chivalrywillneverbeoutdated

[chivalrywillneverbeoutdated]

Hm!

SUN 11/10/2019 NEW GIRL  8:17PM PST | MKZ 

Where do I start? Because I am floored. Absolutely surprised. Let me try to recall everything about BC and meeting him. And all that ensued. 

1ST MEET — ACTUAL

He said that we first met at KK’s house warming. I gifted KK a box of Jo Malone goodies. I think that was the time where FY and I went on a few dates, and wanted to make sure we were OK. I wasn’t feelin’ it with him. And that’s where I was being nice with KK. So that’s when BC met me, and thought I was cute. I honestly did not recall him. And if so, I might’ve thought he was cute (briefly), and didn’t think anything of it because I was trying not to be too caught up with the different relationships I was trying to manage. 

1ST MEET — THAT I RECALLED It was A PIZZA MART and Ben came with another guy. Technically, I was meeting KK there after we went to an A@A event dinner. He left early because things were getting intense and he did not want to be part of the discussion. I distinctively remember that’s when KK and I were just friends again. Yet when we were there, he ordered us shots, and his 1 pizza. BC and someone else came. I thought he was a tall, cute, sparkly white guy. But he was also KK’s friend and I did not notice him too much. 

2ND MEET — SOFT OPENING  This was at a soft opening at a Korean restaurant in caphill. I invited KK and my other group of friends that I ended up going with. MK drove me there. But I recalled thinking he was cute for someone his height and good looks. He made conversation with me, but I was socializing with everyone. And he was a huncher. Plus, that’d make him the 3rd guy who could be potentially interested in me. He’s a cool guy though. Then. 

3RD? I don’t know when it started but I thought he was cute, after KK tagged him on IG and I was looking at some of his social media and feelings blossomed after that. Then I saw him at the gym. I was somewhat crushin’ HARD. And then that’s when I suggested we should do a BBQ of KK’s network and he can invite whoever. BC and I had recently exchanged numbers and were chatting. But again, I thought nothing would ensue. 

BBQ  Oh that was telling. I got nervous when he came to my place and helped me prep. KK was stuck in traffic and I was a terrible multitasker. When we got upstairs,this Indian bridal party asked him to take photos and he was there for like 10 minutes. I was rolling my eyes, hard. I am going to keep my lips tight there. Needless to say, I got jealous. I am pretty sure Kevin waved me down and said, ‘let him be, he is single.’ 

I thought that BC thought KK was interested in me when I was doing the BBQ and got burned a tad. KK rushed over and BC saw and said, ‘kiss her boo boo away.’ There I was thinking — well he sure does not see me in that way. Or was that his way of diffusing those feelings? He was also talking to a ton of people. And I was so irked with that because it did not seem like he valued me as a host and a friend. But it was also when we found out that we were going to FREAKNIGHT! Yes — about that. 

FREAKNIGHT  And that’s how it happened. Leading up to it, he could text me, asking to pregame or what his costume should be. Somehow, I just didn’t realize he was flirting. Or was he? But, on FN, he did text me on WHATSAPP. And we met up. I had some drinks, and when we met, I was super excited, because I had always wanted this and... we know what will happen: either something or nothing. 

I might have been the first to grab his hand because I was feeling bold, and let’s be real — this is a place where everyone feels good. Plus, I had to make sure that we did not get lost. I cannot remember how it started. I was taking a lot of photos and he was kind to ask me if I wanted to keep my phone in his pockets. Swoon. He said that he has never been so up close to the front before, while that is always where I am. And there was something about the way he looked into my eyes, smiled at me, let me drink his bottle of water, fed me, and I just swooned. There was that sparkle in the eyes. M definitely had something to do with it, but we got lost in each other’s eyes. He might’ve leaned in first, as did I. The kiss was euphoric. The moment literally felt like there was no one around us even with the sea of people there. He said that the massage felt so good at FN, and that I managed to dance and give him a massage at the same time. 

At the end of the night, he wanted come back to RG’s with me instead of parting ways. RG thought he was really into me, and that he was all over me —really? I think we had controlled PDA. At the end of the night, he asked me if I wanted to go back to his place or mine. 

We went to his place. The next day, we literally spent the morning in his bed, or on the couch. We mostly made out, looked into each other’s eyes, and talked a ton. Nearly 9 hours. That’s insane. He usually always have to eat and he managed to not. Or else he will lose weight and he cannot have that. I realized that is because he is already somewhat skinny so he cannot lose anymore weight.

THE MORNING  I hardly remember the night, other than that I recalled having a swell, swell time. And I was rather into him. I was thrilled that he wanted to see me after. I woke up and my clothes were off, and he was curled up next to me. It was so darling, because he likes to be next and touching me all the time. He literally cannot keep his hands of body off of me. 

THIS WEEKEND  SAT: He came over and we seriously cannot keep out hands and lips off of each other. We managed to make it to my bed and then start making dinner. That is, we had to shower first, and then start making dinner. Even then, we couldn’t help but keep kissing each other and touching each other. And he was also in just a towel, mostly because I told him, ‘feel free to not change’ 

SAT PM: We went back to his place because I did not have any. But he did. And to my surprise, he had a golden retriever at his place. The name is Stevie. He brought me up to his highest floor and in the dark places, gosh, we cannot keep our hands and mouths away fro each other. We ended up getting all hot and spicy in the rooftop, then moved to his bedroom. And.. well I am a little embarrassed because I sort of started to get dry and fall asleep. 

SUN AM: That was fantastic. We did it. I was 3x. It was incredible. Also, he let me shower at his place. He also said that I am pretty when I sleep, and that he did not want to leave the room. and get back to me ASAP. Aw. 

SUN PM: We had dinner that came out to be $100. It was at Taylor’s Shellfish in caphill and we were holding to each other’s wrists and out arms around each other. When I realized that I did not have my ards, he said, ‘no worries, you can get the next one.’ Perhaps it could be harder than you think. He now says ‘I miss you already’ like what I’ve said to him.

[chivalrywillneverbeoutdated]

Bittersweet

TUE 01/15/2019

SPOTIFY VIRAL 50

10:10PM  |  MKZ

First off. Sigh. Know what, I shouldn’t even gripe about it because it was my first try so why would I expect any investment to work out? I probably wouldn’t be a good investor if I keep thinking this way. After 3 info meetings with GO, they decided to not move forward with me applying. Well! That’s all I had to say about that. Onwards to the next! Boombayah. 

And then. The last 3 days, I’ve been conditioning my palate to appreciate 100% cacao chocolate. It’s actually not that impenetrable actually. It’s like working out, just have to build that muscle for it. And if that’s the only sweetness of chocolate that I consume, my taste buds will adjust to that being the standard. Cmon, high in antioxidants and oodles of other health benefits like improved cognitive functions, better blood flow — just tons of benefits. Although it does contain caffeine and may delay your slumber. 

Time to share some glitter! 

1. Mumsie wants me to help be your production gal on FRI 02/03. Woop woop. I’m overqualified for it and is thrilled to help. Styling and marketing is my forte. The fact that she finally reached out to me for help is a huge improvement. Usually, she just loves to take everything on herself. She gets to boast about me and I get a trip out of it. How fantastic! 

2. I will be a judge for the Great Foundation this SAT 1/19, thanks to LN. And I get to pull JH in to assist as a volunteer. This is so thrilling! To be a judge just seems to perfect. Plus, this is supporting a cause for the youth who have ambition to ideate change. The honor is all mine! 

3. None of this is in chronological order in when it occurs, but it is according to how exhilarated I am about it. THU 1/17 is a SIFF film meetup. It’ll be exciting to meet some of the community players, again thanks to LN. I will be ready to be bold. 

4. Personal fulfillment. LN said he wanted to do a short that is 15 minutes long but he didn’t have a storyline. I just casually mentioned how about beautiful women who get unnecessary attention and still have to go against the tides despite society thinking it’s a smooth sail for them? He wanted to meet and ideate. What. Yes. 

5. Massage. Uh huh. And I got my masseuse a present. Because she likes LUSH and absolutely deserves it. Gifting is my love language — all five are, really. 

6. And then. I finally got a whiteboard. It’s going to be a pivotal moment. Sounds dramatic but it’s really true. I can write to myself and don’t need to toss out paper all the time. I was sick of post-noting things everywhere anyway. 

7. I need to call Uncle Bob — wish him a belated happy birthday, say hello, talk about DLSR, invite him to a rooftop BBQ when mumsie is here. Naaas. 

All right, I need my beauty sleep. Toodles. Love, love, land some more love. 

M

[chivalrywillneverbeoutdated]

No

SUN 01/06/2018

-- 

11:45PM | MKZ 

1. I don’t think I’m ready for CMB, honestly

2. I am going to say no to more people 

3. I will go on a social media hiatus (no checking after work) 

4. Gym more, get more dopamine in 

5. Eat healthier, c’mon 

6. Be spontaneous, go to LA like you wanted 

7. Get yourself a DSLR, finally

8. So grateful of MG upgrading HULU LIVE TV so I can watch the Golden Globes

9. Be bolder and don’t worry about the outcome, there is always a solution 

10. Be a fucking boss

11. Email AW to reflect on the year, you guys have hardly caught up 

12. Read: BECOMING or THE 5 SECOND RULE

Now do all of the above this week 

x, 

M

[chivalrywillneverbeoutdated]

Gulp

SUN 01/06/2019

GOSSIP GIRL

12:04 AM  |  MKZ 

Talk about doing something new. On SAT, I did just that. gulp. I don’t recalled when was the last time it happened. It’s the new year though. Talk about being bold. 

CMB doesn’t seem that natural to me. Perhaps it’s a sign that I’m not ready yet. I believe in organic events. And my hunches tend to be correct. 

Sidebar: I miss Bellingham. My country estate. Going away and being in the shadows for a bit. Escape the city. The hustle and bustle. It gets old.

Being in solitude is really nice. Nice way to clear my head. And I absolutely needed that since there are just way too much people that I do not want to be involved with in any way. At all. 

x, M

[chivalrywillneverbeoutdated]

Candor of 2019

WED 01/02/2019

8:66PM  |  MKZ

DAY1, TUE 01/01/2019

Good day. I woke up to work meetings that I forgot to cancel and did not exactly care to login in and do the diligent thing. My mobile had a startling but not exactly a surprise message. MG’s inquisition if we were strictly friends or could there be something more. I have settled this once and for all. We are friends only, and those were my only intentions when going into the relationship. I like to keep my private life fairly private and in this scope that it was just my personal life being asked from very few close friends inquiring details (news) of me seem to irk me, how could I ever handle paparazzi should the day ever come? That is future Mali’s problem. 

He is absolutely wonderful, just not for me. Nor am I attracted to him. And he is so kind and sweet like a puppy. And people have asked me if I was a dog or cat person... 

That was candor#1. Boop. 

Good evening. I don’t recall how the message initiated but I was talking to LN also on FBM, and it was nearly spill-the-heart-frank. Given my morning frankness, I was on a roll. Except he is no delicate creature, so it was easier to be blunt. And truly, he has never made me feel uncomfortable in any way. We messaged for hours, 4 or 6? 

That’s just the thing, I can connect with people so easily. And enjoy their presence. Yet but absolutely no romantic feelings for them. Sometimes I wonder if I am incapable of love, yet I know what I would do for my King whenever the day comes. In sum, it was clarified it was one-sided, and I had always seen it with platonic lights. And that he would introduce me to his film community, which I didn’t know how connected he was. I connect with him intellectually. 

Candor#2 done. And I wasn’t that sleepy. Mostly because I slept so much already. And I am so madly obsessed with Andy Samberg. Guh. 

I also reinstalled CMB and start liking and matching with people. I even gave hope to a new species: Asians and Caucasians.  

DAY2, WED 01/02/2019

Health. I was headed to work, anxious about what my doctor appointment would reveal. Thankfully: 1. my cellular change being negative is a good sign, just that we have to monitor the virus to see if it eventually will go away, on its own which does happen, otherwise it can be treatable too, and 2. I don’t have carpel tunnel since I didn’t feel pain in most of my motor tests, it’s wrist tendonitis. I will need to wear a wrist brace for 2-3 weeks to see if it goes away. It usually does with time. 

Planning day. Good lord, thankfully I finished it quickly, though later than I wanted since I knew I had time with it. Then ME asked to get a peak lesson learned. Naturally. Also naturally, I am repulsed to provide it.  

Cupid. Le sigh. Here is the kicker. One of the guys messaged me this afternoon and I responded to him after work. I was wondering why he felt so familiar. Naturally, I thought I may have came across him at work. And instinctively I looked him up on LI to get his full name and confirm our professional network. Then checked his FB (he seemed to have gained some weight), and one particular photo caught my eye and I panicked so much I froze. I think he dated SN. I messaged JD to confirm. ‘We are both objects.’ What a funny concept. And he seemed to be a little aggressive and degrading on text. Just a slight. Enough for me to sense it.

Let’s talk about the red flags: . Works at the same company, and high level (granted he is 39) . Has a kid . Dated or went on a date with a friend that I no longer talk to

He asked to get lunch or HH. Am I going to test my threshold? 

Boop, M

[chivalrywillneverbeoutdated]

Dance Dance Baby

MON 12/10/19

—

11:59PM | MKZ

I’ve been listening and dancing to Michael Bublé. Gosh I get so jazzed up about dancing!

Woot!

Boom!

Pow!

M

[chivalrywillneverbeoutdated]

The Roaring Ox

MON 12/10/19 — 08:51PM  |  MKZ

People say I round up. Maybe I get it from them. I know I am very critical. That is certainly from them. A lot of hurt was exchanged. She dropped me off with exclamations and bids to not come back for Christmas. I close the door nonchalantly and barely looking back. As I headed towards the building door, I glimpsed over at the car. And I always feared, that in a time of emotional turmoil, it becomes our last goodbye. That will forever sear in the memories. The last remorse that can never fully go away.

I am a Taurus through and through. I called MG to shared the tidbits in placidity. AR asked if I wanted to gab about it. I wrote back the gist. The win. 

JS isn’t going to work out. He irks me more than bliss can bring. I keep rewatching Crazy Rich Asians. I believe in fairytales. I believe my prince charming and I will have a quaint story. And when we meet, I just know. There is a certain pizazz. That I am intrigued. And I knew then. Just want to know more.

Did I say that I plan on getting a DSRL? It’s time that I focus on more personal fulfillment. 

love you always’ and truly’ M

[chivalrywillneverbeoutdated]

Back.

SUN 12/09/18 Thank You, Next by Arianna Grande  04:32 PM  |  Sugar Bakery (Queen Anne) My love, I have resurrected. But of course, I had to fix a few cosmetics to make sure it is pleasant on the eyes. Just to keep my inspiration going. 

It’s getting better, emotionally. They say: the less you care, the happier you will be. Absolutely true. 

As I get older, the more nonchalant I am, the fewer things stir me. I see why JP was so calm and not surprised as much. I am finally becoming that now. If I ever get a chance to admit that to him, I will let him know. And I think I will start blogging more. Just so I know I have a channel to share my thoughts. 

On a different note: I will start to research a DSLR more. Who knows what webs that will spin off to. It’s almost like once SUPERMAN realizes of his powers, he becomes unstoppable. Once I get my hands on a DSLR... needless to say where that will lead to. 

Lifestyle  Food  Travel  Moments

All the beauty in this world.

M

[chivalrywillneverbeoutdated]

Dreams WED 5/3/17

Beat: Only One by Illieum ft Nina Sung (Kill Paris Remix) Hour: 12:17 AM  1. I was traveling somewhere in Asia. The setting was a blend of a pyramid and a university. I ran into JP when I witnessed some instance of a fight and I saw him across the room. We exchanged looks and happened to be going the same way. There was a pillar in a narrow path that we needed to pass in order to get to the other side. He went through without any issue. But the gap was smaller by the time I had to get through. I looked at him just as he turned around to me. He extended his hand to bring me over. Once on the other side, he gazed at me definitely and said in one breath, “I want you back in my life.” I was not expecting him, or that. In the next scene, we were outside. He was nearby, waiting for an answer. I surveyed the place, just looking.  2.  I can’t recall much of it anymore. I might have run into him somewhere. And he announced that he was moving. Everything started to spin. And as I fainted in my dream, I woke up to reality. And my heart sank at the news despite knowing it was a dream. At that exact moment, I wasn’t sure it was only a dream. It could have been a premonition. I hadn’t been tugged this way by him for a while.  I have been so occupied, er, should I say distracted, that I have moved on quicker than I thought. Or so I thought. 

[chivalrywillneverbeoutdated]

Blessed SUN 4/23/17

Beat: Spotify  Hour: 11:56 AM  BRUNCH - JC  It was so great catching up with JC. He said he reached out to me because he saw JP at Trinity and wondered why he was there. Turns out Doug told him I was back on the market because someone’s sister was part of the group that JP came with? Shrugs. Either way, Seattle is small and news travels. I guess that’s why JP wanted to spread the news about so fast. Let the girls go to him. because they think he’s got them dollar bills to toss.  It was so amazing that we were able to talks for hours at Red Cedar & Sage. The place closed and didn't even try to kick us out. JC took care of the check. He had always been a generous guy. We went to JarrBar which was 10 seconds away. We had more drinks (he 2, me 1) and I got it this time. He was perplexed in a good way. He wasn’t used to me paying. The first time was when he and I got drinks and almonds. The second time he just got a Macallan 12. Wow, how invigorating to catch up. However, I had to cut it short considering that I was going to have dinner with Matt in the evening and had no idea JC and I could talk for that long. I already had to push the reservations from 6 to 7 PM.  DINNER - MG He picked me up at my place. I always enjoy when a guy picks me up. There is something chivalrous about the notion of him taking the time and efforts to come get me, wait in the car as I come out, seeing his head turn to see me, and smiling to say hi and ask how I am.  Once we were seated and they brought out our bottle of red wine, I turned to MG and told him gleefully, “I very much enjoy our dinners. Great company, awesome conversations, stellar food, great appreciation for libations.. just a great time!” And he thought very much the same. Goodness, we even talked for a bit too. So why is it that I can do this with everyone but JP? MG ended up taking care of the bill as well. And drove me home. How did I get so lucky? I feel absolutely blessed!  HOME - JP I shouldn't have. I didn’t want to. But I actually did want to. I looked through his conversation with TV on Slack. Takeaways were:  - TV asked if he was going to hook up with girls at the wedding. JP said he wasn’t going to cheat even if he was on a break. And while the girls could carry intellectual conversations, she was not attractive.  - TV has cheated on his gf before. JP never let a bf stop him from trying because half the girls he was with at one stage of his life was like that. And it messed with him emotionally how easy it was for a girl to cheat. Or anyone. You must be valuable to be irreplaceable.  - He proclaimed the official breakup. And that he wanted to go to Coachella because of it. He will get rejected a lot and that’s OK. He is going for the experience and to get a beating. He likes quality wins, not easy wins.  - He doesn’t care about getting laid. That’s the easy part. Just go out at 1:30 AM around the clubs and should easily score for the night. He hasn’t even tried to get numbers nor does he want to. He wants to just focus on the app.  How do I not let this imprison me? SS thinks not wiping the phone was intentional. MG thinks any normal person would wipe the phone before handing it over. I honestly don’t think he can think that far ahead or is that manipulative to do that. I probably shouldn’t even be on the dating apps and just focus on myself. And reconnecting with friends. And read. Read a shitton. 

[chivalrywillneverbeoutdated]

My Return To Blogging SUN 4/23/2017

Beat: Don’t Wanna Know by Maroon 5 Hour: 2:10 AM 

Is it really my return to blogging? I never thought I actually wrote anything here until I saw my old posts. 

Biggest update since my last post: I was in a 2.5 year relationship with JP and we have broken up for 1.5 months (2 weeks officially). We just argued and did not see things eye to eye that the relationship was getting toxic. 

I had him take me back home and then I called to tell him that we should go on a break. It lasted 3.5 weeks. 

Week1 = reset needed, I took this time to grieve the anticipation of us breaking up. I didn’t think we could work anyhow. 

Week2 = looking at the whole picture of our relationship to assess and identify root issues. I was looking at the relationship in such a negative lens that I sabotaged everything. Unknowingly. 

Week3 = we came together and Jeff felt that we shouldn’t continue. I fought for our relationship. I spoke to him differently. Maturely. Confidently. Aggressively. With feminine energy. He admitted to being confused and how different things would be if I had been like this the entire time. He wanted more time to think about it. Another month or two. What is there to think? 

He did not want to pursue - I fought for us to continue. Now he needs more time to think if we should give the relationship another try. Why? We know what we need to change for the relationship to work. Why not work together? Why is it that he thinks he needs to do certain things on his own? I never explicitly agreed to the extended break. I needed time to think about my own decision.

Well a couple days after, I knew I wanted to book a solo trip to SF. I called him THU night and said that if he needs to think, then he can. Let’s break up so he can think with clarity. What’s the point of still “being in a relationship” and tying each other down? I don’t want him to forego the opportunity of meeting someone. Or have me in the lingering mind. 

I am giving him pretty much what he wanted. Surely we were both very sad about it. Especially him. Because this time, I actually cut the cord. Again. Even though he initially did. First time, I friend zoned him. Second time, I mentioned we should see other people and be each other’s primary. Now it’s the real deal.

[chivalrywillneverbeoutdated]

Fairs SUN 6/22

So this is how it feels to be playing with fire. Haven’t felt this way in a while. Perhaps it’s not actually fire.

More so sparks. Flames if you will. Ones that go out in a jiff.

[chivalrywillneverbeoutdated]

Heart Throb 4/17

Every time I've gotten over someone, another guy become of interest. Yes, just that. Be it a dinner or simple texting and talking to each other, there is someone that I enjoy talking to. It doesn't need to be anything more than just interest. It's a funny thing, really. And today, I've been hindered by thoughts of getting another job. An advancement not only in career but financial progress. It's only natural, right? Why does it happen that when I seek, it does not come to me, but when I am not, it finds me?

[chivalrywillneverbeoutdated]

Cherry 4/16

I'm listening to Tinush and I looked up and outside the window. It's a city blue sky for this Wednesday night. I love all the windows I have for the natural light in the day time, and being engulfed by the city's darkness in the evening. It's cozy, dainty, and really, all the space that I need. The proximity to other places is amazing, and absolutely convenient. It tugs me at the thought of parting with this place, but we always strive to move on and progress in life. I do wonder where I will be next. If I can enjoy the nighttime view when look outside, or will it have the bustle I've been accustomed to for these last 2 years. It's magnificent, and will not be forgotten. I never forget where I've come from or where I may be going. I'm not saying it'll be easy, but it'll be worth it.

[chivalrywillneverbeoutdated]

Tenfold 1/9

I'm not asking for a return, not is it an expectation -- it's a goal. "When I make it, I will return tenfold." It's support, a motivation, a path to show that his aspiration can be attained. You just need put in your time and efforts. It starts as an idea, a newly discovered and developed skill, along with passionate and perseverance, will be success. I do look forward got the day of fruition. That it call or text, "GUESS WHAT? I got it."

[chivalrywillneverbeoutdated]

Those Calls 12/18

This is why I don't talk to drunk people on the phone. They'll say things that will rub you the wrong way and when you hang up on them, then will keep calling you back. And somehow they cannot comprehend that you're trying to do then a favor by talking to them when they're sober. So you hang up on them. Some things never change. Such as, you just hit all the keywords that will make me not pick up the phone. We should remain not being friends. Yes, I think so. Good night. Have fun at your holiday party. That's where your attention should be anyway.

[chivalrywillneverbeoutdated]

Never make permanent decisions on temporary feelings.

Wiz Khalifa