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the most erotic human emotions in no particular order are embarrassed, overwhelmed, pity, fear, relief, desperation , and of course. hopelessness

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I mean, fuck, what else was I ever going to think about ever again for the rest of my life?

#no thoughts #just (gay)vibes

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Reblog In 5 seconds for good luck

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WHEN are she and J Smith-Cameron going to play -- just spitballing here -- a sibling pair of shady late Edwardian spirit mediums who have definitely killed a man?

QUEEN ♥♥ 😍

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It ABSOLUTELY indeed is.

I wish you would write meme: listen, I think you KNOW which one of these I could have a tracklist for by, like, dinnertime. https://widespindriftgaze.tumblr.com/post/735917791739330560/terrible-ideas-for-other-nasty-fics-you-say

My friend, you are so talented on the music supervisor front, I wouldn't doubt for one minute that you could put together a devastatingly great playlist of bops and bangers for ALL of these by dinner!

(Is it the Frank one? tell me it's the Frank one; I'd die for that soundtrack)

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side a

there's a low moon caught in your tangles

Emily Haines & the Soft Skeleton | Mostly Waving

Air | Empty House

Chilly Gonzalez ft. Feist | Salieri Serenade (Announcement Supa Dupa Juppe)

Sage Francis | Smoke And Mirrors

The Hampton String Quartet | A Whiter Shade of Pale

TV On The Radio | Dirty Whirl

The Jesus & Mary Chain | Catchfire

Christopher O’Riley | Let Down

The Decemberists | Of Angels and Angles

Julie Doiron | Will You Still Love Me In December

side b

recollect me, darling

Bat for Lashes | Travelling Woman

Wilco | She's a Jar [Austin Demo Version]

The Last Town Chorus | Modern Love

David Garrett | Ain’t No Sunshine

Amy Winehouse | ‘Round Midnight

Joe Henry | Angels

Joseph Arthur | Big City Secrets

Massive Attack | Inertia Creeps [Manic Street Preachers Remix] 

Low | On the Edge Of

Matthew Good | True Love Will Find You In the End

The Flaming Lips | What a Wonderful World

(Fun fact: next to the fucky little indie film that was the 2003 chapter of Mirror Traps proper, I think this was probably the most fun time capsule exercise of them all. Albeit I'm still gutted I couldn't chronologically justify "Be Afraid Of Your Parents.")

fic: built to give at least once each year Christmas at Mom's, Christmas at Dad's; exercises in hunger and humiliation.

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oh FUCK I love the new moodboard so muchhhh. Updated soundtrack notes below the cut.

interlude c

there is no other story

Scarlett O’Hanna | True Love Will Find You In the End

Joan As Police Woman | Run for Love

Exitmusic | The Father’s Estate

The Frames | Keepsake

Wye Oak | Holy Holy

Camille O’Sullivan | The Ship Song

Tamar-Kali | End Credits [Shirley 2020]

(Have I ever in my LIFE been so furious with myself for setting a strict 30-minute cap on anything as when I realized the really crucial track for this chapter was going to be over seven minutes long? Seldom. I think it came out okay, tho.)

mirror traps The future is real, but the past. Well, it’s—it’s all made up. Years later, Kendall and Shiv meet again in the desert. The past comes with them.

Chapter One: Kendall Kendall tries to disappear.

Chapter Two: The Summer Palace Summer 2003, and Shiv is bored.

Chapter Three: Shiv – Part One Shiv plays to win.

Chapter Four: D.C. Spring 2016, bitey revisited.

Chapter Five: Shiv – Part Two Shiv's season in hell.

Chapter Six: Austerlitz A reunion in the desert.

Chapter Seven: Montreal Autumn 2011, it's Dad's birthday!

+ SOUNDTRACK // annotations art credit: Denis Sarazhin, Ruprecht von Kaufmann

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I was going to hold off on this until the entire goddamn thing was finished, but the problem with that is that I'm terrible at waiting for things, and thus: the goddamn fucking absurd war crime of a playlist I have been making for this fic ever since it was only supposed to be five chapters total.

(Full track list and breakdown by section under the readmore; fun fact, you can absolutely fucking fandom carbon-date me by my utter religious attachment to the 80-minute playlist limit. The CREATIVE EXERCISE of the whole thing is getting as many different tracks on there as possible with no artist repeats before it's no longer theoretically burnable to CD, and you will never convince me otherwise. I may be a little drunk right now but I'm not wrong.)

part 1

ain’t that just like me?

Lazarus OBC | Lazarus

Cocteau Twins & Harold Budd | Sea, Swallow Me

U2 | In A Little While

Jackson C. Frank | Blues Run the Game

Alien Cake Music | Song 2 [Slowed + Reverb]

JAY-Z | On To The Next One

Madonna | Like A Prayer [Live 2020]

MEDUZA ft. Hozier | Tell It To My Heart

ThxSoMch | SPIT IN MY FACE!

Lana Del Rey | Doin’ Time

Bear McCreary | Passacaglia

The Magnetic Fields | The Cactus Where Your Heart Should Be

mike. | These Days

Rag’n’Bone Man | Human

Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross | Hand Covers Bruise, Reprise

Glass Animals | It’s All So Incredibly Loud

The Raconteurs | Call It A Day

Gnarls Barkley | Necromancer

The Twilight Singers | The Lure Would Prove Too Much

Princess Superstar | Stuck In A 401 K-Hole

Andrew Bird ft. Phoebe Bridgers | I felt a Funeral, in my Brain

The Hipster Orchestra | All of the Lights

Arcade Fire | End of the Empire IV (Sagittarius A*) (You can blame "She was fourteen." for my slightly whimsical ongoing insistence on historically accurate scene-track matches, quite honestly. I needed an icky-romantic little slice of 2000-2001 to underscore that moment and -- as someone about a year younger than Shiv per the timeline of this fic -- if you weren't there then I CANNOT convey to you how much the album All That You Can't Leave Behind by U2 was what that window of time sounded like. The bit stuck.)

interlude a

and I’m the only one who knows

Garbage | Candy Says

Aimee Mann | Red Vines

The Posies | Earlier Than Expected

Hole | Awful

Liz Phair | Explain It To Me

Poe | 5 & ½ Minute Hallway

Kristin Hersh | Summer Salt

Yeah Yeah Yeahs | Cold Light

Placebo | Protect Me From What I Want (Ended up doing 30-minute EPs for the interludes, for reasons that I'm sure made sense to me at the time. Also, if you think you know how long it took me, a bitch who was making a lot of mix CDs in 2003, to settle on one Placebo song, add a couple days. I was nervously toggling between that one and "English Summer Rain" right up until I decided to disclose the existence of this playlist to the author, and if this chapter had been Kendall POV I would have jumped the other way.)

part 2

is that all there is to a fire?

Cat Power | These Days

Aldous Harding | What If Birds Aren’t Singing They’re Screaming

Bella Ruse | Like Spinning Plates

wych elm | Susan Smith

St. Vincent | Piggy

Ayşedeniz Gökçin | Rape Me/Rolling in the Deep Mashup

Priests | And Breeding

Com Truise | 4 Morant (Better Luck Next Time)

Jenny Owen Youngs | Vampire Weeknight

Midnite String Quartet | Satisfied

Lhasa de Sela | Soon This Space Will Be Too Small

Skating Polly | Little Girl Blue and The Battle Envy

Jon Brion | Someone Else’s Forward Motion (Posing As Your Own)

Tropical Fuck Storm | Chameleon Paint

Regina Spektor | Ballad of a Politician

Beirut | Forks and Knives (La Fête)

The Vaselines | Jesus Wants Me For A Sunbeam

Clams Casino | Illest Alive

Ricky Eat Acid | And All the Tape Recorders of the World Will Never Hear My Voice the Way You Do

Club Kuru | Film Credits

Peggy Lee | Is That All There Is?

Michael Nyman Band | Tape No. 5: Fish Beach

Headless Heroes | Blues Run the Game (Finding that Ayşedeniz Gökçin track was, I mean this, an authentic sometimes there's God so quickly moment; my eyes bulged. I mean, how good is that? Seriously? Also cemented my obsession with using different covers of the same song as call-forwards/call-backs.)

interlude b

you're always busy being make-believe

Arctic Monkeys | Love is a Laserquest

Mother Mother | Oleander

MEG MYERS | Desire

LAUREL | Blue Blood

Hooverphonic | Everytime We Live Together We Die A Bit More

Phantogram | You Don’t Get Me High Anymore

The Kills | That Love

Claire Maguire | Will You Love Me Tomorrow? [Live] (I don't hate how this one turned out, but jesus frog that last track is doing a lot of work to carry it. I don't know if the rest pulls together.)

part 3

starfucker, just like my daddy

Clint Mansell & Kronos Quartet | The Beginning of the End

Pulp | The Fear

The Breeders | Happiness Is A Warm Gun

Damien Rice | Woman Like a Man

Tori Amos | Professional Widow

Tegan and Sara | Like O, Like H

PJ Harvey & John Parish | Passionless, Pointless

Roma Symphony Orchestra | Unholy

slō | gangster shit [slowed + reverb] 

The London Suede | The Drowners

Jenny Hval | Engines in the City

CLAVVS | I'm on Fire

Rockabye Baby! | Something in the Way

Ethel Cain | Famous Last Words (An Ode to Eaters)

The Dresden Dolls | Good Day

Dessa | Velodrome

Rasputina | Wish You Were Here

Ute Lemper & Neil Hannon | Split

The Hipster Orchestra | All of the Lights [Reprise] 

Joan Baez | It's All Over Now, Baby Blue (I PULLED FROM MY TWIN PEAKS PLAYLIST FOR THIS CHAPTER. THE VIBES WERE THAT UNCLEAN. Also, how fucked is that music-box Nirvana cover?)

part 4

any fucking thing you love

Silver Mt. Zion | Hang On To Each Other

David Lynch | I Know

Wreck and Reference | Change (In The House of Flies) 

Death Grips | Artificial Death In The West

Teho Teardo & Blixa Bargeld | Hey Hey My My

Anne Nikitin | If You Choose to Forget

Leonard Cohen | Who by Fire

Elbow | The Bones of You

Big Sand | Johnny Hit and Run Pauline

Foals | What Went Down [Haxan Cloak Remix]

The Veils | Do Your Bones Glow At Night?

Nirvana | Something in the Way

Sufjan Stevens | You Are The Blood

Grinderman | Worm Tamer [A Place To Bury Strangers Remix]

Radiohead | Let Down

Max Richter | Taboo Lament (Antimatter Fellini Waltz)

Devastations | Previous Crimes

Colin Stetson | Drawing the Lightning

(I was sitting on so many songs in anticipation of the reunion chapter, and I ended up using ALMOST NONE OF THEM. I think the Death Grips and Big Sand were both ones I'd had a feeling about for a month or so, but that's about it. I think that's probably for the best, but goddamn. When this is all over I'm releasing a b-sides mix of tracks that alllllmost made the cut.)

Don’t like the past too much, huh? I do, I do. It’s … it’s just there’s so much of it. The future is real, but the past. Well, it’s—it’s all made up.

fic: mirror traps Years later, Kendall and Shiv meet in the desert. The past comes with them. Chapter One: Kendall Kendall tries to disappear.

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I think a really good relationship dynamic is when one partner is an entirely absurd person and the other partner's perpetual thought process is, "I adore you. Why are you like this? I'm going to kiss you at such length and with such fervor that you'll get disoriented and stop being like this for five minutes and I can rest, for fuck's sake."

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Genre of character: submissive like a guard dog is submissive

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Throwback to when I took painkillers and woke up with Photoshop open on my computer to this image I had made