. 

Yeah, and that means NOT indulging in the things that society / the world think are amazing and fulfilling: like not getting super drunk or having casual sex or even dating whoever you want because in the end, these things are just gonna end. And they bring so much more pain and hurt than the temporary pleasure they promise. 

I think in some peoples’ pursuit of righteousness, they shut everyone out and call them heathens. And that’s hurtful. 

However, the other extreme of accepting everyone and anyone as they are without calling out the deeper insecurities and struggles out of love-- not bringing these people to repentance to be transformed by the love of Jesus is just straight up robbing them of the greatest thing ever. And that can’t happen (the transformation part) if we’re letting people sit and drown in their own sin. 

Saying that you’re Christian and saying that you love Jesus and want to live a life that is pleasing to Him means that we have to abandon the things we used to think would give us ultimate joy and fulfillment. 

It means  we have to stop, shut up, and listen to His truth for a little bit-- at least long enough to see where we’re incredibly wrong and realize the need to apologize and change the way we see things. 

Various “types” of Christians like to justify why they say and do things they say and do. And will probably go to the grave with their ideologies. However, we won’t know who is truly right until we see God face to face...then, maybe we can ask Him. 

Until then, I think we should live out of who our Creator has made us to be and bring our imperfect, incredible selves to Him daily to be reexamined but also reaffirmed in our identity as His beloved. 

[christinalcheng]

But in the midst of my shortcomings and ways that I am so lacking and wholly inadequate, here are some cool things that happened today..

I am thankful for (April 16, 2018)

1. Having a really smooth and healing conflict resolution talk with someone I really care about and value.  2. Drinking my favorite coffee in the world.  3. Being able to sit with my girl in the MU and just sit and not worry  4. Being able to lift up my community in prayer and seeing how much we love and support each other and just bringing our challenges and fears and hopes to the Lord 5. Biking in dry times even though it rained hecka today  6. Ab workouts with Angelica will hopefully make me stronger  7. Living across from TJ’s and being able to whip up something somewhat healthy and wholesome for dinner :)  8. Taco salads are life  9. I got to facetime a dear, sweet, beautiful old friend who is so important to me. Spending time with her gave me so much joy, and it made me realize that I don’t smile as big as I used to, or only certain people make me smile like that (this girly being one of them) And it was just so refreshing being able to talk to someone who knows me but is also seeing how college has changed me.  10. My housemates deal with me and love me even though I am crazy and tired and unable to control myself.  11. I am thankful for the grace and healing that Jesus has already done in my life. May I not ruin that by being self-destructive. 

[christinalcheng]

What did you do to your hair?

Ever since I was in 3rd grade, I was told that I needed to “suck in my tummy.” Why? “Because no one needs to see it.” But it’s so tiring and I don’t want to always be thinking about sucking it in. 

10 years later, no one has to say anything. I don’t have to say anything, I just do it. No questions asked. No conscious thoughts run through my mind. It is sucked in, tucked away, so “no one has to see it.” 

Even when I was at my skinniest, under 100 lbs and over 5 ft tall, I still thought I was fat. Everyone around me would tell me that I lost so much weight, but I couldn’t see it. I still kept comparing myself to my friends who were twigs. I had a thigh gap, but when I sat down, I swear my thighs expanded to triple the size they were when I was standing. But I swear, every time body image would come up at my church, every time my skinny friend would say that she’s fat, every time people talked about their insecurities concerning physical appearances, I would tune out because that wasn’t my problem. It wasn’t my issue. I didn’t care how I looked, what matters is what’s inside, my personality, my soul, right? 

But every year, I would gain weight and keep being told that I need to lose it. Every year, something hard would happen and I wouldn’t have enough time or energy to stress over how I looked. I was still swimming at the time, so I was healthy, right? 

All throughout high school, I would stare at girls’ torsos and wonder how their organs could fit inside such a narrow space. I wondered how it was possible for abs to be visible on someone’s stomach. I knew I had muscles somewhere on my abdomen, but there was always that protective layer of fat. I was told that I was strong, intimidating, like I looked like I could beat someone up. 

I never complained that I was fat or overweight. I didn’t have to. Someone else would chime in about my weight. But I was eating pretty healthy, if healthy includes 3 cups of sugary caramel iced coffee a day to give me energy and life, to distract me from what was happening at home, to give me motivation to get through school and emotionally draining relationships. 

Everyone kept saying that I would get diabetes. Every month, I did google searches on the symptoms of diabetes. I was always tired, gaining weight, always thirsty, but that was probably due to all of the sugar, not diabetes. 

Eventually I went to college, and Freshman 15 turned into Freshman 30. I came home and did a physical in Spring Quarter, and my doctor was concerned with my weight and asked me if I was depressed. I told her I wasn’t and that I actually really enjoyed college. At the same time, that year was the year I broke some serious emotional and relational ties with this person. It was also the year that I was able to escape home life, only realizing that it would catch up to me and pile on top of me all at once. That was the year that I wasn’t me for a while and learned how to be me again, independent of someone else telling me what to do. That was the year in which it was acceptable to eat whole pints of ice cream in a sitting, to go on midnight boba runs to Sharetea, to consume 911′s from Dutch Bro’s, to not sleep until the sound of birds chirping outside creeps in, to eat plates of late night cookies and pizza with salad on top. 

Sophomore year was a blur. I maintained the weight I was at during the end of freshman year, fluctuating every now and then, but remaining the same. And then this past summer, I probably lost a few pounds, but am ultimately the same as I was. Except, pretty sure I’ve lost muscle and replaced it and then some with fat. 

I want to seem capable. I used to love hiking, but inclines have become my worst enemy. Davis has coddled me to only knowing how to stand and navigate on flat terrain. Exercise gives me a rush. I just don’t do it enough. 

But I never cared about my weight previously, and if my mother were present, I would continue to act like I don’t care because it’s easier to seem like I don’t care instead of crying every time her comments pierce me. 

So why am I even writing this? 

A couple of days ago, I was studying for my Nutrition exam, and I came across information on obesity, weight gain, and how to measure and check if you’re in a healthy range. I was curious, so I measured my BMI and the results came out that I was obese. 

I’ve looked at myself in the mirror and the word “obese” has never passed through my mind. I’ve always put that label for others, not myself. When I look in the mirror, I don’t like what I see, but I also wouldn’t categorize myself as obese. 

And I felt shame, deep shame when I found myself in that category. How have I not been taking better care of myself? How did I let myself get here? I felt this dirty, crawling sensation on the back of my neck. I wanted to scrub it out but it was just under my skin. And then I felt this strong urge to change. But it was 2 AM and I probably should have just gone to sleep. So I did. 

But every time I feel a strong desire to change, another desire comes along with it, and that’s the desire to cut my hair. There’s something so freeing about seeing hair fall, about having the length be shortened. It’s  a risk, but the consequences are temporary because hair grows back. 

So the next day, I came home, grabbed the kitchen shears and cut half of my hair. But then I had a meetup, so I left it unfinished, asymmetrical, imbalanced. 

But that’s what I am right now: imbalanced. And until I make serious changes to my lifestyle and lose some weight, then my life will be imbalanced. So as a reminder to myself about the imbalance between my health and other areas of my life, I will leave one side cut, and the other side as it was before. Once I reach a milestone in my health journey, I’ll cut the other side to match the shorter side. 

Until then, a goal that I have is to establish healthier relationships- with friends, with my family, with academics and ministry, with food and ultimately with myself and my body. 

[christinalcheng]

August 20, 2017 (probably will not continue making gratitude lists for a while)

Due to the nature of my brain/thoughts, I think it’ll be better to just write letters/essays for now. But it never hurts to remember what I’m thankful for. I just have too many thoughts to succinctly put them on a small and tiny list. 

1. I am thankful for coffee shops and coffee to give me the energy to process everything.  2. I’m thankful for friends who are patient, understanding, and life-giving.  3. I’m thankful for opportunities to spend time with my mom and love and serve her in the ways that she needs.  4. I’m thankful for chances to meet my best guy friend’s girlfriend and see true redemption, love, and happiness in his life.  5. I’m thankful for gifts that make me cry because they’re so sentimental and meaningful.  6. I’m thankful for rare moments that I get to see teammates again.  7. I’m thankful for my currently community of believers and for their support and love for me.  8. I’m thankful for this shift in mindset that I have when I look at the world. I’m thankful for a new lens.  9. I’m thankful for hami gua and FREAKING PEACH OOLONG TEA WITH K-POP STARS ON THEM LIKE the fact that it’s in america still blows my mind.  10. I’m thankful for the privilege of being able to worship freely and loudly without any fear. 

[christinalcheng]

June 13, 2017

1. I’m thankful that I’m halfway through fundraising for the trip! Praise God for His provision and faithfulness through all of this.  2. I’m thankful for movie nights at Brisa and the community and fellowship there.  3. I’m thankful for jam sashes and random praise and worship times that remind me of how much I love praising God using singing.  4. I’m thankful for Steph and for donuts.  5. I’m thankful for our team meeting today to go over our posture and logistics to prepare us.  6. I’m thankful that I got to see Angelica because I’ve missed her so much!  7. I’m thankful for random McDonald’s runs and late night talks in cars that are so soul filling and heart warming. I’m thankful for the joy that Bethany and Michaela bring me.  8. I’m thankful for semi-tough / thought provoking conversations that call out the deeper things in my heart that I need to work on and the fears that need to be abolished. I’m thankful for having opportunities to know myself better.  9. I’m thankful for Chloe in our mutual understanding of organic chemistry pain. And I’m thankful for being able to take ASA 4 with Jasmine because she’s wonderful. Like it was so nice to have a friend through all of this.  10. I’m thankful for open hammocks and small moments of rest <3

[christinalcheng]

June 12, 2017 Finals Week Reflections

1. I am thankful for my cuarto gals because they never fail to surprise me and bring me so much joy. The poster that they made me is filled with so many precious memories from this past year, and every time I look at it, I cry because yea this year was really beautiful and hard and awesome.  2. I’m thankful for clarifying conversations in which truth can be found and true feelings are made known. I’m thankful for DTRs and being able to speak out things.  3. I’m thankful for friends who help me process everything that’s been happening the past couple of weeks.  4. I’m thankful for friends who care about me and want me to be happy so they give me sage advice.  5. I’m thankful for cookies and ice cream because they make me happy.  6. I’m also thankful for fresh fruit :D 7. I’m thankful that the Lord has been so faithful, loving, and gracious towards me even though I really suck.  8. I’m thankful for good nights of sleep after pulling 2 allnighters/not sleeping all of last week.  9. I’m thankful for half off coffee at the CoHo <3 bless  10. I’m thankful for spotify for leading me to truly beautiful / relatable music. 

[christinalcheng]

June 7, 2017

It’s been like a month. I need to be better at writing these things. 

1. I’m thankful for my small group and everything that they do for me to make me feel safe, comfortable, happy, welcome, not alone. I’m thankful that they understand me and love me and are willing to host me.  2. I’m thankful for Bethany and Michaela and their housemates for letting me come over. I’m also thankful for my friendships with those two gals because they give me so much wisdom.  3. I’m thankful for Adam because as much as I get mad at him he’s pretty great and he does really care about me.  4. I’m so thankful for Jani because she cares about me so much and loves me and wants the best for me and therefore sees when I’m hurting and tells me when I need to let go. I’m thankful that she speaks truth in my life.  5. I’m thankful for the kaleidoscope series this quarter of LG like it was so soul-filling and holistic and amazing and wonderful and so so so much fun.  6. I’m thankful that the LORD has been surprising me and pulling through in terms of fundraising for the GP.  7. I’m thankful for nature and how I can find peace and solitude and also in the quiet moments and in hammocks and in random pianos that are there.  8. I’m thankful for life-giving relationships that leave me filling filled and full of life and energy.  9. Im thankful for God for watching out for me and for being there with me even in the ugly, nasty moments and yeah.  10. I’M THANKFUL TO BE ALMOST DONEEEEEE LIKE WOWWWWOWOWOWWOOWOWOWOWOWOOWOWOW

[christinalcheng]

May the 4th be with you, 2017

1. I am thankful for soul-filing talks with old friends. Like it’s crazy what can happen if you just choose to start a conversation.  2. I’m thankful for mangos on sticks with lime, tajin, and chamoy. Such a nice treat.  3. I’m thankful for impromptu jam seshes and theory lessons with Kat and Kevin.  4. I’m thankful for running into Angelica in the new MU every day this week. It’s always a blessing to see her.  5. I’m thankful for housemate night walks to Gongcha and back. I’m thankful that they put up with my excited yelling.  6. I’m thankful for friends in choir and the glances we share when anything remotely exciting or hecka challenging happens.  7. I’m thankful that today wasn’t the hottest day of the week and the weather was somewhat bearable.  8. I’m thankful for fried chicken and salads to balance out my diet lol.  9. I’m thankful for my classes and how excited they make me about learning!  10. I’m thankful that today was just a really great day overall, and that it was fulfilling even though I said “no” to something. I’m thankful for restful times spent with people that I care about. 

[christinalcheng]

May 3, 2017

1. I am thankful for my PE swim class because the water feels like heaven and swimming feels so good.  2. I’m thankful for the new MU because it’s my favorite place in Davis for now.  3. I’m thankful for bro tanks and how comfy and breezy they are. Also, thankful that they allow me to not get farmer’s tans.  4. I’m thankful for strawberry basil lemonade and for its aesthetic and for its refreshing taste.  5. I’m thankful for friends who affirm me and help me learn new things about myself like ugh it’s hard to receive but it’s worth it.  6. I’m thankful for Kapwa and their hospitality in hosting LG tonight! We sang a rap song for worship, wrote affirmations for the Filipinx community, and ended the night with karaoke. My soul is filled and I am happy.  7. I’m thankful for encouraging friends who help me get through midterm season.  8. I’m thankful for Jane and her baking goddess abilities because she baked a chocolate cake and it was delightful like so good.  9. I’m thankful for running into old friends. It’s been so long.  10. I’m thankful for chlorinated pools because my hair is going back to normal finally <3  11. LOL also thankful for PSC101 and learning new things about myself and about my brain/how I handle and cope with stress. New insights wowowowow 

[christinalcheng]

April 29, 2017

1. I’m thankful for the weekends in which I can take time to rest.  2. I’m thankful for Michaela because she makes me smile and lets me spend time with her.  3. I’m thankful for beautiful sunsets and sitting on buses to be able to admire them.  4. I’m thankful for Halo Top ice cream because it’s “healthy.” 5. I’m thankful for off brand names of products they make me laugh so hard.  6. I’m thankful for Peet’s Coffee.  7. I’m thankful for friends who help me organize my life.  8. I’m thankful for clean apartments that make me feel refreshed.  9. I’m thankful for dinner dates with Amanda <3 I’m also thankful that she put my plant outside <3 10. I’m thankful for sunny days to brighten my day. 

[christinalcheng]

April 28, 2017

1. I’m thankful that I got to see Chance the Rapper in concert yesterday! It was such a blessing and an encouragement to see someone openly acknowledge and give glory to God in front of like 20,000 people. It was also pretty great going to a concert and knowing most of the words to most of the songs and being able to sing along with him.  2. I’m thankful that Vanessa took the time to drive out here and spend time with me!  3. I’m thankful for having friends in class who notice my absence and take notes for me just in case!  4. I’m thankful for having friends in class who notice my absence and make sure that I’m doing okay.  5. I’m thankful for having friends in class who support me and struggle with me through the difficult concepts.  6. I’m thankful for ramen and ice cream to remind me of home!  7. I’m thankful for times to reflection, times of sadness, and times of deep pain to remind me of where I’ve been and how far I’ve come.  8. I’m thankful for music because that’s all we’ve got. right?  9. JK I’m thankful for God for giving me literally every day and helping me get through each day one step at a time.  10. I’m thankful for mini moments with my gals and how they brighten my day :D <3

[christinalcheng]

April 26, 2017

1. I’m thankful that my brother was born today and that he's been such a big blessing in my life.  2. I’m thankful that PSC101 is actually interesting now, and learning about biorhythms and our circadian clocks was really helpful.  3. I’m thankful for my China team and all of the good suggestions they give me and the hope and excitement!  4. I’m thankful for Unitrans for always getting me places.  5. I’m thankful for coffee because it keeps me awake.  6. I’m thankful that Steph pushed me to go to Nursing Club and reminded me of what was important.  7. I’m thankful for LaFe for hosting LG tonight. It was such a blessing to be able to share in their culture and learn from them and just receive so much. My soul is filled with love, laughter, amazing worship, and so many happy feelings.  8. I’m thankful for my Cuarto gals and how much they make me laugh. They’re so weird like I can’t. I’m thankful that we can be silly together and ride each others’ bikes and spend like almost two hours together and feel like no time has gone by.  9. I’m thankful that tonight is the first time I’ve actually had to use Safe Rides and it actually wasn’t that bad. They did indeed get me home safely, and they’re really nice.  10. I’m thankful for grace because I definitely need it. I feel like there’s so much to do and so little time, but gotta acknowledge the fact that even when I fail, people forgive me and still encourage me regardless. 

[christinalcheng]

April 25, 2017

it has been too long, and based on how I've been feeling, I think that it actually makes a difference when I remember what I’m thankful for. I can say that with confidence because when I haven’t been acknowledging the little good things that have been happening, I find that my days are kind of meaningless and I feel really drained. So tonight, I’ll write 20 things since it has been so long. 

1. I’m thankful for God moments and meeting people in the CoHo.  2. I’m thankful that God provided housing for next year!  3. I’m thankful for my small group gals and how much joy they bring in my life.  4. I’m thankful that they care about my safety and let me borrow their bikes to get home when I spend too much time in Cuarto.  5. I’m thankful for freshmen who swipe me into the DC so that I don’t have to cook dinner.  6. I’m thankful for spring con 2k17, the opportunity to study Mark 3 with Dr. E, and all of the truth bombs and revelations from studying that scripture. I’m thankful that scripture is alive and so powerful and hecka emotional.  7. I’m thankful that Jesus died, suffered, and rose from the dead. Because of who He is and what He did, I can live a renewed life of freedom.  8. I’m thankful for Amanda. She’s really cute and she makes me smile.  9. I’m thankful for Tram and how at home she makes me feel.  10. I’m thankful for having been able to see Grecy!  11. I’m thankful for my friendship with Jani and how encouraging it is to know her and get to live life with her even though we’re not in the same place.  12. I’m thankful for all of the support from my China team in everything because it’s been kind of hard and tiring, but they get it and we can struggle and thrive together.  13. I’m thankful for my friends who feed me and are super hospitable.  14. I’m thankful for mozzarella sticks, and the incredible happiness and satisfaction they give me.  15. I’m thankful for Alex and how much she makes me laugh and how we struggle through PSC101 together.  16. I’m thankful for ASA4 and for everything I’m learning in that class. I’m thankful that it’s a space in which I can expand my knowledge of what justice is, and the hope that it brings me because even in a place where God isn’t “present,” people care, so to think if God was behind all of it, it would be even more awesome!  17. I’m thankful for my staff and how much they love and care about me and encourage me to be better and how they see potential in me.  18. I’m thankful that I get to see CHANCE THE RAPPER IN LIKE 2 DAYS OMG  19. I’m thankful that choir is getting somewhat easier and that it’s more enjoyable now that I somewhat know my music better-ish.  20. I’m thankful for new insights every day, and being challenged by Jesus to take off my old self and all of its terrible habits and put on new clothes of compassion, patience, and love <3

[christinalcheng]

April 5, 2017

1. I’m thankful for the chance to get back into the water. It felt so good and so right. I missed swimming a lot. I’m thankful for kind people who want to be friends with someone as weird as me.  2. I’m thankful for running into friends in the CoHo like always.  3. I’m thankful for passionate TAs who love the subject they’re teaching.  4. I’m thankful for my new bike and the ability to have more convenience when it comes to going to and from places.  5. I’m thankful for random encounters with friends on the bus.  6. I’m thankful for being able to spend time with the China team. It’s always a blessing to catch up, cook, and chill with them. They make me smile.  7. I’m thankful for the opportunity to be able to share my story with trusted individuals. I’m thankful for their caring hearts and listening ears. I’m thankful that I can speak without judgement or fear that their perception of me will change. I’m thankful for soul-filling conversations that do take me back but also help me look towards the future and towards Jesus.  8. I’m thankful that a good friend invited me on a whim to a worship night. I needed that. I needed to encounter Jesus and be able to just yell, scream, and pour my heart out to Him. There have been so many pent up emotions that just needed to come out. I’m also thankful for the reminder that the harvest IS plentiful, that there IS a harvest, and that I was/am called to go out and pick it up. I’m thankful for the hope I have in Jesus to be moving on campus and for the revival that’s coming. I’m thankful for musical worship and how that is a way to encounter God regardless of where I’m at.  9. I’m thankful for the family that I have here in Davis and they bring me so much joy and light in my life.  10. I’m thankful for milk foam green tea from Gong Cha. It’s my favorite (besides coffee) <3