chocolatoz

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☽

"A kiss on your lips is an abstract equation, an echo of feeling that overflows with passion."

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when the time is right, I will find you again.

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Hey? Yeah you, how are you?

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Been gone for awhile now, I thought I'd come with the new me but I'm still the old me and more broken side of me

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Love is doing a kindness for someone else, not expecting to receive anything in return.

Sylvain Reynard, Gabriel’s Rapture (via thoughtkick)

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The things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone, but the things you do for others remain as your legacy.

Kalu Ndukwe Kalu (via thoughtkick)

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spreading joy

I just got the best compliment ever today. This girl asked my name and said that my name means a star, magnificent, and big. And she could see it when she talked to me. She said I radiated a bright and warm aura when I spoke with her.

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“Love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling”

—Oscar Wilde

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There are a lot of ups and down during this summer. The story that I thought would be full of joy started with challenges but the sunset always reminds me that there is always beauty behind all of the chaos. 

August 29, 2022 | Chocolatoz (nf)

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self recognition

August 29, 2022 | Chocolvtoz journal #nf1

For the first time in my life, I realized that all this time I never knew who I am. The person that I thought never exist. It is crazy how I cannot act the way I thought I’d react. There are more of me that I don’t know.

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i miss us

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05/11/22

got my first interview today and it was horrible but it worth to celebrate coming from my comfort zone never been easy for me. 🤍

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05/08/22

So glad that im ended up here yesterday.

look how beautiful and refreshing it looks

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(via)

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My 13 year old cousin came back from a date with her boyfriend and said, "I can't wait to grow up and spend sunday afternoons with him." At first, I wanted to laugh (after all they're just 13), but I remember being 13 and having the world in my hands. I remember getting excited to talk to someone about my dreams and wishes, and how happy these daydreams and fantasies made me. There's this innocence you can only have at 13 and the world rises and falls and crashes and burns every year... until you do not think about quiet sunday afternoons.

So I asked her about the date and heard her giggle about bubblegum flavored ice cream, and how much she loves this little life. I think she makes me love it too.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire

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Drove me through the mountains

through the crystal like and clear water fountain

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for some time i wanted to dance with loneliness. i would hold its ghostly hand and waltz to the silence even when there was music. my voice, a whisper. it was comfortable. not comforting, but comfortable.

you don’t think much of your 20s until you’re right in it. at the heart of it. when i was six i thought i’d never learn how to read the clock and now my worries are just as meaningless, still real, nonetheless.

nothing has ever changed. i’m still that kid who hates wearing ponytails because i look like a nerd in them. now i’ve learned how to braid and curl and straighten my hair, but there’s still that little girl yelling at the void. wanting to be reassured.

i compliment her more often these days. i don’t think she believes me (can you blame her?), but i’ll just let her hold her plushie tight enough so she doesn’t cry herself to sleep. sixteen year old her would’ve marveled at the brilliance of my accomplishments, but i wish they hadn’t come at the cost of her innocence.

we protect each other now. surely her tantrums aren’t always manageable. the urge to lay on the floor is always there. but i tell her it’s fine. you can’t have candy for breakfast. no, no, you need to tell them how they feel. go on, apologize. let’s put a bandaid on that scrape. are you okay? are you okay? are you okay?

hiding behind the curtains, she comes out silently. the barbie dolls are tucked neatly inside a dusty old box on the shelf. she’s safe now, but we no longer play pretend.