in her world broken and torn she felt as if she was in a glass ball one step away from her whole world shattering and falling like fresh snow.
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I have taught my whole life to grow the fuck up, get up off the fucking floor, to stop fucking crying, to put on a fucking happy face, to not be an attention seeker, to keep hidden, to keep my fucking problems to myself, to tell / act to everyone that everything is normal, to hold myself together, to not let anyone in, to be perfect, to keep a dead strait face, to keep fucking quiet, that I am the problem, that everything is my fucking fault, that nobody was ever there that everytime I had a problem or a fucking breakdown or attempt, it was me who got me ass up off the floor it was me who muffled my screams and crys at night, it was me who got up the next morning broken and bearly breathing got myself to fucking school with my walls up and bullit proof armor on. It comes to a point when you figure out how bad everything is and how nobody give two single fucks because it is not them, nobody could save me I have to save myself, I give in and I give up but I keep myself together though everything and not once have I needed anyone
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It鈥檚 a terrible and miserable thing to endure.
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I鈥檓 worried and I鈥檓 scared and I don鈥檛 know which is the right way to help you, I love you so much and it would kill me if something ever happened to you but I don鈥檛 know what to do I鈥檓 stuck and scared and I can鈥檛 talk to anyone and you don鈥檛 care. I need a sign I need someone to show me what to do, I think I know what to do deep down but I鈥檓 freaked out. I cannot believe how oblivious everyone is and especially you I also cannot believe that you can鈥檛 see how much this is killing me inside but its okay I will fine once I know you are okay. I鈥檓 not going to give up on you and I never will we are going to get through this together no matter what no matter how hard you push at me I will always push back.
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