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Ok but Save Yourself I’ll Hold Them Back is an amazing song. Like, this is one where I forget how fucking good it is until I listen to it or see some lyrics from it. It has some of my favourite lyrics of all time in ONE SONG.
“It ain’t about all the friends you made But the graffiti they write on your grave”
“This ain’t a room full of suicides We’re believers, I believe tonight”
THE ENTIRE CHORUS IS JUST AHHH
“Who gives a damn if we lose the war Let the walls come down Let the engines roar”
It’s one of those songs that actually makes me feel hopeful, and -for me- embodies the entire spirit of Danger Days. It makes me feel that one day I’ll be okay. Danger Days is about starting to live again, letting yourself be happy. Bright colours, running as fast as you can with your lungs burning in the best way, loud music that keeps you sane, singing along with your friends, laughing until it hurts, rollercoasters and sour sweets
But it’s also about sometimes having negative emotions, and it being normal to be sad or scared or angry. That’s what the whole thing with bli is- the fight to be emotional and human.
And thus ends my rant on another mcr song.
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Live & Learn
Choices; an act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities.
Keep reading
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moodboard: chilling in a cafe/bookstore (for anon)
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They said family got your back no matter what.. They lied, I supposed.
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Never blame it on wrong timing and wrong places. Sometimes people just don't fit together no matter what you do or how hard you try. And that's that.
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Sometimes shit happens. Learn and move on.. but it wasn't that easy
4.44 am
I’ve been trying to figure out how to put this into words because i don’t have a bombastic vocabulary for English but here it is. It’s been four months; you might have wondered what finally made us decided to path our ways. So here it is. I’m pretty sure most of you are happy because either you hate me or you’re a really close friend and you knew how toxic the relationship was to the both of us. Let’s call him Bob*. This isn’t your cliché love story where a girl is sitting at a café and the guy walks up to her, this was the 21st century sliding into DMs kind of shit, I honestly can’t exactly remember who slide into who’s DM but we just got closer after.
We started to go out alot, it made me realise how happy he could make me. I was just so overwhelm with the feelings he gave me I decided to ask Bob* to be mine. It was a great love, the kind where it was just so effortless loving him, it wasn’t like it was a chore or forced, it was like singing along to my favourite song. I remember the times I would ta pao(take away?) pan mee and yong tou fu just so I had an excuse go to his school to see him and see that face light up, or how we would just dance in his room even when I have clumsy feet. He was so beautiful to me, he looked like how a rainbow would look like to a child, the way his eyes would sparkle when he was talking about something he was passionate in like his favourite colour, red. How he was so determine to get what he want in life and won’t stop. How his smile could light up the room, and how his laughter was warmer than my favourite jacket. How he has a birth mark shaped like a little state. It was just all the little things.
I would often want to leave, not to threaten him but because I knew something this good would never last, not for someone like me. I knew one day it was going to end, and I much rather it hurt a little now than a whole ton in the future. As the months past, I realise our spark was getting dull and I got worried, what if he stop loving me, what if he finds me boring? Like seriously I got so worried I google search that shit okay, I google a lot life is hard and I don’t have all the answers. ( Wiki pics helps a lot cause got picture c: )
A few months later, he told me he wanted to head over to this girl’s place because he was trying to avoid his parents, I wasn’t too keen on the idea but I trusted him. The next morning I woke up, my phone was filled with messages from him saying how much he loves me and how blessed he is to have me and that he wanted to see me once I woke up. We met at my park, as I walked towards him, he started to cry and he told me what happened the night before. I felt numb, and suddenly I realise I’ve started to cry. I wasn’t mad, all I could think about was how much I love this boy and how I would never want to leave his side but this was where I got it wrong. He started to changed, he went clubbing more often, he was busier with his social life, the way he dress, the songs he liked but that was all part of life right? Growing up?
Another two months down the road, he reconnected with this girl he used to have a crush on before me, I have to admit she is really pretty, I used to admire her. They started to talk every day and go out at night, sometimes alone, sometimes with his friends. He would ignore my messages. He was late for our 1st year anniversary because of her. I even had to take a picture of them on New Year ’s Eve instead of me, I don’t mind nor that I want to sound jealous but I feel neglected. When I asked him about it he just shrug and said he forgot. We would fight about her and he would just say they are just really good friends, just a bro and since I was so gullible and ignorant I believed him. Slowly he fell in love with her and he would facetime her day and night, while I was back in hong kong visiting my grandparents his mother called me and asked, “did you and Bob* break up? He’s been hanging out with this girl every day.” We fought once again but I had no proof they were until one day I saw the message from her, it said, “if you love me, you can’t keep sarah in the dark” and “if you love me, break up with sarah and get with me.” I mean that’s a big flashing sign that says NO, LETS PACK UP AND GO. I confronted her and all she said was “you should settle it with Bob* not me.” Which was true, if your boyfriend ever cheats on you, it isn’t the girl’s problem it’s his. Bob* apologized to her. I tried to talk to him about it and he said I was crazy that he had no feelings for her. So I left, I mean if he isn’t even happy with me why should I stop him from being happy but somehow we got back together.
This is my favourite part, I admit I became crazy and controlling, but who wouldn’t? He was my happiness, my favourite person in the world (next to my mom and the ice cream man) and who would want to share something that precious. I mean tell me which girl wouldn’t when you’ve got cheated on twice? I would control the time he comes home from clubbing cause I was worried about his safety but sometimes what you think is the best for the person is not necessary makes them happy, like how my mom always tells me not to drink drinks with ice in it cause some guy sat on the ice butt naked, but I don’t listen. I would be over protective and analytical.
A year passed, I guess we were just really comfortable with each other. We fought so many times, but we kept pulling each other back as well. He would tell his friends that I was crazy and i was controlling. He wasn’t wrong I was, and I would often wonder if he did love me even when everyone was telling me to let go and move on, but I was stubborn, we had always planned to marry each other as stupid as it sounds. We planned to have two kids and we would tell our children how lucky we were to have found each other. But I learned that getting married isn’t that easy, it’s not, “oh, I love you and you love me, let’s get married” it was more about compatibility, time, accepting each other flaws and a lot of other things into consideration. Finally it got to the part where it really started to fall apart, we were no longer officially together but we were at the i don’t know stage, were we a couple? Best friends? Fish? Pig? Cow? Idk it was confusing but I believed that it was just a phase. But he was asking girls for nudes behind my back and when I found out he said it was a joke. I know I didn’t have the rights to be angry but it hurt. He even ask this girl to Netflix and chill even if he didn’t went over to her place, it hurt me so bad but he pretended we were fine. Eventually we had to talk it out, I asked him, what do you want? If you still want this, I will work it out with you. He said he didn’t have time, I didn’t wanna hear that, it was either you want it or you didn’t, he said we should just stay as best friends.
The last time I left your house, I felt like I was leaving something behind, then I realised that that something was my happiness and my heart and the one person I ever truly loved. –via talksarcastictome
I remember waking up in the middle of the night crying wishing all the pain I felt would go away, how much I wanted to hurt myself. Nothing I do or say could change the fact that the love of my life just left. Someone whom you confined in, who you loved so much, you trusted with everything you have just walk out on you. It wasn’t a bad relationship; I guess it was just bad choices. It felt like heaven and hell and everything in between. We were two different people and we knew it since the start but we were so in love. Feelings fade and people change and there’s nothing you could do to stop that. It wasn’t his fault, maybe we were too young, maybe we were a beat the producer couldn’t get right, maybe we were the plot the author couldn’t finish. It wasn’t our fault, we fought hard, we didn’t want this to end, and it just did. No matter what I guess he will always have a special place in my heart.
I want to thank you for loving me when I couldn’t love myself. For all the times he would take care of me and look out for me. For all the smiles and laughter he bought into my life. For teaching me how to stand up for myself. To talk about the problems instead of keeping it in to myself. For showing me that determination is key. He taught me a lot of things and for that I’m grateful. I want to thank you because you not wanting me, was the start of me wanting myself. I’m glad you found someone new and that both of you are more compatible than we were. I’ll always remember the times we shared, the genuine ones, the ones you would laugh so hard and tell me that I was cute when I was just doing something stupid like sitting inside your speaker box. I honestly always thought that we were going to last for the rest of our lives but I guess it ends here. I’m grateful for the memories made and the times shared. For the times we were truly and deeply in love, at least for me. Maybe this is our happily ever after.
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